CHADDS List
This is the CHADs list as it appeared on the thread, by number.
1) Why did no one ask Tess about their alien origins before OtM if she can use memory regression to remember their history? 2) The Destiny Book: Why did the podsters wait so long to try deciphering it? 3) Why couldn’t Nasedo find the podsters when he almost had to know where they were (i.e. exactly in the same place where he left them?) Ditto the Skins. 4) Did changing the past in EotW create an impossible time paradox? 5) What was the point of the Mom-o-Gram? 6) Is there some time distortion that explains the inconsistencies in the ages of the various squad members? 8) Why don't the podsters ever ask pertinent questions when they have useful sources of information in front of them? For example: 9) Why did FMax choose to alter the cementing, rather than some other event? 10) Why would FLiz and FMax go to the extreme of forcing Max to fall in love with Tess, when she left because everyone treated her like crap? 11) Was the mint-eating shapeshifter (Tic Tac) a different entity than Edsedo? 12) Why do the podsters have belly buttons? 13) Who buried the second communication orb in the desert, and why? 14) Why did Max call Isabel in MitC and ask her if she wanted to go home, when he had to make his decision for the Summit before he could get an answer, and oh yeah, she wasn’t invited? 15) Did the aliens retrieve the human DNA prior to Khivar’s rebellion, or afterwards? And if afterwards, how did they get to earth so quickly if it takes so long to travel here? 16) Where did they do the fusion of the alien and human DNA? On PSAWN, or on their doomed ship? 17) Why do the cheek cells taken from Max in the Pilot look exactly like the blood cells taken by Pierce? Why are the alien cells green, if their blood is red? And why do their blood cells look surprisingly like onion cells? 18) Why was Atherton killed? Did it have something to do with his files? What was in his files, anyway? 19) Off camera conversations -- do we hate them or do they just make us want to throw things at the screen? 20) Who was the brain trust who designed the not-so-hidden husk chamber, where all the husks could be taken out with a single blow to an unshielded glass tube? 21) Oh, the same genius who came up with the readily accessible Husk Deactivation Button. 22) Why did the Skins wait until the last minute to design new husks, instead of starting a batch 10 or 20 years earlier? 23) Why did Courtney merit a husk of her own? 24) Why do Grandpa 1935’s alien sketches look different from the So’47 aliens? 25) What triggered Liz's flashes of the orb in Sexual Healing? Why does she sometimes flash when touching Max and other times she does not? 26) How have the podsters managed to conceal the fact that they are aliens when they insist on SHOUTING THIS FACT OUT LOUD IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE PUBLIC PLACE IN TOWN? 27) Could Courtney have come up with a more nonsensical explanation for how the greenis eliminated the humans? No? Didn't think so. 28) How come no Roswell resident noticed the crashed cars/spilled milkshakes/missing babies/the loss of AN ENTIRE DAY when they returned from their sojourn to Eastern Standard Time in Wipeout? 29) How many species of aliens live on their planet? What species do the podsters belong to? 30) Were Ava and Tess switched at birth? 31) Could Michael's hair get any worse? Yikes, apparently it can . . . 32) Could Brody be any cuter? No, apparently not. 33) Yo, the Dupe language. Like, is it really epic, or just, you know, incredibly dated? And not at all punk? 34) How did Nicholas come back to life? Why has no one ever expressed any curiosity over the fact that he has? 35) What was the purpose of the N.Y. Summit meeting? 36) Why were the Dupes even invited to the Summit? 37) Who spread the rumor around school about Kyle and Liz? 38) Why was Brody abducted back in 1993? 39) Is Ava the leaky pod? Is Rath the leaky pod? Is Lonnie the leaky pod? Is Ron Moore the leaky pod? 40) Do Kyle and the cancer kids now have powers? Is it the power to disappear for weeks on end? Did Max ever heal Alex, and give him that power too? 41) Did Ava tell the entire truth about Liz's powers, or was there more to the story? How did Ava know Liz would have powers, and exactly what those powers would be? 42) Why were the Dupes created, and what purpose do they serve? 43) Why did heavily armed soldiers escort Nasedo, a low-level civilian working in defense, to his house? 44) How did Michael get from the convention center to Bitter Lake in time to rescue Max from Hubble? 45) Does Michael live in a holodeck? Can someone explain his ever-morphing apartment? 46) Grumpy Dad Ghost -- alien power, supernatural spirit, or guilty conscience? 47) Who were the guys holding the chevron orbs at the end of Destiny? 48) Why did Michael get flashes from Atherton's key, while no one else did? 49) What are the various powers the podsters have, and how can they be explained? 50) If the podsters powers are human, then why do the Skins have pretty much the same powers? 51) Are the red giant from MtD and the red giant from SH the same star? 52) How did Max and Tess get back from New York? 53) What is the official explanation for Nasedo's disappearance? 54) How did Tess support herself after Nasedo left? Was she in foster care? What happened to the Harding house? 55) How can the V Constellation be the same as the SAWNian Royal Seal, since the constellation is only in a V shape when viewed from Earth? 56) Why were three kids, found naked and wandering alone in a desert, never given a physical exam either by social services or during adoption proceedings? 57) How did Isabel get to the pod chamber at the end of Surprise? 58) What happened to Zan's body? Why was there no autopsy? 59) Why did the bullets fired at Isabel, Max, and the Sheriff in TS&P not have any markings at all on them? And how could Deputy Hanson just look at the bullets in the field and determine this? 60) How did Dan find the gang out in Frazier Woods? 61) Why did Max and Isabel not inform Tess or Michael about Isabel's visions in TS&P, or the fact that they were taking part in an active police investigation? 62) What kind of downward spiral did Brian Krakow's life take that he went from Yale-bound honor student to juvenile delinquent? 63) Why didn't Isabel try to dreamwalk Melissa Foster, once she had her photo? 64) What kind of crystals are the gandarium, if they wouldn't find Max tasty? Particularly since, as a clone of a person with the defective gene, he too should have it. 65) Why was Nicholas given the husk of a child? 66) How can Maria and Kyle have taken three years of remedial science together, when Maria was in the same science class as Liz last year? 67) Why did Max and Isabel make up a lie about hiking through the woods, when earlier Valenti had clearly told Dan in their presence that they were there for a ride along? What was with the inept lying anyway? 68) Where are the Evans 'rents during the townwide scandal and criminal investigation involving their children? 69) Why must they insist on backlighting Max's ears and Michael's mullet in that seriously unattractive way? 70) Why did the podsters not investigate Grant, when they knew he was responsible for kidnapping Laurie in a Box? 71) How did Future Max "see" Max arrive at Liz's window? 72) How exactly does Larek expect them to get off the planet? 73) Why didn't Michael realize that Grandpa 1935 was dead, since Laurie infamously introduced herself by screaming, "You're Dead! You're Dead!" when she saw Michael? 74) Why didn't Liz make more of an effort post-EOTW to ensure that Tess was included in the group? 75) Why does Nasedo (or TicTac) set off a bright light in IttW that is guaranteed to notify everyone in the area of an alien presence, and bring more attention to the pod squad when they try to retrieve his message? Especially when he doesn't have any message to send them beyond a "Hey, how's it going?" glowy sign? 76) How did Isabel contact Larek in the HC? 77) How does one go about cloning an "essence?" 78) If the aliens are a combination of human and alien DNA, how did the aliens separate out the DNA strands that code for human physiology from the DNA strands for personality/character/etc? 79) How did the glowing aliens in So’47 manage to cast a shadow on the screen they were hidden behind? 80) What are the human origins of the remaining podsters? 81) Why did it take Tess, Max, and Liz all day to dig a hole about two feet deep? 82) Why doesn't Liz seem interested in discovering the extent of her change and potential powers? 83) Can Max or the other podsters heal themselves? 84) Where does Isabel get her spending money since she doesn't have a job? Is she turning paper into money? Why doesn't Michael just do this, too? 85) What happened to Laurie's parents? 86) Why didn't Max, Liz, and Tess just find a rock and use it to smash open the crystals, if Kyle can just break a crystal off from the rest? 87) Did Kyle skip out on the remedial science class where they taught that lighting a fire consumes oxygen? 88) Why does Brody keep a diamond saw in his computer room? 89) Why did Grant kidnap Isabel? And why was he at the UFO Center to begin with? Shouldn't he have been hightailing it to Tucson? 90) What was the point of the Sheriff getting a warrant in HtOHL since, as a suspended officer, his search was still illegal? 91) How are Duff and Valenti going to explain Grant's exploded chest and the crystals inside? And why didn't the crystals in Grant's chest melt when the Queen died? 92) Why has no one discovered the gandarium crystals in the water table in the past 50 years? 93) If lack of oxygen kills the crystals, why did they seal themselves into a cave with Alex and Kyle? And why didn't the crystals sealed in the baggy die from the lack of oxygen? 94) Laurie really is a CHAD in a box. Is she sane, insane, mildly delusional, or just a big faker? 95) When Maria and Laurie are running from Grant, the door to the bomb shelter was stuck and very heavy, but when Valenti/Duff/Michael arrive, the door swings shut very easily. Was it the grease from Michael's hair? Grant's whole body? What? 96) Why was it that the only person who noticed that Isabel was missing in HtOHL was PromoMax? Speaking of which, is mocking the viewer just a hobby of the WB promo people, or is it more of a twisted vocation? 97) Why didn't QueenGrant put Laurie into the hive, rather than a hole with one lousy crystal? 