Roswell Quotes

These are some humorous, cute, sweet quotes from Roswell, listed by episode.
These were obtained from various sites, sorry I don't know which ones, and I added some myself.






Click to jump to an episode


SEASON 1

Pilot
Morning After
Monsters
Leaving Normal
Missing
285 South
River Dog
Blood Brother
Heat Wave
The Balance
Toy House
Into the Woods
The Convention
Blind Date
Independence Day
Sexual Healing
Crazy
Tess, Lies and Videotape
Four Square
Max to the Max
The White Room
Destiny


SEASON 2
Skin & Bones
Ask Not
Surprise
Summer of Ď47
The End of the World
Harvest
Wipeout
Meet the Dupes
Max in the City
A Roswell Christmas Carol
To Serve & Protect
We Are Family
Disturbing Behavior
How the Other Half Lives
Viva Las Vegas
Heart of Mine
Cry Your Name
Itís Too Late & Itís Too Bad
Baby Itís You
Off the Menu
The Departure



Season One
 

 

 

Pilot

 

=======================================================

VOICE-OVER: September 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and five days
ago I died. After that, things got really weird....

=======

MARIA: You are sooo bad girl. Oh, and Max Evans is staring at you again. LIZ:
No way.
LIZ: Maria, that is so in your imagination

=======

LIZ: And, and even if it weren't I'm going out with Kyle. I mean, he's steady
and loyal, and he appreciates me.
MARIA: Sounds like you're describing a poodle.
 


=======

MAX: Liz, LIZ! You have to look at me. You have to look at me.
MAX: You're all right now.
You're all right.
MICHAEL: Keys! Now!!
MAX: You broke a bottle when you fell, spilled ketchup on yourself. Don't
say anything please.

=======

MARIA: The guy with the gun was kind of like a, like a muscular Beavis.
And...the other one was like a, like a beefy Butthead.
DEPUTY: I'm gonna need a better description then that. I'm assuming they
weren't actually cartoons.

=======

TEACHER: Okay, we've spent the last week talking about Geneis and phylum, and
now we're going to get a little more specific and talk about the difference
between species. For today's experiment you'll be working in teams of two.
TEACHER: Mr. Evans?
MAX: Could I get a bathroom pass?
TEACHER: High maintenance today aren't we?

=======

LIZ: Kyle!
Kyle: Hey!
LIZ: Hey!
KYLE: Hey Max.
MAX: Hey.

=======

LIZ: Okay, um. So help me out here Max. I mean, what are you?
MAX: Well I'm not from around here.
LIZ: Where you from? [Max points up with his index finger]
LIZ: Up north?

=======

LIZ: You're not an, an alien, I mean. Are you?
MAX: Well I prefer the term not of this earth. Sorry, it's not a good time to
joke.
MAX: Yea, I am. Wow, it's weird to actually say it.

=======

MAX: Liz, listen to me. You can't talk to anyone about this. Not your
parents, not Maria. No one. You don't understand what'll happen if you do.
Liz please? Now my life is in your hands.

=======

ISABEL: I can't believe this Max. You know, I finally feel like I have a
quasi-normal existence and you go and blow it all with one random act of
lunacy. [To Michael] How did you let my misguided brother do this?
MICHAEL: Hey don't turn this around on me. I'm not the one who thinks he's a
super hero.

=======

MICHAEL: Roswell's not home. It's not even in our solar system.
MAX: Well this is the closest thing we have to home right now.

=======

LIZ: Hey.
MARIA: So I called like, 37 times

=======

MAX: I couldn't just let her die.

=======

VOICE-OVER: I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his
loneliness. For the first time I was really seeing Max Evans, I saw me as he
saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes, I was beautiful.

=======

VOICE-OVER: Max Evans has put a force on me. It's like my whole life changed
in an instant. It's just so ironic that when something like this finally
happened to me, it was with an alien.

=======

Agent Stevens: I have a flying saucer sighting in Phoenix. An accountant in Barstow who thinks he's Jesus. Both cases are more solid then this one. Have this checked out at the lab, call me sheriff, if you ever have anything...real.
=======

LIZ: Okay. All right. Here we go. Where did you come from?
MAX: I don't know. When the ship crashed I wasn't born yet.
LIZ: So there was a crash?
MAX: All I know is it wasn't a weather balloon that fell that night.

=======

Liz: Alex, what did Maria say to you? Alex: Well, frankly it's vague. I mean, everything needs to be put through the Maria filter.
=======

LIZ: So when you healed me you risked all of this getting out didn't you?
MAX: Yea.
LIZ: Why??
MAX: It was you.

=======

ISABEL: Where's your stuff??
MICHAEL: I'm wearin' it.

=======

LIZ: You have to promise me that you are not going to flip out.
MARIA: Flip out? Hey, it's me.

=======

Maria: Liz, Liz what happened to you? You were on this whole like, valedictorian path. You were on your way to be like, this world-renowned scientist and I was gonna be your wacky friend. I can't be a wacky friend to someone who's already whack!! It'd be like redundant....
Liz: Maria you're babbling. Maria: I think I've earned the right to babble, all right so just deal with it.

=======

MARIA: Oh my God, you're a crazy person.
LIZ: Maria I am not!! Please, just catch them!!
MARIA: Catch them? Liz, we're in a Jetta.

=======

ISABEL: Nice mask Alex.
ALEX: Isabel, hey. Maria.
MARIA: Hey.
ALEX: Uh, nice cones.

=======

ISABEL: Come on roll!
MARIA: OK, I'm rolling.
ISABEL: Roll!!
MARIA: I'm rolling!! Okay?
ISABEL: Right that's better. Keys?
MARIA: Okay, I know my mom's car doesn't look like much, but, not destroying
it is the key to my and my mother's relationship okay?
ISABEL: Whatever.

=======

MAX: You had a, uh....
LIZ: Hair thing, right. Thanks.
MAX: Sure. Liz, it's not safe. I mean, for you and , and me to....it's not
safe.
LIZ: I don't care.
MAX: Liz I really, really wish that this could be something, you know, more.
But it can't. We're just...
LIZ: Different.

=======

MAX: Aren't you going to read me my rights?
VALENTI: Do you have any??

=======

LIZ: I never got to thank you, for saving my life.
MAX: Thank you.

=======

VOICE-OVER: It's September 24th, I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But
then the really amazing thing happened. I came to life.

 

 

 

 

The Morning After

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: September 27. I'm Liz Parker and I will never look at the stars in the sky the same way again. I'll never look at anything the same way again.
What did Max Evans mean when he said, "I'll see you in school?" Was it "I
won't be able to breathe until we meet again" or was it just something
someone says to, like, fill space? And what is he thinking right now? Is he
also obsessed, tortured, going through one sleepless night to the next,
wondering what's going to happen between us?

=======

MICHAEL: Hold it there! Donít hit me.
MAX: Argument with Hank?
MICHAEL: Couldnít sleep.

=======

MAX: Hey, I was sleeping.
MICHAEL: Amazing.
MAX: Whatís amazing?
MICHAEL: That you can sleep when the key to our entire existence is out there.

=======

MARIA: I mean, what do we even know about these people? Nothing. How do we know that theyíre not 3 feet tall, green, and slimy?
LIZ: I guess we donít.
MARIA: And you know what else doesnít, like, particularly please me? These powers. How do we know they canít just like wiggle their noses and poof us into oblivion?
LIZ: I guess we donít

=======

Maria: The point is that we donít know anything about these Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Bad Czechoslovakians? We donít know. Are they just random Czechoslovakians? For all we know, they donít have their passports.
ALEX: Whoís Czechoslovakian?

=======

MARIA: Czechoslovakian, 9 o'clock. (Michael looks in) Ok, that guy creeps me out.

=======

TOPOLSKY: Hi. Iím Kathleen Topolsky. Iíll be substituting for Mr. Singer
whoís out sick for a couple of days.
MAX'S FRIEND: I hope heís seriously ill.

=======

TOPOLSKY: Guerin. Michael Guerin? Is he here today? Does anyone know where Michael is?
TOPOLSKY: Do you know where Michael Guerin is?
MAX: Uh, Michaelís not really into Geometry.

=======

LIZ: Itís impossible, right, that sheís not who she says she is?
MARIA: Well, no one is who they say they are. I mean, what do you mean exactly?

=======

Maria: Well, no one is who they say they are. I mean, what do you mean exactly?
Liz: Forget it.
Maria: What, that sheís a spy?
Liz: No, donít be ridiculous.
Maria: ĎCause that kind of stuff happens, you know.
Liz: Now youíre being crazy. Címon, go on.
Maria: Well think about it. She takes attendance. What substitute teacher takes attendance? I mean, God, the whole thing is so Roswellian.

=======

LIZ: Sniff some cedar oil, Maria.

=======

MARIA: Admittedly, heís not James Bond, but heís all weíve got right now.

=======

MARIA: Kyle Valenti, headed this way.
LIZ: Like, in this general direction, or like, towards me?
MARIA: Like, the latter.
LIZ: Oh God.

=======

MICHAEL: Letís go outside. Címon. (outside) Youíre sure it was my records, it was definitely my records?
LIZ: Yeah.

=======

MICHAEL: So sheís looking for me.
LIZ: I donít know whatís going on, Michael. I just thought I should tell you.
MICHAEL: Thanks.

=======

DEPUTY HANSEN: Can I help you?
MICHAEL: Good evening, Deputy. Iím selling candies for charity.
DEPUTY HANSEN: Charity?

=======

DEPUTY HANSEN: Well, Iím kind of trying to lay off the sweets right now.

=======

ISABEL: Are you insane?!?
MICHAEL: I didnít just wander in, all right? I had a cover story.
MAX: And what was your cover story?
MICHAEL: I was selling candies for charity. Peanut cluster?
MAX: And they bought it?
MICHAEL: No, they all seemed to be on a diet.
ISABEL: Not the candy, Einstein, the story.

=======

ISABEL: Because, Michael, I have a date...with a guy...that I like. In fact, I like my whole life here. In fact, I have a date next Friday that Iím hoping I wonít have to miss because Iím running from the law.

=======

TOPOLSKY: And we know that the sum of A, B, and C equals 360 degrees.
LIZ: (murmuring to herself) What is she talking about?

=======

MARIA: The Eraser room, huh? Liz, do you know what the 2nd floor eraser room means?
LIZ: Of course I know what it means... What does it mean?

=======

MARIA: Oh my God, itís not just kissing that goes on in the Eraser Room.
LIZ'S FRIEND FROM GEOMETRY: Sheís got that right.
MARIA: The Eraser Room does two things: cleans erasers and takes our
innocence. Do you know what I mean by "takes our innocence," Liz? The Eraser Room has taken some of the best of us.

=======

LIZ: OK, Iím still confused. If you crash-landed in 1947, are you really 16
or are you like 52 in a 16-year-oldís body? Or do you guys just age
differently? I mean, is like 1 alien year equal to 3 human years?
MAX: Youíve thought about this a lot, havenít you?
LIZ: Kind of.

=======

LIZ: So were you like green?
MAX: Green?
LIZ: Before you took human form, were you 3 feet tall and green and slimy? (laughs, embarrassed). You know, Iím very sorry for asking you that. Itís Mariaís question.
MAX: No, we just always looked like this. Except for the, uh, third eye. (Max looks down at the ground as Liz casually looks over at him. Max then leans over as if to tie his shoelace and Liz leans forward staring at the back of Maxís head. Max peeks over and sees Liz looking at his head.) Kidding!

=======

LIZ: Um, well just with me, you know, my parents own the Crashdown, so
everyone in town knows who I am. Like, if I so much as get a haircut,
everyone seems to notice, and they have to give me their opinion on it. It kind of makes life claustrophobic. Itís like, you know, how am I ever
supposed to become whoever it is that Iím gonna become while everyone is looking? You know? Sometimes I wish I could just be invisible.
MAX: Sometimes I wish I didnít have to be so invisible.

=======

CUSTOMER: Excuse me, Iíve been waiting for my hot fudge blast off for like 20 minutes.
MARIA: (Under her breath) Yeah, like you need 80 grams of fat. (to Liz) OK, so one trip to the eraser room and youíre like above working? Go get your uniform on, Madonna. The masses are demanding alien-themed, greasy food and by God, itís our job to serve it to them.

=======

Alex: Ok, I want some answers, all right? Because first of all, there are rumors going around that last week you were shot here in the cafe. And then at the crash festival you were seemingly run over by a car, but then you werenít. And every time I walk up to you two, you go silent or make up some ridiculous story about Czechoslovakia, which is a country that has not existed for 10 years. So I want the truth, and I want it now.
LIZ: Alex, the reason that we keep on changing the subject is...
MARIA: Cramps. We have cramps, Alex.
LIZ: Yeah, and we didnít even want to talk about it in front of you because we thought it would make you feel really uncomfortable.
MARIA: But if you want really want to know, we can tell you.
LIZ: In really excruciating detail.
ALEX: No! Iím eating.

=======

MAX: Michael, itís important to me, too.
MICHAEL: All you want to do is protect what you've got here in Roswell.
MAX: Thatís right, I do.

=======

LIZ: So, how did you end up where you ended up, and Michael ended up here?
MAX: Itís a long story.
LIZ: Is his foster father always, um, so...
MAX: Tough? Yeah.

=======

KYLE: Liz!
LIZ: Kyle!
KYLE: Hey, Max.
MAX: (whispers) Hey, Kyle.
KYLE: What going on?
LIZ: (whispers) Nothing.
KYLE: Why are you whispering?
Liz: (whispers) Weíre just, uh, waiting for Michael. Weíre gonna go, uh...
Max: Bowl.
Kyle: Why are you whispering?
Liz: (whispers) Weíre going bowling!
Kyle: Liz, what were you doing down there?
Liz: (whispers) Oh, I dropped my ring.
Kyle: Why are you whispering?

=======

MAX: Maybe when this all blows over, you and I could get lunch or something?
LIZ: Lunch?
MAX: Yeah, if you want.
LIZ: So, like in the Caf?
MAX: Sure.
LIZ: Okay, great. Itís a date--no! Itís not a date...itís a lunch.
MAX: Lunch... Right.

=======

MICHAEL: What did you see?
ISABEL: Ricky Martin in the shower.

=======

VOICEOVER: Ever since I found out about Max and Michael and Isabel, Iíve been thinking a lot about secrets. That for everyone who has a secret, thereís someone else who needs to know what that secret is. How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong. And sometimes secrets make you feel like you do belong. And now even I, Liz Parker, the smallest of small town girls with the simplest of lives-- even I have something to hide.

 

 

 

Monsters

 

=======================================================

MARIA: Going home? (MARIA looks up at the fake spaceship on the back of the
tow truck. ISABEL's eyes follow MARIA's line of sight--she is not amused.)
Um, I mean um, do you need a ride? (ISABEL stares at her for a moment and
then gets in car)

=======

MARIA: Don't do that in my car!
ISABEL: Whatever. What year is this thing?
MARIA: It's a '92, and it's never been towed either.

=======

MARIA: Oh, uh the keychain. My mother makes them. I'll tell her to stop.
ISABEL: My mother does stupid things too.
MARIA: She does?
ISABEL: Don't all mothers?
MARIA: Yeah, I guess. Does she know?
ISABEL: That she does stupid things?
MARIA: No that, uh, you and Max are, like, you know, different.
ISABEL: You mean horrible disgusting creatures from outer space who sneak
into your room at night and perform excruciating experiments? (MARIA stares
at her in shock, then looks back at the road and slams on her breaks before
hitting another car)
MARIA: (Gasps) Oh my god! Oh my God! (They realize they've just rear-ended
the Sheriff's car.)
ISABEL: Oh my God. VALENTI: (Walking up to the driver's window) Ladies.

=======

Topolsky: What will the future bring for you?
MARIA: (Talking to LIZ) Let me just make it easy for her: (points her finger
to various classmates) Tasty Freeze, Denny's, Gas World, Prison.

=======

LIZ: Okay, so you rear ended Sheriff Valenti, are you okay?
MARIA: Yeah, it was a love tap, it was nothing, I can handle it.
LIZ: Okay, Are you sure?
MARIA: Yeah, I'm telling you, it was a total fender bender, minor damage, and
you know what? It probably would have never happened if Miss Isabel hadn't
been playing with my head.

=======

Michael: If it means nothing, then why did it give me a vision the first time I touched it?
Isabel: Because your brain is warped, just a theory.
=======

LIZ: Okay Maria, look, I will talk to Max and I will have him talk to Isabel.
But the important thing is for us to stay in control. Okay?
MARIA: Hey I am in control. You know, I am like, in control.

=======

TOPOLSKY: Why don't you start by telling me what your dream job would be.
LIZ'S FRIEND (from geometry): I want to be Brad Pitt's love slave.
KYLE: Uh, Houston Astro's left field.
STONER GUY: Lead guitar for Metallica.
ALEX: That's an interesting question. Uh, do you always ask it first?
ISABEL: Supermodel.
MARIA: Like I have any skills.
LIZ: Molecular biologist. Or a dream, dream, dream job would be head of
molecular biology research at Harvard.

=======

TOPOLSKY: That's fantastic. Now what job do you think you'll actually have in
ten years?
LIZ'S FRIEND: Cheese factory, I guess.
KYLE: Houston Astro's left field
ISABEL: I usually get what I want.
ALEX: Excellent follow-up question. Very good technique.
MARIA: Oh, we could all be dead in ten years.
STONER: Video store. No, wait. Well, Cheese factory.
LIZ: Molecular biologist.

=======

TOPOLSKY: OK, let's play a relationship game. Tell me which character in this
picture is most like you, and tell me what they're doing at the park. KYLE:
King of the jungle gym.
ISABEL: I never really played well with others.
ALEX: The kid holding the umbrella for the other kids. Which one are you?
MARIA: Can this get any more lame?
MAX: Probably the one behind the tree. (TOPOLSKY pauses and looks at him.) I
was sort of kidding.

=======

LIZ: Well, um, I just sorta promised Maria that I would mention it. See um, Isabel kinda makes Maria a little
MAX: Nervous?
LIZ: No, no, it's not nervous.
MAX: Because she makes some people nervous.

=======

ISABEL: That girl is just an accident waiting to happen.
MAX: Look, Isabel could you at least try and make an effort?
ISABEL: No.

=======

ISABEL: Exactly. I'm telling you this evil alien thing could work for us in
this situation. The way to deal with her is to make her sweat, keep her on
her toes. Make her afraid of my shadow, of your shadow, of her shadow, of
Michael's shadow. Right Michael?
MICHAEL: Or we could just kill her. (MAX gives him a look.) Kidding.

=======

ISABEL: One more day before she cracks. Tops.
MAX: Just try to find something you have in common with her.
ISABEL: Oh please, what am I supposed to her about?
MAX: Try something. Order some fries. Just start a conversation.
ISABEL: No. It's impossible. She's irrational. (MARIA trips and drops her
books. Seeing the three looking at her, MARIA pretends to laugh and tries to
casually pick up her stuff and walk away.)
MICHAEL: She's kinda weird.

=======

TOPOLSKY: So you like to be in control.
LIZ: Of course.

=======

MARIA: She's out there.
LIZ: Who's out there?
MARIA: Queen Amidala!
LIZ: Okay, Maria, you've got to calm down here. You've got to control
yourself.

=======

MARIA: Okay, sure. Great. All right. Just one big happy family.

=======

MARIA: (to MAX) Liz isn't here, and if she were here, I would kill her.

=======

MAX: Are you okay?
MARIA: Of course I'm okay. Don't I seem okay?
MAX: Well you just shortchanged her ten bucks.
MARIA: Oh my God! Oh my God! I, I can't leave! I'm the only one here!

=======

ISABEL: Looking for something?
MAX: What if there is someone out there somewhere, waiting for us to come
home, you know? Another mom and dad? I know we never really talk about this
stuff. Do you? Wonder about it at all?
ISABEL: Every day.

=======

ISABEL: I'm going to pay Maria a little visit.
MAX: What kind of visit?
ISABEL: The usual.
MAX: You can't just go around walking into people's dreams. Remember when you did it with mom? She wouldn't go back to sleep for a week.

=======

ISABEL: I'm not really a part of your dream. I can't change it or anything. I
just wanted to see what you were thinking. (ISABEL notices MICHAEL sitting at
a table, dressed in a tuxedo.) Interesting.
MARIA: When he's dressed like that, it makes me feel much less afraid.

=======

MAX: I know this is all really strange.
LIZ: No, no it's not.
MAX: And keeping a secret like this is a lot of pressure.
LIZ: Yes, but Max I would never even say anything.
Max: I know, I know. Never on purpose, and I believe that.

=======

TOPOLSKY: So, I'm sure you're eager to hear the results of your computer
profile.
LIZ'S FRIEND: Writer. Cool. How hard could that be?
KYLE: Law enforcement? This is a joke, right?
ALEX: Psychologist. Wow. How did you get started in this field?
STONER: Video store clerk. My dream.

=======

TOPOLSKY: How well do you think you know yourself?
ISABEL: Very well.

=======

MICHAEL: So what do you mean she was nervous?
LIZ: I don't know. She was just, she was like nervous.
MAX: Nervous, like, just overexcited nervous?
MICHAEL: Or nervous, she's gonna crack, nervous.

=======

Liz: Maria? Max, no, she's like completely trustworthy. She's like, um, she's like a fortress. She's the Fort Knox of friends.
=======

VALENTI: What are you afraid of, Miss DeLuca?
MARIA: A lot of things

=======

Liz: Max, I'm so sorry. I should never have even told Maria in the first place.
Max: Well you did it 'cause you trusted her, and you needed someone to talk to. It was only natural.
Liz: So why did you tell me?
Max: It was only natural.
Liz: What did you mean the other day about that thing, about the tree?
Max: Just somebody's advice. Not to get stuck behind them.
Liz: Oh. Well did you take it? That advice?
Max: I think I just did.

=======

ISABEL: Were you scared?
MARIA: Understatement, but that's when I realized what it's like being you.
ISABEL: (doesn't know what else to say) You look awful.
MARIA: "Thanks for saving our butts, Maria." "Oh no problem, Isabel."
(Pauses) So, need a ride?

=======

VOICEOVER: The future was always so clear to me. A straight path towards my
goal. I just never counted on there being any intersections. I guess that's
what makes life more interesting. Keeping yourself open, letting new people
in, changing your mind.

 

 

 

Leaving Normal

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: It's October 19th. I'm Liz Parker and this is what I've been
thinking. Can life ever go back to normal?

=======

MARIA: It's crazy.
LIZ: It's an orthodontist convention.
MARIA: Why would orthodontists want to convene in Roswell?
LIZ: That's a good question.

=======

ORTHODONTIST: Uh, miss...my colleagues and I were just appreciating your
wonderful overbite.
LIZ: Oh...well, thank you....that's a first actually.

=======

VOICEOVER: Part of me wants safety, wants to go back to how things were, to a life that I could predict, where I know how life is going to be. And the other part of me wants to go somewhere else, into the unknown.

=======

LIZ: It's an orthodontist convention.
MAX: Apparently.
LIZ: So, are you waiting for Michael or...
MAX: No, no.

=======

MAX: I'll just have an Alien Blast.
LIZ: Me, too.
MAX: Excuse me?
LIZ: Nothing...ok, one Alien Blast.

=======

MARIA: Hey.
LIZ: Hey.MARIA: So, catching up on upcoming athletic events?
LIZ: Uh-huh.
MARIA: Uh-huh. It couldn't be that Max has PE 4th period and you're
conveniently positioning yourself to just happen to run into him?
LIZ: Good bye.
MARIA: Bye.

=======

GRANDMA: Oh, Maria! Look at you. Another beauty. God help this poor little town with you two running around.
MARIA: Ok, I love this woman.

=======

Maria: That is so cool.....ok, alright, so let's talk about me. The hair thing...does it work for you? I kind of see it as a Meg Ryan style after an electric storm.
Grandma: I think it's you.
Maria: She's good.
=======

Liz: But what if were like complicated...like incredibly, incredibly complicated?
Grandma: Well, one thing I can tell you....if it isn't complicated, he probably isn't a soul mate.
=======

LIZ: No...Max...he's so not possible. He's just like this whole different...
MARIA: Life form?
LIZ: Type.
GRANDMA: How intriguing. A dangerous man?
MARIA: Spacey man.
GRANDMA: A mystery man.
LIZ: Ok, you two...you're out of control.

=======

ISABEL: Pretty raw...why don't you just get rid of them?
MAX: Because they have to heal normally...everything has to be normal.

=======

LIZ: Hi, Max...it's Liz. I'm at the hospital. Something happened to my
grandmother. We don't know if it's serious, but it seems really bad. I'm just
scared. Look, I don't even know why I'm calling you. I guess I just wanted to
hear your voice or something. Now I just feel completely stupid. Look, don't
come here or anything because everyone is here. I'll just see you in school
tomorrow. Sorry for the weird call. Bye.

=======

SHERIFF: Hey, improving your mind, eh? (to Kyle, who is watching trashy TV)

=======

SHERIFF: Does this have anything to do with that Max kid?
KYLE: What...the entire country knows?

=======

MICHAEL: Ow.
MICHAEL: Gandhi feeling frustrated?
MAX: Shut up.
MICHAEL: Let me guess...you're in love with a girl and she's with another guy.
MAX: You realize that you can be really annoying, right?

=======

MAX: What the hell are you doing?
MICHAEL: What am I doing?
MAX: What are you doing?
MICHAEL: I'm helping you out.

=======

MARIA: Well, you know, you should be at home then...binging on junk food and
Rosie.

=======

ISABEL: I thought we agreed that you would never address me until we'd
established complete privacy.
MARIA: Ok, I am going to hate myself for this but I need to ask you for a
favor that will leave me forever indebted to you. I am so dead here. Will you
help me wait tables?
ISABEL: You're kidding, right?
MARIA: Please.
ISABEL: To put this as succinctly as possible, I'm not really a service
oriented person.
MARIA: Wait wait wait. Liz's grandmother is in the hospital. Ok, and if she
doesn't think that I can do this, it's just going to give her one more thing
to worry about. Please. Look, it's not for me, it's for Liz.
ISABEL: Well, since you put it that way...no.

=======

MAX: No way!
ISABEL: Shut up. Temporary situation.
MAX: Why are you...? You're covering for Liz, aren't you?

=======

ISABEL: So...depressed? Feeling sorry for yourself? Angry at the world?
MAX: All of the above.
ISABEL: Listen, I heard Liz's grandma isn't doing so well. She could probably
use someone to talk to.

=======

ISABEL: Ma'am? Look, you're not going to get anywhere calling me ma'am.

=======

ISABEL'S FRIEND #1: Isabel Evans? Cleaning people's remains?
ISABEL'S FRIEND #2: Isabel...image means everything is this world, you know
that.
ISABEL'S FRIEND #1: We base our lives on that.
ISABEL'S FRIEND #2: And if you're seen in this capacity, it's not just you
that suffers. It brings us all down.
ISABEL: Chill out.

=======

MAX: Liz, when I saved you, it was because you were shot, and there was a
bullet in you. Something was happening to you that wasn't supposed to happen. It was before your time. But I can't just heal people. I'm not God.
LIZ: I know.

=======

JOCK: We beat the crap out of the bastard.
KYLE: What?
JOCK: You're the one that told us he was hitting on Liz.
KYLE: Idiots.

=======

KYLE: Why are you so damn worried about Max?
LIZ: Because he got attacked for no reason. He's the last person in the world who would ever want to hurt someone.
KYLE: So, that's it, isn't it? You and Max are together.
LIZ: No, we're not...neither are we.

=======

MAX: I can't stop, you know what's going to happen, but maybe I can help you say goodbye.

=======

LIZ: Grandma, I guess the thing I wanted to say to you more than anything
else is just how much you mean to me, and somehow you just always manage to make me feel really special, and I, I just don't know what I'm going to do
without you.
GRANDMA: You're going to do just fine, and I want to tell you something. When
I look at you so excited about life, I see myself, and that's a gift, a gift
that I will take with me, that I'll always treasure. Promise me one thing,
that you'll follow your heart wherever it takes you. Trust it. Will you do
that?
LIZ: I will.

=======

VOICEOVER: The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget
to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be,
places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are
alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to
a happy ending.

=======

VOICEOVER: And that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when
you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown.
VOICEOVER: And once you do, you can never go back.

 

 

 

Missing

 

=======================================================


VOICEOVER: It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you
walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just
you.

=======

MARIA: Liz, what's wrong?
LIZ: My journal's missing.
MARIA: And?
LIZ: Maria, I wrote everything in that journal.
MARIA: Everything?
LIZ: Things about Max.
MARIA: Personal things about Max?
LIZ: Everything.
MARIA: What?!? Like where he's from, what he is, I mean, what he isn't?
LIZ: I mean...everything

=======

(wakes up Max)
Michael: Hey man, what's going on?
Max: Since you asked, REM sleep. Please tell me this is important, Michael.
=======

MAX: And I appreciate that I'm the one you chose to wake at 3 in the morning
to tell that you've been dreaming about semicircles, but maybe we can talk
about this in the morning?
MICHAEL: Yeah, ok. In the morning.

