Vital Things You can Learn from Roswell

These are humorous things you can learn from Roswell from a couple of different sites.

Sorry, I didn't save where this was from.

Roswell University

Everything I need to know I learned from watching Roswell, right? Well, maybe I need to know a few more things, but here's where I will post all the things we can learn from watching Roswell. This is all in good fun, kinda like those "All I ever need to know I learned from Star Trek" posters.

~When you point your finger up in the air to show where you are from, it can mean up north, Canada, and outer space. (Pilot/Heatwave)

~Silver handprints fade after a couple of days. (Pilot)

~You shouldn't show fake alien pictures to the tourists. (Pilot)

~For an alien to heal you, you have to look at them. (Pilot)

~Police need better descriptions of perps than "muscular Beavis" and "beefy Butthead." (Pilot)

~If we had alien powers we could listen to CDs by holding them up to our ears or by waving our hands over them. (Pilot/Max in the City)

~Czechoslovakians have these incredibly soulful eyes... (Morning After)

~The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees, not 360 degress. (Morning After)

~The Eraser Room does two things - It cleans erasers and it takes our innocence! (Morning After)

~Czechoslovakia has not existed for over ten years. (Morning After)

~Some people are just pigs. (Monsters)

~If a relationship isn't complicated, you aren't with your soulmate. (Leaving Normal)

~When you follow your heart, you leave normal. (Leaving Normal)

~The bigger your world gets the bigger your problems get. (Missing)

~Watching The View keeps guys in touch with their feminine side. (285 South)

~Musicians get all the ladies. (Blood Brothers)

~Vibrators are people who communicate by sending vibes off into the atmosphere. (River Dog)

~Aliens like sweet mixed with spicy. (River Dog)

~Aliens never need more than one bottle of nail polish at a time. (Heat Wave)

~Slugs can be gay. {Max said it, not me!!!} (Heat Wave)

~A possible purpose for aliens coming to earth is to wipe out the world, one annoying teenager at a time. (The Balance)

~Being in love is when you can be your happiest and your saddest all at one time. (The Balance)

~Adults are the enemy. (Toy House)

~Echinacea is good for colds. (Into the Woods)

~In poker, two pair beats a full house. (Into the Woods)

~To get over someone, think about mud. (The Convention)

~What's so great about normal? (Blind Date)

~This is your brain on Max... (Independence Day)

~Opposites attract. (Independence Day)

~Everybody's got red sneakers. (Sexual Healing)

~Women like surprises. (Crazy)

~Roswell attracts all kinds. (Crazy)

~Bubble bath is a better gift than shampoo/conditioner in one. (Crazy)

~Before you can expect someone to trust you, you have to trust them first. (Tess, Lies, and Videotape)

~There are signs all around you. (Four Square)

~You are who you choose to be. (Four Square)

~There's something in the water... (Four Square)

~Even evil FBI agents let aliens get some sleep. (Max to the Max)

All I need to know, I learned from Roswell

- It's not whether you win or lose, you should just be happy to be nominated
- the 'urban cowboy' look is definately making a comeback
- donating blood has the potential for scoring you major brownie points with your friends
- dodgeball is the coolest sport in the world
- if you can't stand the heat, get out of the Native American sweat tent
- if you don't play by the house rules, you won't pass GO but you will go directly to jail
- looking into each other's souls is far better than getting to second base
- vandalizing the side of your ex-girlfriend's house seems to be a sure-fire turn-on
- using the excuse of having to pee is a surefire way to get you out of trouble with the authorities
- an aqua bra is the definitive fashion accessory
- it is necessary to repeat your own name each time you begin a new entry in your journal
- it's always a good idea to bring along a couple of 'spares' on a blind date in case the original person doesn't work out
- using visual aids such as sugarcubes or fogged-up windowpanes often helpsto get your point across
- the true way to a man's heart is through good old-fashioned mind control
- feigning concern over your brother's disappearance is an excellent seuse to kiss someone
- having alien powers is a surefire way to cut down on your cosmetics and make-up bills
- you shouldn't leave nookie pie lying around that your daughter might find
- Chaka Kahn is great music to hoochie-koochie to
- for a first date, watching the stars in the sky beats watching the stars on the silver screen hands down
- taking your date to the public library will get you nowhere if you're trying to score
- sometimes 'faking it' has its advantages
- if you're going to lie about going on a date with a college guy, make sure you have a good alibi in case you get caught
- it is always important to practice safe sex - even in your dreams
- suddenly leaving work withoug any explanation is okay because you boss probably won't know anyway
- bonding with people over dietary quirks can lead to all sorts of trouble
- that the only acceptable method of entering a bedroom is through a window
- following your destiny is not always the best choice to make
- we're all aliens on the inside

This is a list from the closed site 285 South.