98) For that matter, why did QueenGrant put Laurie in the ground at all, since only the Queen can infect a host, and the Queen was currently in Grant, not in the ground? 99) Why haven't any of the podsters tried honing their powers since S&B? 100) Why did Isabel never attempt to use her powers to stop Grant? 101) How did Michael create a vacuum in a completely non-airtight room? 102) The Jellyfish Queen . . . WHY GOD, WHY? 103) How did the Jellyfish Queen manage to fit inside Grant's chest cavity? 104) How did Max survive inside an operating cyclotron? 105) How could the scientists carbon date Pierce's bones within 42 years? 106) Why did the scientists bother to painstakingly arrange Pierce's bones in skeleton form just to run them them through the cyclotron? 107) Why did Valenti bring Duff to Tucson? Wouldn't it have been easier and more efficient to call Michael and warn them all to leave the house before Grant got there? 108) Why did Michael never express any concern about a FBI agent seeing him use his powers? 109) How did Michael and Maria manage to put Laurie's entire estate in order, including settling all the legal affairs with Aunt and Uncle Evil, in 24 hours? 110) Where did Dan go? 111) Did Michael and Max skip out on their bail, or will they return to Las Vegas for their hearing? 112) What is up with Isabel's atrocious taste in skanky older guys? 113) How many school periods do these kids have? If Fifth Period ends at 2:50, which is what the clock read when Liz decided to leave for Vegas, does their school day run until evening? And how did they get to Vegas and fit in all their activities before dinner if they didn't leave until 3? 114) How did Michael expect them to get into a casino with names like "Dr. Love" and "Pina Colada"? 115) Hello there, Shouty McBullhorn. Could you yell "I healed you" any louder than that, cause I don't think the people in Cellblock B heard you. 116) What was the point of coming up with a convoluted “debate team” plan for covering their departure with the school, when they didn’t inform their parents that they were gone for the night? 117) How did Liz manage to miss class to go to Vegas unnoticed, since no one ever put her name on the debate team list? 118) How did Maria go from the spa, to the audition, to shopping for dinner clothes for eight people, back to the room, and then to the prison, all before dinner? 119) Did Alex develop teleportation skills in addition to a cool new hairdo while in Sweden? Cause he was in the hotel room with Maria when Michael's call for bail money arrived, but was playing blackjack with Kyle in the very next scene when Maria finds them to tell them she needs money. 120) Roswell is officially the slashiest town in television. Because all the guys in West Roswell High must be gay if Isabel Evans can't get a prom date. 121) “A Elvis Chapel?” 122) Four versions of Viva Las Vegas, and none by the King?!? So very, very wrong. 123) Why don't the humans just leave town once they realize the greenis will wipe them out? 124) Why did that master strategist Nasedo travel to Roswell as Pierce, when he was bound to be recognized and draw unwanted attention right back to the podsters? 125) How did Nasedo get past the X-ray machines at the Special Unit? 126) Did Tess move over the summer? Why was she living in a completely different house in Season 2? 127) Why did Tess move in with the Valentis rather than with Michael? Was she tired of getting up in the middle of the night and finding the kitchen in a completely different place? 128) Why did Michael say that the Evans found Max and Isabel on the side of the road, while Isabel said that the Evans came for them at the orphanage? 129) In the Pilot, who did they think they were going to fool with their idiotic plan? Couldn't they let the paint dry? How were they going to explain Maria getting hit by her own car? 130) Why does Nasedo disdain emotion as a human frailty, when Tess remembers loving Max, the MoG appears to love her kids, and Isabel apparently loved Khivar? 131) Why did the aliens choose earth? 132) Why did Max say that Michael was hiding in the desert already when he emerged from his pod, when Michael, Isabel and Max clearly left the pod chamber together in the Four Square flashback? 133) Why didn't Max make the blood on Liz's dress disappear, as he did with Kyle’s blood and the blood on his hands? Hell, couldn’t Max have just changed the blood to ketchup? 134) Why didn't Nasedo, Guardian Extraordinaire, just stay with the pod chamber, instead of gadding about the country for 40 years and missing the hatching? 135) Was there some reason Liz couldn't join Kyle up near the stage at the Crashdown Festival as she had told him she would? 136) How did Courtney change her husk? 137) Is it fair to the female viewing public (or the Roswell audience generally) that Max had to rip open Liz's dress to heal her, forever imprinting the image of the polka dot bra on our collective psyches, but there's no shirtless Kyle when Max needs to heal his gunshot wound? 138) Why is the Dupe Protector competent enough to actually teach the Dupes about their past, show them how to use their powers, and oh, show up on time, but at the same time careless enough to leave his charges in a sewer? 139) Does Courtney really need that much lotion readily available? 140) Why does the temp taken over by the Emissary have alien powers? 141) How do the P-STUNians possess humans? 142) How was Kyle able to go to the Prom as a sophomore? 143) Is Bill Cosby an executive producer of the show? What's up with all the jello references? And, um, if it has the consistency of gelatin, isn't it by definition NOT water? 144) Wow, it's great that Max is so on top of pursuing the memory retrieval issue. Ya know, six months after it came up. Cause otherwise no one would bother. Oh, if only this show had a character who was obsessively interested in finding out about their alien heritage, who was willing to track down any lead, who would risk his life to figure out their alien destiny. . . 145) Did Liz get her prom dress at the same branch of Obsession -- One-Stop Shopping for the Crazed Stalker where she got that nifty Swiss Army knife engraved? 146) Why couldn't the pod squad just change Max's blood in BB, instead of using Alex's blood? 147) Liz Parker -- walking, talking CHAD or victim of bipolar disorder? In one episode: Liz, who dumped Max a year ago, then again six months ago (without ever getting back together in between,) kisses Sean, tells Max they should go to the Prom as friends because she's accepted they can't be together, says her life is falling apart when she spies Max hugging Tess, laughs while saying in voice-over that she had a horrible premonition, tells Max during their “just friends” date (which she coaxed him into) that their non-relationship is suffocating her and causing her intense pain and that they should let each other go (even though -- wait for it -- they're still not together,) immediately goes off dancing with Maria in an incredible display of pain's opposite, and, finally, acts disgusted and outraged when Max kisses Tess. Is there a drug powerful enough to fix Liz or should she just be committed? 148) Did Liz stop by the Valenti house and grab some socks from their Christmas tree before going to the bowling alley? Or just pull them from her bra? 149) So the Crashdown has a pre-party for Prom night, and the Parker 'rents don't show? 150) Where are Sean's parents? 151) How did Max and Tess not hear Liz clomping her way through the hallway and banging her way through the front door? 152) What kind of hours do the businesses in Roswell keep? The Crashdown closes in the middle of the afternoon, the bowling alley isn't open on a Saturday night, the astronomy lab apparently only uses its telescope during the daytime, and the UFO Museum never appears to be open. It’s no wonder these kids never have anywhere to hang out. 153) Why did "Sheriff" Valenti bring Alex's investigation file to the funeral? 154) How did Liz remember Alex's striptease in her Montage o’ Grief, when she wasn't present for it in the first place? 155) What is this completely convincing evidence that Alex committed suicide? Couldn't he have fallen asleep at the wheel? 156) Why was Leanna's picture just lying there for Liz to find, after the car had been smashed up, flipped over, and investigated by the police? 157) NOBODY, not even Alex’s parents called or wrote to him in Sweden? The school never bothered to check if the family they sent him to stay with actually existed? Were they all so used to Alex disappearing for weeks on end that no one bothered to look. . . Oh, never mind, that’s not a CHAD after all. 158) Why did Liz go all the way to the town line to catch a cab? And if she had transportation that far, why bother with the cab at all? 159) If Alex was capable of writing binary code clues and "Leanna is not Leanna" messages, why not say something coherent? And what's the point of repeating the Leanna message endlessly? 160) Why does small town girl Liz Parker have a passport? 161) Is Swedish political life so dull and its embassy staff so underworked that they assign multiple people the task of working around the clock to identify a completely nondescript building, that could be located anywhere, at the request of a high school student? 162) That binary code? What. Ev. Er. 164) Why was Tess carrying a coat? a blanket? a sleeping bag? a CHAD? with her to the observatory? 165) Why would the yearbook staff let Maria design a two-page spread on her own? 166) Why did Maria need a ride from Michael to go the copy store, since she's the one with the car? 167) How did they get the West Roswell High yearbooks printed so fast, when we know that the previous day Maria was working on Alex's memorial spread? 168) In BIY, how does Michael find Liz and Maria at the concert, or Max and Isabel at the park? 169) How did Alex arrange admission to college? 170) Can I live in a New Mexican University dorm room? Full kitchen for one student, and no one wants to move in after Alex leaves? 171) Why would the university staff not only help a high school student hack into another student's research, but allow that student to use the university's expensive super computer to do so? 172) Can Isabel dreamwalk any human, or did Kyle's ability to accompany her have to do with his changed status? 173) The Alien Baby -- see CHAD #102. 