Liz made her way through the crowded nightclub, her eyes searching for the perfect man.
What did she consider the perfect man? Her list wasn't long.
He only needed to be interested in her, fuck like a jackhammer, and look nothing like Max.
Mostly she’d been focusing on blonds lately. Big, beefy blonds, skinny blonds, surfer guys, football players, total nerds, tough guys, it didn't matter.
Whoever he was, she would never see him after tonight anyway. She was only using him to try and feel something other than pain.
It was a constant thing in her life since that last night with Max.
She tried not to think about him but it seemed like he was always creeping into her thoughts.
They’d both known from the beginning that they were from different worlds and not fated to be together, but as they grew closer and the connection between them strengthened, they thought their love would be enough.
But the message from the orb had confirmed to Liz that she shouldn't be with Max, and Future Max’s visit had left her with no doubt. It didn't change the way she felt about him even though she’d tried to deny how closely she and Max were connected. But no matter how much she loved Max, she couldn't let the world end.
It was easier to pretend they were nothing more than a regular couple whose relationship didn't work out instead of perfectly-matched soul mates.
So she’d denied everything she felt for him, pushing him away, into Tess’ arms, and that had been the beginning of the end of everything.
Max had slept with Tess and gotten her pregnant, and like the honorable guy he was, he stayed with his former wife and their child.
And nothing would ever be the same again.
It felt like she was condemned to her own little world of pain. No one would understand. No one could help her. She was completely alone.
So she’d packed up a few things, written her parents a quick note, and withdrew all her college money from the bank before she caught a bus to L.A.
She’d left without saying goodbye to anyone. She knew they would ask too many questions she didn't want to answer.
That was six months ago.
She hadn't really felt alive since.
That’s why she went to the clubs, so she could feel anything other than the constant pain. She’d pick an anonymous guy, go somewhere with him, and fuck him good and hard. And if she was lucky, her pain would lessen for a while and she would have some relief.
Some might say it was dangerous, but how could it be? She intended to sleep with the guy, so it’s not like she was in danger of being raped. She was on the pill, so she couldn't get pregnant. She hadn't been sick for months, and believed that along with alien powers, Max had also gifted her with the alien constitution. She believed she was immune to STDs along with all other human diseases.
And if she did get AIDS or ran into a serial killer…
Well, what did it matter? At least being dead would end her pain.
Basically she was a coward. She wasn't brave enough to kill herself. Or maybe it was because she knew it was all her fault that Max had gone to Tess, and she deserved to be miserable.
That’s why she’d separated herself from her friends and family, anyone who loved her, because she didn't deserve them or their comfort.
She smiled grimly. They wouldn't even recognize her now. She was a completely different person. And they certainly wouldn't understand what she was doing.
How could she possibly explain to them that fucking total strangers was the only thing she looked forward to in life any more.
She got wet just thinking about it.
Often she wondered how she could be so aroused when she felt nothing else, but she came to think of it as her body’s survival reaction.
The ache of her desire and the pounding music of the club, brought her back to the present. She really needed to get fucked, and thinking about who she used to be wasn't going to help. She had to focus on her task.
She’d come to the club dressed appropriately for what she intended; black see-through top with a black lace bra underneath, four inch heels, and a black, stretchy spandex skirt that barely covered her ass over her thong. Tonight she was a redhead, with her hair falling just below her shoulders, and she had thick, dark eye makeup that made her look sultry and experienced.
Suddenly, she met the eyes of a blond Eminem wannabe near the bar. He was ripped and made sure everyone knew it with the skin-tight wife-beater he wore. He dipped his head at her, never looking away, and when she held his gaze and gave him a smile, he started toward her.
Stopping in front of her, he looked slowly up and down her body. “Can I get you a drink, beautiful?” he said loudly so she could hear him over the music.
Liz moved close to him. “After we dance.”
She’d discovered that guys who had good rhythm on the dance floor, were good in bed too.
He smiled, took her hand, and led them between couples a short distance onto the dance floor.
The song playing was slow but it had a hard, pounding rhythm and she started moving sensually to the beat.
Alone without a care
Hoping, and hating
Things that I can't bear
Did you think its cool to walk right up
To take my life and fuck it up
Well did you
I hate you
I see hell in your eyes
Taken in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside
The words jumped out at her, making her think of her sad excuse of a life, but she pushed them away, concentrating on her partner instead.