Season 1

From "The Pilot"
� Outer space aliens have no rights if arrested.
� Sniff seed oil if you're stressed.
� Do not use "a muscular Beavis" or "a beefy Butthead" to describe suspects of a crime.
� If you come in late for biology, you can still get a bathroom pass.

From "The Morning After"
� A good place to hide a key is in your lunch thermos.
� The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180, not 360.
� Czeckoslyvokia has not existed for 10 years.
� A flat tire is a good excuse for explaining why you're still out after curfew.
� You can just skip class periods any time you want so you can spy on a sub teacher and never get caught.

From "Monsters"
� All mom's do stupid things, say, like making cute alien keychains.
� If you have car problems and get stuck on the side of the road, don't worry, someone will ALWAYS conveniently drive by and help you out.
� Some people are just, like, pigs.
� If you're shy or you keep secrets, just try to step from behind the tree.

From "Leaving Normal"
� A person full of life one day could be gone tommorrow.
� It is necessary to restate your full name in each entry of your diary.
� If you get beat up, the best thing to do is to do nothing and go on.
� Image is everything.
� Always follow your heart.

From "285 South"
� Watch "The View" and get in touch with your feminine side.
� Aliens get hungry.
� It's probably the best thing for your mother if she knows what species you are.

From "River Dog"
� Open aired vehicles probably aren't allowed to be on the road.
� If you can't remember how something's drawn, draw it anyway.
� If you give off vibes, you're a vibrator.

From "Blood Brother"
� Look in the wastebasket if you're trying to find info on someone.
� When you're trying to tail someone, don't drive backwards.
� When you're trying to actually help someone, try not to help them in a way that makes them think that you are a really weird person, like an FBI agent or something.
� Musicians get the girls.
� Wear your dang seatbelt when you drive or are in a car so you won't get seriously hurt in a car accident!

From "Heat Wave"
� Slugs can be gay!!! (Max said that, not me!)

From "The Toy House"
� Water will only spread a GREASE FIRE, so don't pretend to wash a grease fire out and put on a puppy face (and puppy ears) for your mother.
� If you see a wounded bird, say, out in a park or something, don't pick it up and do something unusual like heal it or something.
� You can't just solve a problem by waving your hand around.

From "Into the Woods"
� Never trust the law to share information.
� Dad's gotta get better at the "privacy thing."
� When there's no milk, use beer.
� Don't talk in riddles!
� When your paranoia schizophrenia kicks in, go to the bathroom and have a talk with yourself.

From "The (UFO) Convention"
� Don't be led around by your energy source.
� When you start to see things all woozy, think about MUD.
� All guys are so obsessive. If it's not football, then it's UFO's.

From "Blind Date"
� You can't break up if you weren't together in the first place.
� A little swig of alcohol can make you go nutty for a while - so watch out!
� What's so great about being normal?

From "Independence Day"
� When you're angry, throw rocks at a train.
� You have to learn to just say no.
� If someone bakes you a pie, you'd better eat all of it.
� Swallow some "grief relief" when you feel that "feeling" coming on.

From "Sexual Healing"
� When somebody walks in the door, give them a nice, sweet strawberry.
� People do a lot of dumb things when their drunk.
� Hydrogen and Carbon are the simple basis of life forms in the universe.
� Some red stars are really weak.
� If you smooch and have a vision, look for glowing things on your body.

From "Crazy"
� When you buy your girl some body wash, get the kind that makes her skin soft.
� When you buy your girl shampoo, don't get the generic kind.
� Girls love surprises.
� When somebody tells you not to tell something to anyone else at that moment, say "I need my jacket!" and go tell somebody.
� You can never have too much sweet.

From "Tess, Lies, and Videotape"
� There are no such things as shape shifters.
� Anything out there could be watching you...right now.
� Things that are over 300 years old are not junk!