174) Maria thought that the details of who asked who to the prom were worth 30 minutes of episode time, but dismissed a hostage crisis and Max's recovery of his memories as too trivial to mention? Is SHE the EMHB? 175) Why did no one think that it was necessary to erase Sean's memories? Won't he think it strange that Amy doesn't remember the hostage crisis? How is it possible that he didn't realize the podsters were aliens, since they discussed it 5 feet away from him? 176) Why didn't Maria or Liz turn off the chevron orb, since it was locked in the room with them? 177) Why was Liz flashing that camera around like a QVC model, in an apparent effort to get Simon Fromgo to notice it? 178) When Max received the memories from Larek's mind, why did he get the flash of kissing Tess from MttM? 179) If the doors to the UFO Center lock automatically when the electricity goes down, how did Tess, Amy, Sean, and Maria get in? 180) Why doesn't Amy or Sean seem to notice the energy beam that shoots out of the chevron orb and knocks down Tess and Max? Or overhear their conversation about mindwarping Brody and their loss of powers? Are THEY the EMHBs? 181) When did alien cooked food suddenly start tasting so bad, and if it does, why do they continue heating food like that? 182) How did Isabel and Michael walk right past a SWAT team who was supposed to be on the lookout for suspicious hostage-taking type people? Are THEY the EMHBs? 183) How did the VR program allow Brody to remember the New York summit conference? 184) When did Tess develop the power to alter memories? And why does no one think this odd? Is SHE the . . . oh, you get the point. 185) How did Sean recover so quickly from his stab wound? 186) Why did Tess say to Nasedo in MttM, when they were alone in the pod chamber, that Max, Isabel and Michael were her family, if she had a deal with Khivar? 187) Why did Tess need to mindwarp Alex into translating the book at all? Couldn't she just have asked him? They all wanted the book translated, after all, so why the secrecy? 188) Why couldn't Nasedo read a book written in his native language? Why didn't he teach Tess that language? 189) Why did Nasedo take orders from Max, and leave them alone for months to pose as Pierce, if he just wanted to turn them over to the Skins? 190) Why did Nasedo rescue Liz from the Special Unit in MttM, and leave Max behind? 191) Why did Nasedo, with his dying breath, warn Max about the Skins? For that matter, why did the Skins kill him in the first place, if he was their ally? 192) How did Nasedo not realize Congresswoman Whittaker was a Skin if they were having sex? If he did know, was he in league with her? Did she know he wasn’t Pierce all along, and about his deal with Khivar? If not, why did he react so strangely when he saw that piece of shedding skin in the alley? 193) Why didn't Tess encourage Max to take Nicholas's offer at the Summit? 194) Why did the Dupes grab Tess if she was working with them? 195) Why did the Congresswoman mistake Tess for Vilandra in Surprise, if Tess was working with them? If she didn't, then why was Whittaker pumping Liz for information about Tess by pretending to be drunk? 196) Why did the Skins bother with the Wipeout scheme? Couldn't Tess have just led them into a trap herself? 197) Why did Tess help Max reinforce his shield in Harvest? 198) If Tess had Alex translate the book, why didn't she pretend to have figured out the translation herself so they could get home? 199) Why did Tess leave the Granilith key in an unlocked shack, with the Destiny Book translation sitting in a powered up computer, for months after Alex got back from Las Cruces? If it was a trap, then why would Tess leave the key there, so that it would be caught in the explosion? If not a trap, then why not collect the translation, key and computer after all that time? And why rent a house for the sole purpose of keeping a computer there -- didn’t Tess realize that you can access email from ANY computer? 200) What the hell happened to The End of the World? If Tess was a traitor and part of an evil plan to kill the podsters, why would her presence by vital to preventing the end of the world? 202) Why didn't Tess tell Nicholas where the Granilith was? 203) If the Granilith was a big rocket ship, then why did everyone, including the Summit leaders, want it so badly? Why did the Skins come looking for it? How would it have prevented Courtney from dying? Why was it important enough for her to commit suicide over? 204) So did Tess love Max or not? Why the hell did she seem so mad about him not loving her, when she planned to turn him over to Khivar all along? 205) Why didn't the Sheriff drive them the rest of the way to the pod chamber in Departure? Was it so Liz had more time to hear the tapping in her head and solve the conspiracy of tapping? 206) What, aliens can't knit? If Liz saw Michael hammering out the bumper at Christmas, would she believe that he's not an alien? Hasn’t Liz ever heard of a hobby? Maybe Leanna finds it relaxing! 207) Max had one leadership lesson all season, in Ask Not. Oops, guess he didn't even have that one lesson. Investigate before committing cold-blooded murder, Max you unmitigated ass! 208) Will no one in air traffic control notice the speeding UFO blazing across the sky? 209) Why crash the jeep to fake their deaths, if they were giving the tape to Max and Isabel's parents anyway? Why not claim to have run away, rather than have Valenti find fake bodies for fake autopsies? 210) How exactly was Max going to "save his son" at the end of Departure? Um...the granilith went off with Tess, remember, Buddy? One time trip and all that. 211) Why wouldn't Nasedo just hand over all the pods to Khivar 40 years ago? Then the war is over, Khivar rules in peace, and we are saved from the agony of watching this show. 212) Why, oh why, must they keep trying to show blood cells? 213) Why didn't the granilith need 24 hrs to warm up in TEotW? It started right up then. 214) Why doesn’t anyone investigate the weird alien phenomenon that causes the Crashdown, the Valenti household, the pod chamber door and Liz’s balcony to morph without warning? 215) Why didn't Tess mindwarp Liz out of the investigation once she was on to her? Did she want Liz to investigate? 216) Why didn't Tess quickly mindwarp everyone in that last scene in the Granilith chamber? 217) Why did Tess not seem to care that Michael was going to stay with Maria, when part of the deal was that she was to deliver him, too? 218) Did Tess also mindwarp the guidance office, Alex's parents, and everyone else involved in the Sweden exchange program? 219) Why did Amy and Kyle show no signs of being mindwiped until several months after the event? And then all at once, and at the same time, even though they were mindwiped several weeks apart? 220) Did Nasedo know that Tess would hatch late? How? What did he plan on doing if she'd been adopted and raised by other people? 221) If Courtney was working with the UFL, shouldn't she have known about Nasedo and Tess? Wouldn't she have told Michael? 222) The Wipeout fireball -- real or mindwarp? If it was real, why did Tess kill her allies and how did Nicholas survive? 223) So Nicholas is Khivar's right hand man, yet he and the skins don’t know that they have one of the Royal Four on their side? Then who negotiated the deal with Nasedo here on earth anyway? 224) Why bother with the Dupes and the summit at all, since the plan was to get Tess pregnant and get her home? 225) If Liz is such an obstacle and Tess is an EMHB anyway, why didn't she just kill Liz? 226) Why would Tess betray the only other people like herself in the world in order to deliver herself and her child to the person who had her killed in her previous life? 227) What did these mighty important instructions that Alex gave his life to translate say, anyway? "Insert crystal into hole." Genius. Nasedo couldn't have mentioned that during their 16 years together? 228) If Tess' mission was to get pregnant and get Max home, why did she leave and never come back according to the original TEotW timeline? 229) If Tess was working with the enemy, why didn't FMax discover this at some point during the 15 years they were fighting after TEotW? 230) When Alex realized that he was being mindwarped and had the clarity of mind to write "Leanna is not Leanna" 40 thousand times on his computer, why didn't he go to someone other than Tess for help? 231) How the hell did this mindwarp work? Did he think he was in Sweden when he e-mailed Maria? Was he talking in Swedish to the people at the university? When did he learn Swedish anyway? Huh? 232) Did Tess mindwarp the coroners from discovering that Alex died of a brain embolism, rather than a car crash? 233) If the Dupes were so much more cooperative, why not just have Zan and Ava breed? 234) If pregnancy was the only goal, why not have Tess arrange for Max to be captured, and steal a sperm sample? Aren't these people sophisticated enough to use artificial insemination, since they can create clones? 235) Who the hell is Leanna? Why did she have a house rented in her name, why did Alex send her the translation, and why did Tess fake a picture of her standing with Alex to make him think she was his girlfriend? 236) Why did Max and Liz give up on investigating Leanna just because she’s human when she so clearly was involved with everything? Wouldn't they still want to try to follow her to the alien killer? 237) How did Tess find Leanna and get her to work with her? 238) If Leanna is a human abductee like Brody, why did she run from Liz and Maria at the concert? Doesn't she notice the bills for the warehouse that keep coming to her dorm room? 239) If Leanna recognized Liz and Maria at the concert, why didn't she recognize Liz when she burst into her room? 240) So, during all those eps while Alex was in "Sweden," was Tess just hanging out at Las Cruces so she could mindwarp him every day? Pretty cool feat, considering we saw her in Roswell during this whole period. 241) When Liz, Maria, and Kyle are driving to the pod chamber, why do Liz and Maria ask Kyle for directions? Both of them have been there but Kyle hasn't. So why does Kyle know the answer? 242) Not only did Max send his son to the enemy, but he sent him along with the granilith, an incredibly powerful potential weapon that many have died to protect and was sent to Earth to be hidden from Khivar in the first place. Smart move, Max. 243) Where did Tess get the Granilith Key? If she had it all along, and in the past timeline she left town right after EotW, how did FutureMax get his hands on it? 244) Why did Leanna come out of hiding? 