He moved slowly, watching the sway of her hips and her breasts softly bouncing. It was easy to see he wanted her.
Coming closer, he put his hands on her hips, moving with her, pressing their bodies together.
Leaning in he spoke. “You are so hot, what’s your name?”
“Serana,” she said automatically. It was the name she used with her conquests, when she gave them a name at all.
It was kind of crazy but she blamed the faceless, unknown Serena for ruining their lives. Just as much as she blamed Future Max and Tess, she blamed Serena for losing Max.
If Serena hadn't figured out how to alter the Granolith to send the Max from the future back in time, none of this would have happened. Liz would have never pushed Max into Tess’ arms, and he wouldn’t have been vulnerable to her, never slept with her.
And instead of looking for a nameless man to give her a few moments of ecstasy, she would be in Max’s loving arms.
So the name Serena seemed appropriate. To her it represented pain and anguish. It was her own private joke.
Liz was brought back to the present as the blond leaned in, speaking. “I’m D.J., the big Dogg,” he drawled, raising his eyebrow suggestively so she had no doubt about what he meant.
She had to work not to roll her eyes. He was a total poser, but at least he was hot. And he could dance. He had a natural rhythm, his body moving with hers in a way that would definitely translate into good sex.
So she didn’t waste any time. “How big are you?” she asked, holding his eyes as she put a hand to his chest.
He smiled triumphantly, knowing she was into him. Grabbing her ass, he pulled her tight against him, his knee sliding between her legs so she could feel his erection as they moved together. He spoke next to her ear. “I’m big enough to fill up your sweet cunny and give you the ride of your life.”
Liz smiled, letting the desire fill her as she continued grinding against him. He was big, and definitely what she was looking for.
Leaning in, she kissed him.
Instantly he responded, plunging his hand into her hair at the back of her head to hold her to him, as he devoured her mouth. His other hand held her ass tightly, keeping her close and helping her move against him.
Liz almost felt like they were having sex right on the dance floor, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted that big cock inside her.
“Let’s go back to my place,” he growled.
She shook her head. “Too far,” she panted, kissing him hard and smiling. “Let’s fuck in the bathroom.”
He smiled back. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all night.”
Kissing her again, he took her hand and led her between gyrating couples, toward the men’s room.
There was a little more light inside than the rest of the club, but it was still dim. Liz didn’t care anyway. It didn’t matter if anyone saw them.
He pulled her inside a stall and locked the door, and instantly they were on each other. Their lips crashed together as his hand went between her legs. He slipped inside her panties and stroked over her soaking core.
Liz gasped with pleasure, moving against him. It felt so good to be touched.
Her hands went to the fastening of his jeans, and quickly worked it open. Sliding inside, she gripped him, pulling him out.
He really was big, but she barely took time to notice. She was way past ready.
“Rip off my panties,” she ordered, “and fuck me already.”
With a growl, he did as she said, the tearing sound of her underwear almost making her climax.
Grasping her ass, he lifted her and impaled her on his waiting cock.
She groaned with pleasure as he pressed her against the stall door, and immediately started fucking her.
He withdrew almost completely and slammed back inside her, rolling his hips somehow, the angle making him rub her clit hard.
“Oh shit!” she groaned. “Oh yes! Fuck me just like that!”
He sped up a bit, but kept the same motion.
Liz braced her foot against the handrail, spreading her legs farther apart, and allowing him to come even deeper inside.
“Fuck,” he growled, pumping into her harder, the stall shaking with his every movement.
His whole body was straining, every muscle flexed as he pounded them both to a quick climax, and Liz couldn’t help but be impressed by the sight. He really was beautiful, and he could fuck.
The combination of his large cock inside her, and her clit being stimulated so perfectly, built her up quickly. Everything in her body tightened as he pounded her to an amazing end.
Closing her eyes, she panted, gasping for air and shaking as she flew over the edge.
He exploded a moment later, his hips pumping into her, drawing out her own pleasure.
They panted together as he held her against the door, and for the first time, she became aware of the cold metal on her bare ass.
“Fuck that was good,” he repeated, over and over.