=======

Maria: Oh, Liz? I don't know. Anyway, she's dealing with some stuff, so... Alex: Let me guess...Kyle's making a pathetic attempt at regaining boyfriend status.
=======

ALEX: Ladies...
LIZ: Hi Alex.
MARIA: Alex!ALEX: Uh, so what are we talking about?
LIZ: Nothing really important.
MARIA: Nothing important.

=======

ALEX: So, I'm off to gym. Dodge ball. Ok, so...wish me luck.
LIZ: Good luck!
ALEX: Thank you very much.

=======

LIZ: You hungry?
MAX: Oh, no. It's this machine. It's always acting up.

=======

MICHAEL: Hope I'm not interrupting.
LIZ: No, you're not.
MAX: Liz?
LIZ: Um, it's nothing, Max. It's nothing important.
LIZ (TO MICHAEL): We...we just bumped into each other because I was walking
this way from...and then he was coming that way, and we just...
MICHAEL: Interesting...bye, Liz.
(Liz walks off)
MAX: You said you'd be nicer to her.
MICHAEL: And you said you'd stay away from her. Let's call it even.

=======

MARIA: Hey.ALEX: Maria De Luca, ladies and gentlemen. Where's Parker?
MARIA: Oh, Liz? I don't know. Anyway, she's dealing with some stuff, so...
ALEX: Let me guess...Kyle's making a pathetic attempt at regaining boyfriend
status.
MARIA: No no. Nothing like that.

=======

ALEX: Ok, you know what? The next time you and Liz feel the urge to share
with me, you know...feel the impulse to really open up...do me a favor, ok?
Let it pass.

=======

TEACHER: Mr. Guerin. To what do we owe this pleasure?
MICHAEL: What pleasure?
TEACHER: You, of course. I mean, it's Thursday, and I don't think I recall
seeing you since Monday...of last week.
MICHAEL: Yeah, I'm sorry about that...but I kinda just really want to draw.
TEACHER: You kinda just really want to draw?

=======

LIZ: Yeah...right. So that kind of leads us to the problem...the problem
being that that journal with the stuff about...that stuff about you and the
shooting and that whole entire day and everything...that journal is kind of
just...missing.
MAX: Missing?
LIZ: Not missing.
MAX: Not missing?
LIZ: No, it's misplaced.
MAX: Misplaced?
LIZ: Temporarily misplaced.
MAX: Right...
LIZ: Yeah...
MAX: Ok...

=======

ISABEL: Michael, do you really think you should be doing that here?
MICHAEL: Doing what?
ISABEL: Drawing that thing...whatever it is...in public...here.
MICHAEL: It's getting clearer.
ISABEL: It's getting weirder is what it's getting. Max, will you please tell
Michael this isn't a good idea?

=======

ISABEL: Max, you ok?
MAX: Yeah yeah. No, it's just Atherton. Listen to this. He says...this guy is
nuts...that aliens wouldn't possess the lung capacity or brain capacity for
more than short-term survival on Earth. Brain capacity???
ISABEL: Max, will you say something to Michael please? He'll listen to you.
MAX: Wow, that's getting pretty good.

=======

MAX: He was here.
LIZ: Who was here?
MAX: Kyle.
LIZ: No, Max. I told you. Kyle hasn't been here for over a week.
MAX: I saw him.
LIZ: You saw him?
MAX: I had a flash, Liz. When things get intense, heightened, sometimes we
feel things...see things. He was here, Liz.

=======

KYLE: What secrets are you so afraid of me knowing? The truth about Max
Evans? About why you've been so weird ever since that day at the Crashdown?
Is that what your secrets are?
LIZ: Kyle, this is serious. What you have, I really need back.
KYLE: We all want something back, Liz. It's too bad life isn't always fair.

=======

MAX: Someone should tell the sheriff that deadbolts don't work as well when
you leave your door open.

=======

TEACHER: But don't you think it's time you drew something else?
MICHAEL: Something else?
TEACHER: Well, when the class drew fruit, you drew this. When the class
sketched the human form, you drew this again. You're a talented artist, Mr.
Guerin. But you can't go through the semester drawing only a geodesic dome.

=======

MAX: But before I tell you, you need to know that...it's not Liz's fault. You
see, Liz keeps a journal. Everything that happens to her, she writes down.
Including that day at the cafe...what I did...who I am...who you are...
MAX: But you can't blame her, all right? You've got to promise me...
MICHAEL: Blame her for what?
MAX: For losing her journal...
ISABEL: Oh, my God.

=======

MICHAEL: Max told me what happened.
LIZ: Oh...he did?LIZ: What did he say?
MICHAEL: He said you wrote it all down, Liz.

=======

MICHAEL: I had to know the risk...so I had to know what your journal said.
LIZ: You took it...
MICHAEL: I never meant for things to get out of control...it's nice to know
we have at least one friend in this town.

=======

LIZ: But why didn't you just destroy this, Michael? Because anyone that found
this would know all about you.
MICHAEL: No...they'd know all about you, Liz.
MICHAEL: Thank you for giving me one more reason to envy Max Evans.

=======

MAX: So, can I see it? What you wrote?
LIZ: Oh...yeah, I don't...I don't think that's a good idea.
MAX: No?
LIZ: No.MAX: Why? Because if I read what you wrote in your journal, I realize
how you really see me.
LIZ: Exactly.

=======

ISABEL: I can't believe you're still reading that.
MAX: Guilty pleasure.

=======

MAX: Michael, you ok?
MICHAEL: Yeah. I just wish I had a few more answers. The dome, you know? I
mean what's the point of having a vision if it doesn't mean anything?
MAX: Patience, space boy.

=======

VOICEOVER: October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine,
you know, of school and work...something that would make a small town feel
bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I
got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I
realized one thing...that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your
problems get, too.

 

 

 

285 South

 

=======================================================


MAX'S BOSS: What? Who's there? Hey! What do you want, you two-bit punk?
MICHAEL: Nothing. This is all just a mistake.
MAX'S BOSS: Huh?
MICHAEL: It was all just one big mistake.
OWEN (DEPUTY): You're right about that.

=======

VOICEOVER: Listening to Mr. Sommers, I realized how strange it must be for
Max, Isabel, and Michael not to even know their own history. And how scary it would be if anyone discovered it before they did.

=======

TEACHER: For tonight's assignment, I've paired you together. It is your job
as...historians, to find out as much as you can about your partner by asking
these specific questions, and then writing up an oral history report for
tomorrow.
MARIA: Uh, excuse me, but these are kinda personal, don't you think?

=======

MARIA: Wait, did you just say Guerin?
TEACHER: Yes, Michael Guerin.
MARIA: No, no, I'm sorry. That's unacceptable.
TEACHER: I beg your pardon?

=======

Maria: I mean, this is like cruel and unusual education. I mean, aren't there, like, Geneva convention rules against this sort of thing?
=======

TOPOLSKY: My pleasure, Steve. As you know, I did my graduate thesis on the importance of oral history in psychology. So, did you pair up the students
the way I suggested?
TEACHER: Oh, yes, yes. It should prove quite interesting.
TOPOLSKY: Sometimes you end up with the most revealing details, just by
putting the right people together.


=======

MAX'S BOSS: Please! He's a hoodlum. Max doesn't know people like that.
MAX: Well, actually...
MAX'S BOSS: Evans. Say it isn't so.
MAX: Well, I lent him my keys so he could pick up some research we needed for class.
MICHAEL: I lost them. The keys. So, I snuck in.
MAX'S BOSS: I'm shocked.

=======

MICHAEL: This is it. The thing from my dreams.
ISABEL: Can we get back to the part where you got arrested, please?

=======

MICHAEL: I know. Marathon, Texas. That's where this place is. That's where
the lock is that the key fits. I'm going there.
ISABEL: Have you completely lost it?
MICHAEL: No, Isabel. I've found it. And you guys are too scared to admit it.
Gimme the keys to the jeep. I want to go to Marathon.

=======

MARIA: Wait, will you just answer these questions, ok? Uh, um...who's your favorite relative?
MICHAEL: Get lost, all right? I've gotta...
MARIA: What? You've gotta what? What?


=======

MICHAEL: So, give me a ride and I'll answer your stupid questions.
MARIA: Ok.

=======

KYLE: All right, number 4. What's your favorite TV show?
MAX: I don't watch much television. You?
KYLE: America's Most Wanted. I watch it with my dad. All right, all right,
let's get to the good ones. Ooh, uh...what's the best thing that's ever
happened to you?
MAX: Getting adopted, I guess.
KYLE: I'm gonna shed a tear.

=======

ISABEL: Why don't you just bring them some ketchup or something?
LIZ: Just bringing you guys ketchup. So, how's it going?
MAX: Great.
KYLE: Yeah, we're really getting to know each other.
LIZ: That's good.
KYLE: I'm glad you came over, too, 'cause i was hoping that we could skip on
down to question number 8. Have you ever been in love? Hmm? How 'bout it,
Evans?
MAX: No.

=======

MARIA: You can't just make up answers.
MICHAEL: Who said I'm making 'em up?
MARIA: You do not watch "The View".
MICHAEL: Keeps me in touch with my feminine side.

=======

MARIA: He's stealing my car...you're stealing my car.
MICHAEL: I'm borrowing your car. Now get out.
MARIA: You're telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it's my
mother's car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over.
So, wherever it goes, I go.
MICHAEL: Fine. You had your chance.

=======

MARIA: Oh, my God. You're kidnapping me. No, wait, you're abducting me!

=======

MARIA: It feels kind of strange, you know? Being alone in a car with you.
LIZ: In a car alone with who?
MARIA: Not knowing where we're going, when we'll be back.
MICHAEL: Do you always talk this much?
LIZ: Was that Michael?
MARIA: Liz says I talk a lot when I'm nervous. Very nervous.
LIZ: You're nervous about being in a car alone with Michael?
MARIA: So, how far will we be going? South on 285, huh?
LIZ: South on 285?
MICHAEL: What are you...(Michael sees Maria's cell phone)
MICHAEL: Great. (Michael tosses Maria's phone out the window)

=======

ISABEL: Come on, we have to go.
KYLE: But things are going so well.


=======

ISABEL: It would be her car with her in it. Going South on 285.
MAX: We better hurry. (Turns to Liz) Hey, no. You can't come.
KYLE: Trouble in paradise? So soon?
MAX: (to Liz) Get in.

=======

LIZ: Well, yeah, it's a really big test. So, look, if I spend the night at
Maria's, then I can get maximum study time in. Ok. And mom, if you need me,
just call me on the cell, ok? Bye.
ISABEL: The perfect Liz Parker lying to her mother?
LIZ: Yeah, well, at least she knows what species I am.

=======

MARIA: Marathon, Texas? That's like in another state.
MICHAEL: It's only 3 more hours.
MARIA: You...you are going to be arrested.
MICHAEL: For driving to Texas?
Maria: Across a state line with a minor? In a stolen vehicle? There are laws, you know. And that cell phone you just tossed? Vandalism of personal property. God, I just...I knew you had criminal tendencies. You even drive erratically.
Michael: What's exactly wrong with my driving?
Maria: I told you not to go over 80. The engine won't take it.
Michael: Maybe it's just tired of hearing you talk.
=======

MICHAEL: What's exactly wrong with my driving?
MARIA: I told you not to go over 80. The engine won't take it.
MICHAEL: Maybe it's just tired of hearing you talk.

=======

OFFICER: 94. Where you going in such a hurry, son?
MARIA: I've really gotta pee. See...I, I've...I have this like really weak
bladder condition and I drank a big gulp at the last station, and it had
caffeine, you know, so it makes me have to go even more. So he was just
driving really fast so we could get to the next station so I could pee.

=======

LIZ: Isabel? (Isabel turns around right into Liz and coffee spills all over)
ISABEL: What?
LIZ: Sorry.
ISABEL: That's great.
LIZ: I was just trying to be nice.
ISABEL: Well don't, ok?

=======

LIZ: No wonder you always look so perfect.
ISABEL: You think so?
LIZ: Please...you're like the Elle McPherson of the sophomore class.
ISABEL: Well, I guess that answers question number 12: "Who do you envy?"
LIZ: What about you? Who do you envy?
ISABEL: No one.

=======

MARIA: Did you pull on the chokey thing?
MICHAEL: Yes, I did pull on the chokey thing.

=======

MARIA: Come on. Wiggle your nose, blink your eyes, do the Samantha-Jeannie alien thing. Come on.
MICHAEL: I can't.
MARIA: Why not? Come on! If there's ever a time to have secret powers, now is the time.
MICHAEL: They're not secret powers.
MARIA: I don't care what you call 'em! Just use them and get us out of here!
MICHAEL: I'm not that good at it, all right?!
MARIA: Figures! Hah!

=======

MICHAEL: Your car sucks!
MARIA: And so do you.

=======


MICHAEL: Now that I'm humiliated, and the battery's fried, I'm gonna take the back seat.
MARIA: Wait a minute. Ok. You kidnap me, and you blow up my car, and you
expect me to spend the night in here with you?
MICHAEL: Not exactly my fantasy evening either.
MARIA: Don't touch that. It is sensitive!
MICHAEL: Can you shut up?

=======

MICHAEL: See that motel over there? I want to get some sleep.
MARIA: No, Michael. Wait!

=======

KYLE: So, listen, I just talked to your mom. She said that you were over at Maria's.
LIZ: Um, yeah, that's exactly where I am.
KYLE: Was that a truck?
LIZ: Um, uh, no, no. That...that was just, um, the television. So, uh, what do you want, Kyle?

=======

KYLE: I took your history book by mistake after you left the Crashdown today. I thought I'd swing by Maria's and drop it off.
LIZ: Oh, no! Um, you know, you don't even need to go to the trouble. Um...Uh, you could just--you could give it to me at school tomorrow.
KYLE: Are you sure? 'Cause I'm very close.
LIZ: Yeah. Uh, I'm positive. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Kyle.
KYLE: Maybe even sooner.

=======

MARIA: It's like the porno version of Aladdin.
MICHAEL: At least it's warm.

=======

MARIA: I don't even want to think about what I could catch in here.
MICHAEL: You know, if you stop being such a princess about things--
MARIA: Princess? No, no. I think I've been a pretty good sport up until now, but I'm
cold, and I'm hungry, and I'm in some nookie motel with a guy I--I barely
even know, and I...and I just--I really want to go home right now.
MICHAEL: Why don't you stay here? I saw some vending machines outside. I'll go see what they have. Lock the door.

=======

ISABEL: Great. They probably already made it through. Now what are we
supposed to do?
MAX: We'll just get some rest...keep going when it's open.
ISABEL: What, you mean sleep in the jeep? Out here, together?

=======

MARIA: So, do you get hungry just like the rest of us?
MICHAEL: Yeah. Of course I get hungry.
MARIA: What, uh...what other human urges do you feel?
MICHAEL: Not if you're the last woman on Earth.

=======

MARIA: Ok, favorite book?
MICHAEL: James Joyce...Ulysses.
MARIA: You have not read Ulysses.
MICHAEL: "What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones who pass it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds." Page 655...told you you wouldn't understand. Next question.

=======

MARIA: All right, if you're so smart, then how come you fail every class in
school?
MICHAEL: What number is that?
MARIA: It's my own personal question, ok?
MICHAEL: I don't answer personal questions, ok?

=======

MARIA: All right, how about just one personal question? You know, since I
didn't turn you in back there. Why is it so important to you to find out
where you come from?
MICHAEL: Because there's gotta be something better out there for me than
Roswell, New Mexico.
MICHAEL: You think that's funny.
MARIA: No, no. It's just, um...when i was a kid, I used to stay up at night
and, um, make up stories about my father...you know, and who he was
and...what he was doing. And they all ended exactly the same way. He would come in a limo and pick me and my mom up and take us off to some exotic place where we'd live like royalty. Because, you know...I thought to
myself...there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell,
New Mexico.
MICHAEL: Substitute a spaceship for a limo, and you know what i mean.

=======

MICHAEL: I don't suppose we could share?
MARIA: Not if you were the last alien on Earth.

=======

MAX: Liz, I'm sorry.
LIZ: Yeah. We're gonna get through somehow.
MAX: I don't mean about the roadblock. I mean about everything. From Michael taking Maria...for Isabel being so...Isabel. We're not all the same, you know.
LIZ: Yeah, I've known that for a really long time. I'm sorry, too, Max. You
know, for Kyle and...how my stupid, boring life could possibly get you guys
into trouble.
MAX: First of all, nothing about you is stupid. And secondly...it feels
like...my life didn't even start until I told you the truth that day.

=======

LIZ: Umm...I know that we agreed, you know, not...not to feel a certain way
about each other.
MAX: Yeah.
LIZ: Do you still think that's a good idea? (Max reaches towards Liz's face
but instead patches a hole in the jeep's canvas top)
MAX: Just wanted to keep you warm.

=======

MARIA: Aah!
LIZ: Maria.
MARIA: What are you guys doing here?
LIZ: Um...well, we thought you were in trouble, but...yeah...I guess we're
wrong.
MARIA: No no. You don't think--I mean, that is, like so unreal! I mean...come
on, would you tell them?
MICHAEL: Come on, honey, we don't have to lie. (Maria gasps in disbelief and
starts to hit Michael)
ISABEL: I believe you. The day Michael calls anybody honey, it's all over.

=======

KYLE: Liz, I don't know what's going on here, and I don't care. I just want
you to come back with me.
LIZ: You don't belong here, Kyle. This is none of your business.
KYLE: I don't know...I don't know what I ever saw in you.

=======

MAX: I'll take you guys home.
LIZ: No! No more secrets from us! Maria and I, we are a part of this now. If
we don't know everything, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? And how are we supposed to help you?
MICHAEL: We don't need any help!
MARIA: Right. Next time, steal someone else's car and try getting away with
it.
ISABEL: What do you want to know?
LIZ: Everything.

=======

MICHAEL: There's something here. A room.
MAX: Where?
MICHAEL: I don't know. It's hidden.
MICHAEL: Max. Isabel.
ISABEL: The key, Michael. (Isabel lights a lamp)
MICHAEL: Jackpot, Maximilian. (Sheriff is examining the dome when he gets
beamed in the back of the head by Topolsky)
LIZ: Oh my God!

 

 

 

River Dog

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night - finish my
shift, dinner with the parents, half hour of talking to Maria on the phone,
then dive into this issue I've been having with geometry, and hopefully
finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took
off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to
begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it, and engaged
in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world.

=======

MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: No, it's just kind of funny how surprising things can get. All this
time that I've known you, I've just always thought of you as, like, this guy,
you know. Like this weird guy from the other side of the tracks going nowhere in life, which, of course, you know, you still are that but...what i didn't realize was that there's this whole other side to you.
MICHAEL: What, that I'm from--
MARIA: Well, clearly there's that, but putting that aside, underneath that,
um, weird, poorly bathed exterior, there's, like, this whole...deeply
wounded, vulnerable guy.

=======

MICHAEL: Listen, all right, in terms of what happened yesterday between us,
that was just we were on the road. All right, we talked. That's all over.
MARIA: Of course. Wait. You think something happened between us?

=======

MAX: What is it?
ISABEL: You remember when Mom and Dad took us to Florida that summer?
MAX: Sure. You had sunstroke all of August, and I sprained my ankle on the
shuffleboard court.
ISABEL: Before that. We were on the beach one day, and we drew this thing in the sand, this symbol together. Do you remember that?
MAX: Symbol?
ISABEL: Think. We had never seen it before, but somehow we drew it together. We both knew what it was supposed to look like. Why did we both know that symbol, Max?

=======

MRS. EVANS: Hey! Where is everybody? You kids ready for some breakfast?
ISABEL: Morning.
MRS. EVANS: You two look exhausted. How late were you last night? I didn't
even hear you come in.
MAX: Sorry. We lost track of the time cramming for that math midterm.
MRS. EVANS: Well, just do me a favor, huh? The next time you're studying that late, will you do it here? Ok, let's get a move on. I don't want you to be
late for school.
ISABEL: Ok, we'll be right down. I hate lying to her.

=======

MARIA: The thing about Michael is that he's weird but surprisingly
interesting.
LIZ: He's interesting?
MARIA: Not interesting for me, obviously.
LIZ: Oh, yes, obviously.

=======

LIZ: Can you please tell me what happened in that motel room?
MARIA: I told you, Liz, nothing happened.
LIZ: Are you sure?
MARIA: Nothing physical, although it wasn't very verbal, either. What Michael
and I share, well, it's non-verbal. Michael is the type of person my mom
likes to refer to as a vibrator.
LIZ: A vibrator.
MARIA: You know what I mean. Someone who communicates by, you know, sending vibes out into the atmosphere.
LIZ: What kind of vibes was he sending you?
MARIA: Vibes that are, you know...

=======

LIZ: Hi.
KYLE: Miss Texas.
LIZ: Can I talk to you for a second?
KYLE: I can't imagine what you'd want to talk to me about.

=======

KYLE: Oh, this is weird. To be in here in the janitor's closet. It's, um,
ironic. Our first kiss.
LIZ: Oh.
KYLE: Last day of school last year.
LIZ: Yeah. That was, um...that was a great day.
KYLE: Liz, don't even try.
LIZ: Kyle, I just wanted to make sure you were ok. That you didn't get hurt
last night.
KYLE: I see. So that's what you wanted to speak to me about?
LIZ: Yes.
KYLE: In private.
LIZ: Mmm-hmm.
KYLE: Well, I'm ok.

=======

LIZ: No, Kyle. Um...I just need to make sure that you're not planning on
telling anybody about...about where we were that day.
KYLE: Oh, I see. And here I was thinking you were just concerned about me.
Liz, what the hell were you doing out there last night?
LIZ: I can't talk about it.
KYLE: Just gimme a hint. Is it drugs? You part of some cult, or is it just
about sex?
LIZ: Kyle...
KYLE: Don't worry. I...I won't tell anyone.
LIZ: Thank you.
KYLE: Not until I have something on him that will destroy him.

=======

TOPOLSKY: I've been acting covertly.
STEVENS: Drop-kicking the sheriff. You call that covertly?
TOPOLSKY: The sheriff was endangering my operation.
STEVENS: Your operation?!?
TOPOLSKY: Our operation.

=======

MILTON: Sheriff, as a concerned citizen and as an extraterrestrialist, I'm
compelled to ask. What's this all about?
SHERIFF: I think your slide's on fire.
MILTON: Oh, oh! Stay seated, please. Please stay seated.

=======

MICHAEL: Yeah, that's what I figured. Actually, I sort of told her we were
gonna pick her up.
ISABEL: Michael!
MICHAEL: You know, she pushed it. She's got this whole thing. She's a real
vibrator. She sends out these vibes. It's...
MAX: Michael, she can't come look through the stuff. It's us, that's all.
MICHAEL: I know. I know. I'll call her. Do you have your phone?
ISABEL: Fine, but don't let her blather too long, ok, because I'm desperately
low on minutes.

=======

ISABEL: What's going on?
MAX: We'd better go find out. Michael, get out of here.
ISABEL: Wait. Are you sure we should go in there?
MAX: It's where we live. We don't have any choice.

=======

SHERIFF: So what'd they take from in here?
MAX: Actually, nothing seems to be missing.
SHERIFF: That's odd. This place has been ransacked worse than the rest of the house. Almost as if they were looking for something.
MAX: They didn't take anything.

=======

OWEN: Where did you get that?
ISABEL: At the mall. Kind of like the retro look. Why?
OWEN: I just haven't seen anything like that since I left the reservation.
ISABEL: Well...maybe they're branching out.
OWEN: Right.

=======

MICHAEL: Never do that again.
MARIA: I didn't do anything.
MICHAEL: You startled me.
MARIA: I startled you?
MICHAEL: Yes. Did Max and Isabel get here yet?

=======

MAX: Michael, we're not going--Liz, what are doing here?
LIZ: Can I come in?
MAX: Sure. Yeah. Of course.

=======

MAX: Hey. First moment anything weird happens, anything at all, you come back.
LIZ: I promise.

=======

PEDDLER: It means "tree of knowledge."
LIZ: Really?
PEDDLER: Actually, I have no idea what it means, but it looks old.

=======

RIVER DOG: How did you know to come here? Were you followed?
LIZ: No, I wasn't. I...what does this mean to you? Please tell me.
RIVER DOG: This is dangerous. It brings death.

=======

EDDIE: I think I'll try the redskin basket.
LIZ: Oh, yeah, I've been trying to get that off the menu for months.

=======

MICHAEL: I still think this plan bites.
MAX: Michael, the plan does not bite.

=======

MICHAEL: Here we go.
ISABEL: Go!
MICHAEL: I'm going!

=======

MAX: Uh, Liz?
LIZ: She'll be here. Don't worry.
MAX: I'm not worried.
ISABEL: This is a nightmare.
MARIA: I am so sorry. My mom's acupuncturist appointment ran late. I'm so
sorry.
LIZ: No, it's ok. It's ok.

=======

MICHAEL: What do we do?
ISABEL: We wait. They've only been gone a little over an hour.
MICHAEL: I'm telling you, the plan sucks the big one, all right? They're out
there on my vision quest, and I'm sitting here in the kitchen with 2 girls
yakking.
MARIA: Interesting, um, Michael. You know, some women of the, uh, 20th
century might find that last remark just a tad bit offensive.
MICHAEL: Why?
MARIA: Why?
ISABEL: Welcome to Michael-land.

=======

MARIA: I hope you intend to pay for that.
MICHAEL: I do not.
MARIA: Well, then that's theft, buddy.
MICHAEL: Arrest me.
MARIA: Ok, so what's with the Tabasco sauce?
MICHAEL: Sweet and spicy.
MARIA: Sweet and spicy?
ISABEL: We all like things extremely sweet mixed with extremely spicy. It's
our little dietary quirk.
MARIA: Well, I'll have to, uh, keep that in mind.
MICHAEL: You do that.
ISABEL: Are you 2 flirting? God, could my life get any worse?

=======

SHERIFF: I've never taken you for a drinker.
TOPOLSKY: Why is that?
SHERIFF: You seem like the healthy type. Working out at the gym, shopping the health food aisles.
TOPOLSKY: How long have you been following me, sheriff?

=======

MARIA: This is taking too long. They're in trouble.
MICHAEL: Cool your jets.
MARIA: We should go out there.
MICHAEL: They'll follow us.
MARIA: What are we supposed to do?
MICHAEL: We wait.
MARIA: You know, now I know why Isabel left. You are obviously the last
person to be around in a crisis.

=======

MICHAEL: We were told to sit here and wait until they come back, all right,
and that's what I'm doing. I'm not the one freaking out. You're freaking out.
MARIA: I am not freaking out.
MICHAEL: You keep pouring sugar from one container to the other and then back again. Quit it, it's driving me insane!
MARIA: I just...I wish you would say something.
MICHAEL: Say what? What do you want me to say?
MARIA: I don't know what. Just say something, you know, to make me feel calm, to make me feel like it's gonna be all right.
MICHAEL: Maybe it's not gonna be all right.
MARIA: Thanks, that helps a ton.

=======

MICHAEL: What do you want me to do?
MARIA: I don't know.
MICHAEL: Shut up, then!
MARIA: I...I hate you!
MICHAEL: Ditto!
MARIA: You know, all I ask of you is just to try to make me feel better, you
know, be a guy or whatever. Forget it. I have obviously tried to bark up the
wrong tree. (Michael kisses Maria)
MICHAEL: That was to calm you down.
MARIA: Thanks. (Michael and Maria walk off in opposite directions)

=======

RIVER DOG: Wait, wait. You're not one of them.
MAX: Liz?
RIVER DOG: Make sure he deserves your trust.
MAX: Let's go.(Scene fades out as Max and Liz walk out of the cave hand in
hand)

 

 

 

 

Blood Brothers

 

=======================================================


LIZ: What is it?
MAX: She's out.
LIZ: Who is?
MAX: Miss Hardy. She's absent. Stomach flu. And since we both have fifth
period lunch, we have close to 2 hours off.
LIZ: Well, we don't technically have fourth period off just because Miss
Hardy's out.
MAX: There's something I want to show you.
LIZ: Ok, let's go.

=======

LIZ: This is so cool.
MAX: It's the old highway. My dad used to take this when we drove to
Albuquerque.
LIZ: I never even knew this place existed.
MAX: I just thought we should do something, you know? Something normal, for once. Things have been so...
LIZ: Yeah, I know, insane.
LIZ: Oh, my God. I love this song.
MAX: Me, too.

=======

VOICEOVER: Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together? And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten there's this one moment...this perfect moment...where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me...
VOICEOVER: And then, something does.

=======

MARIA: Hey.
MICHAEL: Hey. (There is an awkward silence)
MICHAEL: Better go. I'm gonna be late for class.
MARIA: You're avoiding me.
MICHAEL: I'm not avoiding you.
MARIA: Oh, the classic signs, Michael. Not looking me in the eye, lying about
motives...
MICHAEL: You know what? Fine. If it's gonna shut you up, I am avoiding you.
Watch me continue that thought, all right?

=======

MARIA: Mom, I told you to stop calling me...
LIZ: No, it-it's me. It's me.
MARIA: Liz? Gotta get back to you, babe.
LIZ: No. Look, there's been an accident with me and Max.
MARIA: You and Max are in an accident? (Michael grabs the cell phone)
MICHAEL: What the hell's going on?