245) If Alex's mind was, in fact, falling apart from "To Serve and Protect" through "Cry Your Name," why did we see no signs of his deterioration? Why was there nothing unusual about Alex except his increased quotient of cool? 246) If Alex was pretty much himself when he got back to Roswell and had been mindwarped into thinking that Leanna was his girlfriend, wouldn't he have, ya know, tried to occasionally CALL HER in Sweden? Wouldn't he had been a little disturbed that she didn't exist? 247) Why did Tess bother with a zillion picture slides? Of buildings that don't exist anymore? When did she have time to do all this? And WHY OH WHY did she put Leanna in the photos? WHY? 248) Has Tess been watching too much "Murder, She Wrote?" Why would Tess confess everything about Khivar and the deal with Nasedo, when that would simply ensure that Max will have to hunt her down to get retrieve his son? Couldn’t she say she was so desperate to get home that she accidentally killed Alex? 249) If Max could get to PSAWN to save his son, wouldn't the toxic green atmosphere kill him? Why didn't it kill Tess and Zan? 250) In OTM, why was Isabel worried about catching E-coli, when the aliens don't get sick? 251) Why was the collective Roswellian sojourn to EST in Wipeout such a big deal? It's been happening since the pilot. How else could Liz have been shot on September 17, 18, AND 19? 252) How exactly is Sean related to Maria and what was he in juvie for? 253) Is there some vast alien conspiracy to keep us from finishing a thread? 254) Where are the minorities in Roswell? Last time anyone checked, New Mexico wasn't entirely populated by WASPs. 255) How do two hybrids have an alien baby? 256) Was Max really responsible or was Liz just blowing off steam? 257) Why was Maria the last human to succumb to the greenis in WO? 258) Is Atherton's first name William (Max in 4S) or James (every other bloody time he's mentioned?) 259) What kind of strange alphabetical system does Roswell have that Isabel Evans would not be next to Max Evans in the high school yearbook? Oh, the same one that has a book by Walton and a book by Atherton (“Among Us”) on the D - G bookshelf in the UFO Museum library. 260) How many small towns have Thai delivery restaurants that send credit card machines out with the delivery boys? 261) Sydney was staying with Brody for only a few days. How did she get in the pageant? 262) Max used his left hand, palm down, to heal Liz but the silver handprint (SHP) is of a right hand. 263) What teenage guy owns a red sports car but never drives it? 264) Why was Valenti surprised to learn that Michael and Isabel were aliens, too? 265) What is the purpose of the cave star map? 266) Why did Michael set off Brody's orb, but Max did not? 267) Why do none of the drawings in the Destiny book look anything like the pod squad? Do all aliens have Michael's level of "artistic ability?" 268) Why was Max distrustful of the Dupes when he thought they were shapeshifters? Aren't the shapeshifters supposed to be their allies? 269) What is the significance of the lurking silver car seen periodically in various episodes? 270) Is there more than one eraser room, or does it just periodically expand in size due to all the heat being generated in there? 271) How do the shapeshifting aliens account for the different personalities of the person they are impersonating? 272) Why didn't Max and Liz include Michael and Isabel in their nationwide hunt for the flying saucer or at least tell them about it? 273) Why would sociopathic Nasedo leave Tess a note? Because he was concerned about her? Yeah, we saw that loving relationship many a time. 274) It's great that Nasedo knew all along where the original ship was, cause it wasn't as if he was trying to get home or anything. Oh well, he probably wanted to not use the granilith to get home a while longer, before he got around to not using their spaceship to get home. 275) Is the alien entity that abducted Isabel's spine in S2 the same entity that took away her grief for Alex so she could climb onto the next warm body? 276) Why was Liz such a schizo bitch to her parents in Busted? One second Liz is confiding to her mom about her broken heart, and the next she angrily brushes her mom's hand away as they discuss her possible jail sentence. She’s a snot to her dad, and then she's all huggy-huggy when she's released. 277) How can shooting-victim Liz be comfortable holding a gun on some innocent convenience store clerk? Is Liz being thrilled by stealing and terrorizing people part of the growth of her character? 278) Speaking of this "new and improved" Liz, why was Liz’s reference to Max about Tess killing Alex so casual and lighthearted? 279) What happened to Liz’s demand that she and Max slowly build a relationship? "I'm still not over the fact that you’re a big sleaze, Max, but OK, I will strip down to my undies to go swimming with you." 280) Is Max afflicted with multiple personality disorder? He stopped the killing of Brody (twice) but was about to kill Not Leanna and he plans an armed robbery. Couldn't Max, the peace loving, passivist king in “Ask Not,” devise a non-violent plan to get to the UFO? 281) Max really is the ultimate romantic. The "since Tess is not around, I'm over that, let's make out Liz" speech was enough to make any woman swoon. 282) How did Max get the money for SS Randy (a.k.a. the make-out mobile?) 283) In So’47 we saw the ship completely smashed to smithereens. Yet, from the remains of these tiny pieces of tinfoil, humans with no knowledge of alien technology can reassemble it to the point of making it fully operational? Alrighty then. 284) After painstakingly reassembling said spaceship, why in the hell was it stored without a guard in the basement of some convenience store? 285) If this location of the ship was top secret, how did Max find it so easily? Did he look it up in Milton’s "Top Secret U.S. Military Storage Facilities for UFOs" file at the UFO center? 286) How did they get that huge spaceship out of the convenience store basement unnoticed? Did it have something to do with the convenience store still being a crime scene and surrounded by police tape days after the armed robbery that wasn’t? 287) When did the FBI reform the Special Unit? 288) Why didn't Michael kick Ferrini’s ass and interrogate him for information? 289) Hey, look! It's the Monopoly Nazi, Bangs, and those other two. After two seasons of letting their kids break curfew, skip school, and take unchaperoned camping trips, the ‘rents decided that, now that their kids are 18 years old and seniors in high school, it’s the perfect time to start disciplining them and forbidding them? 290) How do these teenagers keep "zapping" instantaneously from Roswell to any other place in the country and back again? Isn’t it 950 miles between Roswell and Salina, UT? 291) From a rough pencil sketch on notebook paper, how is Liz able to positively identify, out of all the gems in the world, some travelling museum diamond as the alien artifact? Did Liz consult the "Big Book of Diamonds That Look Like They Came From Alien Sketchbooks?" And how contrived was it that the diamond would be touring the country and be displayed in Santa Fe exactly when they needed it? 292) Why was Liz the only one sent to criminal court when Max was also in the get-away car with her, and thus had to be her partner in crime? 293) So did Max, Maria, and Liz all graduate from school with Isabel? Do they EVER go to class? 294) So Max discovers some residue in an alien spacecraft hanger, which makes one believe that it might be, you know, alien. His response is to have his father, from whom he's trying to conceal the truth, run it through a human lab full of people who no doubt would notice if the residue turned out to have Cadmium X or some other unearthly qualities. Max is just like Magnavox. Smart. Very smart. 295) Where was this "lab" that did all of this chemical testing? How was it that it was so speedily reached from The Middle of Nowhere, Utah? Was this one of those "zapping" transportation thingies? Did Max and his father really send the residue for testing or were they bluffing? Was the residue actually tetryl? If so, did Max alter it? 296) How did the beautiful diamond/key become one of possessions of Mrs. Rich-and-Sparkly? How come Tess and Nasedo never tried to acquire it if they had knowledge of it? 297) Why did Max say it wasn't a "real" diamond, when it apparently was? 298) So the guards at the party have never, ever seen a single heist movie. Max can knock over a billion dollar diamond, leap over things to catch it (like what, it's going to break?) and then hand it back, without anyone thinking to check before he leaves if the diamond he handed back is real? 299) Can someone explain why every person in town can be informed about the aliens except the Evans 'rents? 300) How did Max get a gun? 301) How did tiny Liz lift and carry an unconscious Max out of the water to the car? Did she use her "special" powers or could she do it because she was wearing her superhero Underoos? 302) How does SPoT know that he has a daddy on Earth? How did this newborn/fetal alien contact Max psychically when no other alien ally has been able to? Why did it make Max pass out? Why doesn't Max consider that this message from Spot could be a trap set by his enemies to get him? 303) How did Max acquire a jail guard uniform and sneak into the jail cell unnoticed? 304) Where is this body of water that has a pier? Is this the same body of water that the beachfront property is beside? 305) After two full seasons, someone finally mentioned that dreaded A-word planet name. Nobody knew the name of the planet before now? 306) Was Max so hungry that he had to rip-off a bag of chips during the great escape in Busted? Apparently he was so busy playing tonsil hockey with Liz that he not only forgot to do any surveillance for potential witnesses, he forgot that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 307) How did Ferrini know that Max and Liz would be at the convenience store? How did Kal know about Max’s search? 308) Max and Liz are arrested and Jim doesn't make the zappy trip? Was Maria so tired from the zappy trip that she could only have four lines? Did they use up all of the zappy energy so Kyle couldn't come? Did he stay at home with Amy? 309) Apparently Michael, Max, and Isabel don’t get A&E, because if they’d ever seen a Law & Order rerun, they’d know that jailhouse interview rooms, complete with recorders and one-way mirrors, are not the best place to discuss the fact that you are aliens who crashed in your spaceship. 