From "Four Square"
� You can never have enough sunshine!!!
� Max doesn't need a babysitter - he needs a bodyguard.
� Pay attention, there are signs everywhere.
� The goal in life is to stay in control.

From "Max to the Max"
� You should be scared of smarter people.
� When coffee gets that metallic taste, wash out the pot.
� It doesn't matter if your shift is coming up during work - you can leave if it's a surprise.
� If you can clean a coffeepot real good, try your truck next.

From "The White Room"
� When somebody gives you the choice of an easy or hard way, don't say "earth".
� People always patrol in intervals.
� The problem isn't that they're part alien - it's that they're part human, duh.
� The only thing stopping you is yourself, so remember that.

From "Destiny"
� Whether you die tommorrow or 50 years later, your destiny will be the same.
� You may be stronger than you think you are!
� We don't tolerate secret-action-stuff-business in this country.
� When you're trying to run away from someone, make lots of noise when you're going through a huge water pipe.

season two

From "Skin and Bones"
� There are millions of teenagers with your problems.
� It's all normal teenage stuff...
� Aliens are apparantly a little "green around the gills."
� It's never easy for anyone to kill a man.
� Start reading the newspaper.
� Don't grovel like a dog.
� Why would a metal detector detect bones?
� Don't leave a calling card when you're off somewhere breaking the law.
� Bones don't melt.
� You can never find those little pod people when you need them...
� We are all in the dark, waiting to be attacked.
� When doing a discreet thing, use really clunky cell phones with a loud ring.

From "Ask Not"
� When you have a bloody handprint on your chest, run around the city half naked for all to see.
� Just hear the locusts in the night, like Kyle.
� No conditions are permanent, and no conditions are reliable.
� You're probably too young to be dust.
� Don't you let any man/woman pull that crap on you!
� The truth will set you free...
� Here on Earth, we have a primitive concept called privacy.
� Try and follow your heart; it's what all the great leaders do.
� Note to self: Take more computer clesses.
� Material possessions clutter the mind.

From "Surprise"
� Great leaders are allowed to say "ditto."
� One nipple does not constitute as striptease.
� It's okay to put Tabasco sauce in a birthday cake (don't forget the eggs).
� Guys don't make cakes, period.
� When you're not needed, go fill up the ketchup bottles. Then do the sugar.

From "Harvest"
� It's hard to run with your pants around your ankles.
� Could things sound any creepier?
� Scully and Mulder don't giggle, so shut up.
� Aliens usually listen to the Backstreet Boys.
� Why don't you just send parcels? Don't go there yourself.
� Husks don't age.

From "Wipeout!"
� Drink orange juice to "get past it."
� It's a circle of life. If you catch a fish, put it back.
� To open the mind, burn some compost sticks (or whatever) and hang wind chimes in your backyard.
� When you date Michael Guerin, prepare for some major vitamin intake.
� What a drag - going to school on a Saturday?
� Rule number one of war: keep your big mouth shut.

From "Meet the Dupes"
� [The Summit] don't want a numbuh two - they want thuh Royal Fo'.
� Something burning so bright just burned out.
� Don't forget the pepper jack....
� A person who doesn't get the cheese right doesn't deserve to live.
� The Sheriff is cool, cuz he's thuh freaking man!

From "Max in the City"
� [Max] is the king of the world! Just not of this one.
� Address your king as "Your Highness" when you need his signature.
� Now, when you're the frickin king, you deserve New York's best pizza. And the other guy buys.
� Space is, uh, what we call very, very, big. We can't just zip around like on Star Trek.

From "A Roswell Christmas Carol" (The Miracle)
� If you're going to get a significant present, steer clear of the hardware store.
� When one's heart and one's mind aren't in balance, one's body is the first to fail.
� An electric toothbrush is very practical.
� You can never have enough Christmas ornaments!
� If you're living somewhere, you probably need a damn chair.

From "To Serve and Protect"
� When there's crap on TV, go take a stroll. In people's dreams.
� Romantic dreams CAN be boring.
� Police work makes you old...
� If you die, you can reincarnate into a gopher.
� Buddha has a cell phone :)
� There are simple rules in most homes:
� Leave the toilet seat down,
� Don't leave underwear on the floor, and
� Pour milk in a glass to drink.
� First get probable cause - then you can get a search warrant.
� Sisters will yell at you, second guess you, and piss you off.
� In the real world, we use names!
� Molehills aren't straight lines.

