The TV Toilet Tube Reviews

These are reviews of Roswell season 1 episodes written by 'The Tube' who owned the site The TV Toilet Tube. It was a humorous site that reviewed various TV shows including, Ally McBeal, Friends, Buffy, ER and others. Unfortunately it was eaten in the great Geocities purge.

Season 1 reviews from The TV Toilet Tube, The TV You Shouldn�t Flush

They had a unique way of rating TV episodes.

Effective Sunday, February 20, 2000 I perfected the ratings system. Here is the explanation. Shows are judged from one to ten Flushes.

10 Flushes means that this episode was phenomenal. There are only three to four episodes of this caliber every season. Only the best shows that are the very best of their shows can get 10 Flushes.

9 to 8 Flushes: A great episode of a great show. I was moved and touched. I maybe even cried. I deffinitely thought about issues the show brought up.

7 to 6 Flushes was either a pretty good episode of a great show or a really good episode of a mediocre show. The show may have lacked an ideal pace or the acting may have been off. Or the show was pretty good but just was not great.

5 Flushes This show was barely worth watching. I was not disappointed, but I deffinitely would have wished for better. No chance that I cried, but maybe I got a minor case of the goosebumps or laughed a little.

4 to 3 Flushes Bad acting and bad script are the signals of this episode. It's only distinguishing factor was that I related to the characters so I did not hate the show. Or maybe I felt a commitment to the show that prevented me from totally hating the show.

2 or 1 Flushes Worthless, valueless. If a show gets more than three of these in a season, then the show deserves cancellation.

I hope you appreciate my ratings. Remember that this scale is effective as of Sunday February 20, 2000.

Here is the first overall impression of Roswell that was posted based on the Pilot. 

Roswell - The show is fun and pretty enjoyable. The gang of five, with three aliens and two humans seems that it may be fun, but I need to see a few more episodes to know exactly what this show is going to offer. By the way, I really don't like the cop. He's just ugly and an unnecessary character.

Pilot & Morning After

October 13, 1999

I like this show. It's much cooler and more fun and, oddly, more realistic than Dawson's Creek. I'm going to sum up the series premier as well as this week, just so that you totally understand this fun, hip, new show. This 16 year-old girl Liz works at a Roswell, New Mexico diner wit her friend Maria. One day, Liz gets shot at the diner. This guy from high school, Max, comes by, places his hand her, and heals her. He then smashes a bottle of ketchup on her and tells her to use this ketchup as a cover story. Liz does, but the sheriff doesn't believe her. The sheriff's name is Valenti. He also finds out that Liz has this hand print on her stomach, a hand print which was also on a murder victim from like 1949. Liz confronts Max and Max tells Liz that he, his sister (Isabel), and their friend (Michael) are all aliens who landed with the Roswell crash. They existed in pods until 1989 when they came out and were six year olds who looked like humans. The three have special powers like healing powers (by the way, the handprint is only temporary) and mind reading powers (Max and Liz have now probed each other's souls). By the way, Valenti suspects that Max is an alien or something weird, That's the premise of the show. This week, Michael decides that he wants to see this picture of the murder victim. He sneaks in to the sheriff's office, but the FBI has cleared all of the sheriff's files (as it turns out Valenti sent Liz's dress to the FBI for blood analysis and although the FBI denies it, the dress did show both blood and ketchup). Michael does, however, find a key that gives him this weird reaction...he must have psychic powers. In the background of this episode, Liz suspects a new substitute teacher of being more than meets the eye when the sub asks a few too many questions when Michael doesn't show up for class. The sub is seen carrying files with student info around and then she goes to Michael's house. As it turns out, the sub is a new guidance counselor and she tells Liz that Michael may be in serious trouble (we don't know why...maybe for not being in school?). Also there is some sexual tension between Max and Liz which is broken up by this jock named Kyle that Liz hooked up with over the summer. We're not sure where this love thing will go, but Liz likes Max, not Kyle. Also, for some reason, Isabel really doesn't like Liz and Maria...I have no idea if it's jealousy or what. This is basically how the show is going. It's fun.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:How do we even know that these Czechoslovakians came with their passports? --Maria, on the legitimacy of her and Liz's new alien friends.


October 20, 1999

It was a pretty good episode, but I've come to realize that outside of the Max-Liz chemistry, the show isn't as good as I may have originally thought. This week, Maria is driving along when she sees Isabel. She gives Isabel a ride and the two have so much friction between them that Maria gets in an accident with Valenti's car (Valenti being the cop). No one is hurt, but Valenti realizes that Maria is helping Isabel cover up something (that has nothing to do with the accident). Valenti calls Maria to his office and everyone gets scared that Maria is going to share the secret. Isabel goes so far as to invade Maria's dream, apparently that's one of her powers. We think that Maria is about to tell Valenti about Isabel and Max being aliens but she decides not to. Also of note in this episode, Max goes to the UFO museum for the first time where he becomes enthralled by all that it has to offer. Max takes a job working for the museum...he hopes to gain access to his boss's files on all UFO activity. Max is looking for one of his relatives or something that may tell him how to get home.

Leaving Normal

October 27, 1999

I'm totally in love with this show. It's so great. At the very beginning of the episode, we see Max get beaten up by some of Kyle's friends, but not Kyle (Max is the alien and Kyle is the guy that Liz is sort of dating). Max tells Michael about this and so Michael melts the lock on Kyle's locker, but that pettiness ends there. Earlier in the episode, Liz's grandma shows up. Liz goes out with Kyle to pick up a video that Liz can watch with her grandma, but when Liz returns home she sees that Grandma is in a hospital. Liz and her family along with Kyle follow Grandma to the hospital where they discover that Grams has had a stroke. Liz calls Max for comfort and she tells him not to come, but he comes anyway. He arrives and sees Kyle and then leaves, but while Max was there he and Liz had a brief exchange which demonstrated their love for each other as well as the difficulty of their situation. It was a sweet moment. Anyway, as the episode goes on, we learn that Grams will likely die. Liz then asks Max for some help to maybe bring Grams back to life. Max says he's not G-d and can't do that. He only saved Liz because it wasn't her time. Anyway, Liz is at Grams' bedside when Max shows up and says that it's too late for him to save Grams, but he may bring her out of her coma for a little. Max touches Grams and only sees white in Grams' mind and says he can't do anything and then all of a sudden Grams is beside her own bed (she's there as a spirit) and Liz and Grams spend some sweet moments together. And then Grams dies. Later on, Kyle is talking with his friends when he learns that they beat up Max. It turns out that Kyle had nothing to do with the attack except saying that Max was getting too close to Liz. Kyle then goes to Liz to apologize for his friend's actions, and he finds out that Max hadn't told Liz that Kyle's friends beat him up. Then Liz breaks up with Kyle, not because Kyle ordered the hit, but because Kyle hand out with guys like that. Finally, Max and Liz had this great scene where we could feel the love between them. Also this week we learned that Isabel feels sympathy towards Liz when she covers Liz's shift so that Liz can be at the hospital. Isabel also encourages Max to be with Liz. I love this show!!
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Image means everything. You know that. We base our lives on that. --one of Isabel's flaky friends