310) They sell "Enterprise" and WWF hats at convenience stores in Utah? How conveeen-ient! 311) When Max fried the camera, did he also melt the tape? Didn’t the camera catch Liz and the motion of Max’s hand towards the camera? Why wasn’t there any mention of the tape? Wouldn’t the police have found it suspicious that the camera somehow got fried at the exact time of the robbery that wasn’t? 312) Is Liz really stupid enough to think that the police would allow her to speak with Max while they were both in custody and charged with a crime? What the frell did Liz need to discuss with Max anyway? Did she want to hear another "put it behind us" speech and giggle some more while discussing Alex's murder? 313) How/when did Liz become a stunt driver? Why didn’t Max disable the first police car? 314) Does JCrew buy their film in bulk at discount rates for Secrets and Lies? Hello overexposure. Where did they find the drug addict suffering from withdrawal to do the camera work while shaking all over the place? 315) Who smokes more...er...writes more CHADs? Kato or Moore? 316) How is this show still on television when high school freshman in an Introduction to Film class can do better using a nonexistent budget and friends they conned into acting for them? 317) Did a 12-year old boy-band fan write Liz’s love letter to Max? Could Liz's letter possibly have been any cheesier? 318) Michael works from 2 to 7 AM?!? After working at the Crashdown? Do the Roswell aliens only need 3 hours of sleep like they do in the books? 319) Why does MetaChem have a third shift that only lasts for five hours? For that matter, what kind of company needs five people to sit around and watch security monitors? 320) Must everyone on this show be a petty criminal? Swiping one bottle of Snapple during work isn't good; taking it home by the case is wronger than Michael gets, even on a bad day. 321) What the hell was the deal with the *Diet* Peach Snapple, anyway? Why the heck would Michael, Mr. Sweet and Spicy, be drinking anything that was "diet?" Besides, he is more of an iced tea guy. 322) If Maria is buying kerosene for Michael’s lights, why didn't we see a kerosene lantern or lamp, instead of several dozen candles? 323) Is Isabel so mean that she won't show Michael how to change one dollar bills into 100's? Also, shouldn’t Michael be getting support from the state? 324) Max refuses to tell his parents about their alien status, no matter how much the MN’s investigation threatens them all. But just for the hell of it, he's going to put little love note bubbles on a wall in a packed restaurant. Very stealthy, Max. 325) Max made the mural change while he was in the kitchen, when it wasn’t even in his line of sight. Since when did these powers come with a RF remote control? 326) Gee Max, maybe instead of using your powers to woo your girlfriend and make us sick, you should use them to shave so you look more like 18-years old instead of 28. 327) Max, the guy who came up with the armed robbery plan, gives Michael a lecture about principles and planning in the Snapple Caper? Shut UP, Max. 328) If Michael could see Carl and the janitors through the blinds, why couldn’t they see him returning the Snapple? Why wasn’t Michael caught on camera? 329) Why the hell would Jesse and Isabel have to make out in a convenience store? Couldn't they just drive up to Buckley Point like the rest of the young hornballs? Doesn't the 26-year old lawyer have a car? Or an apartment? Does Jesse live with his parents? Did he move into Max’s room? 330) "Max has Liz and Michael has Maria, but you've never had that." Hello? Anybody remember Alex, the guy who she exchanged “I Love You’s” with? Anybody? Are the producers trying to kill off the last remaining Stargazers as painfully as possible? 331) Where did all these young, unemployed punks got the money for super spy equipment in the Snapple Caper? Or were they reusing Meta Chem equipment? Exactly how long did they wander around the building undetected, disabling and rewiring cameras and all? How did they get in? 332) Is it customary for the police not to care that they just caught four former employees sneaking into the business they were fired from? 333) Wasn’t Sheriff Hanson the guy that showed up with a SWAT team for a break-in at the high school? Yet he single-handedly investigates a major security breach at a huge chemical plant? If nothing else, couldn’t they have used some practice at smashing down glass doors with a battering ram? 334) A video tape that had been caught in the VCR so long that it had completely unspooled wouldn't have been recording the confrontation between Michael and Boss Man. 335) Who hang-glides at night? "Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s an Irredeemable Alien Ass!" 336) Shouldn’t the Parker ‘rents have thought of boarding school two years ago when Liz was caught necking in school, cutting class, and running off to "get busy" with Max during their camping trip? 337) Ok, the Crashdown is dark (ya know, it being, like 2 AM, so it's actually closed at a reasonable time for once) and Max and Liz run right in during the Snapple Caper without unlocking it? And Liz just disappears upstairs leaving Max to go his merry way without locking up? For that matter, why did Liz sneak in the front door? Is the ladder to her room the first victim of the season sucked into the BAEBSTAT? 338) Make that the fourth victim of the BAEBSTAT. Brody, Amy, and Sean were the first three. 339) How is it that Liz and Max didn't see Mr. Parker when they entered the CD in Snapple Caper, when he was sitting in plain sight? Also, why would Liz and Max decide to tongue-tonsil "goodnight" inside the Crashdown instead of outside? 340) Did Jason Katims sell his soul to Snapple? 341) Why must Jim and Kyle have such a hard life that Jim has to resort to singing country music and poor Kyle is left to do hard work for little pay to keep food on the table? 342) Is it necessary for the writers to attempt to make Max look good (give it up--it's a lost cause) by making Michael look more flawed? For that matter, is it necessary for the writers to attempt to make Liz look good (ditto) by giving Maria almost no screen time? 343) If the writer’s are going to make Jesse a regular, could he at least have some character? No? No more character to go around? You used it all up in the first season? Okay. It’s your money, dude. 344) It’s no wonder this show has such problems since the producers can’t tell their left hand from their right. When Carl is holding the gun on Michael in the Snapple Caper, it keeps switching hands. 345) Exactly where was Max staying the week before he asked to crash at Michael's? Why is Isabel okay with his leaving, if they are "home" for each other? 346) Why couldn't Michael strengthen the tiles to prevent himself from falling through the ceiling at MetaChem? 347) Where in his morphing, ever-expanding apartment has Michael stuck that big screen TV? Maybe he put it on the porch since, with Hansen on the job, Michael doesn't have to worry about burglars. 348) What causes the changes in both the Valentis' and the DeLucas' homes? Did they have to move because their first houses were swallowed by the BAEBSOT? 349) Really, it's no wonder Michael can't afford to pay his bills. Big screen TV and ping-pong and foosball tables?! On a Crashdown cook's salary? 350) Why did the writers choose boarding school in Vermont, instead of, say, Massachusetts or New Hampshire, where there actually are boarding schools? 351) How the hell did Hank ever get approved to be a foster father? Hank was single (strike one,) lived in a very small and seedy trailer (strike two,) and was an abusive alcoholic (he's out, ladies and gentlemen!) Was there ever a Mrs. Hank who kept him in line? 352) Why does Alex kick so much more ass now that he's dead than he ever did while alive? 353) Is the Monopoly Nazi running the McEvans Law Firm? Jesse can just get a summer job as a lawyer when he’s in town for a couple weeks visiting his mom? 354) How bad of a lawyer is Mr. Evans if he keeps losing associates? How bad of a law firm does he have if a guy just out of law school is the best lawyer the firm ever had? 355) What the hell kind of hours do Maria and Liz work? They worked the breakfast shift at the CD on a school day in SO. Did Liz and Maria wear their uniforms to school? Then they worked from opening to closing in THaTH. 356) Why can’t Michael use his alien powers to clean his sheets? And how cruel is it that Maria talks about Michael’s dirty sheets when we aren’t allowed to see Michael and Maria making them dirty? 357) Is Isabel a schizo? Putting aside GhostAlex, on the one hand she's loyal and extremely cautious, and on the other hand, she’s willing to throw herself under Best Man (VLV,) marry Jesse on a whim, and run off with Khivar on her honeymoon. 358) Was Maria’s behavior just pure selfish jealousy in SO or was she just feeling lonely, neglected, and a bit sexually frustrated from missing those hour long orgasms? 359) Is there only one teacher at Roswell High? The guy who Michael talked to about taking biology also caught Max and Liz in the eraser room. 360) Why does dead Alex have more lines than alive Maria? 361) What kind of slave wages is MN paying to Jesse, the best lawyer he has ever had, if Jesse has to hock his mom's engagement ring to pay off her debts? 362) Why do the podsters even bother with stupid pacts when nobody can keep a pact, promise, or secret? 363) How can Isabel keep her status a secret from Jesse if they do get married? Won’t it be a little tough to explain hour-long orgasms and all of those spontaneous trips to other states? 364) Did Pa Parker serve time for drunk driving and vehicular manslaughter? Nice to see he's rehabilitated and regretful, but we seem to be glossing over pertinent facts. Oh, and fix Pa's hair. 365) Who paid for the dinner at the French restaurant, when both Jesse and Isabel bolted before getting a check? 366) Did Isabel give into an Herbal Essences urge while in the bathroom of the French restaurant? Her hair was soaked. 367) Just exactly how desperate is Jonathan Frakes that he not only risks his reputation by being a Roswell producer but also appears in an episode? 368) Being overly zealous as he is, why did Sheriff Hanson send a deputy to question Max about a homicide? 