=======

LIZ: Um, yeah.
DOCTOR: When did he lose consciousness?
LIZ: Uh, right after the accident.
DOCTOR: What's your relationship?
LIZ: He's my friend.

=======

ISABEL: Oh, my God. Max. Max. What happened?
LIZ: We were on the old highway. There was this horse but Max swerved to
avoid it and then we crashed.
ISABEL: Max.
SUSAN (the nurse): There's too many people here.
ISABEL: I'm his sister.

=======

MICHAEL: I realize you're just trying to do your job, but we're all in shock
right now. I'm really sorry.
SUSAN: Just keep it low key.
MICHAEL: Thank you...Susan.

=======

LIZ: So I don't get it. What have you guys done before?
ISABEL: Nothing like this has ever happened before.
LIZ: But what about when you guys get sick?
ISABEL: We don't get sick. We need blood. We'll take some of yours and
replace Max's with it.
LIZ: It can't be mine. They can tell male from female blood.
ISABEL: Then we need to find a guy.

=======

ALEX: See, I mean, my point is...is that there's no garage band scene here at Roswell, you know? Which makes for a potential genius situation. I mean, we could start an entire music scene, you know?
LESTER: I think I'm tone deaf.
ALEX: You are tone deaf, Lester. That's why I was thinking the drums for
you. (Maria interrupts)
MARIA: We need your help.
ALEX: Ok, I'm making a point here. The point here is, musicians get the
ladies.
MARIA: Now.

=======

MARIA: Oh, my God.
LIZ: Alex, I need you to do me a huge favor.
ALEX: Of course. Anything.
LIZ: I need your blood.

=======

ALEX: Ok, I have any number of reservations at this particular moment.
LIZ: No, it's fine, Alex. I volunteered here last summer. I saw them do this
a thousand times.
ALEX: Oh, God. What are you people hiding?
LIZ: I'll tell you everything later.
ALEX: Ok, look. I know best friends are supposed to trust each other on
everything...
LIZ: Alex, I can do this.
MARIA: Incoming! (Isabel grabs the needle)
ISABEL: Here, Liz. It'll be best if you don't look. (Isabel draws some of
Alex's blood as Alex shuts his eyes in anticipated pain)
LIZ: Thank you, Alex.
MARIA: Come on, let's go!
ISABEL: This'll sting a little.

=======

MICHAEL: Susan?
SUSAN: Can I help you?
MICHAEL: I wanted to talk to you in
private. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me...on a date sometime.
SUSAN: You seem a bit young. (Michael switches a tube filled with Alex's blood with the tube with Max's blood)
MICHAEL: Age doesn't matter to me. I mean, besides, you know, I've always
been more mature than most people I know. I've always found it easier to relate to a woman. They have so much more in common. They understand. Girls my age, they just don't do it for me, you know? I can't relate to them. But a woman like you on the other hand...

=======

SUSAN: Hey, call me when you turn 18.
MICHAEL: I will.

=======

ALEX: Liz, what I just did I could get arrested for. And that's all you have
to say to me? Any of you?
LIZ: Alex...
MICHAEL: She said go home.
ALEX: Well...great new friends you've made, Liz.

=======

LIZ: Alex, wait...
ALEX: I've been waiting, Liz. And apparently I'm not gonna get an explanation.
LIZ: It's complicated, ok?
ALEX: No no. It's not ok, Liz. None of this is ok.
LIZ: Alex, look, you've gotta trust me--

=======

ALEX: What is it...drugs? Is that what this is? You and Max go out for a
drive. He gets wasted, almost kills you both. That's what I'm covering for,
isn't it?
LIZ: Alex...
ALEX: You can't use Michael's blood because he's just as high. So who do you call? You call on your buddy Alex. Stupid, straight Alex who does everything you say cuz he's such a loyal friend that you lie to and you use whenever you
can.
LIZ: It's not true.
ALEX: Then tell me the truth, Liz. For once.
LIZ: You're right. It's drugs.

=======

LIZ: I was so scared.
MAX: I'm ok.
ISABEL: Let's go. Mom's waiting in the car.
MARIA: Oh, my keys are in my purse on the table in Max's room. We were in
the middle of a crisis, remember?
MICHAEL: I'll go get it. Get him to the car. (Michael sees the silhouette of
someone who looks like he's searching for something. He pulls open the
curtains to find Agent Moss and the other agent disguised as medics looking
through the trash)
MICHAEL: Forgot her purse.

=======

ALEX: Hey.
KYLE: Oh, hey, look. A spy.
ALEX: No, I'm just eating.
KYLE: Yeah, right. Liz sent you to find out whether or not I told anybody
anything, right?
ALEX: No, it's that there was no one else to eat with... Wait, told anybody
what?
KYLE: You know what hurts the most? It's that she sent the B-team. I mean,
you. Not even Maria. Tell you what, Alex. I'm gonna send you back to
headquarters with a little message. You can tell Liz that i'm tired of being
lied to. She's not the girl I thought she was, and she's turned into some
kind of...
ALEX: Stranger?

=======

MICHAEL: There he is.
MARIA: Him?
MICHAEL: What, you think I'm wrong?
MARIA: No, he's just so avoidable.
MICHAEL: If we didn't need your car...
ISABEL: There's nobody around for a couple of blocks. I think we're safe.
MARIA: Safe is not the word I would choose.

=======

MARIA: How long is this gonna last? Us waiting here like this?
MICHAEL: Why? You got a date?
MARIA: Maybe.
ISABEL: You know, I'm the one who should be complaining, stuck out here with you two.

=======

LIZ: I'm really late for English, and I have to cover for Maria.
MAX: I...I have Trig, so...
LIZ: So I guess I'll just see you after school at the Crashdown. Hey. Um,
maybe you could stay for dinner. You know, Blue Moon Burger, Saturn Rings,
and a Mercury Milkshake for $3.99.
MAX: Sounds tempting. But I should probably get home. Mom thinks I'm still
recuperating.

=======

LIZ: Yeah...when I saw you in that car, I thought you were... It was like I
couldn't breathe, you know?
MAX: I never got a chance to thank you for what you did at the hospital. It
was Alex who did it. He really came through. He always does.

=======

LIZ: I guess these are the things you do when...when you feel a certain way
about someone.
MAX: I guess.

=======

MARIA: This is the second time you've dragged me to some cheap motel.
MICHAEL: Yeah, well, don't spread it around. You'll ruin my reputation.

=======

MARIA: That was Ms. Topolsky. Ms. Topolsky as in school Ms. Topolsky. All
right. Either she's taking her job way too seriously, or she's not exactly a
guidance counselor.

=======

TOPOLSKY: Good things happen to good people, Alex. I heard what you did for Max. (Alex coughs)
ALEX: You did?
TOPOLSKY: Getting over to the hospital right away like that after his
accident. I heard a group of you went.

=======

MICHAEL: Stick a fork in us, Maxwell. We're done.

=======

MAX: You ok?
ALEX: Not really.
MAX: I think we need to talk.
ALEX: About what?
MAX: About what you did for me at the hospital.
ALEX: Yeah, what...was that? I'd like to know.
MAX: You saved my life.
ALEX: Yeah, well, you screwed up mine.

=======

VOICEOVER: Moments. It's amazing how one can just change things so radically. How a wild horse deciding to cross the road at that exact time could be responsible for Max being discovered. I need one more moment now. One more chance to change direction, to stop something bad from turning into something worse.

=======

ALEX: Ok, all right. You are going to tell me exactly what has been going on
with Max and Topolsky and the actual FBI or I swear, Liz, this is the end of
you and me being friends.
LIZ: No Alex, don't say things...
ALEX: What? Something that I won't go through with? Liz, I'm not kidding. All
right? Now either you tell me the truth, or I walk.
LIZ: Alex, I can't.

 

 

 

Heat Wave

 

=======================================================

DJ: It's 7:36, and it's another white hot day in this bizarre December heat
wave. We're already pushing 90 at the silos and, at this rate...
VOICEOVER: It's December 2nd, 1999. I'm Liz Parker, and this heat wave has
made everyone crazy.

=======

VOICEOVER: Heat expands, melts, makes things boil, sets things on fire. And
seeing the effect of this heat all around me just pointed out in this really
blatant way how my life wasn't expanding...that I was stuck.

=======

KYLE: No no, see, that's not Liz's kind of thing...
LIZ: A party?
VICKY: Yeah, it's at the old soap factory. It should be pretty wild.
LIZ: Is that even legal?
KYLE: See? I told ya it wasn't your kind of thing. So...
LIZ: You know, um, a party on Friday really sounds great. Um, so maybe I'll
just see you two there.

=======

LIZ: It's kinda funny, isn't it? You know, how people have started pairing up
and moving forward. Um...have you noticed anything strange about Michael
lately?
MAX: What do you mean?
LIZ: Maybe just the way he acts around Maria. You know, have you observed any differences in his behavior at all?
MAX: Are you saying there's something going on between Michael and Maria?
LIZ: No, I'm not. I'm not saying that. Would it be bad if there were?
MAX: Yes! I mean...I don't know.

=======


AMY: Oh, jeez.
SHERIFF: Amy De Luca.
AMY: Hello, Sheriff.
SHERIFF: So, ya stayin' out of the slammer?
AMY: Oh, very amusing.

=======

ALEX: What do you want from me? More blood? A urine sample? How about my kidney?
LIZ: Alex, I just want you to be my friend again.
ALEX: No, you don't. You just want to protect Max Evans from whatever it is
you're protecting him from. This has nothing to do with our friendship.

=======

LIZ: What are ya doin'?
MARIA: Nothing.
LIZ: Maria, it's 105 degrees outside, and you're wearing a turtleneck.
MARIA: So?

=======

MAX: Just in terms of you and Maria. There isn't...I mean, nothing's been
going on between you two...has there?


=======

MARIA: We were just sucking face.

=======

MICHAEL: I just figured, go for it, you know? I don't know what I was thinkin'.
MAX: You know, I just thought we had guidelines about this. We agreed to discuss before we acted on any...you know, urges.
MICHAEL: Well, I hate to tell you this, Max, but when I have urges, you're not exactly the first person I think about.
MAX: Yeah, I realize that. But the point is, we can't let things spin out of control. I mean, sure, it starts as a kiss...
MICHAEL: It's more than that.
MAX: How much more?
MICHAEL: I don't know, Max. It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.

=======

MARIA: Shouldn't we like, talk or something?
MICHAEL: About what?
MARIA: I don't know, you kinda just pulled me and dragged me in here.
Shouldn't we at least like exchange pleasantries?
MICHAEL: How're ya doin'?
MARIA: Fine, and you? So, did you hear about this party Friday night at the
old soap factory?
MICHAEL: I guess.
MARIA: Are you gonna go?
MICHAEL: I don't know.
MARIA: You don't know?
MICHAEL: Friday's like years from now.

=======

JEFF: So, um, what are these guys?
AMY: Cocktail stirrer. Take a gross. People love them.
JEFF: Hmm....ok.
AMY: And this one glows in the dark.
JEFF: Get out of here. Really?

=======

AMY: There were more than 20 of us out there that day. I was 18. Naive.
Clueless. Why did you pick on me?
SHERIFF: Cuz you were cute.
AMY: Cute?
SHERIFF: You were wearing the cowboy boots and a little skirt. Well, I had to arrest somebody, so...

=======

MARIA: Mom. What are you doing here?
AMY: Oh, hi Maria. Um, you know Jim.
MARIA: Jim?

=======

ISABEL: Are you afraid...I mean, to let someone in? To let someone see who
you really are?
LIZ: Yeah, of course I am.
ISABEL: Well, multiply that by about a million.

=======

ISABEL: So, what's going on with your little friend Alex?
LIZ: Yeah, he's pretty upset.
ISABEL: Well, you've known him forever. What's the bottom line? Is he gonna
cave?
LIZ: I don't know. I kinda wish I knew what was going on inside of him.
ISABEL: I'll look into it.

=======

DREAM ISABEL: You really think of me?
ALEX: I think that underneath that beautiful exterior is an even more
beautiful interior. But I have a feeling that not too many people get to see
that interior, do they?
DREAM ISABEL: No, they don't.
ALEX: Cuz it's too scary to show who you really are. You can show me.
DREAM ISABEL: I can?
ALEX: Yeah.

=======

MAX: So, what happened? What was he dreaming about?
ISABEL: Well, he's a complex individual with...a lot of complexities.

=======

MAX: Are you ok?
ISABEL: Yeah. Why?
MAX: Cuz you look a little flushed...like you're blushing.
ISABEL: It's the heat, all right? Max, I went in there. I saw some things.
I'm not exactly sure what they meant. I'm walking around in somebody's
subconscious. It's not a hard science.

=======

MICHAEL: It has gotten complicated. Suddenly, she wants to know where I'm
going after school. She wants to have conversations. She wants to talk about my feelings. And now, she wants to go to a party together.
MAX: That thing at the old soap factory?
MICHAEL: Right. Like suddenly the eraser room's not enough. I can't let this
become a public thing. I mean, she should know that. But all week long I've
had this weird feeling. Like I was gonna hurt her or something. That just
being who I am is gonna hurt her.

=======

LIZ: Hey, what's up? I'm just trying to get these stupid slugs to mate. Ah,
come on! Won't you guys just do it?
MAX: Maybe one of 'em's gay.

=======

LIZ: Max, you know when you said before that we couldn't be together? That we were different? I just sort of accepted it, you know? Because I thought that
it was like physically impossible. That it...that it couldn't be. But when I
saw Maria with Michael...the truth is that...I was hurt, Max. Why is it ok
for them, but it's not ok for us?
MAX: Liz, I think that what I'm afraid of isn't that we try this and it works
out really badly. What I'm afraid of is we try it and it works out really
well. I'm afraid of feeling everything that I know I would feel. Because I
know it's not meant to be. And somewhere down the line, we're gonna get hurt. I can live with that. I just couldn't bear to hurt you.

=======

BIO TEACHER: Hey, Liz. How are you doing on your mating ritual?
LIZ: I was doing just fine.

=======

ISABEL: You look good today.
ALEX: I do? Oh, thanks.
ISABEL: So, tonight...that party everyone's talking about, you interested?
ALEX: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Tell me how it goes.
ISABEL: Interested in going?

=======

ALEX: You, too. You know, I like the way you look in red.
ISABEL: I know you do.

=======

MICHAEL: I just don't really do this.
MARIA: Don't do what?
MICHAEL: Get intense like this.
MARIA: I'm not getting intense.
MICHAEL: Yes, you are.
MARIA: Well, you got pretty intense the other night at the Crashdown.
MICHAEL: Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's
gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
MARIA: I'm gonna go outside and get some air.

=======

MAX: It's uh, it's a little quieter out here.
LIZ: Yeah. It's more private.
MAX: So...
LIZ: So...let's hope nothing explodes.

=======

LIZ: Alex.
ALEX: Liz...
LIZ: No, Alex, this is not as bad as it seems, I promise. Ok, we just...the 2
of us, we need to get our stories straight.
ALEX: Liz! I'm in jail, ok? I'm now in jail! I'm through lying!

=======

ISABEL: We should have told him.
MAX: What?
ISABEL: Alex. We should have told him about us. I...I know this sounds crazy, Max, but I feel something about him...like, he's ok...like, we'd be better off including him.

=======

LIZ: No, Alex, listen to me. This doesn't have anything to do with drugs.
Alex...Max, Michael, and Isabel...they aren't from around here.
ALEX: Where are they from? (Liz points up)
ALEX: What? Like, Wyoming? (Liz points higher up)
ALEX: Oh...ok, fine. Canada. They're Canucks. So what, you're saying the FBI is all over them because they're like...illegal aliens?

=======

LIZ: God, there isn't any way for me to say this, but to just...but to just
say this, ok? Look, Alex...they think they were in the 1947 crash. Ok, they
were like in these incubation pods for a really long time...like 40 years,
and they came out in like the form of humans...and now all of these people
suspect them. That's why Topolsky's here, and that's why Valenti arrested us, and that's why we're here because he knows that I'm involved. I'm really
sorry, Alex, but...you're involved, too.
ALEX: Liz, are you ok?

=======

ALEX: This has nothing to do with that party, does it? Sheriff, I want out of
here...right now. I demand it, or I'm going to get a lawyer and I'm going to
sue for abusive treatment of a minor. I may be 16, but I know my rights.

=======

LIZ: Uh, so...um, how do you feel? You know, about what I said?
ALEX: Well, part of me, uh...part of me feels like you've gone insane, and
the other part of me feels like I want some of the massive doses of
hallucinogens you've obviously been taking. But...I don't believe in aliens.
LIZ: Neither did I...you don't believe me, do you?
ALEX: I believe that you believe. Leave it at that.

=======

VOICEOVER: The heat wave finally broke and I'm probably the only person in
Roswell who didn't benefit from it. But it's for the best. Because if Max
Evans and I had given in to temptation, if we had kissed each other even
once, it would have taken us somewhere we both know we never should have gone.

=======

LIZ: You really can't stay long.
MAX: I know. I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking a lot about
last night.
LIZ: Yeah, me, too.
MAX: When I saw Valenti taking you away like that...it just hit home for me,
you know? How much knowing me has screwed up your life.
LIZ: No, it's just the opposite.
MAX: Thank you for saying that.
LIZ: It's the whole truth, Max.

=======

MAX: I better go.
LIZ: Why?
MAX: Cuz if I don't go right now, things are gonna change.
LIZ: Change, how?
MAX: I'm gonna have to touch your hair...cuz it's so soft...and I'd have to
tell you that...no matter what we go through, it's all worthwhile for me
because we're together.
LIZ: And then?
MAX: And then...I'd have to do this...(Max gives Liz a light kiss) (Scene
fades out as Liz and Max share a long, passionate kiss)

 

 

 

 

The Balance

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: There are days when everything seems wrong, when little things
just irk you for no good reason. And then there are days like today when the
whole world just sings to you from the minute you open your eyes in the
morning, till the minute you shut them again at night, days when you actually
enjoy cleaning the milk shake machine.

=======

MARIA: God, this day sucks. Table 2 says their bacon's not crisp enough.
Isn't anybody ever satisfied?

=======

MARIA: Well, if it isn't Prince Charming and Quasimodo.

=======

MARIA: What are you doing?
LIZ: Max likes cherry cola. What does Michael like?
MARIA: Cherry cola with arsenic?

=======

MAX: What's your problem, Michael? I thought maybe you'd want to see Maria.
MICHAEL: We kind of broke up.
MAX: What? Why didn't you tell me?
MICHAEL: Look, I don't...I'm not sure if we did or didn't. I mean, it's
confusing.
LIZ: Cherry cola. On the house.
MARIA: Yours is $1.25.
MICHAEL: Guess it's not really confusing anymore, is it?

=======

MICHAEL: What's this?
MAX: Put that away.
MICHAEL: Now, I know this. This is from...
MAX: Not here, Michael.
MICHAEL: What are you hiding from me, Max?

=======

MARIA: Alex, where have you been? We've been looking for you the last couple of days.
ALEX: Oh, well, I've been feeling, you know, a little rocky about...things,
you know? So I took some time, you know? A little personal reflection, a
little research.
MARIA: So, um, where did you come out in all of this?
ALEX: Well, I've got 2 theories. One is that...uh, you and Liz have been
brainwashed by a drug cult.
MARIA: Yeah?
ALEX: And the other is...I'm trapped inside some extremely long, extremely
weird nightmare.

=======

ALEX: What actually makes you believe in any of this?
MARIA: Well, I guess when Liz was shot and Max dissolved the bullet into
nothingness and then repaired the damages inside of her that would have
otherwise left her dead, I guess that kind of changed my thinking.

=======

ALEX: Well, I guess maybe I should talk with one of them directly.
MARIA: Yeah.
ALEX: Maybe Isabel.
MARIA: Isabel. One piece of advice, ok? Don't get involved with them. I mean, look at me and Michael. Granted, the passion was outrageous, but in the end, they're pretty heartless.

=======

MRS. EVANS: Max, honey? Liz is here.
MAX: We're just...going out.
MICHAEL: You're going out?
ISABEL: What? Like on a date?
MAX: No, not at all. We both just kind of felt like Chinese food. It's no big
deal.
ISABEL: Then why are you changing your shirt?

=======

ALEX: It doesn't add up. I mean, the human body is the most intricate and
complex machine in the universe. No matter how sophisticated your race is, I
mean, how could you possibly just take on human form?
ISABEL: Fine. I'm not an alien. Whatever you say.

=======

ALEX: Ok, then let's just say it were possible, all right? Why on earth
would...excuse the phrase. Why would you be sent here to begin with? I mean, what purpose could you possibly have?
ISABEL: To wipe out the world, one annoying teenager at a time.

=======

ISABEL: Yeah. Look, the whole staring thing is making me very uncomfortable.
ALEX: What staring thing?
ISABEL: You haven't taken your eyes off me all night. It's like you're
waiting for me to turn into something else.
ALEX: Oh, I'm...I'm sorry. I won't stare at you anymore. I'll just...I'll
look at this.

=======

LIZ: Ok, let me see yours.
MAX: "Ask a girl to dance with you."
LIZ: Is that really what it says?
MAX: It depends on your answer.
LIZ: Yes.
MAX: Then that's really what it says.

=======

LIZ: My parents are away for the weekend. They're at a stargazing camp-out.
Something about Venus being in the morning sky.
MAX: I thought she was right in front of me.

=======

LIZ: Nothing even happened. We kept getting interrupted.
MARIA: Nothing happened?
LIZ: Mm-mm. Well, yeah. The other night we um...we kissed.
MARIA: And?
LIZ: I don't think that we should talk about it.
MARIA: Are you kidding? We have to talk about it. We're the only 2 people in
this world capable of having this conversation.
LIZ: That we know of.

=======

MARIA: It was like every cell in my body felt the same cell in his and
started heating up.
LIZ: And I got really dizzy. Did you get dizzy?
MARIA: I get dizzy just thinking about it.
LIZ: Ok, you know like all of that time that I spent with Kyle...I didn't
have any of those feelings that I did when I was with Max. What about you?
MARIA: Doug Sohn in the eighth grade?
LIZ: Yeah.
MARIA: Amateur. Michael is the real thing.

=======

MARIA: I don't think so. And besides, I've come to the conclusion that it can
never happen. I mean, human-alien relationships are bound to be disasters.
Just don't think that you can enter into something with Max and expect not to get hurt in the end of it. I mean, me? I'm teflon, babe. Michael starts
acting like a total loser...I just walk away. But you and Max, ah. You guys
have got that whole...look-into-my-eyes soul mate thing.
LIZ: Um, yeah, you know, this...this whole thing is just, it's gonna work
out. We just have to be prepared for anything that comes our way.

=======

LIZ: Ok, so, um, once you're done with the sugars, we just make sure that the salt and pepper shakers are filled.
MARIA: You are really letting this whole manager thing get to your head.

=======

Isabel measures Michael's temperature with a thermometer)
ISABEL: It only goes up to 112.

=======

MARIA: What are you doing?
ISABEL: Well, he's so cold, I...
MARIA: Are you kidding? He's burning up. Right before I had the chicken pox,
I had a really high fever, and my mom had to put me in an ice bath.
ISABEL: This isn't the chicken pox, and he was fine.
ALEX: Knock, knock.
ISABEL: I thought you said you locked the door.
ALEX: The key's always under the mat. Hey, look, everything's going fine
downstairs. I just wanted to come up...see if there's anything that I could
do.
ISABEL: Yes, there's something you could do. You can get out of here, both of you! And let me take care of Michael. God, he needs me right now, not
strangers.

=======

MAX: I remember the first time I saw Michael. It was in the desert the night
we first came out of the pods. The sky was bright with stars and this full
moon. Isabel and I found each other first. We didn't know how to speak, but
we could communicate anyway. We walked for a while, but we could both feel someone else.
LIZ: Michael.
MAX: He said he saw us, but that he was afraid. So he just watched us for a
long time. When he finally revealed himself, he was standing on this rock.
Just like you'd expect from Michael. "Here I am. Deal with me." He said it
was the hardest thing he's ever had to do...to trust us.

=======

MARIA: Hey. You should eat. Um, I didn't know how much you like, so...
ISABEL: Thank you.
MARIA: I care about him, too, you know.
ISABEL: I know you do. But Max and Michael are all I have. And if I lose
them...
MARIA: You won't.

=======

RIVER DOG: Man who lived in this cave when I was a boy was not like us. Some of the elders believed he was an evil spirit, so they decided to test him. He was invited into the sweat, just like I invited your friend. His reaction was quick and severe. Within a minute, his eyes were white, and he developed a fever.
MAX: Just like Michael.
RIVER DOG: Only it took the symptoms longer to show up in your friend. That's why I dismissed him at first. But when you told me he was sick, I knew he was another visitor.
MARIA: That's an interesting way to put it.
RIVER DOG: Well, that's what he called himself. In my language, the word is
"Nasedo". So that's what I called him.

=======

RIVER DOG: I'll try, but I'll need the help of all of you.
ALEX: Even me?
RIVER DOG: Healing requires energy. The more we have, the faster we heal. Now everyone take your place in the circle. There's a line for each of you
leading to the center. (There is a large circle drawn on the ground with 5
lines leading from the edge of the circle to the middle. Michael is lying in
the middle with webbing covering him from head to feet. Max, Maria, Alex,
Isabel, and Liz all walk towards a line)
RIVER DOG: Nasedo gave me these stones. They're from his place. And they
carry an energy inside them.
MAX: You mean, these are from...

=======

RIVER DOG: He told me to hold the stones until my energy activated them. And the balance would be restored.
MAX: And if you didn't?
RIVER DOG: He would die.
ISABEL: So let's get going.
RIVER DOG: He warned me, though, there was a risk. The balance can pull you in. It's a force that can change both your body and your mind unless you
navigate it properly. Now, clear your mind...and drink from the bowl. Don't
change the way you feel about your friend, and you'll come out on the right
side.

=======

MAX: What is it?
RIVER DOG: Water. Something in common with all of us. By drinking from the
same bowl, we begin the connection.

=======

VOICEOVER: I've always been the one who comes through in the time of crisis. I do what's necessary, and I don't panic. But seeing Michael so sick and having no way of knowing what was wrong or how to help made me scared. Scared that one day something could happen to Max and I wouldn't know how to help this person who means so much to me, who means everything.

=======

MAX: Just wanted to see how you were doing.
LIZ: I'm fine. Yeah, um...how's Michael?
MAX: Same as ever.
LIZ: That's really good.
MAX: But I'm not, Liz.

=======

MAX: The other night, you know, when we went out...and the whole day
before...ever since we kissed...I've been off balance. You made me forget
that anything else existed, but that's not real.
LIZ: It is the only real thing that I've ever felt.
MAX: Sometimes you have to take a step back to see what's really going on.
Maybe that's what we both really need to do right now...find our balance
again.
LIZ: You know, Max, I thought that...I thought that we'd found it.
MAX: You don't know how much I wish that could be true.

 

 

 

The Toy House

 

=======================================================

MAX: Why don't you put a little more garlic in that, mom?
DIANE: You know how I get when your father's away on business, honey. Fried foods, red meat...
MAX: You're a real party animal.
DIANE: Oh, shut up. Oh...so, what's that, biology?
MAX: Yeah. Everything you always wanted to know about a dead frog.
DIANE: Oh...not my strongest subject.
MAX: Mine, either. But I have a good lab partner. She's really good in
science, so...
Diane: She?
Max: Mom...
Diane: Well, I'm just curious. Does, uh, she have a name?
Max: Liz.
Diane: Oh, right. Liz Parker. Isn't she the one that came by the other day?
Max: Yeah.
Diane: So...what are you, just...friends or...
Max: Yeah. Just...
=======

SHERIFF: Boy, I gotta hand it to you, Mr. Evans, I'm impressed. You ought to
join our fire brigade.
MAX: Really, it was--it was nothing.
SHERIFF: No. There's nothing to be humble about. You're a real hero.

=======

LIZ: I'm definitely ok with it. In fact...I'm great with it. You know? 'Cause
we always knew that it couldn't be, that it was this total impossibility, so
I'm glad that we were both able to finally just, you know, get it out there.

=======

MARIA: Liz, the glass is clean.
LIZ: Right. Look. I mean...sure, you get caught up in the excitement of it
all, but...I'm over it.
MARIA: Are you sure? 'Cause it seems like you kind of got over it pretty
quickly.
LIZ: Well, there's just no reason to let it fester, you know? You gotta just
move on and--and not look back.

=======

LIZ: No, not at all. Ok? I mean...yes, technically, he is the one who ended
it, but...no. It was mutual, you know? It was, like...it was, like, 90%
mutual.
MARIA: Liz, that's enough coffee.
LIZ: Yeah, ok.

=======

MICHAEL: Well, I hope so, because dealing with frick and frack over there is
one thing, but we can't bring adults into this and expect them to handle it.
Adults are the enemy, Max. Remember that.
MAX: Michael, you say everyone is the enemy.
MICHAEL: They are.