November 3, 1999

This show seems to be proof that a show can use clich�s and be cheesy without detracting from the show's quality. This episode had interweaving storylines so bear with me. First, we meet a new character. His name is Alex and he is the official Xander of this show only I really don't like this kid. He's unable to spew verbiage in a good and enjoyable way so I hope that this kid is axed soon, but he is right now a main character. He is Liz and Maria's friend and nothing big happens to him this week. So the big story this week involves Liz. One day she realizes that her diary is missing and freaks because info about Max and his alien friends is in this journal. Liz goes to the UFO Museum where Max works to tell him about the missing journal. Just as she's arriving we see Max borrowing some books from the Museum's library about aliens. Anyway, Liz tells Max. In the meantime we learn the suspects: Alex and Kyle. Alex is insulted by this charge and Kyle, when indirectly confronted, acts ignorantly about the journal. Max gets an image that Kyle was in Liz's room so the two go to Kyle's to find the journal. They sneak in and find nothing, but Max does see a picture of Kyle and Liz which proves that Kyle still likes Liz. Max admits to being in Liz's room, but only to return a CD. In the meantime, Michael has a dream about the vision that he had when he stole they key from Valenti's office. Michael starts to draw this object. It is a semicircle at first, but as Michael develops this figure in art class it becomes this weird object. The art teacher is so proud of Michael's work that he displays the painting of the object in public...will this risk exposure? In the end, we learn that this object is known as a geodesic dome and is an architectural, postmodern design. We learn this from the art teacher. Anyway, Max now tells Isabel and Michael about the missing journal. That night, Michael shows up at the dinner and confronts Liz. As it turns out, Michael stole the journal so that he could tell if Liz was a true friend or an enemy. Michael decided that Liz was a friend by what she wrote in the journal. Michael returns the journal and the two of them will keep this a secret between them only. Liz goes to tell Max about finding her diary. She doesn't tell him who returned it. Max then asks to read the journal so he can understand the danger of the journal being discovered. But then Max realizes that "if I read what you wrote in your journal, I see how you really see me." Nonetheless, we see Max reading a book the next day in the outdoor cafeteria of the school. Alas, it is the book that Max borrowed from the museum. Isabel takes a brief look through the book and sees a picture of the author standing behind a geodesic dome. WOW!! That was the end, but there is one more important note from this episode. The new guidance counselor, Ms. Topolsky, is really a government (FBI?) agent, and she knows tat Liz's journal contains info about alien life forms.
CLOSEST ADMISSION TO LOVING MAX BY LIZ: What I wrote in my journal didn't really have anything to do with science.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: The bigger the world gets, the bigger your problems get, too. --Liz
ADDENDUM TO THE QUOTE: And now in this big world, even the biggest problems are solved. --Liz
NEXT WEEK: The search for the geodesic dome in Max's book.

285 South

November 10, 1999

Surprisingly little happened on this episode even though it was terrific, and I totally love this show. Why is it that two of my favorite shows have to be on opposite each other? So Michael breaks into the UFO Museum to find out where the dome that he saw in his dream and in a book is. The dome is in Marathon, Texas about three hours away. He tells Max and Isabel about the dome, but only Michael is determined to go to the dome immediately. By the way, while at the museum, Michael is caught and arrested for breaking and entering. Max comes down to the sheriff's office to get Michael released. Keep in mind that Max works at the museum. Also, we find out that Sheriff Valenti knows the information that Michael stole. Anyway, a classroom assignment pairs up Isabel with Liz, Max with Kyle, and Maria with Michael to perform biographies of each other. The biographies are the homework assignment and have to be made by asking specific questions that everyone in the class receives. We learn later on that Miss Topolsky (the guidance counselor and government agent) gave the teacher these questions and told the teacher who to pair with who. Well everyone is trying to do the assignments except Maria can't find Michael. Finally, she finds him but he refuses to do the assignment until he realizes that Maria has a car. He then hijacks the car with Maria in it, and the two are headed out to find the dome. Maria gets nervous so she uses her cell phone to secretly tell Liz where she and Michael are going. Liz tells Isabel and then Isabel, Liz, and Max go to find Maria and Michael and also the dome. As they're leaving for the dome, Max realizes that someone is following him. Kyle, who was with Max just before Max left, gets suspicious. He calls Liz's home and learns that Liz isn't home. Kyle then tells his Dad that Liz, Maria, Max, and Isabel are all missing. Kyle then goes out to find them...he knows that they're headed to Marathon because he overheard Isabel tell Max. Valenti then goes to find them all also. Anyway, while on the road Max notices that he is still being followed so he slashes the tires of the guy who is pursuing him (he probably uses his alien powers to do this). Finally, Max, Isabel, and Liz catch up with Maria and Michael who had to stop at a hotel when Maria's car broke down. Then comes Kyle. Kyle gets kicked out, but the remaining five go on to the dome. They enter the dome and find a secret passage to a hidden room. They enter the room and just begin exploring when they hear footsteps. Sheriff Valenti is in the dome. Then they hear someone getting hit, and they see Valenti fall to the floor. Who hit Valenti? Miss Topolsky! To be continued next week...
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: You're kidnapping me. No wait, you're abducting me. --Maria to Michael when Michael, an alien, takes Maria's car
ON CRIMINALIZING HOMEWORK: This is like cruel and unusual homework. Aren't there rules in the Geneva Convention against this? --Isabel
BEST DESCRIPTION OF A HOTEL ROOM EVER: It's like the porno version of Aladdin. --Maria
MICHAEL's FAVORITE TV SHOW: The View. It keeps me in touch with my feminine side. (We later learn that it's really "Win Ben Stein's Money")
NEXT WEEK: Will Topolsky find the kids and the secret room? Will they escape? Will Maria and Michael become an item?

River Dog

November 17, 1999

"Roswell" is a show that has shined all season long. Tonight, it shined a little less brightly. When we left this show, the gang of five were in Atherton's geodesic dome in a secret room. Sheriff Valenti had followed them into the dome, and he is knocked unconsciously Topolsky. As we return to the episode, we realize that the kids don't know who was upstairs and don't know who fell to the floor. They search the underground room and escape just as Topolsky enters the secret room. The kids do manage to escape with some good evidence. An important note here. Valenti woke up and saw that Topolsky was the one who knocked him unconscious. Anyway, the gang returns home and prepare for the next day of school. They will check out the info they stole that afternoon, but before Max and Isabel go to school, Isabel shows Max this symbol that she recognizes from her youth. She wears that symbol to school (the symbol is on a necklace). Anyway, that day at school. Topolsky is talking on the phone...we discover that she is an FBI agent. Her boss is mad that the kids are getting this info. She has some agents break into the house and steal all the info, but Isabel still has the necklace. While the police are investigating, one of them, a Native American, recognizes the necklace as a symbol. Liz takes the symbol and goes with Max to a local Indian reservation and discovers that an alien once lived amongst the Indians and that this alien was very friendly with Atherton. Then one day in November of 1959, the alien killed Atherton and disappeared. The Native American from 1999 then shows Max and Liz a cave drawing that the alien drew. Max thinks the drawing is familiar but can't translate it. In the meantime, Maria and Michael are hanging out, waiting for Max and Liz. Michael kisses Maria but says that he did it only to ease her. Who knows where their relationship is going.
REVELATION OF THE EPISODE: Maria asks: "What's with the tobasco sauce." Isabel responds: "Sweet and spicy...we all like things extremely sweet with things extremely spicy."
NEXT WEEK: Max gets in a car crash and is taken to the hospital. Will his blood reveal his identity.

Blood Brother

November 24, 1999

A note from last week that I forgot to mention: Valenti confronts Topolsky and tells her that he knows she is a FBI agent. She offers to share info with him, but he turns that offer down.

Onto this week's episode which was better than good. It was just amazing...I got goosebumps. So Max and Liz are driving around, and Max swerves so as not to run over a horse. In doing so, his car flips over, and he is knocked unconscious. Max is taken to the hospital, and the doctors take blood from him. If his blood is studied under a microscope, his alien identity will be discovered. So Liz calls up Alex (the dorky, Xander-like best friend of Liz) and asks him for his blood. Alex comes and gives his blood, but then gets upset when Liz won't tell Alex why she took the blood. He guesses that Max was on drugs, and she doesn't deny this. Alex and Liz are now in a fight. But, Michael does take Alex's blood and switches it with Max's. Switch successful, and Max recovers quickly, because he has some regenerative powers.

Everyone realizes that they are being followed. When Michael switches the blood, he sees that someone else tried to take Max's blood. Michael and Maria follow this guy later on and break into his hotel room. They find a phone number and discover that the number belongs to Topolsky. In the meantime, Topolsky knows what Alex did. She confronts him and then secretly takes some of his blood (she slips a drug into his soda which gives him a nose bleed and then takes the tissue he used to clean up his nose bleed...she compares this blood to that of Max's hospital sample). Alex admits that Max was on drugs. Topolsky is surprised that Alex says this...she was expecting the alien truth.

In the meantime, Alex is pissed as hell at Liz, but she apologizes and says that because they are best friends, he has to put this secret behind her. Next thing, Alex goes to Topolsky to confess the truth about Max. At this point, Liz knocks on Topolsky's door and asks to speak with her. The two girls go outside, and Liz calls Alex a liar. In the office Alex hacks into Topolsky's computer. When Liz and Topolsky return, he has discovered that Topolsky is an FBI agent. She says that even though her identity has been discovered, she is not leaving. Liz and Alex then talk...Alex tells Liz to either tell him the truth about Max or that he will no longer be her friend. Liz says that she can't tell the secret. Alex walks out of Liz's life.