369) Why hadn’t Jim visited his father for so long? Jim, who made amends with his father when we last saw them together, and felt terrible about being wrong about his father and aliens for all those years? Jim, who spoon fed his father and went to him and got very coherent advice about Hubble chasing Max in "The Convention?" Jim made his peace with everything about his father so why did Kyle have to go instead? 370) Apparently, Grandpa Valenti is also a shapeshifter. 371) Where the hell does a nursing home cost $1,200 a month? And family members do not have to go clean up after a resident if they spill their food. But maybe that's why the home is so cheap. 372) Lightning strikes a person in a closed car (insulated by rubber tires) and doesn’t leave any marks? That scenario made sense to them? Also, couldn't the SS have enough brains to also fry some of the frelling upholstery!? Nevermind, that one is a rhetorical question. 373) And is Joe Pantoliano really that desperate for work? 374) "Base form?" WTF!? Um, does anyone remember Tess talking about what Nasedo "really looks like," and telling Max, "everyplace we go, he’s someone different?" Does anyone remember the scene where Nasedo was being revived and we glimpsed his "base form," which was an alien? Anyone? Bueller? How about Max and Liz, who were both in that scene? 375) Were there two shapeshifters in Roswell in '59? Did Nasedo kill Atherton, leaving his trademark handprint, while Joey Pants killed the actress at the same time using his signature lightning strike method? Did Valenti Sr. ever make a connection between the two events? And why don’t Max, Liz or Jim rnake a similar connection? 376) Why was there no silver handprint on the actress in 1959 or on Ferrini? 377) Did Old Lady Makeup Artist give Liz some advice on that eyeliner? 378) I’m glad Needlenose Ned was so enamoured with Max’s personal magnetism that he rushed to offer his service. It sure is easy to get an agent in Hollywood, what with agents accosting people at funerals and all. 379) How is Max an idiot? Oh, let us count just a few of the ways: 380) So Max’s parents fly out to Utah to bail he and his bratty delinquent girlfriend out of jail, and then Max doesn’t even CALL HIS MOTHER? At ALL? Die, Max, die! 381) "You’ve got mail, Max." That’s a really neat trick for the computer to call Max by name and display a message for Max at the exact time Max was there. Did the SS also hack into A-O-Hell’s mainframe to keep the computer from being booted offline and change the mail message? It’s too bad that the SS couldn’t have used some of that brainpower to get rid of the "Utah Shoot" videotape. 382) Why was Joey Pants rehearsing a speech in LA that no one could have possibly known he would have the opportunity to perform in Utah? What was he going to do if none of Max's friends showed up? Send a tape to Michael of him finally getting it right? 383) Also, why would Kal want to kill Max, since the SS were supposed to be protectors all along? 384) I see they’re still playing hide-and-seek with not only Maria’s spine, but with Maria as well. 385) Could the acting on this show be any worse? I mean, seriously. 386) Wait, it could be worse--it could be the dialogue. 387) "Enterprise" is at the "top of the food chain?" Bwa ha ha! "Enterprise" will be at the top of the food chain when Liz learns how to speak properly. 388) Did Roswell not recover from the timewarp in "Wipe Out!"? How was Liz able to research a movie from the 1950s, find and interview the makeup artist for said movie, and find out that the "clapper" was the suspect in the random lightening death of the "hottie" actress, all in the space of time it took Max and Joey Pant’s girlfriend to visit the crime scene in L.A.? 389) Since when would the executive producer of a show and one of the stars of said show do audition readings with an extra, instead of the casting director? 390) Jim, who knows how much it hurt that he had no time with his dad, and how tough it was when his father lost his job, is now forcing Kyle to deal with these same problems? Not to mention shifting all responsibility for earning money and dealing with his elderly grandfather to his traumatized teenage son? Or inviting his new toy to Christmas dinner when his son needs some quality time with his only family? 391) Where’s Amy Deluca to pull Jim out of this Kit Shicker crap? 392) Hey, MN and Bangs, could you stop talking about the son that doesn’t give a damn about you and let your daughter finish a sentence? 393) Not that people care anymore, but why has Max never asked Liz why she tricked him into believing that she slept with Kyle? Then again, considering the fact that it looked as though Max didn't give a damn when he asked her in "Decrapture" if she actually slept with Kyle, it must not be important. 394) "You're an alien ‘kink.’ What could ever happen to me?" Um... death by vivisection? One can only hope. 395) If the spaceship can't fly, how did the military get it out of the convenience store hangar? Did they use helicopters and crime scene tape? Max’s hang glider? What? 396) The military tells a MOVIE PRODUCER where they are hiding the UFO from the crash of '47? Apparently Steven Spielberg can claim to be doing a war film and get all our nuclear secrets in about 5 minutes. 397) If Max is the almighty savior of PSAWN, couldn’t they have given him the power to kick just one person's ass? Why doesn’t he use his jello shield against Kal? Or any of his powers? 398) Couldn't the SAWNians find even ONE protector who actually liked the royal four, and might have the slightest desire to actually, oh I don't know, protect them? 399) Isabel planned a completely lavish wedding, replete with band, flowers, invites, reception hall, alcohol and dresses in two weeks? 400) If Joey Pants, the second SS from Sof47, hasn’t shape shifted in 30 years, then who is Tic Tac? 401) Since Kal hasn't shape shifted in 30 years to preserve his senses, can we throw out the base form theory entirely, especially since it came from Liz? There's no proof for it, so let's never hear about that again, mmm-kay? 402) Can someone explain why Max is so insistent to bring back the bratling considering that…oh, right, the thing can't live in this atmosphere? And let’s not forget that Max wouldn’t have a chance in hell of getting SpoT away from Khivar. 403) How did Nasedo find such pleasure in fried chicken and "diddling" skin senators if his constant shape-shifting caused him not to taste or feel? Why did Nasedo seem to feel those gunshots in Destiny? Worse still, why did he go on about how good it felt to be Max in MttM? 404) How do Shape shifters walk and otherwise manipulate the world around them if they can’t feel anything? 405) Did Lonnie and Rath suffer a loss of taste and touch sensations from their shape shifting? Or did their human DNA make up for it? 406) Where did Max get the money to be able to afford a stay in LA for several weeks? 407) Liz sent a care package to a hotel? Who the hell does that? 408) Since Langley’s an incredibly high-profile director who has worked in film for 50 years, and can be clearly seen in archival footage of God knows how many movies, doesn’t anyone notice that he, you know, doesn’t age? Are Casey Kasem and Dick Clark shape shifting aliens, too? 409) The UFO hanger has great security--just one little deadbolt. And no one notices if civilians hang around military bases unescorted? 410) Does Maria really get hour-long orgasms? If so, how does that work with the whole multiple thing? 411) Why do the writers compare Max and Liz to Romeo and Juliet when most people would cheer if this couple offed themselves? 412) Why didn't Max remember that he could give the shape shifter orders since he gave Nasedo orders? 413) Once again, Max neglects to retrieve any useful information from a willing source. His Terminator 2, "I Must Obey Your Commands" protector could surely have given him the lowdown on the crash, Nasedo, the Dupes, other aliens on their side who may still be around, and possibly even Nicholas and the Fifth Column. Yet does Max ask Kal any relevant questions? Work with us here, Max! 414) If they have all this great genetic stuff happening on PSAWN, why didn't they program Max some brains? 415) What black hole sucked away the souls of Roswell's soul mates? 416) Why would the PSAWNians program the Shape shifters so that they has to obey Max, but allow Kal the freedom to beat the crap out of and even kill him? And how can this programming be “in his DNA?” 417) Was Liz being her typical bratty self when she was rude to Mrs. Evans after being asked for Max’s phone number or did she take on a whole new snotty bitch persona? 418) If Isabel had something "overnighted" the day before, why does she think it’s supposed to arrive by 6:30 a.m. the next day? 419) How is Isabel paying for her wedding, if her parents won’t even go, and Jesse’s mother is hocking her wedding ring? Is she turning dollars into hundreds again? 420) Why was Isabel stressing about details like placeholders and dresses? Has she forgotten that SHE HAS ALIEN POWERS and can just turn a bottle of mustard into her dream dress if she wants? 421) Is rearranging his furniture Michael’s favorite hobby? This week, the boxing bag is back in the sunroom, and the foosball table is outside in the ever-expanding porch area. 422) Does everyone on the show think they are in PeeWee’s Playhouse? Why the hell would Maria go to Isabel’s window in THaTH? 423) Why on earth was MICHAEL, who has no aptitude for science, put in charge of determining if the blood cells were human? And why are they back to thinking that alien blood cells are green when they all have red blood? 424) Why does Isabel state that she knows with certainty that Vilandra betrayed them all for Khivar? Has she ever heard that story from someone who’s not an enemy? 425) How frelling out of character is it for Michael to completely disregard Isabel’s dream and insist that Khivar isn’t there? Isn’t this the same guy who once kidnapped a human to follow a vision to Texas? 426) Why wouldn’t Isabel ask her grandfather to walk her down the aisle, since her father wouldn’t? 427) Wasn’t Roswell bad enough without strippers and bar brawls, not to mention country music? 428) Who the hell waits until 22 minutes before the ceremony to get dressed, or to even look at the wedding dress? 