=======

LIZ: So, um...you know, about the game today and the fact that we all have
seats together? You know, the way that I see it, it's just a basketball game.
We'll go, and we'll watch, and then we'll leave. It doesn't have to be a big
deal.
MAX: I agree. It's no big deal.
LIZ: It doesn't...have to be this whole awkward thing.

=======

ISABEL: Mom, just promise me you're not gonna get all nostalgic.
DIANE: I won't. So...your brother...he's always been so private, don't you
think?
ISABEL: Private?
DIANE: Yeah. I mean, he's always just got his guard up a little bit. ISABEL:
He's Max. It's who he is. He's always been that way.

=======

MARIA: I'm sorry. I retract...that last "whooh."
MICHAEL: Humans.
MAX: What?
MICHAEL: How excited they get over someone throwing a ball through a hoop. It's ridiculous.

=======

ISABEL: Is there room for us?
ALEX: Um...yeah. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me, can you just scoot, like, uh...yeah just all... So, welcome to the bleachers. Glad
you decided to be a bleacher bum.

=======

LIZ: Yeah. I kind of, uh, feel a little bit responsible because I distracted
him at the game and...anyway...it's not a big deal. It's just...
MAX: A pie.
LIZ: Right. Uh...I'll see you.

=======

MICHAEL: You're doing it wrong. You're gripping the wood too tight. MARIA:
Look, I know how to grip, ok?
MICHAEL: Apparently you don't.
MARIA: Look, I have to finish this, all right? It's my final project, and
it's a disaster, so...
MICHAEL: It doesn't look that bad.
MARIA: Oh, yeah. I'm a regular Bob Vila.

=======

MICHAEL: I just saw you in here and I wanted to say hi, but...apparently it
was the wrong move. I'll never do it again. Sorry. Good-bye.
MARIA: Fine. Run away. Perfect.

=======

MARIA: Michael...we saved your ass. Ok? You were all flunked out, sweating,
you know, running 112-degree temperature and, like, dying. I could have
walked away and never looked back. But I didn't. I did not walk away. There I was, dragging your sweaty, gross body through the Indian reservation, you
know, getting my clothes all muddy and...and worrying. 'Cause, you know,
I...I really...I thought...you weren't gonna make it. Look...I went out on a
limb for you...and you hug Max and Isabel, and it's all about the three of
you. I mean...I mean, were you...were you even gonna thank me?
MICHAEL: Thank you.

=======

ISABEL: What are you saying, that if we tell mom the truth about us, she
won't love us anymore?
MAX: I'm saying we'll never know the answer to that question.

=======

ISABEL: Well...I remember the orphanage. Um...I most clearly remember seeing you and daddy the day that you came to adopt us, and you were wearing this yellow sweater. And I remember thinking that it looked like the sun. That you were like the sun. Mom, I don't know if you can understand this, but...the day that you and daddy came for us...that's when our lives began.

=======

MICHAEL: What is your problem?
MARIA: It's cheating. You can't just wave your hand over a problem and make it go away. Why don't you figure out what's really going on with you,
Michael...why you can't just piece together an apology like any normal human being. Oops. Maybe that's the problem.

=======

DIANE: Can you...can you help me, Max? Can you tell me what just happened? The bird had a broken wing...and when you touched it...it flew away, honey. It came to life.
MAX: Mom, that was 10 years ago.
DIANE: And I've thought about it. I mean, it's just one of those things that
happened. I mean, I never really understood it, but there was nothing I could
do about it at the time. So I tried to forget about it. But some things you
never forget about. And when that kitchen fire happened...I thought about it
all over again.

=======

MICHAEL: You healed a pigeon. Great. Now you're Dr. Dolittle.

=======

MICHAEL: Well, that's ridiculous. I worked my ass off on that thing. It was
beautifully crafted. It was spring activated to secure the napkins. It
redefined the term napkin holder.
MARIA: Yeah, I know, it did.
MICHAEL: Well, how could he have flunked you? I mean...Wh--
MARIA: Because I, um, I...I didn't use yours. I kept it. Thank you.

=======

MICHAEL: I have something to say to you. If anything like that happens to me again, like when I got sick, don't help me. I can't get indebted to anyone,
and I can't get entangled. I got to be a stone wall. And when I'm around you
sometimes, I don't feel like a stone wall anymore.
MARIA: Well, what do you feel like?
MICHAEL: I don't know. Like confused.
MARIA: Like human?
MICHAEL: Yeah, and I don't want to feel that way.

=======

MAX: I thought you might be here.
DIANE: Max. Honey, sit down. I'm glad you're here. I've been wanting to talk
to you about...something we've never discussed before. Have you ever thought about trying to find your...your real parents? I mean, because...I've been thinking, I mean, maybe there's a reason why you can't talk to me. Maybe you need real parents for that. Maybe your father and I just...aren't enough for you.
MAX: Mom, I don't think we'll ever find our real parents. And...maybe it
would, you know...give us some answers, but...please don't ever think that
you're not enough. I mean...without you, I...I don't know where I would even
be.
DIANE: Max...nothing you are could ever turn me away from you. I mean...I
love you. And you're my son. Do you understand that?
MAX: Yeah.
DIANE: Then why...why can't you just tell me your secret?

 

 

 

Into The Woods

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: I hate the start of a cold. That little tickle that tells you
something's about to happen that you know you can't prevent, something that could be mild if you do all the right things, or could knock you off your
feet if you're not careful.

=======

MARIA: Liz, today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
LIZ: Spending time with your mother again?
MARIA: No, I mean it. Aren't you tired of being a slave to men?
LIZ: Definitely your mom.
MARIA: Tired of spending every waking moment pining over them, just for us to get our hearts crushed in the end. It is time to branch out, to explore other possibilities. You and me babe, together.

=======

LIZ: Maria, what are you...
MARIA: Ta-da!
LIZ: Oh, my God!
MARIA: We are turning over a new leaf. We are enjoying our wild and crazy
years to the fullest. You know, having fun for a change.
LIZ: Yeah, but skewering my navel is not exactly my idea of fun.
MARIA: Yeah, relax, honey. You think I'd let anyone get near me with a
needle? (Liz sneezes)
MARIA: You still pumping that Echinacea I gave you?
LIZ: Yes, like 4 times a day.

=======

JEFF: Oh, my god!
LIZ: Don't worry, dad, it's fake.
JEFF: Anything else I should know, a tattoo, maybe, uh...
LIZ: No. Nothing.

=======

MILTON: Where's Max Evans?
MARIA: I thought he worked for you, dude.
MILTON: You...you're Max's girlfriend, right?
JEFF: She is?
LIZ: No, no, not really.
MILTON: I have to find him.
LIZ: Why? What's going on?
MILTON: Just everything we've been waiting our entire lives for. There's been
a sighting.

=======

GUY: Hey Maria!
GUY: Whoa!
GUY: Whoa, check it out, man!
GUY: Hey hey, Maria!
MARIA: It's an aqua bra. You know, all the fun of implants except without the
invasive surgery part.
LIZ: You have officially lost it.
MARIA: No, I have found it, babe, ok? I've had 3 phone numbers. It's only
second period.

=======

ALEX: Ok, I give up. What are we staring at?
LIZ: This is an aqua bra. Would you like to try it on, Alex?
ALEX: Yeah, maybe later. Here, have a flier. If I pass out enough of them,
then I could raise my P.E. grade from a "C" to a "B-".

=======

ALEX: Oh, gee, look at the time. I gotta go. I'll see you guys.
LIZ: Oh.
MARIA: Like a puppy in heat.

=======

ALEX: Great, great. So, movies.
ISABEL: Movies?
ALEX: Yeah, I was wondering if, uh, do aliens enjoy cinema?
ISABEL: Alex...

=======

ISABEL: Can't believe I'm in the eraser room with you two.
MAX: We need a safe place to talk. So I found out a lot about the sighting
from Milton.
MICHAEL: Told you that place would get to you.
MAX: 5 people saw a big flash in Frazier Woods.
ISABEL: 5 basket cases.

=======

JEFF: Uh, listen, sweetie, about this camping weekend. We should just go and take advantage of the time together. I wouldn't miss that for anything.
LIZ: I was actually gonna say the same thing.
JEFF: And I can get to know that guy Max you've been hanging out with and,
uh, he has a sister, too, right?
LIZ: Isabel.
JEFF: And the guy with the hair?
LIZ: Michael.
JEFF: Michael, yeah.

=======

MARIA: Running away from home?
LIZ: Maria, I am begging you for mercy. Please come with me.
MARIA: Dude, I told you, my idea of the great outdoors is rolling the windows
down in my car on the way to the mall. Come on, I love your dad. You love
your dad.
LIZ: Yes, I do. I love him, but, like, in the normal father role. Which is
like 5 minutes at a time, just a few times a day...not for an entire weekend
with no TV.
MARIA: Yeah. I've always found fathers grossly overrated myself.
LIZ: And, you know, he has been getting so nosy lately. It's like he wants to
know like every single detail of my life. He even asked me about Max and
Michael and Isabel.
MARIA: Mmm, no. That's why me and my mom have the "don't ask, don't tell"
policy.

=======

LIZ: I'll pay you.
MARIA: How much?
LIZ: 25 bucks.
MARIA: $100.
LIZ: Uh, $50.
MARIA: $75.
LIZ: $62.50.
MARIA: How do you do that math so quickly?!
LIZ: Ok, $62.50 and then I'll do your math homework for an entire week.
MARIA: You're good.

=======

HANSON: Well, it's been crazy around here. You know, the sighting. He is a
walking bundle of stress.
KYLE: That's my dad.

=======

MAX: So River Dog saw the light?
MICHAEL: The dog himself.

=======

ALEX: Ok, ok, ok, is she looking at me?
LIZ: Oh. Um...she's not...she's not really looking at you.
ALEX: Isabel Evans and Alex Charles Whitman out on a date? That's like so
miraculous, you know. This is the biggest moment of Alex Charles Whitman's
life.

=======

LIZ: Listen, why don't you just take some deep breaths, ok?
ALEX: It's just...it's amazing, you know? I...it's totally amazing.
It's...it's too amazing. Oh, God! It's a joke, isn't it? It's a practical
joke. You two are in on it. You bastards.
LIZ: Alex, Alex, Alex, um, your paranoid schizophrenia, it's kicking in.
ALEX: Right. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and go have a little talk with
myself.

=======

ALEX: So, Isabel...
MARIA: Another one being sucked into the alien abyss.
ALEX: Listen, about our plans for tonight...
ISABEL: Oh, god, Alex, I'm so sorry. My dad is insisting we go on this lame
camping trip together. I...I have to cancel.
ALEX: Cancel?
ISABEL: Yeah, I'm really sorry.
ALEX: No, no, no, no, no. Not at all. Don't worry about it. It's funny,
because I was just about to tell you that I was gonna have to cancel because of this fathers' camping weekend fiesta. I mean, you know how dads can be sometimes.
ISABEL: You're going camping?
ALEX: Some coincidence, huh?
ISABEL: Huh.

=======

ALEX'S DAD: You sure you wanna do this, Alex?
ALEX: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Come on.
ALEX'S DAD: But we're not really prepared.
ALEX: Oh, our parkas, 2 sleeping bags, the wind at our backs...what else do
we need?

=======

ISABEL: Mosquitoes, pit toilets, and animal droppings. Yes!

=======

JEFF: Maria, I am so glad you're gonna come with us.
LIZ: Yeah, me, too.
JEFF: Because there's something that I think we should all talk about, and
it'll be good to get away from all the outside influences that you've been...
LIZ: Oh, my God! Oh, God!
JEFF: ...distracted by. What the...
LIZ: Oh, my God! Maria, what am I gonna do? He's here.
MARIA: Ok, no problem. Let's just, um, let's tell them that the 2 college
guys had midterms, and we're gonna meet them next week in Albuquerque.
LIZ: Maria, having a life is one thing, but having a whole fantasy life is
just a little bit troubling, don't you think?

=======

KYLE: That summer, they found 5 cows, all of them mutilated with surgical
precision on Haddie Wexler's farm. When she died 2 months later they did an
autopsy, and sure enough, they found perfectly bored holes in her skull just
where she claims the aliens made them when they abducted her that night. That skull is now buried deep somewhere within area 51.
SHERIFF: Got 'em on the edge of their seats, son. Where'd you hear that?
KYLE: It's one of grandpa's favorite ones, isn't it?

=======

ISABEL: And then to the right of the Milky Way, that's Orion.
ALEX: Oh, wow.
ISABEL: And see the north star?
ALEX: Yeah.
ISABEL: Ok, now look a little to your left...and a little further out, that
small group of stars right there, that's the Cygnus constellation. It's the
furthest we can see from here.

=======

ALEX: It's amazing.
ALEX: Staring at the stars with you. I mean, I used to look up there, and
stars were just stars. One was just as good as the next one. Somehow with
you...I mean... It's so wondrous, you know? I mean...each star is...is a
mystery, you know, and so full of possibility. This is so much better than
seeing a movie.
ISABEL: Thanks.

=======

LIZ: Max, I know you think...that we shouldn't be together, and maybe you're
right. But you made me a part of this.

=======

VOICEOVER: I guess everyone has their reasons for keeping people away, an
instinct to protect yourself from getting hurt. It's part of human nature. I
just wish Max would understand that...that he would realize that he's not
that different from us at all. Maybe then we'd have a chance.

=======

MARIA: You can't let go of him, can you?
LIZ: I don't want to.

=======

MARIA: Ok. We've been, like, hiking for over an hour.
MAX: We're getting close.
MARIA: It is officially freezing out here.
LIZ: Maria, it's not that cold.
MARIA: Really? Really, 'cause I'm now wearing an ice bra! Whatever, it's
uncomfortable!

=======

LIZ & MARIA: We're here! We're over here! Help! Come find us! Help us! We're
over here! We're here! We're right here.
MARIA: My mom's gonna love this, really.

=======

MARIA: I am so sorry, Mr. Parker. I had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't
handle the pit toilet, so I asked Liz to come with me, and next thing you
know...
JEFF: It's ok. I'm just so glad you guys are all right.

=======

ISABEL: Oh, my God. It's the symbol from the cave.
MICHAEL: The white light, or whatever the hell that was, caused this? RIVER
DOG: Yes. It's a sign.

=======

JIM SR: Damn pears are slippery.
SHERIFF: Dad. It's me. It's Jimmy. Been a while, huh?
JIM SR: A long time.

 

 

 

The UFO Convention

 

=======================================================

DEPUTY: Who was that?
SHERIFF: That, deputy, was a bona fide alien hunter.

=======

ALIEN EXPERT: I've concluded, Mr. Guerin, that yes, these aliens do exist. Yes, they're among us today. And yes, they're brutal, dangerous killers and must be stopped at any cost. (Isabel walks by and pulls Michael away)
MICHAEL: Hey, I wasn't finished talking to him.

=======

MAX (in disguise): Save me. Save me. I'm a human trapped in an alien body.
ISABEL: Excuse us. (Max takes off his mask)
MAX: Ugh.
ISABEL: You realize that we've just lost our last shred of dignity.

=======

LIZ: Ok, I have one Green Eggs with Moon Rock Hash and one convention
special. Can I get you guys anything else?
ZINAPLOX: I am Zinaplox from the planet Zedagon. I come to destroy humanity and return to my home planet.
LIZ: Well, then it's really great that you're starting out with a nice hearty
breakfast.


=======

MAX: Michael, I've got to talk to you about something...personal. MICHAEL:
Nothing's too personal.
MAX: How'd you do it with Maria?
MICHAEL: Too personal.

=======

MICHAEL: Alien Takedown? What's that, some kind of wrestling match? MARIA: Yeah, the Alien Takedown. Do you have a problem with that? MICHAEL: Yeah, you know what, I do. I'm here trying to figure out the meaning of my existence, and I'm tired of having to wade through the kooks like you and the freak shows like this in order to do it.
AMY: Nothing personal, but this freak show keeps my kooky daughter and myself off the streets.

=======

MILTON: Evans. I want you to meet a legend. This is Everett Hubble. You are looking at one of the few men in the world rumored to have made direct contact.
MAX: Direct contact. Sounds exciting.
HUBBLE: That's one way of looking at it.

=======

MAX: So, what did this alien look like?
HUBBLE: Looked like you, actually...or me. They're not little green men, you
know.


=======

BOY: So, why'd they kill the aliens?
MAX: What aliens?
BOY: From the '47 crash. Why'd they kill them?
MAX: Well, maybe you should visit our "Theories on '47" exhibit.
BOY: But I thought this was the information booth.


=======

MICHAEL: Mud.
MAX: What?
MICHAEL: When you're with her, think about mud. It helped me.

=======

MAX: Mud.
LIZ: What?
MAX: Pie. Mud pie. For the lunch the Crashdown is catering tomorrow. I was
thinking about mud pie.
LIZ: Ok, um, I'll see if I can arrange it.

=======

ALEX: Isabel, wow, hey. So, you made it.
ISABEL: You've gotta stop following me, Alex.
ALEX: Following you? Are you kidding me? I just happened to be here. I mean, the whole town is here.
MARIA: Oh, good, you found Isabel. He was looking for you.

=======

LIZ: You know this is going to be your eighth cup. Do you want to switch to
decaf?
JEN: Why, do I look wired to you? Strung out?

=======

MAX: Is it true what Milton said? That you disappeared 30 years ago? HUBBLE: I didn't disappear. I'm standing right in front of you. Now I'm going to disappear.

=======

JEN: Larry's been chasing UFOs ever since that day. In the beginning I was
kind of into it...but now I'm tired of adventure. I just want to settle down.
I really want a normal guy.
LIZ: I can understand that.
JEN: You got one, too, huh? A unique boyfriend?
LIZ: Unique? Yeah, that's a good word for Max.
JEN: Max?


=======

AMY: You can't quit now. The Alien Takedown is in an hour! Ernie, you have
nothing to be afraid of. Raging Ray is a...puppy dog. Look, he's not really
gonna do anything really rough. I realize you suffered a broken rib last
year...fine, 2, I...did you not receive my gift basket? Look, Ernie, if you
don't do this, I'm broke. Ok? I'm out of business, ok? I...I have half my
annual revenue tied up in this thing! Hello? Hello? Oh...


=======

ALEX: Hello! Anybody home?
ISABEL: Come in.
ALEX: Hey, I was in the neighborhood.
ISABEL: Yeah, for the last 20 minutes. What's up?

=======

ISABEL: I thought we'd been through this. You know, no dates.
ALEX: No, no, no, no! Not a date. Just 2 friends out at the same place,
enjoying the same thing at the same time.
ISABEL: I really like you, Alex.
ALEX: Well, thank you, Isabel.

=======

AMY: Oh, girls, girls, girls...if I'd known real life was gonna be this
difficult I never would have signed up.
ALEX: You guys look as good as I feel.
LIZ: Root beer float?
ALEX: No, uh...orange soda on the rocks.
AMY: Mmm, girl trouble.


=======

ALEX: Oh, it's that obvious? Great. Great. Hey, listen...let me ask you guys
a question. As women, do you find that all men are obsessive? AMY: Yes.
LIZ: Absolutely.
MARIA: No question.
AMY: They find something...
MARIA: Usually something completely inane and useless.
LIZ: Oh, like football.
EVERYONE: Or UFOs.

=======

ALEX: Ok. I got it. Crystal clear. But...what if, uh, there's a guy whose
obsession is a woman?
EVERYONE: Oh!
AMY: Oh, yeah, right.
LIZ: Dream on.

=======

MICHAEL: I'm just resting.
AMY: Oh, you dear, dear, boy! Oh! (Michael sits up and Maria sits down in
front of him and smiles at him)
MICHAEL: It was easy money. (Maria smiles at Michael -- obviously grateful
for his selfless act --, pulls his head towards hers, and softly kisses him)
MICHAEL: Mud.
MARIA: What?
MICHAEL: Mud. I'm thinking about mud.
MARIA: Why do I even try?


=======

MAX: Me? But...but I don't know you. (Hubble pulls out a gun and points it at
Max)
HUBBLE: I know you.
MAX: Whoa, mister, you are making a big mistake.

=======

HUBBLE: This son of a bitch is gonna die today, and nothing's gonna stop me,
so go ahead! Unload every bullet in your chamber.
SHERIFF: It only takes one.
HUBBLE: Your father couldn't do it...and neither can you.

=======

SHERIFF: Get outta here. The both of you. You were never here. Go on!

 

 

 

 

 

Blind Date

 

=======================================================

ALEX: Oh, man, am I gonna kick some ass at these auditions.
LIZ: Do they sound this good plugged in?

=======

ALEX: Oh, just you wait, little ladies, until you see my band open up at the,
you know, the blind date concert this Friday.
LIZ: You know, you need a better name.
ALEX: Oh, come on. What's wrong with "the Whits"?
MARIA: Just an "s" away from what you really are.
ALEX: That's funny.

=======

LIZ: No, this is so stupid. Like anyone would want to go out with someone a
radio station picks out for you.
MARIA: No, I thought it was romantic.
LIZ: You would.
RADIO: Right here at one of our finer local establishments, the Crashdown
Cafe! Looking for our new Queen of Hearts, Miss Liz Parker. MARIA: Oh, my
God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you won!
LIZ: No, I didn't even enter, Maria.
MARIA: I entered for us. This is so exciting.

=======

DJ: Congratulations, Liz Parker, your life is about to change because we're
gonna find you that dream man you've been searching for. Hey, what's running through your mind right now, Liz?
LIZ: Oh, um...heh...yeah...yeah, nothing I can say on live radio.

=======

MARIA: I don't know what the problem is. This could be big, Liz. Your dream
guy. Tailor made. The human version.
LIZ: Ok, embarrassing, humiliating, mortifying. I don't know. Choose your SAT
word. I'm not forgiving you for a very, very long time.
MARIA: What is wrong with a normal date with a normal guy for once? Look,
it's not like Max has changed his mind or anything. He dumped you. Think
about it. That's all I'm saying.

=======

ALEX: Yeah. Oh...oh, we...we...we have to find somebody before these
auditions tomorrow, otherwise we're screwed.
MARIA: Alex, Alex begging is so unbecoming.
ALEX: What?
MARIA: I'll do it, I'll do it. Anyway, I'm so much better than that prima
donna. So, when should we rehearse?
ALEX: No, no. We're really looking for somebody. With...with...with
professional experience, so...

=======

MARIA: Excuse me, Wednesday nights at the Pizza Pan. Will you tell him? LIZ:
Oh, yeah. She is so good at karaoke.
ALEX: But, um, maybe, but we play real music.

=======

MAX: We didn't break up because we were never together.

=======

MARKOS: We don't even know if you can sing.
MARIA: Gimme an E-flat.
MARKOS: Whoa.

=======

MICHAEL: The 4th alien is not a killer. He's one of us.

=======

MICHAEL: Fine. Both of you sit here with your cherry colas and your high
school fantasies. I'm going to find him.

=======

ISABEL: You can't treat him that way, Max.
MAX: What am I supposed to do? Encourage him to track down a murderer?

=======

DJ: You mean to tell me you don't already have a boyfriend?
LIZ: Um...no, not right now.
DJ: Well, whoever let you get away is gonna be kickin' himself when you're
out with your dream date on Friday night. Now answer some questions for me
now, Liz. Do you like blondes or brunettes?
LIZ: Uh, brunettes.
DJ: Ok. Home town boys or out-of-towners?
LIZ: Well, um...home town boys are ok, but...

=======

ALEX: So what'd you think?
PROMOTER 2: What was that one called again?
ALEX: Love Kills.
PROMOTER 1: Wasn't that the first one you played? ALEX: No, that was Hurt by Love.

=======

MARIA: I'm here! I'm here! I'm so sorry, Liz was getting interviewed. Oh, my
God, you guys waited. Thank you so much. I'm...I'm Maria De Luca. This is my band. Um...ooh, hold on...
PROMOTER 2: I think she's cute.

=======

MARIA: What are we looking at?
LIZ: Oh, my God, I...I thought you were one of them.
MARIA: One of who?
LIZ: The serious, dark-haired mystery men from exotic locations. What am I
gonna do? MARIA: You're gonna get some...some phone numbers is what you're gonna do, I mean...
LIZ: Yeah but, Maria, look, this is serious, ok? This contest has completely
taken over my life.

=======

ALEX: We have very specific style. It's called normal, not thrift shop freak.
Your answering machine's fixed. It just needed to be re-set after the 100th
call. There are a lot of desperate guys out there.
MARIA: Alex, look, I really don't want to go on stage with you guys looking
high school geeks.
ALEX: We are high school geeks! And we like it like that. So, please stop
trying to take control over it, ok?

=======

ISABEL: But what about the concert? Alex got us tickets.
MICHAEL: Well, it's either the concert or discovering where we come from.

=======

LIZ: What are you doing here, Max?
MAX: I couldn't just let you find another guy. I love you, Liz. I'll always love you. (Max moves to kiss Liz and they share a long kiss, until a car horn breaks up Liz's daydream)
MARIA: Get your butt down there, girl. True love awaits.

=======

KYLE: I thought it was time to bury the old hatchet. You know, put the past
behind us? Maybe go catch a concert.
MAX: I'm not interested.
KYLE: Oh, come on. You know you want to see this guy just as much as I do.

=======

KYLE: Do you feel dizzy?
MAX: My tongue...feels very...heavy.
KYLE: You really don't drink, do you?
MAX: Never...
KYLE: You, my friend, are drunk. How much did you chug?
MAX: This much...
KYLE: What a wussie!
MAX: Did you just call me a wussie?
KYLE: I believe I did.

=======

MAX: Do you see that mailbox? I'll beat you to it. On your mark...
KYLE: Mm!
MAX: Go!
KYLE: It's "get..." You said--you skipped "get set!" You bastard! Max, where
are you? Evans? Evans! Evans?

=======

ISABEL: I think this is as close as you've ever come to the library, Michael.

=======

KYLE: Evans! I know you're somewhere. You weren't that far ahead of me. Here Maxie, Maxie, Maxie!
MAX: I wanna thank you, Kyle, for giving me a new outlook on things. KYLE:
How the hell did you get up there?
MAX: I used the ladder.
KYLE: There is no ladder.
MAX: Well, yeah, now.
KYLE: Whatever. Get down before you break your neck and everybody blames me for getting you trashed. Maybe getting you drunk wasn't such a good idea.

=======

MAX: Yeah. All the stuff you said...about me, about Liz. I've been keeping
all this stuff inside...not confronting the horrible, ugly truth of it all.
I've been hiding for years, Kyle. Years. But it's time the real Max comes
out.
KYLE: He wouldn't be gay, by any chance, would he?

=======

MAX: You're funny, Kyle. You're really funny. No matter how much of a jackass you're being...you always know how to turn a phrase.
KYLE: You think I'm a jackass?
MAX: Yeah, see? See? Secret-keeper Max would never say that to your face. But the real Max...he'll tell you everything he thinks. No inhibitions. You
should try it.
KYLE: Ok, so let's be brutally honest with each other here, shall we? You and
Liz are in love.
MAX: No flies on you, Kyle.

=======

KYLE: Yeah. Go figure. We're a couple of big, fat losers, Evans.

=======

KYLE: Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're here in the gutter while she's
off smooching with dogboy.

=======

MAX: We're gonna win her back.
KYLE: We are?
MAX: We're gonna show her how we feel about her and she's gonna forget all
about Mr. Shallow and come back to us.
KYLE: Shellow.
MAX: Come on.
KYLE: Well, how do we split her up, exactly? Every other week? Mondays,
Wednesdays, Fridays, alternate Saturdays?

=======

NICKY: The Foo Fighters. That would be awesome.
MARKOS: No, not a chance, man. They're too big for Roswell.

=======

PROMOTER 2: There she is, our future Celine Dion.
MARIA: I like to think of myself as more of an Alanis, but...

=======

ISABEL: This is vandalism.
MICHAEL: It's not like we can't clean it up.

=======

MAX: It's a symbol of my love. This is where I blew it with her...so this is
where I'm gonna make things right. Done.
KYLE: Nice.
MAX: Thanks.

=======

KYLE: Girls always like that meaningful stuff. I suck at that. So tell me the
truth, does it really get you farther?
MAX: What do you mean?
KYLE: You know...farther. All right, listen, I'll tell you if you tell me.
How far did you and Liz get?
MAX: We saw into each other's souls. How about you?
KYLE: Second base.

=======

KYLE: Top drawer. Always lingerie. Dare I?

=======

KYLE: Now, Liz, before you jump to any conclusion, I think you ought to know
that we are really...really drunk.

=======

LIZ: Ok, Max, look, we've just got to get you somewhere safe until you sober
up.
MAX: I don't think that's gonna happen.
LIZ: Why not?
MAX: All I had was one little sip...and it's not wearing off.
LIZ: Oh.
MAX: You like it?

=======

KYLE: I said sit down, dogboy.
DOUG: Liz, what's going on out there?
KYLE: I can't hold him back much longer.
DJ: I knew it, people. Doug's already maneuvered his way into the bedroom
with...another guy? This is...this is about the wackiest thing I've seen in a
long time. Doug in the bedroom with another guy, while another dark-haired
mystery man steals Liz away into the night. Wait a minute, what's this?
Ladies and gentlemen, who is M.E., And what has he done with our dream girl?