NEXT WEEK: A heat wave hits Roswell and couples start copulating (not really, I just like the alliteration) Michael & Maria, Isabel & Alex...will Liz & Max follow suit?

Heat Wave

December 1, 1999

I'm really sorry that this explanation will be half-assed, but I can't help it. There's a heat wave in Roswell, New Mexico, and Michael and Maria are making out like bandits. Kyle has a new girlfriend named Vicky DeLaney. Sheriff Valenti is hitting on Maria's mom, Amy DeLuca. In the meantime, Liz wants to be friends with Alex. She tries and tries but can do nothing. Isabel then hops into Alex's dreams to see what's on his minds. Keep in mind that aliens can read people's dreams. Isabel enters Alex's dreams only to see him fantasizing about dancing with her. Isabel decides to hit on Alex to get him to shut up about confessing the FBI secret about Topolsky to Valenti. Apparently, Valenti is doing an investigation over the disappearance of Miss Topolsky. Alex realizes that Isabel doesn't really like him and so he gives up on her. Anyway, everyone goes to this big party, and the cops come to break it up. Liz and Alex are both arrested, and are locked up next to each other. She pleads for his friendship and eventually tells Alex that he had to donate the blood because Max, Michael, and Isabel are all aliens. Alex doesn't believe this, but will be friends with Liz again. At the very end of the episode, all of the sexual tension that had built up was released...Max and Liz kiss. This really pissed me off. I don't think that they're ready to be in a relationship yet. The chemistry was great and I know that things are going to suck in a few weeks once the relationship become steady. Hmmph! I'm angry.
NEXT WEEK: Dawson's Creek is airing for two hours


December 15, 1999

I forgot just how much I missed this show, but boy oh boy do I love it. Apparently, Michael and Maria broke up at the end of the last episode, and they now hate each other... actually, Maria still like Michael, but Michael is pretty scared of commitment. Anyway, Michael discovers a picture Max drew of the Indian cave drawings that we saw a few weeks back. Michael wants to go talk to River Dog, the Indian who introduced Max to the cave drawings. He goes into a sweat session with River Dog and becomes sick afterwards. He is violently sick, and ends up wrapped in what appears to be a spider's web. This illness forces Max to question whether this disease is really just a part of the alien life. He even wonders about the impact this has on Liz, because the two have been hot and heavy since they kissed at the end of the last episode. In the background, Alex talks with Isabel about her being an alien. She explains that as an alien she can "manipulate the molecular structure of things." Alex and Isabel are becoming friends when he accidentally asks her what planet she is from. Fortunately, no one realizes the impact of what he said, but Isabel becomes very angry with Alex. He is ultimately forgiven when he helps out with a sick Michael. Because of this sickness, Max and Liz go to the Mesaliko Reservation to see River Dog. They tell River Dog that Michael is sick so he tells them to bring Michael over. Michael, Max, Liz, Maria, Isabel, and Alex all go to the cave. River Dog explains how the alien he knew from the past (the alien who is now dead) suffered a similar disease as Michael, and the River Dog shows the kids some stones they all must hold. The stones are known as "the balance," because a balance must be restored to Michael. As River Dog hands a stone to Liz, he tells Liz that she can't participate in the ceremony, because her mind is distracted about someone else... Max gives her a suspicious eye. The remaining four kids begin to chant with the stones, and we then enter Michael's mind. He sees a "V" shaped constellation in the stars as well as a head in the sand. It's all very interesting. At one point, Michael is being rescued by younger versions of Max and Isabel (like in the desert when they were all first discovered) when we see Liz enter the circle. In the end, Michael is rescued and comes out of the web. This entire sequence was amazing, and it seemed outside of reality yet surreal and my mind was warped, especially since Michael's recovery tied in with how all three kids were originally discovered (apparently, Michael was too scared to come to a car that picked up Max and Isabel... Michael didn't reunite with them for three years). Anyway, Michael wakes up and takes everyone's stones and places them in the cave drawings and says that the drawings are a map...the stones make the "V" he saw in the sky. Also, Michael now looks at Maria with love in his eyes...maybe he can now recognize the passion they shared. Who knows where this story will go. At the end, Max comes to visit Liz. He says that they can no longer be together...they need to separate to realize what their relationship is. Max says that the break-up has nothing to do with Liz's inability to participate in the recovery of Michael, but I think he realizes that Liz is too close to the alien-thing, and that this is why he wants to create some distance between them.

One random scene: Liz and Maria were discussing their relationships with Max and Michael, and they were saying what great kissers the guys were. The question...are the girls experiencing love or a unique alien kiss?

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Human-alien relations are bound to be disastrous. --Isabel

Toy House

January 20, 2000

Who would have thought that it was an entire month since we last saw this show of shows? Too bad that the show returned with just a peep. Max is at home one night with mom when there is a major grease fire. Max pushes mom out of the way and uses his powers to stop the fire. Then he pours water on the fire to cover the fact that he used his power. Mom suspects something, but isn't sure. Sheriff Valenti comes by and tells mom that a grease fire can't be put out with water. Valenti also shares how Max was at the Crashdown the night of Liz Parker's shooting....only after Max helped Liz she was no longer shot. Mom confronts Max, and Max denies that there is anything special about him. Isabel wants to tell mom about their powers, but Max says no. Mom then shows Max a video from when Max was 6, and he healed a bird with a broken wing. Max says that he can't explain these things. Mom says that maybe Max should search for his real parents. Max says no. Mom and Max will be OK, but Isabel still wants to tell mom about their being aliens even though both Max and Michael think adults won't understand.

As for Michael, he makes amends with Maria. Maria is mad at Michael for not talking to him since she saved him at the Indian reservation. Michael wins Maria's good graces and then tells her that they cannot be involved because of the whole alien thing.

Liz is trying to get over Max so she starts looking for Kyle. Kyle gets hurt at a basketball game, and Liz takes care of him. Kyle says thanks and asks if the two of them can be friends again. Liz says sure. The two hang out now, but Max thinks that something extra is going on. Max tells Liz that it's OK if she's dating Kyle again. Liz says that 1) she is not dating Kyle and that 2) she wouldn't need Max's permission if she was.

NEXT WEEK: The gang goes into the woods to search for answers about the aliens' past, but their trip coincides with a manhunt.

Into the Woods

January 26, 2000

This is a very bad job of summarizing a television show, but it was done after I realized that I had not written this earlier. There is a spotting of a UFO in the sky on some night. The next night begins a father-child camping outing in the area of the woods that the UFO was spotted. As we can all guess, almost everyone ends up on the trip. Liz and Maria go with Liz's Dad. Kyle goes with his dad. Max and Isabel go with their dad. Alex goes with his dad. Michael does not go. It's night time, and Max and Isabel sneak off to find this UFO. Liz and Maria follow them. When search dogs come after everyone (b/c the police force is also searching for the UFO), Liz and Maria sacrifice themselves to allow Isabel and Max to continue their journey. Isabel and Max make it to the UFO crash site (although there is no UFO) and find Michael & River Dog waiting there. Michael thinks that River Dog is the alien father, but River Dog says he is not. The gang find a symbol on the ground, and the symbol is familiar to them. All of a sudden Valenti shows up. Max then uses his magic to conceal the figure, and everyone tells Valenti that the kids got lost. Valenti does not believe them. The end. Sorry this was a half-assed description. Let me include some other tidbits. Alex and Isabel almost go out on a date, but Isabel informs Alex that she could never date a guy b/c of her alienness. Valenti's father spent his whole life in search of aliens, and now Valenti has taken over. Liz and Max are so cute together.
NEXT WEEK: A convention at the UFO center brings to light a 1972 incident that led to the retirement of Valenti's father (Kyle's grandfather).