429) Wasn’t Max even a little worried about anyone realizing something weird just happened with Jesse’s nose? Is Jesse really that much of a sucker to believe that a steak can eliminate bruising AND heal a broken bone? 430) Could Michael possibly look any yummier in his groomsman's tux? 431) "I’m sure you all know the story, how they found us..." Um, not really Max, since you’ve changed it twice. 432) Hi, Max. Could you possibly make that wedding toast any more about yourself and any less about the bride and groom? And Max? You’re so not the best man, not on any planet. 433) Did Michael bring Kyle as his date for the wedding? 434) What happened to Michael’s dance phobia? Does he only fear dancing with Maria, who was sitting there looking bored after he finished dancing with Isabel? 435) Michael stayed on earth because of his love for Maria, and those two don't even make eye contact. But Max had sex with someone else and spawned the evil seed, and Max and Liz couldn't be in a happier relationship? Just checking. 436) How are we supposed to be afraid of Kivar when he looks like Mark Paul Gosselear? Here’s a good way to make Kivar scarier--have Liz apply his eye makeup. 437) Jim used to be Sheriff, but just stands around singing while there's a brawl going on at Jesse’s bachelor party? 438) Iz and Max drink champagne at the wedding, even though they are a) underage and b) have weird alien reactions to alcohol? 439) Didn't it bother anyone, especially Jesse the lawyer, or Valenti the ex-Sheriff, that three underaged high school students were at a bar where alcohol was freely flowing? And how did they get in to Jesse’s bachelor party in the first place? Did Dr. Love and Harvey Wallbanger make another appearance? 440) Did Isabel just drop out of college for two weeks in order to take up residence at the CrashDown and plan her wedding? 441) Where the hell was Jesse in all the wedding planning? And Jesse got a bachelor party but Isabel went to bed early in her parents' home? 442) What happened to Cal? The ship? The cell phone? Did Max tell anyone what happened? Inquiring minds want to know. 443) How frelling stupid was Harvard boy's comment about statistics? Yeah, 9-ball is a game of probability. Make sure that guy isn't used in any advertisement for Harvard. 445) Is the preacher at the wedding also the Only High School Teacher in Roswell? 446) How did Valenti go from being one of the most complex and interesting characters on this show to begging to play the batchelor party? 447) If Maria got hornswoggled into helping with all the wedding stuff, when did she go back to finish her shift? 448) So Isabel and Jesse can barely keep their hands off each other before they get married and when they do, instead of tearing off each other's clothes to consummate, she takes a nap and he plays golf? And what newly married man with a virgin bride makes best buddies with another guy in the first five minutes of his honeymoon? Was Khivar mind warping Jesse? 449) Can Khivar/Denny pass through walls or does he just move really, really fast? 450) Apparently even human cell phones can kick Max's ass. Why/How do possessed humans have powers again? 451) Gee Isabel, could you have dressed any sluttier for your public, outdoor tryst with Khivar? 452) Very convenient memory, Michael. How does that memory/essence transfer work again? 453) Is Isabel's primal Vilondra mode the same as Tess' primal firestorm mode? If so, why can't Max and Michael access their more powerful modes? 454) Do all of the podsters have latent personalities that can just take over for them on occasion? And why would their eyes physically be different? The hell? 455) The wormhole thing? What. Ev. Er. 457) Did Kivar use a different method of human possession than Larek and the PSTUNian ambassadors? If not, why did Khivar/Denny need to step into the wormhole when Khivar wasn't really on Earth? If so, and Khivar physically transport his essence to Earth, did Khivar's essence wander around until he found a suitable human male, or was Khivar able to direct his wormhole directly to Denny? 458) Why didn’t Denny seem to suffer any ill effects of being Khivar for several days straight, when Brody needs to be prepared for days, and even then it taxes his body incredibly? 459) If Denny has been missing so long that his family put up posters, how long did Khivar have possession of him? Didn’t Larek say it was really difficult to hold on for long periods of time, considering the “vast resources” possession consumes? 460) When Max is tracking Kivar, why doesn’t he set his cell phone to vibrate? 461) Didn't Isabel ever hear of shoes? Why would she go around the grounds of the resort honeymoon hotel barefoot? 462) Nice law firm, Monopoly Nazi. Did they use the same set for your office that Gilmore Girls uses for Luke's apartment? 463) Did the same person that put Liz's investigation notes/evidence together set up MN's bulletin board? 464) Does MN not have a secretary or reception area for his office? How did Liz sneak in and hide unnoticed? 465) When Michael made the airline tickets to La Jolla, did he also go into the airline computers and input his reservation? And how would he have known what flight number, airline or other information to put on the tickets? 466) Doesn't *anyone* go to school anymore? Did Michael and Max skip school yet again to go to La Jolla, just weeks after Max took off for L.A.? 467) How is it that Isabel and Jesse leave for their honeymoon at night, but arrive in La Jolla in the daylight? Did they drive? Stay overnight somewhere? If so, why did Michael and Max’s arrive at the resort/hotel so long after Isabel and Jesse when they left Roswell almost immediately after and took a plane? 468) Did Max tamper with Jesse's memory, or did Jesse really not remember anything after the dance club scene because of the tree branch that fell on him? Does Max even *have* that capability? 469) Is Denny hard of hearing? How could Khivar not notice Max and Michael pounding after them, with all the racket they were making? 470) So Khivar finally comes to Earth after 50 years of plotting and scheming to kill the Royals, get the granolith, nab the heir, etc., and all he’s interested in is Isabel nookie? Why? 471) If Khivar loved Vilandra, why did he kill her? If he didn’t love her, why does he want her back? 472) Khivar is the supposed "big bad" all this time, and all Isabel has to do to get rid of him is shove his borrowed body in a beam of light? WHAT? Gah. 473) Why didn't Khivar kill Max and Michael when he had the chance? Or Jesse? Was he planning another wormhole trip after he got Isabel/Vilondra back to PSAWN? 474) Dumb question of the week from Interruptus--“Hey Max, you remember your father?” No, he completely forgot him. 475) Even if Michael was right about Vilandra being duped by Khivar, how does he know what Vilandra’s intentions were? Just because she told him she was letting Khivar in for peace talks doesn’t mean she wasn’t in on the plot to have everyone killed. 476) How much must parents hate their kid to name him Denny? 477) Michael is so exhausted he can’t have sex with Maria, but he has plenty of time to learn to scuba dive on a whim? 478) What good would the podsters be in overthrowing Khivar if his second in command is 1000x more powerful than they are and can wipe out the pod squad single-handedly? 479) Why did Max have to ask for Liz’s necklace back? Is it so obviously alien? Couldn’t it just pass for a Native American necklace? 480) Why did Max and Michael bury the alien artifacts? Couldn't they have found a better hiding spot? 481) And why did Michael have to dig the hole with a shovel? Can't they use their alien powers to make the hole? And why did Max not help dig? Oh, that’s right. Max is a tyrant and tyrants don’t do manual labor. 482) Speaking of which, why did they bury the stuff during THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY? 483) Why didn’t Mr. Oh-So-Intelligent-Private-Investigator-Man check where Michael and Max had been standing when he was spying on them digging? I hope the MN isn't paying top dollar for this guy. 484) Gee Maria, could you be any more insensitive to Michael than allowing a guy to stay at your house while you're there and your mom’s out of town? 485) Okay, first Max tells Liz he doesn't want to tell his parents the truth because he doesn't want to put them in danger. Then he tells Isabel that he can’t tell them because he fears that Ma and Pa will turn them in. Which is it, Max? And can ANYONE please explain again why knowing the truth puts them in more danger than not knowing the truth? 486) Shouldn’t Max be concerned that MN’s investigation may expose them accidentally? Why not just tell him to shut him up? 487) What happened to the Maria who wanted to start out her singing career in a smoky lounge in Vegas? Or more accurately, what happened to Maria period? 488) Won't Isabel telling her parents about their grandchild make them MORE, not less, interested in Max's search? And how is Max going to explain to Ma and Pa Evans why munchkin can't breathe air? 489) Is it any wonder why the MN didn't buy the Christmas Nazi's story about Max, when she didn’t include a cover story about what happened in Utah? How does searching for a baby lead to breaking into a convenience store or the finding of a mysterious substance in the basement? 490) How ironic is it that Maria is the first to express dissatisfaction with the aliens since she has been least put out by them compared to Liz, who suffers the indignity of SpoT and F-Max, etc; Kyle, who must live with being an unwitting murder accomplice; and Jim, who lost his dignity and his job? 491) Why didn't Max and Is just say they were in a car accident when they didn't leave in Departure? Or why couldn’t Max say the jeep was stolen? And why didn’t Max’s parents notice his Jeep was missing for several months? 492) Why hasn't Mrs. Rich-and-Sparkly found out yet that her giant diamond was stolen? 493) MN didn't think Isabel was involved in the conspiracy? Why no mention of Isabel's turn as Juliet in the School Play that Never Happened? 494) Why wasn’t Michael listed on the "conspirators" board? 495) Why wasn't the SHERIFF? After all, Jim lost his job in a huge public scandal involving the Evans kids, a kidnapped girl, and a federal investigation. And hello, Tess was living with the Sheriff. 496) Speaking of which, why no Laurie on that board? Max and Isabel's involvement with her was public knowledge. 497) How the hell could MN have seen Tess and Max always together when he was never around? 