=======

LIZ: You're drunk. Nothing that you're saying is true.
MAX: It's all true, Liz. It's how I really feel. It's all just magic when I
think about you.

=======

MAX: And when I'm not with you...I go crazy. (Max touches a car and the car alarm goes off)
LIZ: Max.
MAX: When you're here...
LIZ: Oh, Max. Please.
MAX: You're my dream girl, Liz.
LIZ: And what if I believe you tonight?
MAX: Then we live happily ever after.
LIZ: And then what about tomorrow...when you go back to realizing who you
really are, and all of your fantasies go away.
MAX: I'll still have you.
LIZ: This can never be normal, Max. (Max touches the tops of some parking
meters, and they start sparkling)
MAX: What's so great about normal?

=======

MICHAEL: Just forget it. He's not gonna come.
ISABEL: Maybe not tonight.
MICHAEL: No, not ever. No one ever comes for me.
ISABEL: I will. Whenever you need me.

=======

LIZ: Yeah, hi, um, we need a taxi, please. Stay.
MAX: Staying.

=======

ALEX: You just need to go back out there and just...just be yourself, ok?
MARIA: Myself? I'm a waitress.

=======

PROMOTER 2: The band isn't coming. The drummer got arrested for disorderly
conduct at the Albuquerque airport.
ALEX: It's always the drummers, isn't it?

=======

LIZ: I can't control either one of them. You guys have really got to help me.
Please?
MAX: I think you'd look better as a blonde.
LIZ: Um...you know I think I just better get him home.

=======

KYLE: Hey, I'm just happy to be nominated...and I think I'm gonna puke.

=======

LIZ: Wait, Max. Max. Did you really mean everything that you said when we
were alone tonight?
MAX: I don't remember. What did I say? I didn't mean to ruin your night.
LIZ: You didn't.

 

 

 

Independence Day

 

=======================================================

LIZ: I don't even know how to explain it, Maria, but listen. Are you
listening to me?
MARIA: I'm listening.
LIZ: When Max kissed me, it was like, I don't know. Ok, it was like I saw
things, all right? I...I could like, feel the universe...

=======

MARIA: All right. I have just the thing for you, all right? Open your mouth.
LIZ: What?
MARIA: Just open your mouth, ok?
LIZ: Ok, fine. Oh, that...that's really gross. What is it?
MARIA: What is it? It's grief relief.
LIZ: What?
MARIA: I got it at my mother's shop. It's this herbal remedy that shocks the
body back into reality when the mind's gone into overload. Veterinarians use
it to calm wild animals.
LIZ: Oh, well that...that's great.

=======

MARIA: Here, you can have this, and any time you feel yourself spiraling out
of control, put 4 drops under your tongue, ok?
LIZ: Ok.
MARIA: Now would be a good time.


=======

ISABEL: Hey. Something's up with Michael. He's acting weird.
MAX: Weirder than usual?

=======

MAX: How did it happen?
MICHAEL: He was drunk.
MAX: Hank? Has it happened before?
MICHAEL: Couple times. This was the worst, though. Never left a mark.
MAX: Michael...
MICHAEL: Don't. I don't want you feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyone
feeling sorry for me.

=======

MICHAEL: Not if it's gone. Fix it. Please. I tried, but I...
MAX: And what about the next one?
MICHAEL: There won't be a next one.
MAX: Michael, you don't have to protect him. He's not even your real father.
MICHAEL: No kidding.

=======

MARIA: Ok. Do you remember that commercial? When the girl takes the pan and bashes up the kitchen? Ok. This is your brain on Max.

=======

LIZ: Wow, that's a lot of pies!
AMY: Yes! I have chocolate, banana, rhubarb, strawberry, and coconut.
SHERIFF: Did I hear someone say coconut? How'd you know that was my very favorite? (Amy chuckles)
MARIA: Excuse me while I go and throw up.
AMY: I only made one. Sorry.
SHERIFF: That's a shame, cuz that looks awful good, and so do you, Amy.

=======

AMY: Ooh! My favorite little wrestler!
MICHAEL: Hey.
MAX: Hey.
ISABEL: Hey. (Michael looks at Max and Isabel for awhile, his eyes probing
the looks on their faces)
MICHAEL: You told her.

=======

AMY: Hi, girls! Uh...what are you doing home so early?
MARIA: It's 10:30.
AMY: Oh, my God! I must have lost track of time. Uh, you want some pie?
MARIA: No, no.
LIZ: No, thank you.

=======

AMY: Right. Maria, there are like 3 single guys in all of Roswell and 2 of
them live in the Desert Inn retirement community. Ok? Jim is a nice guy. He
has a good job, he's responsible, and he's fun.
MARIA: He's a cop. And you're a hippie.
AMY: Well, opposites attract. I don't know.

=======

HANK: Well, hello, dolly.
MICHAEL: Shut up, Hank.
HANK: Yeah. Wanna have a drink with me?
MICHAEL: She doesn't want a drink.
HANK: Who the hell are you, her lawyer?
MICHAEL: Leave her alone, Hank, all right?
HANK: I asked her a question. I'm waiting for her answer.
ISABEL: Here's your answer. (Isabel throws Hank's drink all over him)

=======

MICHAEL: Max, I don't belong there. I don't belong there, I don't belong
here, I don't belong anywhere.

=======

AMY: Oh, Maria, honey, you're gonna be late. (Maria's mom suddenly panics
when she sees Maria sleeping with Michael)
AMY: Oh, my God!
MARIA: Oh! Mom... (Maria's mom stops bopping Michael on the head)
AMY: Get out! Get out of this bed! Out of this bed! Out!
MICHAEL: Take it easy.

=======

AMY: Get outta my house!

=======

MARIA: Wait! Mom! Mom! Mom...
AMY: Maria! Kitchen, now!

=======

AMY: My baby girl's having sex.
MARIA: I am not having sex.
AMY: Then what exactly did you do?
MARIA: Nothing. We just slept.
AMY: Yeah. I know that one. I've used that one.

=======

MARIA: Michael is not like that, ok? Well, sometimes he is, but...
AMY: What?!?
MARIA: But not last night, all right? He was upset about something. I don't
know what he was upset about, but sex was like the last thing on his mind.
AMY: Oh, thank you. There is a God.
MARIA: That's why I let him stay.
AMY: Oh, yeah, and what exactly were you thinking letting him stay here,
young lady? And besides, why is it ok for you and not ok for me?

=======

MARIA: I'm 16...
AMY: Yes, you are 16-years-old, and no 16-year-old daughter of mine is gonna have sleep-overs with boys, got that?
MARIA: Whatever.

=======

SHERIFF: I called the plant. He never showed up for work.
MICHAEL: Maybe he's passed out somewhere. I don't keep track of him.

=======

LIZ: What's wrong?
MARIA: Oh...well... (Isabel walks into the Crashdown)
ISABEL: Have you guys seen Michael?
MARIA: Maybe.
ISABEL: Come on, Maria, you have to tell me. It's really important. MARIA:
Well, if it's that important, then you tell me. I'm worried about him, too.
ISABEL: I can't.
MARIA: Ditto.

=======

MARIA: He was with me last night. All night.
LIZ: What? He spent the night, Maria? What happened to "no"?
MARIA: He never told me what was wrong. We just slept. And then...in the
morning, my mom came in, and he took off, and I haven't seen him since.

=======

AMY: And she said...
MARIA: Hi. Um, you know the boy that I slept-but-didn't-sleep with? AMY:
Unfortunately, the shock has indelibly printed his face on my brain. MARIA:
He's in jail.
AMY: Oh, this just gets better and better, doesn't it?

=======

MAX: Michael, you can't just run away.
MICHAEL: Watch me.

=======

MAX: Not really. I've just never seen him so upset. I have this weird feeling
that...he's just gonna leave without even saying goodbye.
LIZ: You know, maybe, because if he did...he wouldn't be able to go through
with it.
MAX: I can't lose him .

=======

MAX: Packing?
MICHAEL: You could call it that. Everything I have fits in this bag.
MAX: You have me. You have Isabel.

=======

MICHAEL: Say goodbye, Max.
MAX: I can't.
MICHAEL: We'll keep in touch, all right?
MAX: It's not good enough.
MICHAEL: Well, it's gonna have to be, all right? So say goodbye.
MAX: I can't.

=======

ISABEL: What are you doing?
MICHAEL: Making an omelette. What does it look like?
ISABEL: I didn't know you could cook.
MICHAEL: Yeah, well, uh, there's a lot you don't know about me.
ISABEL: Yeah. You're full of surprises.
MICHAEL: Yup.
ISABEL: Thanks.

 

 

 

Sexual Healing

 

=======================================================

VOICEOVER: It's February 20th. I'm Liz Parker, and lately I've been having
these feelings, like I'm changing inside, and part of me doesn't want to
change. Part of me always wants to be my mom's little girl. But the thing is,
these feelings are strong...dangerous, undeniable. It's like I have no
choice. It's like...chemical.

=======

MARIA: Liz, nice strawberries. (Liz breaks out of her daydream and knocks
over a basket of strawberries)
MARIA: Are you ok?
LIZ: Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. (Max walks into the Crashdown in search of Liz)
MARIA: You have a visitor. Mmm. Sweet.

=======

LIZ: What are you doin' here, Max?
MAX: Well, I have orders from my planet to take over the Earth.
LIZ: Besides that.
MAX: I want to make sure we can still be friends.
LIZ: Yeah. I mean, we are.
MAX: Good.

=======

MAX: And we're friends?
LIZ: Yeah. We're friends.
MAX: Just friends?
LIZ: Yeah. We're just friends.

=======

MARIA: Liz, you did not look normal.
LIZ: I didn't feel normal, Maria. I...it was the most amazing, incredible...
MARIA: Unbelievable, awe-inspiring...
LIZ: No, Maria. This was different.
MARIA: Different how?
LIZ: Um...like beyond.
MARIA: Wait.
LIZ: What?
MARIA: You guys didn't go...beyond?
LIZ: No no no.
MARIA: Gonna say...you were only out for 5 minutes.

=======

LIZ: I saw things, Maria. Did you see things when you and Michael kissed?
MARIA: What exactly did you see?
LIZ: Stars.

=======

MARIA: I have never seen her like this.
ALEX: So this was like the kiss of the millennium?
MARIA: Alex, if they actually do it, she'll probably explode.
ALEX: Or maybe she'll explode if they don't do it.

=======

LIZ: Ahh! Ohh!
ASTRO TEACHER: Ms. Parker! Have you had an insight you wish to share with the rest of the class?
LIZ: No. (Max stands up, looking a bit guilty)
ASTRO TEACHER: Mr. Evans?
MAX: I was just returning her pencil.
ASTRO TEACHER: I'd like to see both of you immediately after last period
today in my classroom. The primordial experience known as...detention.

=======

MARIA: Oh, Michael. Hi.
MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Did you hear?
MICHAEL: The Max-Liz thing, with the flashes? She's your friend. What do you think?
MARIA: That Max and Liz have discovered some new sensation? It seems somewhat unlikely.
MICHAEL: Extremely unlikely.

=======

MARIA: I saw...a cluster of stars...like shooting through space. Um...this,
like, incredible sunset, like near the rings of Saturn. Did you see anything?
MICHAEL: Yeah, I saw you...as a little girl...trying to tie her shoelaces on
her red sneakers.
MARIA: You're kidding. The red sneakers?

=======

NANCY: What exactly is an eraser room?
PRINCIPAL: It's a small room that we use to clean the erasers so that chalk
dust doesn't fly all over the school.
DIANE: Wait. I'm a little lost. You mean Liz and Max were cleaning erasers
when they created this disturbance?
PRINCIPAL: No. They were what we used to call "making out". We're talking
sexual activity here, not erasers. Why don't we go talk to them?

=======

LIZ: This...is completely wrong.
NANCY: What did I get wrong, Liz?
LIZ: Well, It...it's just wrong that we're here. I mean, any of us.
PRINCIPAL: Well, then, perhaps you and Mr. Evans should have been less noisy.
NANCY: You know, I think I've heard enough.

=======

LIZ: This is being totally blown out of proportion.
NANCY: Ok, we'll talk about this later tonight, ok? I want you to come
straight home from school. Is that agreed? Hmm?
LIZ: No, I can't. I have detention. Look, mom, I gotta go, ok?

=======

ALEX: Well, I was just wondering, you know, in the interest of science,
kissing being purported to provoke these certain insights, I wanted to, you
know, offer myself as a...as a human subject available for experimentation.
ISABEL: It's not gonna happen, Alex.
ALEX: Right...right...right. Thought I'd give it a shot.

=======

ISABEL: Yeah. You want some pizza?
ALEX: Uh, yeah. Pizza's always good.

=======

ASTRO TEACHER: You are an excellent student, Ms. Parker. I'd hate to see
anything get between you and the...uh...beauty of the universe.

=======

NANCY: Um...you really have strong feelings about this boy, don't you? Max, I mean.
LIZ: Mom, I have like a really hard time talking about this kind of stuff.
NANCY: I have to talk about it, so if...if you can't talk right now, can you
at least just listen?
LIZ: Yeah.


=======

NANCY: Don't ever have sex. Don't ever leave this house. Don't ever stop
being my baby girl. Ok?
LIZ: Mom...I'm not having sex with him.
NANCY: That's good, because, um, once you enter that world...you know, sexual
intimacy...everything changes.
LIZ: Mom, I...
NANCY: I want you to know that you don't ever have to lie to me about this.
Really. Ok?
LIZ: Ok.

=======

ISABEL: Do you have a juicer?
MICHAEL: Isabel, you're pushing it.

=======

LIZ: Max!
MAX: Liz.
LIZ: What are you doing here?
MAX: I just...I wanted to see you.
LIZ: Here?
MAX: I had to know if something was real.
LIZ: If what was real?
MAX: Well, just like you seeing things...I've seen things. And...one of
those...things...
LIZ: You saw my fantasy?

=======

MAX: Wait. Please? Listen. Please? The main thing is...I didn't just see what
you saw. I felt...what you felt...when you saw me. And I never thought anyone could really...ever feel that way about me.
LIZ: Really?

=======

MAX: Uh...Liz?
LIZ: What?
MAX: You have a hickey...and it's glowing.

=======

ISABEL: Hi.
LIZ: Hi.
MICHAEL: How's it goin'?
LIZ: Strange.
ISABEL: I'll bet.

=======

LIZ: Can you take your shirt off?
MAX: Can I? Yeah.

=======

MARIA: My God! I was looking for Michael. Um, something tells me he isn't
here.

=======

LIZ: Hi, mom.
NANCY: Do you think I'm stupid?
LIZ: I'm sorry.
NANCY: Sorry's not good enough. Where were you?

=======


MAX: Liz.
LIZ: Hi.
MAX: I couldn't sleep.
LIZ: Yeah, neither could I.

=======

MAX: Yeah. Right this minute...I can't...not touch you.
LIZ: Let's just lie down.

=======

ALEX: K...K-kiss you?
ISABEL: My brother's missing. I need to find him. Maybe we can generate some information.
ALEX: Right.
ISABEL: Maybe I'll get a flash of their location or something, so...go ahead.
ALEX: Oh...yes. Yes, ma'am.

=======

MAX: Liz Parker...I don't think that was ever gonna be your destiny.
LIZ: No?
MAX: No.
LIZ: Ok. Fine. If you know so much, then tell me, Max...what's my destiny?
MAX: I only know the part I'm hoping for.

 

 

 

 

Crazy

 

=======================================================

MICHAEL: Ladies, food doesn't taste better cold, all right? Push the special.
I'm tired of flipping burgers.

=======

MARIA: Acting like a real couple, kissing, arms around each other's
shoulders, actually excited to see one another.
MICHAEL: Overrated.

=======

MARIA: Live the life I so desperately want.
MICHAEL: It's kind of immature, really.
MARIA: Really.
MICHAEL: Just a couple of horndogs looking for a place to make out. I mean,
we don't need that. We got my apartment, you know?
ISABEL: I guess I'll just have the special.
MICHAEL/MARIA: Uhh...we're closing early.

=======

LIZ: Do you mind missing the movie?
MAX: I heard it got bad reviews.

=======

MICHAEL: Maria. Maria.
MARIA: Michael. Oh, Michael. Max.
MICHAEL: What?
MARIA: Look.
MICHAEL: What the hell are you guys doing here?

=======

LIZ: Topolsky.
ISABEL: She's back.
LIZ: She practically just attacked us in the car at Buckley Point.
MARIA: I thought you went to the movies.
LIZ: It had bad reviews.

=======

ALEX: So, you've noticed them, too, huh? Liz and Max and Michael and Maria.
ISABEL: It's kind of hard not to with all the face-sucking going on.

=======

TESS: Well, the guys are usually nice because they want to jump my bones. And the girls are usually nice because they want to find out if I want to jump
their boyfriends' bones. You must get that a lot.
ISABEL: Yeah. How about the girls who hang out with you to meet a better
class of guys?
TESS: Or the guys who say they understand you and really just want to be your friend, but all they really want is 15 minutes alone with you in the
janitor's closet.
ISABEL: We have an eraser room.
TESS: Thanks for the warning.

=======

MICHAEL: I just want to make her happy. And you're gonna tell me how to do
it.
MAX: It's not like there's a handbook.

=======

MAX: All right...romantic. When you're with her, act like she's like the only
girl in the room.
MICHAEL: She's usually the only other person in the room.

=======

ISABEL: She's a transfer student, Michael.
MAX: She's a stranger, Isabel.

=======

DELIVERY GUY: I've got a delivery for one of the waitresses.
MARIA: Really? De Luca?
DELIVERY GUY: Uh, Parker...Liz Parker.
MARIA: Oh. Just let me have 'em.
DELIVERY GUY: You're Liz Parker?
MARIA: What, I don't look like a girl who gets flowers everyday?
DELIVERY GUY: Your tag says Maria.
MARIA: Just give me the flowers. Go. No tip.

=======

TOPOLSKY: Max Evans...and anyone he thinks is involved with him. All 6 of
your names are on that list. You have to believe me.
LIZ: I believe you.

=======

ALEX: So, she wore a wig, huh?
LIZ: Alex, I mean, she was so scared. I've never seen anyone that scared
before.
ALEX: Taken a look at me lately?

=======

MARIA: How many light-years away is my Eclipse Burger?
MICHAEL: Depends how they feel about raw.
MARIA: I put that order in 10 minutes ago.
MICHAEL: Well, you can't rush an Eclipse.
LIZ: Hey, I need that Chili Rocket Dog, Michael.
MICHAEL: I got a lot on my mind. Here, give 'em an order of Saturn Rings
while they're waitin'. That'll shut 'em up.
MARIA: Typical.

=======

MICHAEL: What's that supposed to mean?
MARIA: It means, Michael, that I'm not gonna settle for the Saturn Rings
anymore. If you want me, you have to earn me. That's how a relationship
works.
MICHAEL: No, Maria, that's how Boy Scout merit badges work.

=======

MICHAEL: We should go out tonight. The 4 of us.
MARIA/LIZ: What?!?

=======

ALEX: Oh, whoa! Peep shows!
MARIA: Ooh, Alex. Don't worry. It's nothing you haven't seen before. ALEX:
Ah, well, don't be too sure. So, um, in this bag I have tonight's
entertainment. I got a box of raisinettes and Scream 2.
LIZ/MARIA: Hated it.
ALEX: Ok, well, that's why my chick flick back-up rental was Notting Hill.
LIZ: Ok, Alex, you can turn around now.
ALEX: So, my place or yours?
LIZ: Oh, um, neither.
MARIA: We're going for Mexican with Max and Michael.

=======

LIZ: Oh, thank you. It's bubble bath.
MAX: It's supposed to make your skin soft.
LIZ: Thanks.
MICHAEL: This is for you.
MARIA: Shampoo.
MICHAEL: Shampoo AND conditioner in one.
MARIA: It's a real timesaver.
MAX: We should get going.
LIZ: Ok.

=======

ISABEL: You really do want to protect me, don't you?
ALEX: I'd do anything.
ISABEL: Nobody's ever said that to me before. I mean, except for Max and
Michael, but they're my brothers, so...
ALEX: Isabel, I meant what I said...about having somebody. I
mean...everything gets easier once you're not alone.

=======

ALEX: You 2 have plans?
TESS: Girls' night.
ALEX: Guess I've got the wrong hormones for that.
ISABEL: See you later, Alex.
ALEX: Yeah.

=======

LIZ: So, this has been really fun.
MICHAEL: Yeah, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.
MARIA: Every girl's dream.

=======

MICHAEL: You know, this whole dating thing really bites.

=======

MARIA: Michael, you have no table manners, and all you do is talk about
yourself, and you have absolutely no regard for anyone else around you. I
mean, if you get a girl shampoo, at least don't get her the generic kind, you
know?
MICHAEL: How am I supposed to know what brand of shampoo you use? MARIA: You
just don't get it, do you?
MICHAEL: What i want to know is, if I'm such a loser, then why do you want to be with me?

=======

MAX: There are 5 people in the world that I trust, and they're all standing
right here. We can't let anyone else in. Not Valenti. Not Topolsky. Not even
a new girl at school. No matter how tempting it is.

=======

MARIA: I'm sorry.
MICHAEL: Why?
MARIA: For that whole "being the perfect boyfriend" thing. After what
happened to Alex last night, that's just, like, not what's important to me at
all. So, if that's why you're acting strange, you can just stop. It's over. I
mean...just go back to being your usual self.
MICHAEL: Come here. If anything happens, I mean, to me, I just want you to
know that...
MARIA: I know. Nothing's gonna happen to you.

=======

MARIA: Hello, Sheriff? Hi. My car's been stolen.
MICHAEL: You're staying in the car with your head down.
MARIA: Where are we going?
MICHAEL: We're going to Buckley Point.
MARIA: I need a jacket.
MICHAEL: Hurry up!

=======

MICHAEL: I told you, you can stay in the car.
MARIA: Pull over. Let me out.
MICHAEL: I can't leave you out in the middle of nowhere!
MARIA: Fine, then take me back! I'm not kidding. You can't make me go through with this. You can't put me in danger like this. Not if I don't want to go!

=======

MICHAEL: You hit me? You hit me!
MAX: Somebody had to knock some sense into you!
ISABEL: No.
MICHAEL: Damn you!

 

 

 

Tess, Lies, and Videotape

 

=======================================================

MAX: Uh, Miss.
LIZ: Uh, yes, sir?
MAX: Refill, please.
LIZ: It would be my pleasure.
ISABEL: God, do you have to do that?

=======

TESS: What's the matter? Do I have something in my teeth?

=======

ALEX: Tess. Hey, Isabel.
ISABEL: Hi, Alex.
TESS: He's got it so bad for you.
ISABEL: He's sweet.
TESS: Sweet as in nice guy, or sweet as in potential love connection?
ISABEL: Sweet as in I don't know. What about you? You've been here a couple of weeks. You must have somebody in your radar.

=======

MARIA: Liz, Max was on fire.

=======

MAX: Michael, I'm worried.
MICHAEL: You should be.

=======

MICHAEL: Daydreams?
MAX: Yeah, where we're together...you know, together.
MICHAEL: I guess you're only human after all, huh?

=======

MAX: This is different. It's out of my control. I can't stop it.
MICHAEL: We'll work it out.
MAX: Thanks for the compassion.

=======

MICHAEL: What the hell are you doing here?
MARIA: I saw you sneaking in. What are you doing here?
MICHAEL: Nothing.
MARIA: Michael, if you want to be a couple, you've got to learn how to trust
me. `K, that's how a relationship works. No secrets. So either give it to me
straight, or you're not going to be giving it to me at all.
MICHAEL: Fine, I'm checking out the new girl.

=======

SHERIFF: Before you can expect somebody to trust you, you've got to trust
them first. Whenever you're ready, Max.(He leaves.)
MICHAEL: You're just making new friends all over the place, aren't you, Max?

=======

MR. HARDING: What is she doing here?
TESS: She's my friend. She showed up.

=======

MAX: Liz, about what Michael said before, about Tess, I just...I want you to
know that I don't feel anything for her. I look at you, and I know you're the
person I'm supposed to be with. I've always known it. What happened here that day, when you got shot, and how that brought us together...it's fate. Look at me. You're the one, Liz...the only one. I could never be with anyone else.

=======

MAX: You planned this.
TESS: I planned what?
MAX: To be out here.
TESS: Max, you sound a little crazy.

=======

MAX: I'm with Liz.
TESS: I know you are.
MAX: We belong together.
TESS: I'm sure that's true.
MAX: I don't want anyone but her.
TESS: I'm sure you don't.

=======

MAX: I kissed Tess.
MICHAEL: You what?

=======

ISABEL: I already have. Her house was empty because they were waiting for the movers. They were staying at a hotel. Their stuff hadn't come yet. I saw the moving van. I saw the boxes. And her dad was normal...totally normal...a little dorky, but normal.

=======

MAX: Liz?
ISABEL: What was that about?
MICHAEL: That guy's got bigger problems than Valenti and the FBI put together.

=======

LIZ: You had a flash when you kissed her, Max? Like when you kissed me? I
guess I'm not so special after all, huh?

=======

LIZ: Max kissed Tess.
MARIA: You're kidding! You're not kidding. No way, I cannot believe that.
What a jerk. Liz, I'm sorry.
LIZ: That's not even like him.
MARIA: I just knew something was up with that chick. No, but you're right.
That is so not like Max.

=======

MICHAEL: How'd you know about all this stuff?
ALEX: Oh, I love this stuff. Are you kidding? Oh and listen, Michael, I
mean... I don't mean to get all warm and fuzzy, but I'm really glad to be
able to use what I know to help out... you know with... you know what we're
doing.
MICHAEL: Whatever.
ALEX: Right. Anyway. It has a polarized high grain antenna with an automatic
iris, and a built-in wide-angle lens.
MICHAEL: That explains why my nose looks so big.

=======

TESS: It won't happen again, Liz.
LIZ: I wish I could believe that.

=======

MARIA: There she is.
ISABEL: What are they doing in there?
ALEX: Passing the mashed potatoes.

=======

LIZ: You know that box? It is just full of pictures...pictures of Max.
ISABEL: Let's go.

=======

LIZ: I went on faith...a lot of it.
MAX: I know.

 

 

 

Four Square

 

=======================================================

ISABEL: Iím finally ready to let someone in. And I want him to be you.
ALEX: Iíve been waiting to hear that, Isabel. And I want to be the only one
for you, cause youíre the only one for me.

=======

LIZ: Tess! I thought I saw you come in here.
TESS: Look, Liz, I thought we got everything straightened out last night.
LIZ: We did?
TESS: I mean about Max. Weíre going to try and be friends, right? All of us.
LIZ: Right, friends.
TESS: Then tell me, why is everybody following me?

=======

LIZ: We can only trust each other, now more than ever.

=======

ISABEL: Hi. Iím on the Sunshine Committee this year, and we were wondering if we could just get...
ADMINISTRATOR: The what?

=======

MARIA: Oh, Operation Never-Leave-Max-Alone-For-An-Instant. That way one of us is always around in case she works the voodoo on you again.
MAX: I donít need a babysitter.

=======

LIZ: I know. Max, Iím not saying any of this because Iím jealous. Itís just
that...sheís an alien, Max.
MAX: So am I.

=======

ISABEL: What kind of stories?
DIANE: Oh, um...the road trip to Florida...and the time Max brought home that snake. Do you remember that? Who could forget? Oh, and that silly clown show that the two of you used to put on for us.
ISABEL: Mom, thatís like our whole lives.

=======

MAX: Kind of. It was like she could make my mind go places I wasnít taking it.
ISABEL: How about your body? I mean, did you feel like something inside of
you was changing...like waking up?
MAX: Something primal.
ISABEL: Instinctive.
MAX: Something not human.

=======

MAX: Michael, what is it?
MICHAEL: Isabel.
MAX: Are you ok? What did you see?
ISABEL: It was only a dream.
MICHAEL: It was only a dream.

=======

MAX: Think! Was there anything else, anything unusual? I mean...what were you guys doing out in the middle of the desert?
ISABEL/MICHAEL: Nothing!

=======

MICHAEL: Lead to what? An answer to every question we ever had? Maybe Nasedo is here to make things better. Oh, I forgot, what could be better than your comfortable little life in Roswell, New Mexico. Why are you so scared to be
alien?
MAX: Why are you so scared to be human?

=======

MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Hey right back at you.
MICHAEL: Iíve been thinking.
MARIA: Oh, great this usually involves me having to get my car towed.

=======

ALEX: Whoa, hey what is the emergency?
ISABEL: Alex, Iíve been thinking.
ALEX: Oh, this canít be good.I
SABEL: You know how I said I wanted to take things slow?
ALEX: The word glacial comes to mind.
ISABEL: Maybe itís time to melt the ice.

=======

ALEX: This is like...whoa, this is monumental. You know. I mean we...weíve
got to go about this the right way. You know, romance. Um, how, uh, how about tonight?
ISABEL: How about right now?
ALEX: Ok.

=======

ISABEL: Alex and I are together now.
MICHAEL: Maria and I are going steady.
ISABEL: Great.
MICHAEL: Great.
MARIA: Must be something in the water.