The UFO Convention

February 2, 2000

I really did not think this was anything even close to great. Roswell's greatness comes from the mixture of normal teen angst that happens to be inside of aliens. This episode did not even come close to meeting that standard, but a lot did happen. It's time for the tenth annual alien convention at the museum Max works at. Who shows up for the convention? a guy named Everett Hubble, commonly known as Hub. Hub is a true alien hunter, and he knows more about aliens than anyone else according to Milton (the guy who owns the alien museum shop). Hub has been tracking down an alien murderer since 1972. In 1972, Valenti's father killed a man that Hub claimed was a murderer, but Valenti discovers that the man was not the murdering alien and that Hub killed the man. This means that Valenti's dad has been in an asylum for many years unnecessarily. Anyway, two other people show up at the convention. Jennifer and Larry. These two were at the Crashdown the day Liz got shot. Larry goes to the convention and tells everyone that Max healed Liz, but no one believes him. No one except for Hub. Hub confirms Larry's story with Valenti. Hub then takes Max to an abandoned restaurant where his wife was killed in 1972 and tells Max that Max is this murdering alien. Hub says that the alien can change shape and form. Hub is about to kill Max for killing his wife when Michael shows up followed by Valenti. Valenti shoots Hub to save Max. Max then yells at Valenti and says that the reason Hub came after him was b/c Valenti had told Hub about the day at the Crashdown. Valenti realizes that he is an obsessive and sick alien hunter so he tells Max and Michael to leave the scene of the crime so that they are not involved in the investigation of Hub's death. As for Larry and Jennifer, they decide to stay in Roswell.

Also this week, Alex continues to pursue Isabel, but Isabel tells Alex that he is way too obsessive. Also, Michael overhears Maria's mom (Amy) complain that she needs a man to dress up in an alien costume. This man in an alien costume will make half of Amy's money this year. Michael does the job. Maria finds this so attractive that she tries to kiss him, but before she can, Michael reminds himself that he cannot get involved with Maria. He reminds himself by thinking of mud. That's all for this week.

GUEST STAR OF THE EPISODE: Jonathan Frakes of Star Trek: the Next Generation guest starred as himself, a celebrity star at the Alien Convention.
NEXT WEEK: Max gets jealous in the worst way possible when Liz goes out with another guy.

Blind Date

February 9, 2000

A fantasy episode of Roswell that merited 7 flushes out of 10. My memory of the first half of the episode is a bit vague (because I watched this video in two halves), but I'll do my best. Maria enters Liz and herself into a radio contest. Liz wins the contest which guarantees the winner a prize date and 2 tickets to a special concert. Liz has to describe her ideal man. She tells the radio station that she wants a dark-haired, man who is mysterious and comes from an exotic place. Obviously, we think about Max when we hear this description, but the radio station picks some guy name Doug Shellow who is a freshman, archaeology student at a local college. Doug and Liz are to go on their date this Valentine's Day and see the special concert. What's so special about the concert? Well, there are going to be two bands. One is a local band and the other is a surprise, mystery band that promises to be great. Who will the local band be? Alex wants his band to get that lucky slot, but his band has no lead singer. Enter Maria who changes the style of Alex's band and helps the band go from boring grunge to cool pop music. Alex's band will now play at the concert, but Maria claims that the band is hers.

It's Valentine's night and Doug and Liz go about their plans to a fancy dinner, but the radio station that sponsored the contest is following these two kids so they escape. Before they escape, Max and Kyle see Liz on her date and become instantly insanely jealous. Kyle is drowning his misery in alcohol. He offers some alcohol to Max, who has never had alcohol before. Max takes the smallest sip and becomes completely drunk. (I wonder if this was one of those episodes that the federal government thought would be an anti-drug message?) Max and Kyle now go out rampaging the town because they miss Liz. They end up at her house, and Max paints a heart with his and Liz's initials. Max and Kyle then enter Liz's bedroom and start going through her stuff when Liz and Doug enter the room. Max goes out to talk with Liz, and he tells her how much he loves and cares for her. In the meantime, Kyle and Doug fight. The radio station soon shows up at Liz's house at which point Max and Liz run away. The two end up in the middle of nowhere and are talking. Max says how much he loves her and wants to be with her forever and ever. He says to Liz, "You're my dream girl." She has been waiting to hear these words from him (as has everyone who watches the show), but realizes that Max is drunk and his word cannot be trusted even though he says he wants to run away with her forever. Liz reminds Max, "This can never be normal." To which Max responds, "What's so great about normal?" I'm so happy at this point, and Max creates this romantic setting in a park using his alien powers when the two decide they have to leave. How do they leave? They find the radio station and get a ride from it.

We now go to the concert. It's time for Maria, Alex, and band to go on-stage. Maria learns that there is a record producer in the audience, and she becomes very nervous. The band comes on stage, and Maria gets totals stage fright. Alex begins to reassure her when we learn that the surprise band will not be showing up; they are having legal problems. At this point, the radio station comes on stage along with Max & Liz and Kyle & Doug. Liz is told that she needs to choose a man. Each guy gets to say something to her. Doug says that he just thought Liz wanted to be on a normal date. Kyle says he is just happy to be nominated. Max turns to Liz and kisses her. We see all of the happy moments between these two flash through Max's and Liz's minds. The two part after a very long kiss, and Max says, "I'm sorry." He runs off the stage, and Liz follows him. Max is suddenly sober, and Liz asks him what happened? He says he does not know. She asks if he meant what he said earlier tonight, and he says he does not remember earlier tonight. At this point, Maria gets on stage and starts singing away. I do not think her voice was that great, but everyone in the audience seemed to dig her.

One other storyline this week. Michael decides to get in contact with their alien friend. He says that the alien tried to get in contact with them via that star that fell in the ground when they all went camping and now he will return the contact. Michael goes to the library and finds out how to send a similar signal so that the sky can see his signal. (Don't ask about was quite confusing.) He realizes he has to send a signal by the public library. Late at night, Michael and Isabel go to the library and send a fire signal, but nobody comes. Isabel says that it might be for the best, because the alien on earth might be a killer. The two leave, but at the very end of the episode, a man whose face we do not see comes by the spot where Michael and Isabel were. He puts his hand to the ground and the burning pattern that Michael had started reappears. The man then puts a photograph of Max, Michael, and Maria into the fire. Of note, the three aliens are their current age in the picture so the alien must know who they are.

COOLEST ALIEN POWER OF THE EPISODE: While in Liz's bedroom, Max takes a picture of Liz, Maria, and Alex and transposes his face over the faces of Alex and Maria.
NEXT WEEK: What will Michael do when his father continually physically abuses him?

Independence Day

February 16, 2000

A good but not great six flush episode of Roswell. Part of the reason I may not have found this episode great is that I had horrible reception and could barely see a facial expression. And I'm not quite sure what happened at the end of the episode although I do know that whatever it was is very important. Michael shows up at school one morning with a black eye. First, Max asks Michael what happened. Michael reluctantly shares that Hank, Michael's adopted dad, punched him. Max uses his powers to heal Michael's eye. Keep in mind that Michael cannot control his powers and therefore did not heal his own eye. What will Michael do? He will stay with Isabel and Max for a few days. After one dinner and a game of monopoly with the Evans family, Michael realizes he cannot stay with this group. Isabel, however, talks with Michael and says that he has to ask someone for help.

In the meantime, Amy and Jim (read: Maria's mom and Sheriff Valenti) go out on a date. Their date is quite successful. Maria and Liz actually walk in on these two doing you-know-what. Maria yells at her mom for doing this, but Amy says she can do what she wants especially because there are only about five single men in Roswell. Later that night, Michael appears outside of Maria's window. She takes him inside and realizes that he is down on his luck. She tells him that he does not have to say anything, and that he should just go to sleep. The next morning, Amy walks in and sees Michael and Maria in bed together. Maria tries to explain that nothing happened between them, but Amy does not want to hear this.

Later that day, Michael tries to figure out what he wants to do. He goes to the Evans's dad, Philip, and asks for some help. Philip will help Michael get emancipated. Michael goes to court and is freed from any parental restraints, but Michael is now responsible for his own health, financial status, and education. His first move is to leave town. Before he goes, Max comes to talk to Michael. Max says that Michael should stay. Michael says that he has to find his family, especially Nasedo (Nasedo is the name of the alien on earth). Max says that Isabel, Michael, and Max are a family. Michael says that Max cannot understand Michael's grief, because the Evans household is so nice. Max says that his problems are bigger, because Max cannot blame a bad father for his problems. Michael does not care and will leave. Max gives Michael a gift. Michael does not open the gift. He eventually hitches a ride. The guy who is giving Michael a ride says that Roswell is a lame town where nothing happens. Michael opens up the gift from Max. He sees two rocks. They are the rocks that the gang received from River Dog. He plays with the balls on his way out of Roswell. But then he asks for help again and comes back to Roswell, because he realizes that the rocks represent the help that he needs from Max and Isabel like when he was a little boy and needed to be saved in the desert.