From "Disturbing Behavior"
� When you're questioned by an FBI Agent, stare blankly ahead.
� Roswell is a sick town...
� You hurt everybody when you start bashing a CD player around.
� If you lie to the FBI, you're in deep trouble.
� You don't go camping without your long johns in February.
� Parasites need something to feed on...but not your arm (it's not tasty enough).

From "How the Other Half Lives"
� It's a tragic when you get a spot on a cashmere turtleneck.
� In your sophomore year, you rarely have to lie to authorities and to run from gunfire.
� Always bring a cell phone in cast you get trapped in an undergroud cave with parasite-crystals.
� Breathe shallow.
� People with money tend to be threatned when it comes to things.
� Life sucks, people suck - that's reality.

From "Viva Las Vegas"
� When you have a nightmare, hit the refrigerator!
� Screw the plan, just go!
� You don't build dreams with tainted money.
� Create your own memories.
� Blackjack requires knowledge of AP Statistics.
� Boys are trapped in the world of armpit farts and Playstation.
� As long as you stick together, you can make it.

From "It's Too Late and It's Too Bad"
� What's immoral is if someone kills another.
� Without an application, 1s and 0s mean nothing!
� Think about things in human terms after pondering in alien terms.
� Some people would say congradulations...
� Using a pick made from a bike spoke, you can pick a door lock by sticking it into a keyhole and jiggling it around.
� Be a leader based on what is true, not what you want to be true.
� It's hard being a leader when you have no followers.

From "Baby, It's You"
� Don't ever think that it "didn't go any further than that."
� Aliens are the most pathetic people.
� The most fulfilled are born with stones that turn into jewels.
� You're doing something illegal? And?
� Alien herpes are not the problem.
� Take it ALL out on the trash cans.

Season 3

From "Busted"
� During a robbery, let your long hair dangle out of your mask and speak out so that witnesses will know that you're a girl.
� Really, it's not that funny to take off your clothes.
� If you go pretty far way, your high school grades won't transfer.
� The aliens' ship is a lemon.
� Don't be a smartass - it'll be a problem at school.
� Don't say "We can't get caught." Because you will.
� Got a diamond to hide? Try under a couch cushion.

From "Michael, the Guys, and the Great Snapple Caper"
� Slam the door once more, louder, to wake up a sleeping dad.
� Don't say "chico" if you can't really pull it off.
� The corporate of America sucks.
� What it's all about - is principle.
� Nobody fires an entire shift for stealing Snapple.

From "Significant Others"
� Life can be like the old movies.
� When you're dead, you're beyond getting jealous.
� Back on the throttle - that's good.
� Wash your sheets.
� You must be angry when you're making a cottage cheese milkshake.
� People love you when you're happy.

From "Secrets & Lies"
� Don't smoke in the car.
� It's nice to have your daddy as a lawyer.
� Tell the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
� All you need is exposure.

From "To Have and To Hold"
� If the restaurant opens at 6:30, don't open it at 6:42.
� Write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.
� Even if you're the best man, be sure to get a sample of the groom's blood to make sure he's not an alien.
� Your subconcious mind can screw you.
� Friends help their friends.

From "Interruptus"
� Denial is a way of life.
� Everything's going to be fine!
� Sometimes, appetizers aren't a good idea...or maybe someone messed with your drink.
� Focus, focus, focus on your honeymoon.
� Seize the moment, take a chill - scubadive or something.

From "Behind the Music"
� You can't put your parents in danger.
� Here on Earth, we have this thing called jealously...
� Braces can work.
� "Songwriters Workshop" sounds better than "Band Camp."
� Sometimes tradition can wait.
� Don't put dairy products in your meat. It's not kosher.
� Sometimes you have to go after your dreams.

From "Samuel Rising"
� Don't starve yourself because you have a weird girlfriend.
� Volunteering! It's a calling!
� Stockings can be brown.
� Elves just deal with annoying kids who want to cut the Santa line.
� Mellow out for a Christmas tradition.
� If you're an elf, fetch Snapple and give foot rubs for Santa.
� Age difference might be a problem in a relationship.

From "Graduation"
� It's wrong to benefit in a ny way from someone else's passing... most of the time.
� Although SAT words will drive you crazy, they'll help you in life.
� The trouble with making plans for the future, even if you can see the future, is that fate has a way of intervening.
� See what you want, and then go get it.

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