=======

MARIA: Come on, come on, come on. What else?
LIZ: UmÖ She has a 3.0 average from one school. 3.2 from...and...what, she
has a 3.4!
MARIA: Ok, enough with the grade crap...any unusual evaluations? Like psyche stuff?
LIZ: My God, yeah, here it is: sheís really a shape-shifting alien also known
as Nasedo.
MAX: You wonít find anything wrong in that file. Tess Harding is the perfect
teenaged girl. Nasedo covers his tracks.

=======

LIZ: Well, itís just that Iíve heard some things about her.
KYLE: Oh yeah, what things?
LIZ: Just, you knowÖ the way she treats guys. She like leads them on, and
then she just drops them cold.
KYLE: YeahÖ I guess it takes one to know one.

=======

MICHAEL: It was the crash site, Maxwell. But itís not on any maps any more.
Itís like they erased any trace of it. But I can find it. The cave painting
will lead us right to it.
MAX: And you just figured this out all by yourself
MICHAEL: Yeah.

=======

MICHAEL: Something weird like this had to happen sooner than later. No matter what Max wants to think, weíre not human, Isabel.

=======

MICHAEL: Hey. What the hell did you do to him? To all of us?
MAX: Michael, stop it. Sheís not Nasedo.
ISABEL: Then who is she, Max?
MAX: Sheís one of us.

 

Max to the Max

 

=======================================================



ISABEL: What is this place, Max?
TESS: Itís where we were all born.
ISABEL: No. No. No, I donít believe this.

=======

TESS: You want to know, donít you? You want all the answers. I can give them to you, but first you have to convince them that Iím not your enemy. Max didnít tell you about this, did he? Take it. It will prove to them that I
donít want to hurt you. If you convince them then I can explain everything.

=======

NASEDO: How could you bring them up here like this? You know the Special Unit is close. You saw that camera. Who do you think put it on them in the first place? Our friend, Pierce.
TESS: Oh yeah, so why donít you just kill him? According to Max, youíve done that before.

=======

ISABEL: How did they know what we would look like?
MICHAEL: ĎCause we were designed.

=======

MAX: No, I belong with Liz.
MICHAEL: Not according to this.

=======

ISABEL: All that stuff Tess was talking about: signals and destiny, thatís
what this is. You and me and the baby, that what this is.
MAX: The what?
MICHAEL: Isabel thinks sheís having a kid.
MAX: Yours? Now whoís keeping things from who?

=======

SHERIFF: I requested an extra man about six months ago; they said they didnít have any money in the budget.
FISHER: I guess they found some.

=======

MAX: If we were together in a dream, does that meanÖ is that how weÖ mate?
TESS: No. We have to do it the human way. I hope that doesnít disappoint you. The dreams are to awaken us, to show us how itís meant to be. Do you
understand?
MAX: I think I do.

=======

NASEDO: I just wanted you to know, Liz, that nobody will ever come between us. Nobody.
LIZ: Tell me something I donít know. (She kisses him.)
NASEDO: Well, if you keep that up, Iím going to have to pull over.
LIZ: Is that a threat, or is that a promise?

=======

ALEX: So, I heard you have a situation.
ISABEL: Who told you?
ALEX: Maria.
ISABEL: Maria knows?
ALEX: Look, I just want you to know that if youíre having trouble dealing
with it, Iím here.
ISABEL: Alex, you have no idea whatís going on.
ALEX: Does Michael love you?
ISABEL: Itís not that simple.
ALEX: It should be.

=======

FISHER: That your boy?
SHERIFF: Yeah.
FISHER: He got any interest in the badge?
SHERIFF: No.
FISHER: Thatís a shame.

=======

MICHAEL: Really good news. What about this destiny thing? I mean are we still meant to pair up? You and Tess, me and Isabel?
MAX: Thatís our choice. Michael.

=======

MAX: Weíve got to go to Valenti.
MICHAEL: And tell him what? Thereís two Maxs. The good oneís right here,
but please help us catch his evil twin.

=======

LIZ: Are you going to kill me, too?
NASEDO: Not as long as I still need you.
LIZ: Do you have to be Max?
NASEDO: Oh, I like it. Being him. Being 17. I donít think youíd have been as
friendly to Ed Harding.
LIZ: That was you?
NASEDO: Iíve been a lot of different people you donít even know about. But
right now, Max Evans is my most important role.

=======

TESS: You canít deny this, any of you. Itís our destiny. Itís what we were
planned for. Even if you donít want to believe me, you canít hide from the
truth.
MAX: Itís not about the four of us right now, itís about Liz.
TESS: Liz is human. She has nothing to do with us.
MAX: No, you have nothing to do with us.


=======

LIZ: I donít believe you.
NASEDO: Itís true, Tess and Max were made to be together.
LIZ: But you donít even know what Max and I have. You know, ever since he
saved my life at the Crashdown, he changed me. We saw into each otherís souls.

=======

LIZ: Oh god.
ISABEL: Liz. Liz!
LIZ: They have Max. They have Max. (Michael hugs her.)

 

 

 

 

 

The White Room

 

=======================================================


MAX: Iím Max Evans. I live at sixty-twenty-five Murray Lane. You can call my
parents.
PIERCE: We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. What is the name of
your home planet?
MAX: Earth.

=======

ALEX: WhaÖ what makes you think we can go up against alien hunters and win?

=======

TESS: Your powers, Michael. Your gifts. You do have them, donít you?
MICHAEL: Weíre not too advanced.
ISABEL: We can do easy things, like change simple molecular structure, but we donít use them very often. What about you?
TESS: Being around Nasedo has taught me quite a few things.

=======

LIZ: And you guys arenít going there without me.
TESS: No. Look, you want the truth? Youíre liabilities, all three of you.
Weíve got a better chance of saving Max without you, and thatís what this is all about, right?
LIZ: Bring him back to me.
MICHAEL: I will.
TESS: Weíd better hurry.
MARIA: You come back to me.

=======

MARIA: Iím sure theyíve found him by now.
ALEX: Theyíre probably on their way back.
LIZ: Yeah, I wish I could believe that one.

=======

MICHAEL: So youíre different from me?
NASEDO: Biology lessons later. Come on. If Iím going to get through that
door, Iím going to need one of you with me, and since the only female agent
at the Special Unit is now dead, itís you and me, Michael.
MICHAEL: I canít get through the scanner, either. I canít change my
fingerprints.
NASEDO: Yes you can, you just donít know you can. Iíll teach you. I just
hope for Maxís sake that youíre a quick study. Iím going to need both of
you, too.

=======

NASEDO: Itís inside you. Your program.
MICHAEL: Hey, I didnít get the manual, ok? All this time Iíve been alone.
Where have you been? Where the hell have you been? Huh? Whyíd you let this happen to us? To me?

=======

PIERCE: (Pointing to a guy with a scalpel.) This man will hurt you. (Pointing
to a guy with a large green syringe.) This man will help you. Tell me what I
need to know, and he will take the pain away.
MAX: Whoís inhuman now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Destiny

 

=======================================================


LIZ: Max, what did they do to you?
MAX: It's over. Listen, Liz, if we ever get out of thisÖ

=======

LIZ: So everything Nasedo told me was true. You and Tess were meant to be
together.
MAX: Liz.
LIZ: I mean, it's your destiny, right?
MAX: I wish I could go back Liz. Back to when things were normal.
LIZ: Me, too. I just wish that I could have stopped you from saving my life
that day in the Crashdown.
MAX: Don't say that.
LIZ: Max, the day that you saved my life, your life just ended.
MAX: No, that was the day my life began. Liz, when I was in that room, and
they did what they did to me. You're what kept me alive. The thought of you. The way your eyes look into mine. Your smile. The touch of your skin. Your lips. Knowing you has made me human. Whether I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is the same: it's you. I want to be with you, Liz. I love you.
LIZ: I love you. (They kiss.)

=======

SHERIFF: We'll be safe here for a while.
MICHAEL: There is no safe anymore.

=======

MICHAEL: I always thought you were out to get us. And I'm glad I was wrong.

=======

SHERIFF: He's dead. (Looking at the gun he took from Pierce.) It's one of
mine. (He looks behind the curtain.) No. Oh no. (Spots Kyle, who has a bullet
hole in his chest.) No. Aw, no, Kyle! Aw, geez, no! NO KYLE! Augh! Help. Help
me. Somebody, help me! Augh. Save my son, please.(Max heals Kyle.)
KYLE: What the hell just happened to me?
SHERIFF: I don't care who you are, or what you are. I'll be here for you. I
need a moment alone with my son.

=======

MICHAEL: No, I'm not safe. All right, I mean, I can do these things that I
can't control. Look at what I did to Pierce. I'm not going to take that
chance with you. I don't want you to be around for what's going to happen.
MARIA: Wait. Don't do this to me Michael, please. You need me now, more than you have before, alright?
MICHAEL: No, I don't need anyone.
MARIA: Well, maybe I do. Did you ever think of that? I mean, look at Max and
Liz. They can't bear to be separated. But you, you can just throw me away.
Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why?
MICHAEL: Maybe because I love you too much. Goodbye.

=======


MAX: You don't know, do you? You don't know how to use the orbs. If you knew, you would've already used them. You're here to protect us, but not to lead us, you said it yourself. But if you're not the leader, who is. (Everyone
looks at Max.)
NASEDO: If you really want to know what the orbs do, you can find out for
yourselves, I can't stop you. But do it at your own risk.

=======

WOMAN: If you are seeing me now, it means that you are alive and well. I take this form because it will be familiar to you, and it will help you to
understand what I am about to say. You have lived before. You perished in the conflict that enslaves our planet but your essence was duplicated, cloned, and mixed with human genetic materials so that you might be recreated into human beings. My son, you were the beloved leader of our people. I have sent with you your young bride. My daughter, the man you were betrothed to, and your brother's second-in-command.
ISABEL: Oh my god, Max. Our mother.
WOMAN: Our enemies have come to the Earth. You will know them only by the evil within. Learn enough to use your skills, your knowledge, your leadership to combat the enemy so that you can come back and free us. And that I may once again hold you both in my arms. I live for that moment. Help us. I love you.
ISABEL: She's so beautiful.
MICHAEL: I always knew there was something out there, but I had no idea how important it was.
MAX: Things will never be the same, but whatever happens, we have to stay
together. It's the four of us now.

=======

MAX: No. (To Liz.) Look, everything I told you before is still true.
LIZ: Max, you do have a destiny. You just heard it. I can't stand in the way
of it.
MAX: But you mean everything to me.(They kiss.)
LIZ: Goodbye, Max.

 



 






Season Two


 

 

Skin And Bones

Quotes Done By Leslie

=======

PSYCHOLOGIST: "...Can you try and tell me what's been going on?"

=======

MAX : "Well, I guess the natural place to start is...that I'm an alien...a hybrid, actually. You know, human DNA mixed with alien DNA...that kind of thing. Oh, I almost forgot. My sister Isabel and our friend Michael are also a little green around the gills. We didn't know where we came from, who sent us, or why. For the past 10 years, we've been aging much like humans, but clearly there are differences. From the beginning we had the instinct to keep this to ourselves, to hide in plain sight. Then one day last fall, everything changed."

=======

MARIA: "I've gotta start reading the newspaper."

=======

MARIA: "I am definitely not in the market for a 30-something shapeshifter, but I have to admit the man rocks. All right, the show's over. I gotta change into my uniform. My shift's starting."

MARIA (to Max): "Girlfriend. Like, I know that we bonded over the summer, but I'm not quite ready to show you the bod just yet."

=======

Scene between Max and Maria, extremely funny.

MARIA: "Max, little advice. The girl goes off to some aunt in Florida for the entire summer and barely says good-bye to you. In layman's terms, she blew you off big time. I mean, and look at you. Look, you're like a groveling dog. (in a whiny voice) Have you heard from Liz today? Did Liz call? (end whiny voice) No. That's no good. Look, you've gotta play it cool, all right? Let her come to you."

MAX: "Let her come to me."

MARIA: "That's what I'd do."

MAX: "Wait. Didn't you just tell me that you left like 5 messages for Michael in the past 2 days? "

MARIA: "What's your point?"

=======

MAX: "No rock stands a chance against Michael Guerin."

=======

MAX: "Fine! Crack some more rocks."

=======

WHITAKER: "You don't need to suck up, really. My paid staff takes care of my enormous ego."

=======

MICHAEL: "Great people skills."

=======

PIERCE: "You can never find those little pod people when you want them."

CUSTOMER: "Honey, get over here. It's that crazy FBI guy!"

NASEDO: "Sheriff Valenti, welcome to the ever-burgeoning "I know an alien" club. You called me here. I assume it's important."

=======

MARIA: "I hope he's using birth control."

=======

NASEDO: "Oh, my. A pacifist for a king. Shall we all just commit joint suicide right now, or shall we wait for our enemies to show up and have a nice boxed lunch of us?"

=======

Scene with Nasedo and Max:

MAX: "So, did you have a good time distracting the congresswoman?"

NASEDO: "No comment. How have you and Tess been getting along?"

MAX: "Well, I haven't performed any mating rituals if that's what you're asking."

=======

MARIA: "So, I hear ex-cons are really great in bed."

=======

NASEDO: "They're among you now."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask Not

Quotes Done By Leslie

=======

SHERIFF: Welcome home, son. Oh...I'm sorry I'm late. How was football camp?

KYLE: It was great. It was great. You...you're 2 hours late.

SHERIFF: Yeah, I know. I know. You came back at kind of a tough time, Kyle. You remember I told you about a man who was protecting Tess?

KYLE: Yeah. Noriega.

SHERIFF: Nasedo. Yeah. He, um...he was killed last night...by another alien.

KYLE: My strength fails. My vitality exhausted. I cannot find the bull. I only hear the locusts chirring through the night.

=======

ISABEL: I hope so. I'm too young to be dust.

=======


KYLE: Yeah. I just...I'm just not looking forward to dealing with all the little green men again.


=======

MARIA: It is just a matter of time before you weaken.

=======

TESS: "Sure, Tess. As long as you keep your hands off me." It's ok. I know how you feel about me...how everyone feels about me.


=======

TESS: Calvin Klein. I approve.

KYLE: Dad!


=======

LIZ: Maria, will you do me a favor? Will you keep your big fat nose out of this?

MARIA: Message received. Man!


=======

MARIA: Fine, fine. You weren't...you weren't serious about the big fat nose...

LIZ: Good-bye.

=======

WHITAKER: But you walked. See? You go, girl. Don't you let any man pull that crap on you, you know?

=======

Kyle/Tess very funny scene:

KYLE: Hey. This is my room and that's my jersey.

TESS: Sorry.

(Tess starts to take off Kyle's jersey)

KYLE: No! All right, look. You wear it.

TESS: Kind of uptight about nudity, aren't you, for a guy who reads Jugs?

KYLE: Give me that!

TESS: Oh...the post-its? Nice touch.

KYLE: All right. Ok, listen. I don't know how you do things on planet Vulcan or whatever, but here on Earth we have this primitive human concept called privacy.

TESS: Keep talking to me like that and I'll slag you with my death-ray eyes.

(Kyle looks a bit uncertain)

TESS: Kidding. You Buddhists have, like, no sense of humor.

KYLE: How do you know about that?

TESS: "Buddhism for Beginners" is also under your bed. How do you think the Buddha would feel about being sandwiched between Hustler and Busty Biker Babes?

KYLE: Look, you can't tell anyone about that.

TESS: Why?

KYLE: "Because I have a certain reputation. "

TESS: "Of which, the less said the better. "

KYLE: "I'm serious. "

TESS: "Kyle Valenti, Buddhist. "

KYLE: "Look, I got into it over the summer... "

TESS: "At football camp. They're crazy about it. "

=======

TESS: "You tell 'em, Buddha boy. "


=======


MAX: "...I'm coming for you, Liz."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surprise

 

=======================================================

ISABEL: Oh, my God! Oh! I could kill you all.
MRS. EVANS: Kill your brother. He's the one who planned the entire thing.

=======

MICHAEL: Alex told you to come by so he could give you back a book. I mean,
what a lame excuse. How could you not figure that out?
ISABEL: Where is Alex, anyway?
MARIA: He's, um, he's still getting dressed.

=======

GRANT: Isabel. Sorry I'm late. I didn't know there was going to be a party.
ISABEL: Neither did I. Purple are my favorite.
GRANT: So I heard.

=======

MRS. EVANS: Oh, when's your birthday?
GRANT: December 7th.
MRS. EVANS: And what year might that be?

=======

GRANT: Well, this obviously isn't a good time for a date.
ISABEL: Well, you're welcome to stay.
MICHAEL: Or go.

=======

MAX: Why you calling him? He just left.
ISABEL: Uh, I was just leaving him a message to thank him for the flowers.
MAX: You already thanked him.
ISABEL: Yeah, and you guys made him feel really welcome.

=======

ISABEL: Right, right. The king. I'm sorry. How could I forget? All I know
is...Max, you may be the king, but I am not bowing down to you, not in this
lifetime.

=======

COURTNEY: What flavor is this anyway?
MICHAEL: It's a combination of a few things.
COURTNEY: It tastes like Tabasco. Did you put Tabasco in a cake? MICHAEL:
Well, what if I did?
COURTNEY: I like that.

=======

COURTNEY: You sew your name into the back of his jeans?
MARIA: You'll never find out.

=======

ALEX: I did a striptease in front of her mother! Are you listening to me?
MARIA: One nipple does not constitute a striptease, Alex.
ALEX: She saw my nipple? Oh, God.

=======

COURTNEY: Chill out, NYPD blue.
ALEX: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $150 to rent this costume. And do you
have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass?
MARIA & COURTNEY: Yes.

=======

ISABEL: Kyle, where is Tess?
KYLE: She went to Jensen's to get your present. Anyway, she's taken over
television, the computer, my phone. If some chick's gonna be yelling at me
about keeping the toilet seat down, she better at least be doing me. (Mrs.
Evans walks by and reacts to Kyle's last words)
KYLE: Doing me...a favor.

=======

COURTNEY: Trust me, nobody's after Tess. All that blond hair and eye shadow?
She's like Dolly Parton without the jugs.
MICHAEL: Could you just go refill the ketchups or something?

=======

LIZ: We've got a problem.
MAX: I know. Tess is missing.
MARIA: Oh, boo-hoo. Sorry.

=======

ISABEL: Give me your keys.
MARIA: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzi took out the back
window.


=======

SHERIFF: Address book. Evans. Evans. Guerin. Not a wide circle of friends.

=======

GRANT: Hello.
MAX: Hi. I'm calling from the phone company. We're checking the lines. GRANT:
What lines? This is a cell phone.
MAX: Right. I mean, we're checking the service. This is 555-0188? GRANT:
Yeah. You got it.
MAX: And the number is billed to?
GRANT: Grant Sorenson.
MAX: Sorenson. Right. That's what I have. Thank you.

=======

MARIA: Note to self - get 4-wheel drive.

=======

GRANT: You got a search warrant?
SHERIFF: I can get one.

=======

LIZ: She, uh, spilled punch...you know, on her dress.
MRS. EVANS: Oh, my.
LIZ: But she had to leave because she had to go take care of it. It was...it
was upsetting her.
MRS. EVANS: Sometimes, honey, if one hair is out of place, she won't leave
the house.

=======

ISABEL: Happy birthday, Isabel. I'm 18 today, mother. October 25th. At least
that's the day we've always celebrated as my birthday. But you're the only
one really who knows the real day. I guess that's why I came to the place,
the only place I've ever seen you. I hold...I hold on to that day, but you
disappeared, and the picture of you was already fading, and it's all I had. I
was so happy because you were beautiful and warm, and I even thought I looked
like you. But it wasn't you...not really. God, I don't know what you look
like. Maybe I'll never know. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. I need you. I need
you. Where are you? Oh, God, it's my birthday. We should be together. How
could you leave us? How could you tell us all this important information
about destinies and saving the world and then just disappear? Oh, God. I...I
killed a person...uh, an...an enemy, an...an alien? Does that make it ok? Oh,
God. What was she talking about? What was she talking about? She said I
betrayed my family. Is it true? Is it true? Am I a terrible person? Answer
me. Answer me. Come on, answer me!
(Isabel grabs a nearby rock and throws it at the pods in frustration. There
is a glow from one of the pod chambers. Isabel crawls into one of the pods.
At the back of that chamber, a previously hidden door slides open, revealing
a humming alien device. The scene fades out with Isabel gazing upon the
granolith)
ISABEL: The granolith.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer of 47'

 

=======================================================



MAX (to Michael): You know, mean people suck.

=======

HISTORY TEACHER: Mr. Guerin, true or false? We're not even a month into the
semester, and you're already failing my class. This is a new record.
MICHAEL: To be perfectly blunt with you, sir, World War II just doesn't do it
for me.

=======

HAL: That's a flying fortress. You like planes?
MICHAEL: You could say I was born to fly.

=======

MAN: Carver, get the phone.
HAL (voiceover): So, after 3 years of army cots and cheap cigarettes, I was
gonna do things my way.
MAN: Carver, wake up. This isn't kindergarten.

=======

JESSE: There's been a crash.
HAL: What? Who?
JESSE: Don't know, but it's definitely not one of ours.

=======

HAL: Better be safe than sorry. You know, some people thought maybe it was a
glider or a test missile, but my money was always on the Commies, you know?
Hey, you listening to me?! What's with that hair of yours, anyway?
MICHAEL: The chicks dig it, grandpa.

=======

RICHIE: Next time you need a candy bar, maybe you could wait until after the
mission.
HAL: I'm telling you, Richie, that gal behind the counter was hot to trot.
She gave me 2 zagnuts for the price of one. And she's got a sister coming in
from...
RICHIE: Not interested.
HAL: We're talking corn-fed ladies, Richie. (Hal and Richie see the crash
site)
HAL: Holy...
RICHIE: Jiminy Christmas. Looks too small to be a B-29.
HAL: That's no plane I've ever seen.

=======

CASSIDY: All right, check in with Smith, then get down there and help out.
I'll give you "hungry".
RICHIE: Real funny.

=======

BETTY: I'm not taking no for an answer. This is the U.S. Army. Someone is
always in charge.
HAL (voiceover): I live by one simple rule when it comes to women - a great
voice equals great gams.

=======

BETTY: Hey. Hey! You put one scratch on that lens and I'm billing Uncle Sam.

=======

HAL: The longer I sit here, the harder it is to think that I could put one
on.
MICHAEL: Why is that?
HAL: 'Cause everything I believe that uniform stood for died in '47.

=======

BETTY: How about a drink then?
HAL: How about your phone number?
BETTY: Hmmm...something tells me you don't call.
HAL: Something tells me this time I will.

=======

MARIA: Would you like some fries with that shake?
HAL: Give me another one, sweet cheeks.
MARIA: That'll be your third banana split, sir.
MICHAEL: What are you, the dairy police? We're in the middle of a story here.
MARIA: Oh, yeah, I'm not the one sitting next to an ancient gastrointestinal
tract, pally

=======

DIXIE: Well, look what the cat dragged in.

=======

BETTY: Sorry I was late. That damned thing has a mind of its own.
HAL: I could take a look.
BETTY: Already fixed it. Cars are like men, Carver. Give their cable a little
jiggle and they'll be fine 'til morning.

=======

HAL: You can run fast, but time always has a way of catching up. MICHAEL: My
friend had one in her car. She's a little bit of a drinker.
HAL: That firecracker from the diner?

=======

HAL: Are you two going steady?
MICHAEL: No. It's nothing. I mean, well, I mean...whatever there was, it's
over.
HAL: Not from where I was sitting. You know, I'd...um, I'd never been in love
before, but...but on that night beneath the stars and with that woman...and
with all that we knew...I should have kissed her then.
MICHAEL: Why? What
happened to Betty?
HAL: Got another beer?

=======

HAL: I hope you enjoy your white picket fences, Richie...'cause you sure as
hell earned it.

=======

HAL: They looked like human fetuses. There was 4 to a sac. 8 total. That
night, I packed my things and never came back. The base was on full alert.
There was no way anybody or anything else could have escaped...and that's the
story of Hal Carver. The only time I ever stuck my neck out to save
anything...and it all went to hell. (Michael reaches out his hand and blows
up the bottles from a distance)
MICHAEL: You saved me.

=======

MICHAEL: And, uh, and this morning...yeah...I'm sorry.
LIZ: Thank you. Did Max ask you to do that?
MICHAEL: What?
LIZ: The whole being nice thing.
MICHAEL: No. I came up with it myself. (Michael starts to walk away) LIZ: I
like it.

=======

MARIA: My God. What is it?
MICHAEL: I don't know...but eventually I'm hoping we can find out. MARIA:
"We?" You didn't even choke on that.

=======

MICHAEL: You know those pods that housed Max, Isabel, Tess, and me? MARIA:
Yeah, before you were born?
MICHAEL: Well, there's another set of them, and they're somewhere out there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End Of The World

 

=======================================================



FUTURE MAX: I won't leave you.
FUTURE LIZ: No, no, no. Max, you have to.

=======


FUTURE LIZ: Max, if you don't do this, we're gonna die. Everyone will. Max,
you have to do this. You have to try it.
FUTURE MAX: I'll never see you again.
FUTURE MAX: Thank you.
FUTURE LIZ: For what?
FUTURE MAX: For every kiss, every smile.
FUTURE LIZ: Max, I don't have any regrets.

=======

LIZ: I'm so confused.
ALEX: I'm so depressed.
MARIA: Wimps.

=======

LIZ: Max keeps coming to my window and telling me he wants to be with me
again, but I know it's...it can never work out.
ALEX: Isabel, she gave me another one of those "Alex, you're such a great
friend" speeches. It made me want to puke.
MARIA: I have Michael Guerin. He's mine. You should have seen his face when
he apologized to me. His eyes were practically begging me to take his sorry
ass back. I have so landed him for once and for all...I think.

=======

PSYCHIC: You are a wonderful friend, her foundation. You will never have a
carnal relationship...
ALEX: Oh, come on, Madame Vivian, there's gotta be something in those
leaves...a few moments of pure lust? Anything? Uh...Story of my life.

=======

PSYCHIC: This boy...very volatile.
MARIA: That's good for sex, right?

=======

MARIA: Look, lady, I am not necessarily looking to tie the knot myself, but
do I at least have a few months?
PSYCHIC: 48 hours, tops.
MARIA: 48 hours? Ok, are they a good 48 hours?

=======

PSYCHIC: I've never seen the cards fall like this before. The boy, he's
different.
LIZ: Yeah.
PSYCHIC: He's very important, this boy. A leader.
LIZ: Yeah, he has this whole other destiny...one that doesn't include me.
PSYCHIC: No. He chooses love.
LIZ: What?
PSYCHIC: He chooses you.

=======

PSYCHIC: The reading is clear. You marry your true love. You have happiness.
The card here? Intimacy, sex. You will not be left wanting.

=======

LIZ: I, Liz Parker, take Max Evans to be...
FUTURE MAX: Liz.
LIZ: Max?

=======

FUTURE MAX: It wasn't intended to be, but it does have an enormous amount of
power, and we were able to modify it to artificially create a tear in time
space.
LIZ: No! No! There is no such thing as time travel, ok...because it is
against every rule of physics, of reality, of everything.

=======

LIZ: No, you're not Max, ok? You...you're like a shapeshifter. You are like
some other kind of alien, with, like, the ability to look like Max with that
beard and those...and those grey hairs.
FUTURE MAX: Do you really see grey?
LIZ: This isn't funny, ok?

=======

FUTURE MAX: If I were a shapeshifter, there's no way I could tell the future.
In approximately 10 seconds, I will show up outside your window and begin
singing to you...accompanied by a mariachi band.
LIZ: A mariachi band. Max wouldn't do anything that cheesy.
FUTURE MAX: 3...2...1.
LIZ: Well?
MAX: I said approximately.

=======

FUTURE MAX: I spent a week learning the lyrics from Mr. Delgado at the
hardware store. (Max and his mariachi buddies start singing to Liz in
Spanish)
LIZ: Wow, that's really embarrassing.
FUTURE MAX: I know...but I had to do something to get your attention. You had
shut me out.

=======

FUTURE MAX: As I threw the flowers up to you, I remembered you preferred
white roses.

=======

MR. PARKER: Lizzie? What the hell is going on out there? Is that Max again?
Max, is that you again? It's 11:00. Tomorrow's a school day... (Mr. Parker
looks down and sees Max and his mariachi band singing and start to walk away)
MR. PARKER: Aw, jeez.

=======

MARIA: We need to talk.
MICHAEL: Talk?
MARIA: Yeah, about our relationship.
MICHAEL: You gotta be joking me.

=======

MARIA: Ok, give it up, Guerin. What's going on with her?
MICHAEL: Yeah, that's exactly what I want to know.

=======

MARIA: So, do you think she's an alien?
MICHAEl: Or with the government. I don't know.
MARIA: Well, I'll tell you what I know, Mikey G. The slut wants in your
pants.
MICHAEL: That might work. Oh, nice.

=======

FUTURE MAX: Liz, what's about to happen over the next few days is critical to
the history of this planet. Things between us are about to change...grow
deeper. We become inseparable, and nothing comes between us ever again,
until...
LIZ: The...the end of the world?