Hank shows up at Valenti's office after disappearing for a little (actually, Hank's disappearance led to Michael getting arrested at which point Maria had her mom go to Valenti and get Michael released) and says that he does not want Michael anymore. Valenti says that is not a problem. But Valenti does ask why Hank's neighbors heard gunshots at his house and "shrill, animal screeches.". Hank says he likes guns. At the end of the episode, we see Hank driving down the road when all of a sudden, he opens up his trunk and buries a body. Hank then reenters the car and changes his face. This face changing is proof that this man is not Hank, but is Nasedo. Nasedo killed Hank!! Nasedo is watching out for Michael and cast.

One last note: Max tells Liz that he knows they have to talk, but is not yet ready to talk, because he has to deal with Michael's problems.

IN TWO WEEKS (MARCH 1):Secrets about the aliens' origins are revealed to Liz every time she kisses Max.

Sexual Healing

March 1, 2000

Never have I seen such chemistry and heat on the little screen. Forget Basic Instinct, this 8 Flush episode of Roswell got me going. Liz is taking a shower in the girl's locker room at school when Max walks in. He takes her in his arms when all of a sudden Liz wakes up from a daydream she has been having at the Crashdown. She wakes up when Max enters the diner. He follows her into the kitchen and says that he wanted to make sure that he and Liz were still friends. She says that, of course, they are still friends. He then asks if they are just friends. The two begin to kiss. As they kiss, they see images inside each other's head. Max can see Liz's memories as a child, and Liz can see Max's journey to Earth. She even sees a star that she then sees again in astronomy class. Apparently, the star she saw is from The Whirlwind Galaxy and is a red giant. A red giant is a star that is in its last phases of life...but they cannot always be picked up by telescopes. Anyway, Max and Liz continue to make out for both fun and education. They eventually get caught making out in the eraser room. Their mothers are called to the school. Neither one gets in much trouble but Liz's mom is troubled by Liz's behavior. Anyway, Max and Liz make out and make out. They even almost have sex when Maria walks in on them. In one of her visions, Liz saw something being buried by a tower. One night Liz and Max go to find whatever was buried. They find the tower and then dig up a rock that has the alien signal which was originally seen on the cave dwelling at the Indian reservation. The two fall asleep in each other's arms and do not wake up until the next morning. Apparently, they no longer receive weird images when they kiss each other, but they still want to be together. Liz asks Max if they will still be together. Max says that he can still see Liz's destiny. She asks what this destiny is and he responds, "I only know the part I'm looking for." The two walk into the Crashdown and find their parents waiting for them. Who knows what kind of trouble they'll get into.

What else happened this week. Michael and Maria start making out in hopes that they will see images of each other's past. Maria and Michael both say they do, but then Maria says she was faking the visions of random stars. Michael says that he was also faking...that he was basing her visions upon those of every girl he has ever known. She is hurt, but then tells Michael that she just wants to be close to him. He says that the visions he saw of Maria's past were real and begins to describe very specific instances of her past. Anyone else make out? Alex offers himself to Isabel. She rejects Alex's offer to discover each other's past. But she comes by his house one morning. The two kiss, and Isabel says that she saw nothing and then leaves Alex. Alex says that he is still open to further experimentation. Isabel turns away from Alex but smiles as she leaves him.

Why was this episode so great? Because when Liz and Max made out, there was magic on the screen. One time Max touched Liz and caused her skin glowed. He even gave her a glowing hickey, and when they were apart, her skin got a rash. Liz's mom says that Liz's body temperature seems extra warm. Will there be medical repercussions to Max and Liz's relationship? Who knows what will happen if an alien and human have sex. These issues are definitely being raised by the show right now. A great show that I love.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: You have one of the top three seduction lines: It's [sex] going to help me find my home planet. --Michael on Max's opportunity to have sex with Liz


April 10, 2000

Five weeks later and Roswell returns with a high-paced, romantically-driven, and energized episode that left me wanting more. In the beginning of the episode, Max and Liz are making out in a car in some make-out area. They are enjoying themselves until some crazy woman comes by and tells them that they are in danger and should trust no one. The crazy lady tells Max and Liz to act as though they were normal people until they are further contacted. Not until she leaves them alone do we learn that this crazy woman is Agent Kathleen Topolsky. The episode continues and Topolsky meets up with Liz. Topolsky tells Liz that all six of them (Max, Michael, Isabel, Liz, Maria, and Alex) are all on a list and that all of them may be killed. She says that the FBI has a special unit which is tracking them all down. Topolsky says that she and Liz should meet again tomorrow. Before that meeting, Liz gathers everyone together to tell them about Topolsky. Michael says that under no circumstances should they meet with her. Isabel and Max agree that she cannot be trusted. Liz and Alex, however, think that they can trust Topolsky. Maria says that the aliens should have control and that their decision matters most so Liz will not meet again with Topolsky.

In the meantime, Topolsky visits Valenti. She tells them that the six kids are in danger as is Valenti. She says that there is a special division within the FBI known as the Alien Hunters and that the agent in charge is Pierce. No one in the agency has any control over this group and Pierce kills whoever he wants...this is why Topolsky has left the group. She disagrees with them killing everyone and this is why she is going about trying to warn everyone about the FBI. She tries to get Valenti on her side by saying that he has already protected the kids as evidenced by his shooting Everett Hubble. At some point, a man in a car comes up to Alex and says that he is a friend of Topolsky's and that Alex should get inthe car and share what he knows. Alex hesitates and almost gets in the car when Valenti shows up. Valenti scares that car away and agrees to give Alex a ride home.

Well, the episode progresses and Topolsky contacts Michael. She sneaks into Michael's apartment (remember that Michael lives on his own now) and finds an orb that Max and Liz had previously dug up from the ground. Topolsky explains that this orb is a communicator, and there is a second one which she has. When the two orbs meet, they can contact the aliens. Topolsky says that she will meet Michael tomorrow with the other orb as long as Michael promises that she can come along on the alien ride. Michael shares this revelation with the group. He says that he believes Topolsky about the orb and wants to trust her, but no one else does at this point. Michael agrees to not go, but then at the last minute decides to meet Topolsky. Maria finds out about this and tags along with Michael, but first she tells Liz. Michael and Maria show up at the place they are to meet Topolsky, and then Max, Liz, Isabel, and Alex trail behind. They all get to the place, and Max begins to yell at Michael. He says that the group made a decision and Michael went against that decision. Michael says that he did what he had to do. A physical fight ensues at which the point the orb gets thrown to a nearby tree. Soon, two cars approach. A strange man comes out of one car, and Valenti comes out of the other. Valenti says that the strange man is a psychiatrist who says that Topolsky is an escaped psychiatric specialist and that she has paranoid delusions. Topolsky has been returned to a hospital that she was staying at until she escaped a few weeks back. Everyone has to leave now, but the orb is still in the forest. Max says to his group that they will come back later for the orb, but then Valenti picks it up and takes it. They have now lost the orb. Max blames Michael.

As the episode closes out, we see the psychiatrist in his car. In reality, the psychiatrist is Nasedo. Nasedo changes his psychiatrist's face to that of a hitchhiker, and he goes on his way. One last scene at the end involves the car that had approached Alex earlier on. Some men get out of the car and take Topolsky. The FBI has just recaptured Topolsky. Will they kill her? Will we ever see her again?