The waves of the orgasm rushed through Liz and her core continued to pulse around his big cock. The climax had come quickly, but it was so satisfying.
They panted together for long minutes, his hot breath brushing against her neck as the waves of the orgasm washed through her. He was right. It was a good fuck. She barely felt like she could move.
Withdrawing from her, he set her on her feet, but put a steadying hand to her waist as she listed to the side.
Smiling he kissed her. “I fucked you dizzy,” he said proudly.
Nodding she agreed. “Yes you did.”
Pressing his body to hers, he kissed her again. “Let’s go back to my place now, and I’ll see if I can do it again.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ve got an early day tomorrow.”
He kissed her again. “Well when can I see you again?” he purred. “How about tomorrow?”
Liz shook her head. “I’m not looking for a relationship, I just wanted a fuck.”
“Who said anything about a relationship,” he said with a shrug. “We can just fuck, any time you want.”
Liz sighed as she put her clothes in order. He wasn’t taking no for an answer and she had no intention of seeing him again. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, a fuck friend, or even an acquaintance. She shook her head. “It’s not going to happen.”
Flicking the lock, she left him standing there, hurrying to cover his softening cock.
Pushing through the swinging bathroom door, she headed back through the crowd and out the front, waving for a cab.
She settled into the back seat, the orgasm still rushing though her, and closed her eyes, reliving the details of her encounter. Damn he had been big, and he felt so good inside her.
Thoughts of Max started to come forward, but she brutally pushed them away, refusing to think of him.
She could still feel DJs cock inside her, pounding into her and somehow rubbing her clit. She’d never experienced anything like it. She wondered if it was because of his size, or the position they been in, or maybe it was a trick he knew.
Whatever it was, it was definitely a fuck to remember and replay when her thoughts took a wrong turn.
As they drove, she went over every detail again and again trying to keep thoughts of Max out of her head, but it was practically impossible. Images she didn’t want to see kept crowding in.
She’d never be able to sleep unless she exhausted herself. Maybe she should have taken DJ up on his offer to fuck her silly. At least she wouldn’t be alone with her thoughts.
The cab dropped her in front of her apartment, and she paid the driver, moving into the shadows of the building as he drove away.
Liz smoothed her hand over her hair, returning it to its natural dark brown color, and pulled it up into a ponytail. Then she passed her hand over her clothes, turning her skirt and shirt into shorts and a matching jog bra, and her high heels into running shoes.
It seemed like she had been running for a long time for Max.
The first time had been after she’d heard the message from the orbs in the cave. No matter how much she loved Max, she couldn’t stand in his way. She’d run all the way to Florida and stayed away the whole summer to help him understand that.
What on earth is going on in my heart
Has it turned as cold as stone
Seems these days I don't feel anything
Less it cuts me right down to the bone
Then she’d run away from him again when the Max from the future had told her what would happen. She hadn’t left town that time, but she’d lied and set him up to make him stop loving her.
What on earth is going on in my head
You know I used to be so sure
You know I used to be so definite
Thought I knew what love was for
I look around these days and I'm not so sure
She’d been on the verge of running to Sweden when Max wouldn’t believe her about Alex’s death. She would have done anything to save him from the same fate that took Alex from them.
My oh my you know I just can't win
I burn it down it comes right back again
What kinda world is this we're living in
where you never win
After that last unspeakable night in Roswell, she couldn’t stay any more. She wasn’t running to help Max anymore, she was running to get away. She’d uprooted her life and run all the way to another state and another life to leave behind the constant sickening reminders of her past. But it hadn’t been far enough. She’d still been running ever since she arrived, and sometimes it pushed her to run right out into the night.
My oh my you know it just don't stop
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off
But it's not enough
She jogged across the street, and broke into a run when she stepped foot in the park. Picking up speed with every stride, she ran past the picnic pavilions and the baseball field, past the playground and the small pond.
If she ran fast enough, all the bad would be left behind. The only things that would exist in the world were the sounds of her feet hitting the ground and the puffs of her exhaled breath. None of the disturbing thoughts could invade her mind if she just kept running faster.
She sped up as she approached the trees, leaving the lit sidewalk behind and turning onto a dirt path that wound through the woods.