=======

LIZ: Why don't you just go to Tess?
FUTURE MAX: It's you I trust. It's you I have faith in, and because it's not
just about getting me close to Tess. I need you to help me fall out of love
with you.

=======

COURTNEY: You handle your machine really good.
MICHAEL: Thanks.
COURTNEY: Well, I guess it's time for another night curled up in my sheets,
fondling my remote control.
MICHAEL: I guess.
COURTNEY: Unless, of course, you want to be my remote control for the night?

=======

KYLE: I thought I told you I didn't want you doing that bewitched crap in the
house.
TESS: Out of my room.
KYLE: It's my room!
TESS: You...you know what? Just...just forget it. I'm sick of this place, and
I'm sick of Max Evans.
KYLE: Don't toy with me.

=======

TESS: Let me tell you something, Buddha-boy...I got a lamp that needs some
serious trimming.

=======

TESS (to Kyle): We'll finish trimming my lamp later.
KYLE: Right. I'll keep my equipment on the ready.

=======

LIZ: Yeah, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for Max. His future's
you.
TESS: And you just came to this?

=======

MICHAEL: What the hell are you doing here?
MARIA: Investigating Courtney. What are you doing here, hound? MICHAEL: No,
I'm investigating Courtney. Get out of here.
MARIA: No, no, no. I found a picture of you, Max, and Isabel in her locker,
and your face was circled.
MICHAEL: No way.
COURTNEY (from bathroom): Maybe you should put on some tunes, baby.
MARIA: Bastard.

=======

MARIA: If you lay one hand on her...
MICHAEL: No one is laying anything on anyone.
COURTNEY (from bathroom): By the way, you are an amazing kisser. (Maria
hits Michael on the head)
MARIA: You obviously came here for 2 reasons, huh?

=======

FUTURE MAX: He sat down. You got him to sit down with her.
LIZ: Rah-rah. What?
FUTURE MAX: Nothing. It's just...seeing you at 17 again is making it all come
flooding back to me. How my stomach used to rumble every time I saw you.

=======

FUTURE MAX: We eloped. We were 19.
LIZ: We were 19? Wow, that is so young. That is too young.
FUTURE MAX: That's what I said, but you said that Romeo and Juliet were even
younger than us, so we drove to Vegas. Got married at the Elvis chapel.
Congratulations, kids.
LIZ: So we didn't have a real wedding.
FUTURE MAX: Oh, we had a great wedding. You called Maria, Michael, Isabel,
and Alex, and had them meet us halfway. We spent the whole night singing and
dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, "I Shall
Believe" came on the radio.
LIZ: I love that song.
FUTURE MAX: I know. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us. Oh, we
danced...just the two of us. And ever since then, it's been our song.
LIZ: If this works...I'm not gonna have that day.
FUTURE MAX: No, you won't.

=======

MAX: I felt that...and I know you did, too, and I know you think that...that
I need to let you go...for the sake of Michael, and Isabel, and my race...so
you went to Tess. But she can't be you. Tess can never be you.
LIZ: Max, we have to stop this. We have to. I am telling you that we have to.
MAX: Go out with me on Friday. There's a Gomez concert in Santa Fe. I have
tickets.
LIZ: No. No, Max. I can't go out with you ever again. Please stop doing this.
MAX: I can't.

=======

FUTURE MAX: You're supposed to be breaking up with him, not kissing him.
LIZ: You...you kissed me. I mean...you know, he kissed me.
FUTURE MAX: You're only making me love you more.

=======

FUTURE MAX: No. The night of Gomez I came to your room. That's the night that
things between us were cemented.
LIZ: Cemented. So when you say cemented, you...
FUTURE MAX: We made love.

=======

LIZ: No, I have no intention of making love to you or...or anyone else at
this particular stage of my life.
FUTURE MAX: I beg to differ.
LIZ: No. Making love to you is the farthest thing from my mind. I...I don't
even have protection.
FUTURE MAX: I did.

=======

LIZ: Oh, that's great. There you are, Max the Saint, just walking around with
a condom in his back pocket. I...I...I don't even care what happened in your
reality. I am not making love to you or anyone until I am ready, and I am
just not ready.
FUTURE MAX: Liz, I am telling you what happened, and we have to change that.
We have to. And so far, we've failed. Liz, it's not just Max that's the
problem here. You are. You are not letting yourself change. Now you have to
do something...before it's too late.

=======

LIZ: Don't say anything, ok? Um, because I...I came in here with this whole
speech, and once you start talking, my speech doesn't apply, and everything
gets changed, and I just want to make sure that I say everything to you, so
just don't say anything. Just don't say anything. Ok, I...I just re-read
"Romeo and Juliet", and you know, the first thing that I realized is that
isn't even the title. It's called "The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet". They
die. You know, she's this young girl, she...she's younger than me, and she
dies. Look, I think the reason why people think that it's such a romantic
play is they don't know what it's like to be put in that position...but when
your life and...and other people's lives are...are put at risk, there isn't
anything romantic about it. Max, you can't stop what's happening to you. I
mean, your life will always be dangerous, but my life, it doesn't have to be.
My life is only in danger if I am with you. I...I want to be in love with
boys...normal boys. I...I want to see my 21st birthday. I...I want to have a
wedding day. I...I...I want to have children...and I want my children to be
safe. You know, Max, if...if you truly love me, you'll let me go. I may love
you, but I...I don't want to die for you.

=======

MARIA: You just want me to tell you that it's all gonna work out, right? MAX:
No. I want to hear what you have to say.
MARIA: Ok. Here's what I think...give Liz up. Leave her alone. All this is
leading nowhere. None of us belong with any of you. And I'm really sick of
how much it's screwing us up. I mean, look at us. We're pathetic.

=======

LIZ: What, so you're just...you're going back to where you came from? FUTURE
MAX: No. There's nowhere to go back to.

=======

MARIA: You're not there, are you?
MAX: I can't help it. I love her. What can I say?
MARIA: You're hopeless.

=======

LIZ: Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die
for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now. You...you've...you
gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I...I just...I
can't do this anymore.
FUTURE MAX: Just 25 minutes before I came here, I held Michael in my
arms...dead. Isabel died 2 weeks before that. Now you have to do this. You
have to find a way. All of our lives depend on it.
LIZ: How? What can I do that's gonna make you turn away from me?

=======

KYLE: So...we haven't really, uh...talked much lately.
LIZ: Yeah! How's it going?
KYLE: Not bad. I found Buddha.

=======

LIZ (to Kyle): So that's like meditation, right? Incense, that sort of thing?
KYLE: It's really about approaching life through a spiritual place and
becoming in tune with different planes of existence.
FUTURE MAX: What a line of crap.

=======

LIZ: Yeah. Um, Kyle, look...I just wanna make sure that I...I...I made it
actually clear that we're not gonna...
KYLE: Consummate. I understand.
LIZ: Right. And when we kiss...
KYLE: No tongue. I'm on board.
LIZ: Yeah. Ok.

=======

ALEX: Look. I don't care that you've got 30 pounds on me or...or that you can
kill me with some...some twisted alien power. I will not let you treat her
like that. I...I don't care that Isabel treats me like crap, but no one does
that to Maria, all right? She's not just some girl!
MICHAEL: You gotta believe me...I have nothing... (Courtney happens to stop
by at that moment)
COURTNEY: Knock knock. (Alex turns around and nails Michael in the face. Alex
immediately starts wincing)
ALEX: Ow!
MICHAEL: You realize you just risked your life?
ALEX: Yeah.
MICHAEL: You're a really good friend, man.
ALEX: Call me that again, and I'll really kick your ass.

=======

KYLE: So...we have something in common.
LIZ: Yeah? What's that?
KYLE: We, uh...we're the only two people I know of who have died and were
brought back by an alien.

=======

LIZ: Yeah. Kyle...when he healed you, um...did...did you see things? KYLE:
See things?
LIZ: Flashes. Images.
KYLE: No. But since he healed me, I keep getting these flashes of Max Evans
naked.

=======

FUTURE MAX: I've fought a thousand battles...but watching you do that was the
hardest thing I've ever had to do.
LIZ: The look on his face...on your face.

=======

FUTURE MAX: I saw you with Kyle. He's turning out to be a...a great guy.
Maybe it would be better for you to be with a human.
LIZ: Don't you realize what you are to me...and you're always going to be?
You're the love of my life. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll
never be another you.

=======

LIZ: I'm gonna be alone.
FUTURE MAX: Maybe. Maybe not. From now on, the future is to be determined.
It's what've always said to you, Liz. We create our own destiny.
LIZ: Could you dance with me?
FUTURE MAX: What?
LIZ: I want to have my wedding dance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Harvest

 

=======================================================



MARIA: You ok?
LIZ: Oh, I didn't get much sleep last night.
MARIA: You look like you got your heart stomped out. No, wait...that would be
me. Well, if it's possible, you look worse.

=======

MARIA: You can't explain? This is me you're talking to here.

=======

MICHAEL: Hey.
MARIA: Whatever, dude.
MICHAEL: No, I have something to tell you.
MARIA: I'm not interested.
MICHAEL: Hey, it's about Courtney.
MARIA: I am so not interested.

=======

MAX: Where's Courtney now?
MICHAEL: I don't know. She went out the window. I tried chasing her... MARIA:
But it's hard to run with your pants around your ankles?

=======

MICHAEL: Maxwell, are we disturbing you?
TESS: Leave him alone. He's had a rough night.
MICHAEL: Really? Something you wanna share with the class?

=======

MICHAEL: So we agree.
MAX: Yeah.
MICHAEL: There's a first.

=======

LIZ: I'm...I'm ok up here...if you want to get some sleep.
MAX: I haven't slept since I saw you with Kyle. Liz, I know you, and I don't
believe that you would do that to me. It doesn't make sense. Tell me what
happened.

=======

MARIA: Michael! I feel like we're Scully and Mulder or something.
MICHAEL: Shhh. Would you shut up?

=======

MARIA: Culture Club? Wham? The Backstreet Boys? God, she really is an alien,
this one.
MICHAEL: A little help here?
MARIA: Fine. What are we looking for?
MICHAEL: Clues? You know...an address book or a calendar somewhere. MARIA: Of
course. Like she's gonna write her hideout in an address book, oh ho!
MICHAEL: Hey, are you just gonna rag on me or are you gonna help?

=======

MARIA: Michael...What is this?
MICHAEL: That's why they call 'em skins. She's shedding.

=======

MICHAEL: That's the shirt I lost at work. What the hell is this?
MARIA: It's Graceland...and you're Elvis.
MICHAEL: Wow.
MARIA: Wow? Is that all you can say right now, is "wow"? She's obsessed with
you. She's, like, an alien stalker. She's been spying on you for weeks. She's
been dreaming about you, fantasizing about you... MICHAEL: Hey, shut up for a
second. Take a look at the pictures. They were all shot from the apartment
across the street from my building. MARIA: So? Oh! That's where she goes to
spy on you.
MICHAEL: Yep.

=======

TESS: So...you and Kyle.
LIZ: Yeah. Oh, Kyle...he told me that you two were, uh, getting involved.
TESS: Oh, it's ok, don't worry about it.
LIZ: I'm sorry.
TESS: About what? All you did was sleep with him. How was he, anyway? LIZ:
Oh, I, um...I...we...it was great.
TESS: Noted.

=======

MICHAEL: Well, I know one way to make the time go faster.
MARIA: Oh, funny.
MICHAEL: I know.
MARIA: But if we can talk reality here for a second, I think she booked. Out
of town.
MICHAEL: No dice. She wouldn't do that. She's obsessed with me. MARIA: Well,
I guess that makes 2 of you, then, doesn't it?

=======

MARIA: Oh, please! Do your lips not get chapped from all the ass-kissing?
MICHAEL: Sit down.
COURTNEY: Anything you say.

=======

MARIA: Michael, if you can hear me now over the sound of your rapidly
inflating ego, could you please tell me that you do not believe what
this...this Michael-worshipper here has to say?

=======

MAX: Liz! Liz, what are you doing? We agreed none of us would go anywhere
alone.
LIZ: Fine.
MAX: Wait.
LIZ: Max, look. There's just...there's nothing left to say.
MAX: Except the truth.
LIZ: We have already been through this!
MAX: So far, all I know is what I saw, and what I saw can't be true, because
it means everything I felt in my heart for the last year is a lie! Now, you
owe me an explanation, and I want it right now!
LIZ: Please quit shouting,
Max. You're scaring me.
MAX: That's a lie, too! You're not scared. You're hiding something.
LIZ: I'm not.
MAX: What the hell is going on with you, Liz? We never lied to each other,
never kept a secret from each other.
LIZ: You know, you have got me up on this pedestal, Max, and...I'm not this
perfect person. I made a mistake. Look, Kyle and I made love. The end. I'm
sorry.

=======

TESS: Right, but as long as the League handles everything, nobody has to know
that. What about the kid?
ISABEL: I don't know. You came crashing in before I had a chance to start a
real conversation.

=======

MARIA: 50 years.
COURTNEY: Yeah, we came here in 1950. Do the math.
MARIA: So, what? That would make you 65, 70? You're old enough to be
Michael's grandmother. I just...I love that. I do.

=======

GREER: You must be the once and future king. And his bride.
TESS: That's right.

=======

ISABEL: Unh!
NICHOLAS: Ok. Now I'm pissed.
ISABEL: Ugh!

=======

NICHOLAS: And who do we have here? That gleam of dull stupidity in the eyes.
If I'm not mistaken, you must be the king's second in command. I killed you
myself in your last life. Ready to die again?
MICHAEL: Bring it on.

=======

MAX: What are you doing here? We gotta go now!
MARIA: Way ahead of you, boss. Michael...where's Michael?

=======

GREER: Well, that's the end of it, then. We're all as good as dead.
NICHOLAS: We may be as good as dead, but this is not the end.

 

 

 

 

WipeOut

 

=======================================================



MAX: I warned you about getting her a subscription to that magazine. How long
are you gonna keep avoiding me?
ISABEL: I'm not avoiding you. We destroyed a race of people. I'm just trying
to get past it. Juice?

=======

KYLE: Go, buddy. (Sheriff Valenti is dumbfounded by what Kyle just did. He
was looking forward to eating that fish)
KYLE: It's the circle, dad. The circle of life.

=======

MARIA: I'm sorry, Liz. I love your father dearly. I do. But this is totally
Kathie Lee.

=======

DIANE: Max, how's that cute Liz Parker, honey? She hasn't called here in
awhile.
MAX: Could I please have some more fritatta?
DIANE: Oh, sure, honey! I'm so glad you like it!

=======

SKIN TOUR GUIDE: Welcome to Roswell, New Mexico, folks...UFO capital of the
world and last stop on our tour. Everyone, remember their sunscreen while
you're out and about.
SKIN TOURIST: Thank you.
NICHOLAS: Let's find some aliens.

=======

SHERIFF: You could've told me you didn't want to go fishing.
KYLE: No, I did. I wanted to fish. I just...it's just now I enjoy it from a
different perspective.
SHERIFF: Different seems to be the story of your life these days. The guys
don't come over to watch games anymore. You hang wind chimes in my backyard,
burn compost sticks in the kitchen.
SHERIFF (on radio): Hanson!
KYLE: It's called ylang-ylang, and it opens the mind.
SHERIFF: You know what? If you laid off the mumbo jumbo, you might get a date
every once in awhile.

KYLE: Any other areas where'd you like to point out my incompetency, Dad, or is the list complete at fishing and dating?

=======

SHERIFF (on radio): Hanson, if I get back to the station and find you sipping
a damn frappuccino...

=======

ISABEL: Everyone's gone.
MICHAEL: Every human. Whoever's doing this is trying to single us out. (Liz
and Maria arrive at the Crashdown)
COURTNEY: Well, there goes that theory.

=======

MAX: Our parents disappeared. It seems like the whole town is gone. All the
humans, at least.
LIZ: Well, why not us?
ISABEL: I'm sorry.

=======

MARIA: Oh, please don't let me die like elvis.

=======

NICHOLAS: Look in the mirror. You're shedding.
IDA: Ohh...it's the heat. Why couldn't those brats be from Seattle?

=======

LIZ: My mom always listened to Elvis Costello on laundry day. I am so scared.
MAX: What happened to your family...to all the humans...it's our fault. LIZ:
We haven't lost them yet. We have to stay strong. MAX: Yeah. (Max sees Liz's
bed and the images from the other night return)
MAX: I should get back down.

=======

LIZ: Um...you know, from what...from what she said, the husk is starving.
It's looking at her thighs like they're 2 canned hams.

COURTNEY: I heard that, you bitch.

=======

MARIA: Ok. We've got ginko, bee pollen, Echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St.
John's wart, and Pamprin. What? I was dating Michael Guerin.

=======

MICHAEL: You think she'll be ok?
MAX: I don't know. You and Courtney have gotten close.
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MAX: How's Maria feel about that?
MICHAEL: Why do you care? You've never been interested in my social circles
before.
MAX: You were never sleeping with the enemy before.

=======

ISABEL: Max, if I ask you to do something, will you just do it, no questions
asked? (Max nods)
ISABEL: You go. Make sure everyone else is safe. I'm gonna find Nicholas.
MAX: No.

=======

KYLE: Right about when everyone went poof.

=======

SHERIFF: Kyle...do you remember what you did the night after your mom left?
KYLE: I lent you Mr. Squishels.

=======

SHERIFF: I remember the first time you tied your own shoes...and when we,
uh...we took the training wheels off of your bike.
KYLE: Ok, pop, knock it off.

=======

TESS: They found a way in. We've gotta go.
MAX: All right. We'll head for the school. It's our turf. Get your dad. KYLE:
I can't. He disappeared right in front of me.

=======

KYLE: Hey, I've been really nice about following your orders, Senor
Presidente, but if I can do something to help bring some people back or
ensure that Liz, Maria, and I live to see another day, I'm gonna do it. MAX:
Kyle. Look...take Bradford Alley all the way out of town. It's a straight
shot. You can't get boxed in.
KYLE: Thanks.

=======

MARIA: Um...I know how you hate when things get all goopy, so...

MICHAEL: Yeah. So I'll see you soon.
MARIA: Yeah.
MICHAEL: No. I will.

=======

NICHOLAS: You always were a flighty little princess. Jewels before studies.
That's our Vilandra. We have you, you beautiful moron.

=======

IDA: What do you want to do now?
NICHOLAS: Kill every last one of 'em.

=======

MARIA: If we get out of this...
KYLE: When we get out of this...
MARIA: Things are gonna change for me. I'm gonna start spending more time
with my mother. I'm gonna...I'm gonna write more to my grandmother. I mean,
these are the people who gave me life, you know?

=======

KYLE: Look, you've got a job to do. Max has got a job to do. When everybody's
done with their job, you can make nice.
LIZ: He'll never know!
KYLE: He's Max. He'll always know. Right?

=======

KYLE: Maria, Maria, look, look, look, look. She's coming back. They all are.
All right. Now, Liz said something about generators and electric fields.
MARIA: So how does electricity work?
KYLE: Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science
class for 3 years.

=======

KYLE: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass!

=======

COURTNEY: I think I see a chest hair, Nicholas. Way to go.

=======

NICHOLAS: School? On a Saturday? What a drag.
COURTNEY: I hope they kill you.

=======

MARIA: Keep it together, De Luca.

=======

NICHOLAS to MICHAEL: By the way, love the hair. Hope you win.

=======

ALEX: Hey, these are freezin'!
SHERIFF: Alex.
ALEX: Mornin', Sheriff. Uh, skip the pancakes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet the Dupes

=======================================================


Brody: Hi.
Maria: Galaxy Sub. Hold the mayo.
Brody: Thank you very much.
Maria: Is there pepperjack in that sandwich?
Brody: Uh...no. Doesn't appear to be.
Maria: I just...I can't believe it! I cannot believe it!
Brody: It's ok, really.
Maria: No. No, it's not ok. You ordered pepperjack. You have the right to expect pepperjack. This is...this is unacceptable is what it is!
Brody: It's just cheese.
Maria: No, it's not just cheese.
Brody: But it's a very small thing.
Maria: Yes. It is a very small thing, and that's why a person who can't even get the cheese right does not deserve to live!
Brody: Wow. You take your job very seriously.

=======

Ava: We tell 'em no, they won't ask again.
Zan: Tell 'em hell no.

=======

Lonni: That's right. Zan's my brother. Rath's my lover. But who are you? Why are you still livin' and breathin' and ridin' in this car? Oh, that's right. You're here 'cause i love you. Ain't that sweet?

=======


MARIA: $100 tip? Why?
BRODY: Honestly? It's Ben Franklin. I can't stand lookin' at the bloke. Now, you give me 5 Andrew Jacksons any day. Look. I mean, there's a head of hair. It's nice and thick. It's got kinda an Elvis thing going on. The sideburns...
MARIA: Clearly, you are a man with too much money.
 

=======


BRODY: But maybe the next time you bring me a sandwich, you could bring one for yourself and not charge me for it even though I have too much money, but pay for it yourself because that would make it officially not a date. And then stay and eat it with me. And keep me company while I'm dateless. What do you think?
MARIA: I, um...I think you're a little strange.
BRODY: Mm...sometimes, yeah.

=======

Lonni: Cool. Thanks, Sheriff. You're the freakin' man!

=======

Lonni: Ah. This must be his bitch. Where'd you find this?
Rath: In his sock drawer.
Lonni: "To Max. I'll always love you. Liz."
Rath: Liz.
Lonni: She ain't got nothin' goin' on.
Rath: Yeah, well, I'd do her.
Lonni: Fine. Do her, but don't kill her.

=======

Rath: Whassup? You look tight.
Liz: Excuse me? Did...oh, my God, Michael! What is with your hair?
Rath: I wouldn't mind kickin' it to ya.
Liz: Kickin' it. Yeah.
Rath: Whaddaya say you give me a little somethin' somethin', huh?
Liz: Oh, my God! Get away from me! What is going on with you?
Rath: I just thought since Maxie wasn't around that we could, uh...

=======

Alex: I don't remember it saying anything about costumes on the invitation. Oh. But it's too late for Halloween, and it's too early for Mardi Gras, so what's goin' on? Are we like goin' on the Ricki Lake show or something?

=======

LONNIE to ALEX: No 3 ways tonight, Opie. Maybe later.

=======

Maria: Ok. So duplicate Michael kissed you, and you decided not to tell me this very pertinent fact?
Liz: No, I wanted to tell you, I just...I couldn't...
Maria: But you thought, hey, it's just Michael slipping me the tongue. There's nothing unusual about that...

=======

LIZ to MARIA: Ok. This thing kind of happened with Kyle, but it didn't really happen, and I can't tell Max what I didn't do. But I can't tell you what I didn't do either, so don't ask me to explain it, ok?

=======

Brody: What the hell is this?
Max: Morning.
Brody: Wha? Is there a party going on? Funny I wasn't invited, seeing how it's my building. And who are you?
Michael: Uh, Brody, this is my, uh, twin brother Bob.
Brody: I didn't know you had a brother.
Rath: I live in New York.
Brody: Well, that explains the hair. Now who can explain what you're all doing here?

=======

Maria: Um...you know how you asked about lunch?
Brody: Uh-huh.
Maria: Well, how do you feel about having a little breakfast?
Brody: Stay as long as you like.
Rath: You want me to kill him for you?
Michael: I'll get back to you on that. BRODY: Maria: Oh, no. No. I just...I kinda looked into your background. You know, good-looking...multi-millionaire...buys UFO Center. Kind of stirs my curiosity. So...I did an internet search and, I...
Brody: And found out I'm a whacko.
BRODY: Brody: Well, just things...missing moments of time, bizarre dreams I can't remember in the morning. It all reminds me of the last time. So, if I...suddenly disappear for a couple of days, it's nothing personal. I've just been abducted.
Maria: Ok.
Brody: Ok? Just like that? No "I'm sure it won't happen again, Brody." "It's all in your head, Brody."

=======

BRODY: Do you believe in aliens?
MARIA: Why not? I'm dating one.



 

 

 




Max in the City

=======================================================

Rath: Ooh! Yo, pastrami. Lani: Yo, when he gets here...if he gets here...we're puttin' him in his place, 'cause I'm sick of gettin' attitude from him. Rath: Mayo! Who puts mayo on pastrami? Hey, you! What kinda sick mother puts mayo on pastrami, huh? I oughta bust your head open for...

=======

Nicholas: Oh, I hate this stupid, rat-infested, urine-soaked, butt-ugly town!

=======

Michael: Your parents asking questions? Isabel: They think he's gone camping again. Michael: They gotta think he's turned into some kinda tree hugger.

=======

RATH: Alien sex, baby. Accept no imitations.

=======

Max: It's a...it's a time card. The emissary works for a...a temp agency?
Rath: Duke, the emissary never left his crib. That body that walked outta here works for a temp agency.

=======

Tess: Why don't they...come in person? Rath: You see, little girl, space is what we call very, very big. You know, it's not easy to get places. People just don't zip around the galaxy like on Star Trek.

=======

Nicholas: Actually, Kivar speaks for his world. And I speak for Kivar. Max. Nice to see your genocidal girlfriend again. Killed anyone today?
Tess: Day's not over.
Nicholas: What a charmer.

=======

Nicholas: Big talk for a woman with no cards to play.
Lonni: I got cards. I just haven't shown them to you yet. You know, I'm not like the others. I remember our world. I remember Kivar. And I remember what it was like to be Vallandra. I want that life, and I'll do what I have to to get back. Be on my side, and you'll benefit. Be against me, and...well, it would be a mad, crazy idea to be against me. Don't worry about Max. He's a cornball. He'll go for the deal. He'll go for the deal because millions of lives hang in the balance. Besides, he wants to go home and give mommy a kiss and get fitted for his crown.
Nicholas: He won't live long enough to wear it. Kivar wants him dead.
Lonni: Well, I'd have to be a special kind of stupid not to have figured that out.

=======

Lonni: I can arrange that. What's in it for me?
Nicholas: Passage home. But just you. The freak with the mohawk stays here.

=======

LIZ to MARIA: The place by the thing that we went that time with what's-her-name.

=======

MAX: So how...how was Thanksgiving?
ISABEL: It was great. Mom cried all the way from the cranberry sauce to the peach cobbler. So did I.

=======

Brody: Why...why would they take me again?
Maria: Well...maybe...you're special. How 'bout a Galaxy Sub, hold the mayo?
Brody: Sounds great. I don't think they fed me.
Maria: Yeah. Probably not.
Brody: Maria. Don't forget the...
Maria: Pepperjack. Who do you think you're dealing with here? Come on.

 

 


 

 

 




A Roswell Christmas Carol

=======================================================

MICHAEL: Max: Height, circumference, color, density of foliage. Look at this diagram. You know how Isabel gets this time of year.
Michael: The Christmas Nazi, driving everyone insane while trying to have the perfect Christmas. The worst thing you can do is play into it, Max. You've got to fight her. You've got to fight the Christmas Nazi.

=======

I got to get to the hardware store before it closes. I got to get Maria her present.
MAX: Why? Are you gonna get her a ratchet set?

=======

PHILIP EVANS: Where's the Christmas Nazi?
MAX: Last I saw, she was examining our outdoor lights for errant bulbs. 

=======

KYLE: His mind and body are in deep conflict. When one's heart and one's mind are not in balance, one's body is the first to fail.
VALENTI: What? I'm very concerned that you're starting to make sense to me.
 

=======

Isabel: Actually I think Maria would find it in her heart to forgive you for exceeding the price limit, though there would be hell to pay if you gave the girl you love an electric toothbrush for Christmas.
Michael: Hey, I don't even believe in this, so why should I get sucked into it? The whole thing's a marketing scam invented to make people buy things they don't even need.
Isabel: Well, you could write that on the card when you give her a dental product for Christmas.

=======

Michael: It's a bumper.
Isabel: Yes, I see that.
Michael: For a Jetta.
Isabel: Hmmm. How did what I said yesterday result in this?

=======

Isabel: You know, is it too much to ask that one day a year, I can be like a normal human being with a normal life and have a merry Christmas?!?
Michael: No, mein fuhrer.

=======

MICHAEL: Hail the Christmas Nazi.
ISABEL: What was that?
MICHAEL: Nothing.

=======

Isabel: Hi, everyone. Welcome to this year's holiday pageant. I'm Isabel Evans. Some of you know me as the director of this pageant, others may know me as the president of the hunger drive, and still others might know me from the many holiday events at the nursing home, and some of you know me as...the Christmas Nazi.

=======

Tess: All we have are 2 chairs? Um, doesn't that seem a little odd to you? Sheriff: Well, we used to have more chairs, but over the years, our collection has dwindled.

=======

Tess: I have been cooking for 20 hours, while you two have been sitting back on the couch like 2 beached whales, not even noticing or caring that I am living here. Ok. I am here. Hello. Hello? So, since I'm living here, I should have a damn chair to sit in!

=======

Tess: Well, I figured if we had a guest, you two would have to shut off the damn TV and pretend to be civilized.

=======

Amy: Well, actually, we always sort of knew each other, but the first time we actually met, he almost ran me over with his dirt bike. Sheriff: Well, what the hell were you and Curt Pressman doing laying out there on that mesa... Amy: That is neither the point or proper dinner conversation. Of course, the second time I met him, he arrested me.