But much more happened this week. Max and Liz continue their blissful relationship. Maria, however, complains that Michael is not romantic enough. She complains to the point that Michael asks her, "If I'm such a loser, then why do you want to be with me." By the end of the show, she admits that she really cares for him no matter who he is. Alex and Isabel almost get intimate this week. He continually reminds her that everyone needs someone special for one-on-one talks and that he could be her man. She is not sure but is definitely warming up to him. After all, Max has Liz and Michael has Maria so isn't it only natural that Isabel be with Alex? Maybe not...there's a new girl at school names Tess. Tess and Isabel instantly bond. Will Tess become Isabel's one-to-one friend (not romantically)? Max and Michael insist that Isabel not share the alien secret with Tess, because Tess may be a spy just as much as Topolsky was. By the way, Tess has a strange habit in common with Isabel of putting natural sugar (not artificial sweeteners) into most of her food. Finally, to pay for his new apartment, Michael has gotten a job as a chef at the Crashdown Cafe/Diner where Maria and Liz work.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: It's not three [aliens] and three [humans] anymore. It's the six of us now. --Liz, alluding to the FBI searching for all six kids.
NEXT WEEK: Tess has got a secret...find out what it is.

Tess, Lies & Videotape

April 17, 2000

Just, aliens, and surprises filled this 7 Flush episode of Roswell. The episode begins with Max, Michael, Isabel, and Liz hanging out in the Crashdown (by the way, did you know that Liz's parents own this diner?). In walks Tess Harding, the new girl. Liz asks Tess if she wants anything, and Tess replies that she wants a cherry coke with lime (what a bad order). As she says this, Max gets flashes about him and Tess and five stars in the sky aligned like a "V." He gets scared and he takes Liz by the arm, leads her into a private room, and starts kissing her. The next day in school Tess and Isabel gossip. Tess asks Isabel if she and Alex are dating? Isabel says no and then asks if Tess has her eyes on anyone. Tess says that she thinks Max is really hot, but he is with Liz. Isabel says that Max thinks Liz is his soulmate. Anyway, in class Max is teamed up with Tess for a science project. Having approached her, he picks her up, she jumps into his arms, and the two start to make out on the a table in the middle of science class. Alas, it is only a dream, but what a dream! While dreaming this dream, his shirt caught in fire (the dream was a daydream and everything up until him and Tess making out really happened). Anyway, Michael and Max get nervous about Max's visions so Michael does some research on Tess. He goes to her house and sees that the house is completely abandoned. But all of a sudden a car drives up to the house and some military men enter it. Michael is very suspicious so the next day Isabel goes over to the house. She walks in and sees people moving things into the house. Tess announces that the moving people finally brought the stuff to their house. Isabel then meets Tess's father whose name is Ed. Ed works for the army. He is in Roswell to convert an abandoned military base into a storage center for files. Isabel reports to Michael that the empty house and military people are now explained.

In the meantime, Max is still freaking out over his being drawn towards Tess. He goes over to Liz one night at the Crashdown and tells her that he cares for her so much and that she means everything to him...that she is the "one" and that they were fated for each other. Having said this, he leaves the Crashdown and sees Tess. Tess's car got stuck on the side of the road and she needs help. Max says that Tess is lying and that he car works, that she is here to see Max intentionally. Tess acts dumb, and then Max kisses her. During this kiss, Max sees visions of him and Tess being together. This kiss was a big mistake, if for no other reason then the fact that Liz sees it. The next day, Liz confronts Max. He admits to the kiss and says that he had visions while kissing her. She is very upset and says that he can get visions with anyone so she is obviously not special in his life. This scene is so sad, because we know that Max only loves Liz.

We now skip backwards. Max goes to Michael to tell him about the kiss. The two end up in a fight and during the fight, Michael's apartment gets torn apart. Eventually, the two guys bump into a miniature camera that has been hidden in Michael's apartment. Alex uses his geek knowledge to discover that the camera is a spy camera and that they can use it to spy on other people as long as they are within receiving range of the camera. A plan is now set in motion to spy on Tess and family. Liz shows up at Tess's home to speak with Tess about her having kissed Max, and when Tess goes to get some tea for Liz, Liz plants the camera in a sculpture on a table. She then sees a box labeled photos on the floor. Liz searches through the box and sees dozens, if not hundreds, of pictures of Max. Just then, Ed walks in. Liz is startled by him and she knocks over the sculpture. Ed says not to worry about knocking the sculpture down and that he will clean it up later. Liz fears that when he cleans up the sculpture that he will find the camera. Ed then insists (even though she does not want to) that Liz stay for dinner. Liz says that she has to call her mother for permission. Liz actually calls Max and tells him that he needs to come over and get her out of this house. In the meantime, Alex, Michael, Maria, and Isabel have seen the camera get knocked over and they rush over to Tess's house to see what is going on.

By the time this gang arrives, they see Liz, Tess, and Ed eating dinner. Liz keeps on looking over her shoulder to where the sculpture broke. Finally, Ed cleans up the mess but does not notice the camera. When Ed leaves the room, Liz takes the camera and drops it in a candy dish. They both return to the dinner table, where Ed asks Liz about her boyfriend. Ed seems very curious to know about Max. Just then the doorbell's Max. As a cover story, Max says that he came to speak with Tess, but Liz says that she handled everything. Ed wants Max to come into the house, but Liz says that she had better go with him. Max and Liz leave. That night, Liz and Max discuss his kissing Tess. He says that he still knows Liz is the only woman for him, but that something is controlling him and forcing him to think about Tess. Liz says that an interest in Tess does not explain him kissing her, and boy oh boy is she right. Anyway, as they talk, everyone watches the video image of the camera in the candy dish to see what is happening inside Tess's house. Tess picks up the broken pieces of the sculpture, lays them on a table, whirls her hand, and makes the sculpture magically return to its original form.

Also this week, Valenti becomes suspicious of the FBI when he cannot contact Topolsky. He calls the mental hospital where she was staying, but the hospital burnt down and Topolsky allegedly died in the fire. Valenti then speaks with the psychiatrist who he saw last week, but the psychiatrist (who last week was really Nasedo) says that he never met Valenti. Valenti tells all of this to Max to try to earn his trust. Valenti even gives Max back the orb from last week. Max may turn to Valenti in the future for help, but I will note that Valenti has been following the teens. He saw them outside of Tess's house. Did he plant the camera inside Michael's house or did the FBI? Would Valenti even have the money to get that device? Who knows.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Everything with my [Liz's] eyes is telling me he's [Max] cheating, but everything I feel with my heart tells me he's not. --Liz on Max and Tess
NEXT WEEK: A new episode where Max tries to find out the truth about Tess.

Four Square

April 24, 2000

Action took a back seat for this 7 Flush episode so that the plot could advance, and boy oh boy did the plot advance. The episode opens with Isabel and Alex being close to each other in the desert. Isabel is wearing a beautiful, blue dress and is surrounded in all of these interesting alien symbols, including one that has four squares with what look like peanuts inside of them. The four squares are all connected. Anyway, Alex and Isabel are contemplating their becoming an item when Isabel notices Michael standing on a cliff nearby, but then Alex becomes Michael. Alas, this sequence is only a dream.

As reality enters the scene, everyone tries to figure out what Tess's story is. Is Tess Nasedo? No one really knows, but Tess does notice that she is being followed by everyone in the gang. Max and Liz talk, and Max says that he has no feelings for Tess, that Tess is using mind control techniques on him. Liz is happy to hear this. Anyway, Tess shows up at Max and Isabel's house. She looks closely into Isabel's eyes and then starts talking about how close they are. Tess says that despite Max's statements about his love for Liz that Tess loves Max. Tess then forms the shape of the alien symbol with some sugar cubes. Isabel is sufficiently scared at this and believes her life may be in danger. Michael spends the night in Max's bedroom. Isabel has another dream. She is still in the desert. She is alone, and then Michael appears. Isabel and Michael start making out...big time. Isabel awakes from this dream in a sweat. Michael also wakes up. They both had the same dream. They share the dream with Max, but leave out the part about them making out. The next day in school Michael tells Maria that he wants to go steady with her and that he cares truly about her. Isabel shows up at school and tells Alex that she thinks it time that they started dating. She takes him into the eraser room and starts making out with him. Can we say Michael and Isabel in big time denial? By the end of the school day, Isabel is very tired and goes to bed after classes. That night Isabel and Michael have another dream. This time the two are going at it (maybe sex, maybe hot passion) in the desert. We see some kind of chromosomes and a fetus.