The moon overhead provided only a little light through the branches, but she didn’t care. She liked being alone in her dark world.
She ran on and on, pushing herself to go as fast as she could, and after a few minutes, she burst out of the trees and into the cemetery.
The moonlight was brighter now, reflecting off the tombstones, making a kind of eerie glow.
So clearly she remembered the first time she’d seen it. It had been a bad night, just like this one, when her mind wouldn’t quiet, and she’d run out of her apartment desperate to get away. She’d never been in the park and had just kept running without even knowing where she was going.
That first night she’d come out of the trees, and fog covered the ground, making the tombstones seem to float and glow an unnatural bluish-green like something that might have been on an alien planet.
She’d fallen to her knees, gasping for air, and thinking she was going insane as she tried to take in the unearthly sight. The tombstones and monuments seemed to swim before her. It was like some cosmic joke and she wondered if it was her time to die.
But she didn’t.
She sat in the wet grass as her vision cleared and her breathing returned to normal, and finally she could see that it was just a trick of light and fog. It was just a regular cemetery.
Since that night, she’d often returned to the cemetery. She found it peaceful, comforting.
Tonight, she didn’t even slow her stride, but ran as fast as she could around the parameter. The headstones flashed past her, all blending together, the names a blur. The only thing that stood out was a large monument toward the center of the cemetery with three warrior angels on the top. It seemed to stand still amidst all of the motion around it.
The angels were larger than life and stood with their wings spread behind them. One angel brandished a sword and shield, another pointed a bow and arrow, and the one in the center wore an elaborate helmet and breastplate and simply outstretched an arm. She’d often wondered if the angel was reaching out to something or warding off something.
But she barely glanced at the monument tonight, and instead concentrated on her pace.
She was breathing heavily now, and aware that sweat was pouring off her body, but she pushed herself to go even faster. With a few more steps, she was around the cemetery and threw herself back into the woods.
Her footsteps were louder as she ran through a pile of dead leaves and then all sound receded except her breathing as she got back onto the dirt path.
She wasn’t even halfway thought the tress when her legs started to ache, but she kept pushing herself.
Finally bursting out of the trees, she was aware that it was getting painful to breathe, but she still didn’t allow herself a break in stride.
Concentrating on each heavy footfall and each ragged breath didn’t give her time to think about anything else. It was just what she’d intended.
The pond came in sight and the playground beyond, and she had almost reached it when her legs went out from under her and she stumbled, landing on her hands and knees. But with a yell of determination she pushed herself up immediately, barely breaking her stride as she kept running.
She was aware that she’d scraped her knees when she’d fallen, but she didn’t care. Her body was painful and shaking from fatigue, and her pace faltered, but she kept going.
She was definitely slowing as she passed the baseball field. Vaguely she was aware that her knee was bleeding, and a stitch started in her side as she approached the pavilions, but she ignored it.
She could see the street now, and her apartment beyond, and she wouldn’t stop until she reached it.
As she ran across the street, her leg cramped and she nearly stumbled again, but somehow stayed on her feet.
Running into the courtyard of her building, she was gasping for air, but pushed herself to run up the stairs to her apartment.
Practically collapsing against her door, she used a swipe of her hand to unlock it, and slipped inside, closing it behind her. Her legs shaking, she stumbled into the bathroom, striping off her clothes, stepping into the shower to turn on a hot spray.
Leaning against the tile wall, she was still breathing hard as the water sluiced over her tired body and she watched as dirt and blood spiraled down the drain.
But she couldn’t stand still too long. She didn’t have the strength left.
After a few moments, she turned off the water and went on shaking legs into her bedroom. Her hand also shook as she raised it to pass over her hair and body, drying herself before she fell into bed. With the last of her strength, she pulled a sheet over her naked body and a sigh escaped her. She knew she would be able to sleep.
The dreams would come, no doubt, but she wouldn’t have to worry about them until the morning.
Let me catch my breath to breathe
And reach across the bend
The slightest bit of light
And I can see you clear
Oh, have to take your hand
And feel your breath for fear that someday we’ll be over
I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever
Oh, it's a fragile thing
This life we lead
If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace
By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders
Want you to know that should I go,
I always loved you, held you high above, too.
I studied your face, and the fear goes away,
The fear goes away