=======

Maria: These are the most beautiful earrings I've ever seen, but I don't need this gift. This year my gift is you.
Michael: So you don't want the earrings, then?
Maria: Oh, no. I'll keep the earrings.


 

 

 

 

 

 




To Serve and To Protect

=======================================================

LIZ to "BRAD" in her dream: Kyle: No, no, no no, Iím here for inner peace, not that science fiction crap. Buddha: Max Evans changed you when he saved your life. You know that. Youíre an alien now, Kyle. Dude, like accept your destiny.

=======

Would you like fries with that?

=======

Isabel: Even her romantic dreams are boring.

=======

TESS to KYLE: Like, you could have ended up a gopher or something!
 

=======

Kyle: ThatísÖthatís a very alien thing, isnít it? The very sweet, very spicy.
Tess: Mmm hmm.
Kyle: Can I try a bite?
Tess: You wonít like it.
Kyle: Oh, I hope not. Ohmygod.
Tess: I told you.
Kyle: No, no, no, its not completely horrible. ItsÖits almost tasty.
Tess: Well, here, have some more.
Kyle: No, I canít this is so wrong, Iím not ready for this.
Tess: For what?
Kyle: The change. Iím not ready to be a half human half alien freakazoid.

=======

Tess: Or you might develop some alien powers and start flying through Roswell in some cape.
Kyle: Can I have anotherÖ
Tess: No.

=======


Liz: Okay, we have the saturn rings and a galaxy sub, hold the MaxÖ
(Maria gives her weird look)
Liz: Um, soÖIíll just, Iíll just be right back with your Cokes.
Maria: Okay, what just happened.
Liz: I need help. Iím sick, okay? I am an obsessed person.
Maria: Okay, is this just a general freak out, or should I be concerned?
Liz: No I have max on my brain 24 hours a day. Okay, I dream about him, I think about him, and now, now I'm saying his friggin name without even realizing it. What am I going to do?
Maria: Youíre in love, thatís all.
Liz: I know, but its not getting me anywhere!
Maria: Ok, Relax. Relax, Liz, its not that bad, I promise.
Liz: Not that bad? Really, why donít you look at this? (pulls out pics of Max) See? Obsession. Obsession. Obsession! Obsession!
Maria: Okay, okay, youíre a Max-a-holic, what can I do?
Liz: Get me a life.
 

=======

Sean: See you at home.
Maria: Its not your home.
 

=======

KYLE: I have become - an idiot.
TESS: Oh, but a cute one.

=======

Maria: How bout a little talk, hmm? Alright, in our house, there are rules. And as strange and unimaginable and bizarre as it may seem, we live our lives by these very simple rules. Rule one, toilet seat is left down. Rule two, underwear are not left on the floor, no. Rule three, milk is poured into a glass, not directly consumed by the carton. Rule four...
Sean: Are there a lot of these rules?
Maria: Donít worry, I will write them down for you, assuming, of course that you can read.
Sean: Of course.
Maria: Now, pay attention please, rule four is very important. Leave Liz alone.
Sean: What, is she part of the house, too, or something?
Maria: Iím not kidding Sean. She is way off limits to you, way waaay off limits.
Sean: Way.
Maria: Look, I saw the way you looked at her, alright? 'All grown up, I like it.' No, no its not going to happen, Sean.
Sean: Alright.
Maria: Shes in a very delicate and fragile place right now.
Liz: Dammit, Eddie whereís my order?

=======

Max: Isabel, you are my sister. You yell at me, you second guess me, you piss me off. Youíve also saved my life. And no matter what, I still believe in you. I always will. Get some sleep. You lookÖreally bad.
Isabel: Thanks.

=======

KYLE: Tess is openly mocking me now. This morning I woke up with little antennae coming out of my head.

=======

Sean: Yo M.
Maria: M, no, you see, in the real world, we use names. My name is Maria.

=======

Maria: No, its not your home, youíre just passing through, stop calling it that.

=======

Maria: All Iím trying to do is help. Does anybody listen?

=======

Kyle: Nothing, I was just talking to myself. Hey, you got any cousins for me?


 

 

 

 

 

 




We Are Family

=======================================================



 

 

 

 

 

 




Disturbing Behavior

=======================================================

Michael: That figures. I finally find a family member and sheís a complete whack job.

=======

Maria: Whoa. Thereís somebody in Garrisonís hardware store.
Michael: Maria, weíre supposed to be watching the police station.
Maria: I think theyíre having sex!
Michael: Whoa.
Maria: Heís not actually going to plug that thing in, is he?
Michael: Yeah, go baby, go baby, go!
Maria: Sick man, this town is sick.

=======

Maria: No no no no, now youíre hurting all of us.

=======

Maria: Not the dash, not the dash, thatís a *major* deal to replace!

=======

Kyle: Hey dad.
Sheriff: Kyle, Tess.
Kyle: What are you doing?
Sheriff: What does it look like?
Kyle: Iím not sure.
Tess: HeísÖheísÖ building something. Right?
Sheriff: Give the girl a prize.

=======

Alex: So, theyíre driving around aimlessly with a fugitive in the car?
Isabel: No, no, sheís not a fugitive, sheís justÖwanted by the law.
Alex: Interesting distinction.

=======

Sean: Aunt Amyís flipping about M being AWOL.
Alex: Great, you want to translate that for people that havenít served time?

=======

Sean: Nice top. Dig the midriff thing.
Liz: Yeah, shut up.

=======

Maria: Ah, the food that time forgot. Assuming anything out of a can is a safe bet.

=======

Maria: So, look, after you answer natureís call in that toxic waste dump of a restroom, you have the choice of either rejoining us back here at the table with a different attitude for a nice delicious meal, or you can hoof it to the Mexican border, about 150 miles that away.
Michael: Think its going to work?
Maria: Not a chance. But the Mexican borderís that away.

=======

Amy: She lied to her mother, just like the other four times she took off for days on end, leaving on the open road another piece of her innocence, and my Jetta.

=======

Amy: Liz, I consider you a friend and an extended member of this family, and I value the friendship you have with my daughter, but if you do not tell me everything you know about where she is, I will become very violent with you.

=======

Liz: Theyíre taking in the scenery.
Sean: Yeah, the cheap motor in.
Liz: Sean. Shut up.

=======

Amy: You can sit down, youíre not going anywhere until I get my daughter back.

=======

Maria: Laurie Dupree. Fancy meeting you out here.

=======

Maria: Why donít you give those lips a rest and let me have a word with Spaceboy.

=======

Michael: No, whatís my second option.
Maria: No, youíre not capable of it, I promise.
Michael: Just say it.
Maria: Form an emotional bond with Laurie. What, fine, you donít like that answer, go show her the secret alien handshake.
Michael: Okay, fine, what kind of psychobabble crap do I got to tell her?
Maria: I donít know, Michael, it has to come from you, from whatever organ you have sitting in for your heart.

=======

Maria: Think you can handle it?
Michael: Iím not completely emotionally retarded, I do have feelings.
Maria: Fine, then walk on over there and give them a workout.

=======

Kyle: Hey dad. I shouldnít be concerned here, should I? Youíre not building a guillotine or something, are you?

=======

Michael: I got all kinds of faults, and this one over here, she can list them all for you later, if you want, butÖ

=======

Amy: Thatís right, this is your mother, I confiscated Lizís phone. Where are you?
Maria: Iím still in New Mexico, Mom.
Amy: Oh, thatís cute. Where are you?
Maria: On our way to Arizona.
Amy: Why?
Maria: WeíreÖweíre being free spirits, Mom.
Amy: That means youíre going to Sedona to get stoned and have sex in the hills.
Maria: MomÖ
Amy: Do you think I wasnít seventeen once? Do you think I didnít do crazy, stupid things with a really bad boy when I was your age?
Maria: Yes, I know you did, Mom, dad.
Amy: Let me talk to him.
Maria: No, Mom, why?
Amy: Put him on the phone now.
Maria: She wants to talk to you.
Michael: What, no, now, are you crazy? (hands him phone) Hey Ms. DeLuca.
Amy: Michael I want you to listen to me very, very carefully. On this glorious, rebellious lost weekend of yours, you will take care of my daughter, you will protect her, and be kind to her, and she will have fun. You will not get matching tatoos and you will not allow her to pierce any part of her body that cannot be shown to polite company, and Michael, if you have sex with my daughter, I will hunt you down and kill you like the mangy dog you are. Okay?
Michael: Okay.
Amy: Call me if you need bail money.

=======

Sean: Me? Iím not shady, Iím misunderstood.

=======

Amy: Hi, Max.
Max: Hi. Uh, Is Liz here?
Amy: Youíre not planning to take her across state lines, are you?
Max: No.
Amy: Then yeah, sheís here.

=======

Max: Parasites? That implies they need something to feed on. Like an arm.
Liz: Maybe. But you said they didnít affect you.
Max: No. I got the feeling I didnít taste good.

=======

Maria: Wow. Grandpaís done pretty well for himself.

=======

Isabel: So he has about sixty experiments going on at Frazier Woods, all of which he explained to me in excruciating detail.

=======

Liz: We need help. I wish you guys could just phone home.
Isabel: Wouldnít that be nice.

=======

Sheriff: Chalk up another one for the woodworking detective.

=======

Isabel: Iím a little psychic.
Brody: Oh, come on.
Liz: You believe in aliens, but you donít believe in psychic phenomena?
Brody: I was abducted by aliens. I know they exist.


 

 

 

 

 

 




How the Other Half Lives

=======================================================

Maria: Liz, hey, its me again. Hey, how do you get tree sap out of fabric. I think I ruined my top. No, no, the black turtleneck. The cashmere one, I borrowed from my momÖI know. I know! Tragic, isnít it? Iím still in the middle of nowhere with he who shall remain namelessÖ

=======

Grant: What the hell is this all about?
Sheriff: Weíve brought you something youíve wanted for a long time: a search warrant.

=======

Bobby: Mr. Guerin! You and your accomplice with the, uh, lips are trespassing!

=======

Meredith: The money we gave you was intended as a going away present. As in, take the money and go away.

=======

Maria: Just start applauding right now. (Michael halfheartedly clapping) The DuPree estate is in Laurieís name. Left to her by her grandfather.
Michael: so what does that give us?
Maria: A little thing called leverage.

=======

Voice: Hello? Maria: Greetings! Itís the team of Guerin and DeLuca again!

=======

Michael: If it was me, Iíd tell us to get screwed and call the cops anyway.
Maria: Thatís because you donít have any money, Michael. People who do tend to get nervous when its threatened.

=======

Alex: So is this the sixth or seventh hole weíve dug today?
Kyle: Hey, I always wondered what you people were doing sophomore year.
Alex: Yeah, well, a lot of secret meetings, a lot of lying to authorities, sometimes narrowly escaping gunfire, although, generally, that was pretty rare.
Kyle: So what do we lowly humanfolk get out of all of this?
Alex: Iím not sure.
Kyle: See, what Iíve got a problem with is Iím suddenly a member of this club I never wanted to join. And as it turns out, this club has a striking resemblence to a chain gang.

=======

Kyle: Its some sort of cave.
Alex: Jackpot, baby! Whoo! Alex Whitman, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

=======

Kyle: What do you suppose alien crystals are going for on ebay?
Alex: Alright, Columbus, youíve claimed the land for the Queen of Spain, what do you say we go tell the others?

=======

Liz: Yeah, Kyle, where are you?
Kyle: In the freaking nest!

=======

Liz: You know, weíre just going to have to get back to you.
Kyle: Get back to us?
Liz: Yeah. Breathe shallow.

=======

Meredith: So we can have you and the beatnik kicked out of here anytime we like.
Maria: So why havenít you? Maybe, its uh, I dunno, because of the $1,000,000 you donated to the Pinecrest Psychiatric Institute to get them to say Laurie was crazy.

=======

Maria: Iíd go with sister. The whole granddaughter thing freaks me out.

=======

Maria: Oh, by the way, Meredith and Bobby are evil. Ee-vil.

=======

Meredith: Lets pray to God that at least one of them chokes on a pigeon bone.

=======

Alex: So this is how it ends.
Kyle: Somehow this is not how I pictured it.
Alex: Hell of a ride, though.
Kyle: I guess.
Alex: I mean, think about it, we not only met aliens, but they killed us. I donít know how many people can say that.
Kyle: Youíre getting delirious, is that it.
Alex: Take a step away form your life Kyle. You know, I mean, youíre part of this amazing thing, this amazing knowledge that you have that 6 billion people donít. You really wanna step out of this cave if it meant youíd be another dumb jock?
Kyle: You know, I wouldnít.

=======

Kyle: Which means our job here is down, and I need to take a shower.

=======

Maria: My brave (kiss), handsome (kiss), hero (kiss).
Michael: Wounded hero. We gotta get back to Roswell so Maxwell can work on that shoulder.
Maria: Whenever youíre ready, Spaceboy.


 

 

 

 

 

 




Viva Las Vegas

=======================================================

Maria:Öand trying to have a relationship with them is like suicide. Its like, typical, bad relationship stuff, only weirder.

=======

Isabel: And I donít? Do I really have to give you a list of things I have had to deal with lately?
Max: No.
Isabel: Then Iím sure that I donít have to convince you that if anybody who needs a break, it is your loving sister who asks for so little, but gives so much.

=======

Tess: Oh, did somebody step on your head in gym?

=======

Maria: Come on, nobody can spend money like I can spend money! You *need* me on this trip.

=======

Maria: The pool has a waterslide. In the shape of a flamingo!

=======

Maria: You gotta create your own memories. And thatís what weíre going to do in Vegas, with Michaelís money.

=======

Alex: Oh, I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning!

=======

Maria: Alex, pop quiz. Would you rather disect pig babies Ė
Liz: Embryos.
Maria: Or go for an all expense paid trip to Vegas?
Alex: When do we leave?
Maria: Today, after fifth period. Come on, Liz, all the cool kids are doing it.
Liz: Iíd really appreciate it if you would respect my decision.

=======

Max: Going somewhere, Mr. Guerin? Pretty good Principal Forrester, huh?

=======

Michael: No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining about spending the money on the homeless. This weekend is about fun and debauchery, got it?

=======

Michael: Hey, Shirley, didnít you hear the Doctorís orders?

=======

Liz: We are seventeen years old. Iím sorry, very, very sorry.

=======

Kyle: (man takes Alexís money) You got that one in the shorts. Maria: Youíll never believe what I found in the spa locker room! Alex: Oh, god, my heart hurts.

=======

Alex: MaÖMaria, I just lost three thousand dollars!

=======

Michael: Its fast, its loud, its everything livin in Roswell isnít.

=======

Tracy: Howís April?
Dave: Wishing she never tried the crab omelet.
Tracy: Perfect. Well, what am I going to do now?

=======

Alex: Hey, hey, who do you think you are? You treat her like a lady!
Boss: Iíll treat her like a stripping lady, because thatís what sheís auditioning for.

=======

Max: Michael, he knows. Michael: He doesnít know anything, whatís he gonna say, Iím using my mysterious alien powers?

=======

Tess: You know what it is? Its because weíre small. You know, If we werenít so damn short, he wouldíve totally bought twenty one, so, what Iím gonna do is Iím gonna mind warp the security guard, make him think weíre five foot ten, then go in and sit down.
Liz: Tess, Iím fine here in the arcade.
Tess: Fine. Stuck in the party capital of the world with Liz Parker. Or, if weíre feeling dangerous, we could always challenge a couple of eight year old boys to foos ball. Or go to the Ice Capades.

=======

Maria: Do I have to ask?
Isabel: That was Tracy and Glen, they just got married, and I was their maid of honor.

=======

Maria: Honeymoon suite, Margarita speaking.

=======

Maria: I was auditioning to be a stripper!
Michael: Did you get the job?

=======

Alex: Doesnít buddhism disapprove of gambling?
Kyle: Actually, it was Buddha himself that first coined the phrase ďKnow when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to rail!Ē
Alex: Obviously, yours is a deep and abiding spiritual faith.

=======

Kyle: Youíre just gonna have to back off.
Alex: Yeah, grasshopperís on a role, baby.
Maria: Iíve gotta bail Max, and if thereís enough money left, Michael, out of jail.
Kyle: My winnings, my money, go away.
Maria: Heís in gamblerís anonymous, Iím his sponsor, could you please help this lost poor soul from further following down the path of destruction?
Kyle: Thanks Maria.
Maria: Thank your higher power.

=======

Dave: You must be a pretty high roller to afford a place like this.
Isabel: Actually, itís a friends.
Dave: Is your friend like, a Kennedy or something?
Isabel: More like a prince.

=======

Liz: Yeah, after six hours and about a thousand quarters, you kinda get the idea.

=======

Maria: You clean up nice, Spaceboy.

=======

Maria: A cheeseburger. Why do I even try?
Liz: Well, at least he wore a tie.
Maria: Liz, Iím worried, I plan on being a worldly woman, and how can I be, when Michael is trapped in the world of armpit farts and playstation? Heís just soÖ

=======

Michael: Youíll love listening to this performer, and even though sheíll never believe me, I love listening to her, too.

=======

Isabel: I donít get it. He was exactly what I wanted from this town, a goodlooking smart ass that I could chew up and spit back out.

=======

Isabel: God, I must be the biggest freak on the planet.
Alex: Well, Iím sorry, but thatís just not true. And when youíre ready for it, youíll find someone and make him the happiest man ever.

=======

Sheriff: I expect you all back in Roswell this afternoon. Kyle, get in the car.
Kyle: I was up $1600!
Sheriff: Now!
Michael: Iím glad Iím an orphan.
Tess: Yeah, me too.
Sheriff: Tess! Donít make me come back in there!

=======

Michael: Whoever sent us down here was smart. You know why? Because they sent us together, and as long as weíre together, weíer gonna make it.

=======

Michael: Well, I got a couple dozen DVDs back in the hotel room.
Max: Yeah.
Michael: Braveheart?
Max: How many times can you watch that thing?
Michael: Iím still trying to get an accurate body count.


 

 

 

 

 

 




Heart of Mine

=======================================================

Maria: Let me explain to you why this is a really disastrous time in Roswell. Thatís why. Prom. The ultimate four letter word. I meanÖI better just get going.

=======

Liz: No one minute, I was letting him down easy, the next he was kissing me. What was I supposed to do?
Maria: I donít know, a kick to the ribs wouldíve been fine.

=======

Maria: Oh, you shouldnít feel guilty. It was a non-kiss, its not like you would kiss Sean back. Right? (pause) Eww! Iím gonna be sick!

=======

Michael: You actually remember our planet?
Max: Yes.
Michael: What are the chicks like?
Max: If youíre not going to take this seriouslyÖ
Michael: I seriously wanna know what the chicks are like.

=======

Michael: Just kill me now. I donít do prom, I donít believe in them.
Maria: You donít *believe* in them?
Michael: The whole thing is totally bogus, its completely unnatural.
Maria: Yíknow what, I find it really unnatural that youíre half alien warrior and half Grandpa DuPree. But I make due.
Michael: I knew you were gonna make this thing into a whole issue.
Maria: Oh my god, this is potentially one of the five greatest nights of my life. And if youíre not going to do your part in providing that for me, Iím going to have toÖseek other options.
Michael: So what are you seeing, weíre seeing other people?
Maria: Oh my God, you are so annoying!
Michael: Fine then weíre seeing other people!
Maria: Fine!

=======

Mallamood: Are you still reading this Hinduism crap?
Kyle: Buddhism, and if youíre asking about my spiritual journey, Iím touched.

=======

Liz: The prom. It seems like Michael and Maria arenít going.
Max: I donít know, that one may be a little to early to call.

=======

Maria: Well, weíre both off tonight, so Iím willing to let you take me to dinner and a movie so you can make up for your asinine comments yesterday, which, by the way, I think is very big of me.

=======

Alex:ÖAnd Iíd be right back where I was before Sweden, obsessed, lovesick, and pathetic.

=======

Kyle: Last year I went to the prom with Trudy McIntyre.
Tess: Oh, Trudy, sheís cute.
Kyle: We went and everything was okay, but I didnít really know her, so we didnít have much to talk about, much to say to each other. And so I realized that I feel like I really know you, which is unusaual for me with girls, and uh, anyway, I justÖfeel free to say no, or laugh or be outraged, or whatever, but would you wanna go to the prom? Yíknow, with me?

=======

Liz: God, I canít believe weíre breaking into Michaelís apartment.
Maria: Believe it.
Liz: I just know that weíre gonna regret this.
Maria:Well, yeah, if we donít find any evidence.
Liz: Of what?
Maria: That heís seeing someone else, hello!
Liz: This whole thing came up yesterday, how could he already have another girlfriend?
Maria: Thatís exactly my point Liz, he obviously already had this bimbo on the side and was looking for an excuse to break up with me, yíknow?
Liz: No, I just think that you are overreacting. (pause) Oh.
Maria: Bastard.

=======

Liz: I just cannot believe that Michaelís seeing another woman. I just, I wonít.
Maria: Snap out of it, sister. Juanita. Homewrecker.

=======

Maria: Iím okay. Iím okay.
Liz: Okay
Maria: Why? Oh, why why? Why? I just donít understand. I wish that I hadnít seen that, I wish that I hadnít figured it out, I wish that I wasn't so smart.
Liz: MariaÖwe arenít sure that anything happened. We could be reading too much into this.

=======

Liz: God, you are like, ubiquitous.

=======

Liz: You know what, I do not need this. I do not wanna hear anymore of your inane comments, I do not want to hear any of your little theories on life, and I do not want to write my frickin name in mustard, okay? My life is falling apart!

=======

Sean: So, can I tell you my theory?
Liz: Can I stop you?

=======

Sean: You and I are really different people.
Liz: Thatís your theory?

=======

Maria: Is he looking?
Liz: No, just concentrate.
Maria: What an idiot, I swear, I hope heís lonely tonight.

=======

(Maria glares at Amy and Jim)
Kyle: I caught them making out on the couch.
Maria: Dude, I caught them making out in the pantry closet in the kitchen. Its just so embarrassing.
Kyle: I know, but thereís nothing we can do about it, its just raging hormones and theyíre our chaperones!

=======

Kyle: I donít know, I feel really resistent for some reason.
Maria: HmmÖmaybe youíre just gay.

=======

Alex: You know I gotta say, objectively speaking, you look incredibly beautiful this evening.
Isabel: You donít have to say that.
Alex: I know I donít.
Isabel: Alex, thank you, this means so much to me, and I know you didnít want to come, so thank you.
Alex: Well, you just gotta promise not to be any more beguiling otherwise Iíll be right back where I was.

=======

Liz: Go. Maria: No. Me and you, weíre a couple now. Liz: Go!

=======

Michael: Juanitaís my dance teacher.
Maria: Your dance teacher.
Michael: Yeah, I canít dance. And I knew this was a really big thing for you, so I was taking dancing lessons.
Maria: Oh my God.
Michael: Wait did you think Juanita was some chick I was bonking?
Maria: Oh my god.
Michael: How the hell did you find out about her in the first place?
Maria: Oh my god, I am like, the stupidest person alive.
Michael: Okay. Juanita declared me unteachable, but if you wanna risk personal injuryÖ


 

 

 

 

 

 




Cry Your Name

=======================================================

Maria: Until he realized his feelings for Tess were a little more sister than sex kitten. Strike two. But there is a silver lining to this gray cloud of prom disasters. Alex. He came back from Sweden a new man that Isabel finally noticed. And I think with a little help from Liz and myself, those crazy kids might finally fall in love.

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Isabel: If youíd rather stay in studying instead of coming out to play with me.
Alex: (bites his fist)
Liz: Stay strong!

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Maria: Iím so proud of you!
Alex: This blows.
Maria: You have the upper hand.
Liz: Now sheís chasing you.
Alex: Sheís thinking about me. Even now, sheís thinking about me, sheís on her bed, thinking about me.

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Max: You are so full of it.
Michael: I just call it like I see it.
Max: You cannot compare The Matrix to Crouching Tiger.
Michael: Crappy Tiger is a chick flick with kung fu.
Max: First of all, CrappyÖCrouching Tiger is actually about something, love, honor duty.
Michael: The Matrix is about something, illusion, reality, gunfire.
Max: You simply cannot prefer Keanu Reeves to Michelle Yeoh. I wonít let you.

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Michael: DeLuca residence.
Sean: Michael? What are you snaking breakfast now? Donít you have to be at school or something?
Michael: Sean, shut up. Alex was killed last night.
Sean: Jeez. Howís Maria?
Michael: Pretty torn up. Same with your aunt.
Sean: Look, Iíve got this court thing up in Albuquerque and theyíre tellin me I have to stay a couple more days, so could you, yíknow, look after my family?
Michael: Iíll take care of em.

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Maria: Do you see these people? Who are they? They donít even know Alex, they werenít even his friends, and theyíre sitting and praying and crying and putting on a show like they gave a damn about Alex when he was alive. God, it makes me so angry!

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Amy: Oh, no more tea, thank you, Michael.
Michael; Its not tea. Hot water and rum, itíll help you sleep. My foster dad taught me to mix drinks before I could ride a bike. He called it job training, if all else fails, I could tend a bar.
Amy: Oh, what a charming man. Uh, is Maria still asleep>
Michael: Yeah, but she keeps kicking off the covers though.
Amy: Oh, she always does that. Yíknow this is the most time youíve ever spent in my house.
Michael: Yeah, I could leave if you want, but its nice to be around people.
Amy: No, no, thatís not what I meant at all. What Iím trying to say is that Youíve really been great for my family. And itís a wonderful thing to see my daughter loved and Iíd like to see a lot more of that and youíll always be welcome in this house.
Michael: Thank you.
Amy: Welcome on the couch.

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Isabel: Youíre not really here, are you?
Alex: No, youíre talking in your sleep.
Isabel: God, I wish I could really talk to you, Alex
Alex: The next best thing. What do you want to say?
Isabel: That Iím sorry. Iím so sorry.
Alex: Me too.
Isabel: I never should have called you.
Alex: I called you, remember?
Isabel: I never should have brought you into this.
Alex: Into what?
Isabel: Me, my life.
Alex: Do you think being with me had something to do with what happened.
Isabel: Yes, I do, I donít know how, but if you hadnít been involved with meÖ
Alex: Hey, if I was really here, Iíd tell you youíre full of crap, you know that.
Isabel: Yeah, but it wouldnít make me feel any better.
Alex: Iíd better go.
Isabel: Why?
Alex: Iím not making things any better for you.
Isabel: No, please, please donít go.
Alex: Iím already gone. This is just a dream that youíll eventually just wake up from.
Isabel: Will I see you again?
Alex: Depends on you. But I have a feeling I wouldnít want me to be here. (kisses her) Bye Isabel.
Isabel: I love you, Alex.
Alex: I think we both know that I love you too.

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Max: Remember the time he electrified Mr. Hoffmanís desk?
Liz: Yeah, yíknow, he almost got suspended for that.
Max: Never happened. The teachers loved him. That guy could get away with anything. At prom, I heard Mr. Hoffman telling Senora Via about the whole chair thing, thought it was a riot.

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Mr. Whitman: I hopeÖI hope you know how much Alex loved you and Maria. He just thought the world of you two.
Liz: Thanks.


 

 

 

 

 

 




It's too Late & It's too Bad

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Maria: I hate this. This chasm has formed between everybody sinceÖ

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Maria: What if sheís right though?
Michael: All the more reason for Liz not to get involved, or you.

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Hansen: DeLuca, what do you think youíre doing?
Sean: Nothing, man, sheís hot, trying to get in her pants.
Hansen: So you broke into the school?
Sean: Chicks dig an adrenaline rush. But not this one, man, sheís a buzz kill, Deputy.

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Sheriff: Listen, I am more than happy, Max, to be left in the dark. Sometimes, I think, Iíd prefer that.

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Isabel: So Iíll change dollar bills into hundreds.
Michael: You can do that?

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Maria: Stop it and listen to me. Alright, I need my best friend right now, because our other best friend just *died*. And I feel lost and scared and just completely wrecked and I know weíre supposed to go to school and go to work and finish this yearbook tribute, I just canít, I donít have a handle on things, everything is just flipping by me, and I donít even know if Iím alive right now. So please just stop focusing on this thing that isnít even there, and just be sad with the rest of us, okay, please.

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Maria: I canít count on you. Michael: Yes you can. Iíll take care of this, Iím right here for you. Maria: But You wonít always beÖ Michael: What? Maria: One day youíre gonna leave me youíre gonna get on a spaceship and go away and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I canít lose anyone else right now, Michael, my heart canít handle it.

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Florist: Why donít you try directory assistance? Liz: Because there are over 4,000 Olsens in Sweden!

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Isabel: You are the bad guy in all of this. How could you send Michael to talk to me? Its like the alien mafia.

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Maria: Whatís this? Michael: Sit down. (pause) Weíve been through some rough stuff lately. The thing is youíre right. I canít really imagine it happening, but I am going to leave someday. it could be a year or two or fifty, but Iím gonna leave. What sucks is the choice weíve made to be together. But there is one thing I can promise you and that is I can give you now.


 

 

 

 

 

 




Baby It's You

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