Time passes, the plot thickens. Tess and Kyle agree will go on a study date. Max and Liz decide that they will follow the two of them on their date to the public library. Max realizes that Tess chose to go with Kyle, because she knows that Liz once had an interest in Kyle. Max finds the public library a strange place to have a date, but Michael informs Max that the library is where Michael and Isabel had tried to meet Nasedo a few months back. Max asks why he had not been told of this meeting before. Michael responds that it was the night Max got drunk and that because Nasedo never came, he did not tell Max. Max then asks Michael how he picked the library as a meeting place, and Michael responds that he intuitively can translate the symbols like the cave paintings in the Indian reservation (that we saw many months ago), and that the paintings told Michael to go the library. Max and Michael get into a fight over being honest with each other and over whether or not they should meet Nasedo. Anyway, at the library, Tess tells Kyle that she needs to find a book. Max follows Tess finding the book. Tess puts her against a wall, a silver handprint (like the one that only aliens can leave) appears, and Tess removes a book from the wall when she passes her hand through the wall. Max and Liz then leave the library. Max decides not to tell Michael about this book. In the meantime, Max and Liz do some research and discover that some constellation relating to some of the cave paintings on the reservation says that something important happened at a place known as Pohlman Ranch. The ranch is where the alien ship crashed and is now a military base.

We now head for the closing. Michael and Isabel are talking about the dreams they've been having. Isabel tells Michael that she thinks he's pregnant with his baby. He agrees. Michael says that he has translated some of the symbols and thinks he knows where they should visit to find the crash site. While they talk, Max sleeps. Max is awoken by Tess who says that it is time she show him where she is from. She takes him to the cliffs we saw in Isabel and Michael's dreams. He says that he does not approve of Tess, because she is Nasedo. She says that she is not Nasedo and that if Max thinks hard then he will remember seeing her before. Max looks at the cliffs and sees himself, Isabel, and Michael as little children. They are emerging from the shells which they had been inside of on the alien ship. Michael and Isabel are trying to escape from the room they are in, but Max sees a fourth child like them; the fourth child appears immobile inside her shell. Max leaves the child behind. Max realizes that the child was Tess and that the symbol Isabel and Michael saw in their dream were the four eggs with fetuses (not peanuts) inside of them. All of a sudden, Michael and Isabel arrive. Max tells them that Tess is one of them. The camera takes a bird's eye shot of the four in the desert by some cliffs and then fades out.

One other thing happened this week. Ed Harding came by the sheriff's office to report that he found a mini camera in his house. Valenti tells Ed that he'll find out who planted the camera. Valenti then goes to the Crashdown and tells Max that he knows Max planted this camera inside of Ed's house and that the camera is special FBI equipment. Valenti tells Max that for everyone's safety that they need to be honest. Max wants to tell Valenti everything, but Michael says no.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Something weird like this had to happen sooner or latter. --Michael on Isabel's pregnancy, but let's be honest: weird things happen every episode.
NEXT WEEK: Has Nasedo taken over Max's body?

Max to the Max

May 1, 2000

A well-charged, edge of the seat 7 Flush episode (have you noticed that I almost always give this show 7 Flushes whether I loved the episode or not). This week's drama picks up where last week's left off: Max, Michael, Isabel (from now on, we'll call her Is), and Tess standing in the desert. Max has just informed Michael and Is that Tess is one of them. They ask him how he knows this. He runs off into some cliffs, and they follow. Max sees a wall of rocks and touches his hand against one of them. Part of the rock wall disappears, and we see the room where Max, Is, Tess, and Michael were hatched. It's a very weird experience. Max and Is leave after awhile, but Michael stays behind with Tess. Michael always wants to learn more about his past due to his magic darkside. Tess tells Michael that she can tell them everything about their past, but she needs him to get them to trust her. She show him the book that she took from the library last week. Michael asks about the book and is shocked to discover that Max hadn't told him about it. Michael then leaves the cave and Tess is all alone until her father, Ed, jumps out of the cave wall. He says that it is time they all join together. She says that she cares for them and doesn't want any bad to happen to them. He says "All I care about is protecting them. Nothing else matters." But we note that Ed and Tess do not get along. They live together yet they feel no love for each other (evil aliens?).

In the meantime, Michael, Is, and Max talk in private. They look through the book Tess took from the library and see pictures of the four aliens as they currently are. They wonder how this old book could know how they would look. Michael explains, "We weren't born. We were engineered." They also see pictures of Michael with Is and Max with Tess. The pictures are of sexual acts. Isabel asks Michael, "Are you my brother or my mate?" Max insists that they are masters of their own destinies and can love whomever they feel close to. Michael tries to convince Is and Max to trust Is. Max says that he'll talk with Tess about their past, but he will not trust her. Tess tells Max that Pierce, the FBI alien hunter, has been chasing her and her father for years. She tells him that her father is Nasedo and that he has taught her everything and has raised her, but he does not love her. Max asks about Is's baby (by the way, Max was upset about this baby secret being kept from much tension between Max and Michael), and Tess says that they must have babies the way that humans do and that the dreams are only signs about who they are meant to procreate with (later in the episode Max has a vision of himself and Tess having sex).

Before Max and Tess talk, Is and Michael discuss their baby (which they still think they may have). Maria overhears this conversation and wonders what is going on. She confronts Michael who explains that he and Is have never had sex, but that "This [pregnancy] isn't about you or me or our stupid relationship." Maria is upset that Michael calls their relationship stupid. In addition, Alex supports Maria and says that he'll help her in any way she desires. Of course, after they discover that the pregnancies are false all is forgiven between everyone.

Now for the fun. Max enters the Crashdown and tells Liz that they need to talk. Liz wants to tell Maria where's she's going, but Max says that he's sick of asking reporting his actions. The two just leave, but Maria sees them leave. Max takes Liz for a ride, but instead of driving his usual jeep, he is driving a convertible, because his jeep is getting fixed at the car shop. BUT NO! A few moments later, Max enters the Crashdown and asks where Liz is. Maria says that he just left with her. The gang realizes that Nasedo shape shifted into Max and has kidnapped Liz. In the convertible, Liz kisses N-M (Nasedo disguised as Max) and sees visions in black and white of dark clouds and storms. She gets upset and withdraws from him. N-M pulls the car over and pulls a body out of the trunk. N-M has killed an FBI agent as a sign for Pierce. As he does this, Liz gets a call on her cell phone from the real Max. She figures out what is happening, but N-M steals the phone from her. He now knows that she knows so he lets out his plan of having Pierce find them so that he can kill Pierce, but if that fails he will use Liz as a hostage. He says that Pierce wants Liz to live, because she has been saved by an alien, and will make for interesting research. They head off to a gas station which N-M blows up and then arrive at a carnival. The final sign he leaves is an insignia in the sky, but now we're jumping forward.

Maria and gang realize what has happened so she goes to Valenti and tells Valenti that Max has kidnapped Liz (the real Max remains hidden out of fear that Valenti will suspect something strange if he knows there are two Maxes). Valenti is on the case and when he learns about the fire at a gas station, he heads off to find Max. Valenti's newest officer, Dave Fisher, follows Valenti (Dave's following Valenti is a convoluted and unnecessary storyline so just realize that Dave is here and will appear in future episodes. We're not sure if Dave is a good guy or an FBI agent), and Max, Maria, Is, Michael, and Tess follow Valenti. On the car ride up, Tess says that she has no idea what Nasedo looks like in his natural form and that they should let Nasedo do whatever he wants. Max says, "It's not about the four of us right now. It's about Liz." Tess responds that "Liz is not one of us." Max snaps back, "No, you're not one of us." Ouch!

On the way up, everyone in their cars see Nasedo's sign from the carnival and they all head over towards it.

At the carnival, Liz escapes into a House of Mirrors to escape from N-M. N-M follows her. Valenti sees N-M and follows him (Valenti thinks N-M is Max). Max sees Valenti enter the funhouse and follows him. Liz soon sees both Maxes as does Valenti. He gets confused when some FBI agents begin firing at Valenti and the Maxes. One of the Maxes is taken away by the FBI and the other takes Liz. A quick kiss tells us that N-M took Liz (Liz gets the black and white flashes). N-M then goes to try and save Max, but it is too late. The FBI has him in a laboratory. Liz finds her friends and informs them that the FBI has Max.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: We control our own lives. I won't let anybody tell me what to do. --Max, on learning that he was programmed a certain way
NEXT WEEK: What happens to Max when the FBI begins its tests.

The White Room

May 8, 2000

What a freaky episode. If you love this show, you would definitely give it an 8 or 9, but since I try to critique as an outsider, I can only award 7 Flushes (Roswell...the 7 Flush show). Max has been captured by the FBI. The interesting deputy who worked for Valenti last week, Deputy Dave Fisher, is really FBI Agent Pierce, the best alien hunter ever. Pierce interrogates Max and tries to get all sorts of information out of Max but cannot. Medical tests conclude that Max's body is 100% human except for the blood which is this greenish liquid. Tests and what not are performed on Max. Pierce informs Max that four aliens landed when the spaceship first crashed. Two of them died and one of them got away, but one of them was captured by the FBI. Many tests have helped the FBI to realize what all of the aliens weaknesses and strengths are.

But this story with Max is really background this week. The real question is who will rescue Max. No one has seen or heard from Nasedo since his disappearance at the Carnival. Michael, Isabel, and Tess decide that they have to save Max. Liz, Maria, and Alex want to come along but are told that they cannot. They lack alien powers. Tess informs the group that each alien has special powers of things they can do. For example, Tess can make people believe that an alternate reality is happening, but she can only do this for a brief period of time. These brief alternate realities explain some of the fantasies that Max had been having about Tess. Anyway, Isabel uses her ability to jump into people's dreams and jumps into Max's head and finds out where he is located. Having learned the location, our three aliens go out to find Max. When they arrive at a secret military base where Max claims to be, they realize they will never find Max...until Nasedo arrives. Nasedo informs the crew that they can work together to rescue Max. He tells the three aliens that they are all completely human and only differ from humans in that they are further evolved and can use more of their brain power than current humans. Nasedo, however, is not human and he lacks a bone structure. To save Max, Michael develops a power in which he can change his fingerprints...this change in fingerprints allows Michael access to secret rooms.

However, before the rescue operative we return to Liz. Liz is awfully nervous about the disappearance of Max and as the hours pass by she doubts that Michael, Is, and Tess will save Max. Valenti has already told Liz that he knows there are two Maxes (as in the real Max and Nasedo-Max, even though Valenti does not know that Nasedo-Max is an alien). Liz knows that Max trusted Valenti so she decides to tell him where to find Max. He asks no questions and promises only that he'll help save Max.

We now return to the FBI base. Pierce shows Max one of the orbs/rocks that Topolsky had spoken with them about. (These are the orbs that can contact the home planet.) Pierce knows there is a second orb; he wants to know where the second orb is and what they do when together. Max gives into threats (threats of hurting Liz) and tells Pierce where to find the second orb. Apparently, Max's weakness is that he is human and that the human relationships he has make him vulnerable. When this second orb arrives, Pierce asks Max to use them to do whatever they do. Max does not know how to make them work. But Tess uses her power of alternate reality to make them appear to work. While Michael and Nasedo sneak into the FBI room to release Max, Pierce thinks that the orbs are working. When Pierce snaps out of his alternate reality, Pierce realizes Max is missing. The hunt is on for Max. Max runs out with Michael while Nasedo appears to be caught by the FBI. Max and Michael are being shot at (keep in mind, that Is and Tess are in a distant and relatively safe room) and almost get shot directly until Valenti arrives and shoots Pierce in the arm. We are left wondering whether Max, Michael, and Valenti will be able to escape through a hole.

FLOATERS: Why did the FBI choose now to capture Max, what makes this opportunity so unique? Since when has Valenti cared more about protecting people than about discovering the truth? Does the FBI suspect whether Is, Tess, and Michael are aliens? If so, why not capture them? If not, why do they think Max is and no one else is?
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: I would've felt it if something had happened to him. --Tess on knowing Max is safe.
NEXT WEEK: Season finale.


May 15, 2000

If for no other reason than creativity, I'll award this episode 8 Flushes. Heck, it's the season and maybe series finale so I'll bump its points a little. The gang escapes. Everyone unites outside of the FBI base and then separate in three separate cars. Valenti goes by himself; Liz and Max go together; and then Is, Tess, Alex, Maria, and Michael go in a third car. Valenti meets up with the car full of people, but Liz and Max are chased by some FBI agents. Fortunately, they jump into a river and escape. They then find the rest of the gang. Max decides to tell Valentine that he, Is, and Michael are aliens but they do not know where they are from or why they are on Earth. The gang decides that they need to find Nasedo and find safety for themselves. Valenti also feels this pressure as he knows that the FBI is after Kyle. Max saves Kyle, but Kyle doesn't trust Max.

Anyway, Valenti goes and finds Pierce who is still alive despite the shot to his shoulder. Valenti tells Pierce that he wants to be safe and that he will help Pierce capture the aliens if Pierce guarantees safety for his family. Valenti takes Pierce to the Alien Museum where they see the kids; however, the real trick is on Pierce. Max ties Pierce up and tries to interrogate him, but can get no answers about Nasedo's whereabouts. Is, however, uses her powers to sneak into Pierce's head and sees that Nasedo is dead and is going to be transported to LA after going to some desert. Tess tells the gang that they can resuscitate Nasedo with some healing rocks (these are the healing rocks that the gang received from River Dog and they used to heal Michael in a previous episode). Before they can rescue Nasedo, Kyle sneaks into the museum and sees Pierce tied up. Kyle unties Pierce and gives him a gun, because Kyle still thinks that Pierce is helping his father. When Max and Michael reenter the room with Valenti, Pierce starts shooting. Valenti pushes the two boys out of the way, but when a shot is fired at Valenti, Michael pushes Valenti aside, sticks out his arm, and emits a bright, white light from his hand. This bright flash kills Pierce. Unfortunately, one of Pierce's shots hit Kyle. Valenti begs Max to heal Kyle, and Max does so. This scene brings us back to the beginning of the season when Max healed Liz. Valenti is now forever thankful to Max. Hey, now that Kyle is alive and will probably figure out the alien thing, maybe he can hook up with Tess so that Max and Liz can be together?

Or maybe not. Having killed somebody, Michael feels incredible pangs of guilt. He tells Maria that he loves her too much to be around her, and he fears that one day he will lose his anger at her and kill her. So, the four aliens plus Liz go to get Nasedo's body. They do so and then bring him to the cave where they were all born. They heal Nasedo. He comes back to life. Max wants to know how to use the orbs. Nasedo says that he is only here to protect their lives and not to tell them what to do. Nasedo then says that using the orbs can be very dangerous as they might not only communicate with the home planet and that other forces might intercept the orbs. Max says that Nasedo knows nothing and he must not be their leader, that they must have another leader. Who is that leader? Max!! Max tells Nasedo that to help them, he should assume the body of Agent Pierce and infiltrate the FBI. With Nasedo pretending to be Pierce, the aliens can continue their lives without fear of being captured. After all, the FBI doesn't know that the real Pierce has been shot. Nasedo agrees and leaves.

The gang then takes the orbs and concentrates. They believe that focusing their energies will release the power of the orbs. They are right. A light glows, and we see the figure of a woman. The woman says that she is the mother of Max and Is who are really brother and sister. She has taken the form of a human so that they may appreciate her. These four aliens lived on a planet which has been taken over by evil forces. All four of them were previously alive and had been killed. The mother saved their essences and made them into humans. In their former lives, Max was the leader of his planet and was married to Tess. Michael was Max's second-in-command and was betrothed to Is. Max must find strength here on Earth and use it to come home and save his planet and be with his mother again. Liz hears this message and is upset. She realizes that destiny prevents her from being with Max. Max says no, and that he loves her, but she runs off. The season closes with Liz running away from Max while Max stands besides Tess and Michael stands besides Is; all four of them on some cliffs, watching Liz leave them behind. A secondary closing scene that occurs in which people throughout the United States hear beeping noises on some weird monitor. Have the orbs warned evil forces that the aliens are on the move? Or have the orbs communicated with people who will follow Max?

Some lingering questions: Where are everyone's parents and why don't they care that their children are gone for days at a time? In the future will all humans be able to cure each other with the touch of a hand? If the aliens are 100% human, how will they be able to return to their home planet?

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Whether I die today or fifty years from now, my destiny is the's you. --Max to Liz at the beginning of the episode.
NEXT WEEK: There is no next week, silly; this was the season finale.

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