498) Why doesn't MN pump his wife for info? Does Bangs even know about the MN's investigation prior to Crash? 499) Has Bangs ever told MN about the events of Toy House? If not, was it because she was protecting Max from her husband's Monopoly Nazi ways? 500) Why are we still watching? 501) Is MN at all connecting Max's behavior to the weird fact that Max was found out in the middle of the desert at age 6 and hasn't discussed anything that happened to him prior to that? And how has he not discovered that Michael was also found in the middle of the desert? 502) How was the detective able to determine that that tankful of gas from May was actually for the Jeep and not some other vehicle? And how he would know that it was the "last time" the Jeep was filled? Couldn’t Max have paid cash for another fill-up? 503) How did the detective find a gas receipt that was more than four months old? Did Max leave a shoebox full of receipts under his bed at the Evans?’ 504) Is it some sick, twisted hobby of the writers to turn beloved characters into selfish, inconsiderate, cheating, tyrannical, traitorous and/or dysfunctional asses? There’s Liz, Max, Tess, Isabel, Jim, and now the selfish skank...ahem, I mean of course, Maria "I Had a Dream -- But You’ve Never Heard About It Before This Episode" DeLuca. 505) Why would Maria not be her real self in season 1? She barely knew Michael at the time, so why in “285 South” or “River Dog” or “Heatwave” would she have been this other person? 506) Hasn't the one beautiful part of the M&M relationship been that at least they were able to understand each other in a way that other people couldn't? Hello? Sexual Healing? Flashes? "You let me see you." And, um, Departure. Wasn't that the "something about" Maria that Michael loved? 507) Could they have chosen a reason for the breakup (i.e. Michael's alienness) that would have twisted the knife any more in Michael's heart? No, didn’t think so. 508) Is MN investigating out of parental concern or does he have an evil, hidden agenda? 509) What does it say about this show when the scariest, worst threat to the pod squad that we’ve seen in two seasons is the father of one of them? Hail the Monopoly Nazi! 510) Didn’t Michael give Maria her dream in VLV? Just how is Michael holding her back from singing? 511) Why didn’t ma or pa Evans confront Max when they found the ticket for the Empire State building? Why hold onto it for a year, and never say a word when your son was supposedly camping? And why the hell did Max keep that ticket when it could expose his lie about camping? 512) How much do the writers suck that they must resort to a Joey Potter "I have to find myself" or a Kelly Taylor "I choose me" type speech to split up a couple? These speeches sucked the first time and they didn’t need to be revisited. 513) Why does MN have his billboard at work where any secretary or visitng client could stumble on it? And now that he knows that Max knows, why is it still there? 514) What the hell is wrong with Jesse that he is more concerned about flossing and talking about the Monopoly Nazi than nailing his wife, who gives him hour-long orgasms, on the bathroom floor? And why would Isabel want it on the bathroom floor when sex in the shower is so much more fun? 515) Isabel and Jesse make up, Max and Liz go skating, and all of Christmas day passes while Maria and Michael sit on her porch talking? Boy, that was some talk. 516) Did Maria pretty much out-and-out *blame* Michael for the situation between them in the opening scene from SR? 517) Does Maria want Michael or not? She tells him that she doesn't want him out of her life, but throws a fit if he goes anywhere near her. 518) Can anyone figure out the real reason why Maria broke up with Michael? Does she know? 519) It’s so great to see Maria has been so avidly pursuing her dreams now that she’s free of Michael and all his alien problems. What with writing songs, singing, calling recording studios and trying to reclaim the person she was four years ago, how does she find the time to work as an elf, find Enigma, and be a skanky ho? 520) Could Maria have been more of a Class A bitch at the Crashdown in SR? Yeah, the POOR thing needs something to distract her from "certain other situations." Distract her from what, the thought of her own rotten personality? The realization that she shamelessly dumped her boyfriend, crushing his poor, little, never trusted a human before, love-starved heart? Distract her from how her ex inexplicably continues to be nice to her in the least threatening and non-pushy way possible? Sorry, but it is we who need the distraction. 521) Didn't it seem like Samuel could see Isabel during her dreamwalk, but the parents couldn't? 522) Hey Jim, that's too much lettuce in the turkey. It's stuffing, not a salad. 523) When did Kyle and Jim having Christmas breakfast together become a Valenti family tradition? They told Tess last year that all they did on Christmas was watch football and eat frozen turkey dinners if they couldn't make it to the Crashdown. 524) "I really don't know this girl." Well Jesse, maybe that's because you met her only six months ago Einstein. 525) Does no one spend Christmas with their families anymore? Max, Isabel, Jesse, their folks -- they don't get together for Christmas dinner? 526) Nice to know that Max and Liz have developed their own holiday tradition. Of course, in their case it involves Max peering through windows and molesting children. Stop feeling up the kiddies, Max. They have laws against stuff like that. 527) Ah, the exploitation of sick children -- it's an annual Roswell tradition! Next year it will be Max and the Bubble Boy. Admittedly, we’re not from the Great State of New Mexico but is December officially Exploit a Sick Child month there? 528) Kato is going to tell us what's in the minds of autistic children? Um, squicky much? 529) Wasn't that Brody's house that Samuel's family was living in? Yes, yes it was. Same Christmas tree too. Apparently Samuel's family moved in when Brody packed his bags and left town. 530) How did Max find the mother of the autistic kid? Did he just ASSUME they would be living in the same house Brody and Sidney lived in last year? 531) Why did Isabel tell Max that she's never tried to bring people dream walking with her before? Um, Isabel? Playboy bunnies, Kyle, you, dream walking? Ringing any bells? If she did remember, why did she lie? 532) Max, Liz has helped you, okay? She’s been there for you. So do not take that tone with her if she chooses to take a step back from your craziness and not stalk autistic children -- it’s not like she owes you anything. Die, Max, die! 533) What the hell is Liz still doing with Max? What could possibly be worth putting up with his constant beratements and self-obsession? When was the last time that Max even pretended to care about one of Liz's problems? Who can watch this couple together and find them even slightly romantic? 534) Why did Michael say he wanted to grab a burger if they were eating breakfast in SR? 535) Two Christmas snowfalls in a row in Roswell? Uh huh. 536) Since when do Max's hands glow when he tries to heal? And why no connection with Samuel? 537) Isabel fires Michael from Santa duty on Christmas Eve, and he leaves in the Santa suit that he’s still wearing the next day, judging from the activities of the other characters, at Maria’s house. So what happened to the other kids who were waiting to see Santa? Did Isabel just close down Santa's village? 538) Did the Monopoly Nazi take a vacation from his investigation over the holidays? Or is he visiting Milton and Brody? 539) Why exactly did Kyle borrow his boss's car when he should have his very own sportscar? Did he trade his old car in for the therapy he probably needed post-Departure? 540) Since when do the alien powers include conjuring beer out of thin air? Apparently it wouldn't be the holidays without the Return of the "Max as Jesus" Metaphor. 541) Were the frat boys so trashed that they didn’t wonder how the keg magically went from empty to full or did they just not care? And did anyone else think it odd that the frat boys didn't instantly offer Max a cup of beer as a "thank you?" 542) Are Roswell's editors merely bad or the worst in the history of television? What is up with all the discrepancies between shots? Max is kissing Liz in AtoTP and then suddenly they’re watching the cactus burn. And in BIY, when Kyle talks to Isabel on the bleachers, one second he is holding two cups of coffee, and the next Isabel is drinking one, even though we never saw her take it from him. 543) Could Maria have been more obnoxious when Michael was sick? No? Didn't think so. 544) Why wasn't Liz's mother helping with the party? Is the black hole too deep for Pa Parker to pull her out? 545) Since when does John Doe sing on the show? Is everybody going to sing before this thing gets canceled? 546) Are the writers so completely out of fresh ideas that they have to recycle plots from old episodes? Last time it was ARCC that was duped and now they clone the flashback in “Surprise” for AToTP. Stop regurgitating! It’s bad enough the first time! 547) Why would Liz say that Maria is one of Max's two best friends? Have they exchanged a single word since EoTW? Oh wait, she asked him in Busted how he could have let Liz hold the gun. They must be close! 548) How pathetic was Enigma when the frat party was more interesting? 549) How does the whole idea of this secret party work? How large is Roswell? Not very. So how many kids are in this high school? Not many. So if no one can find the party, who is throwing it every year? If no one can find it, who's attending? And if it's a new group throwing it (as it must, since it's been going on for 50 years,) then how do they get to be the people in charge? 550) If the party is such a legend, how come no one at the frat house ever heard of Enigma? Oh, that’s right. They’re not "townies." 551) The whole "townie" concept doesn't really work when it's a LOCAL COLLEGE. Did these frat guys travel in from other states to go to Roswell Community College? If they did travel in from New York to go there, then they certainly are so lame that they don't deserve to be calling anyone a townie. 552) Isabel is supposed to be going to a nearby college, but now the college is IN Roswell? Or at least pretty damn close if they drive there and back to the CD well before 10:30 pm. 553) How is this "Campus Frat Party" packed with people as if everyone was still on campus? Wasn’t school closed for the break? 554) How is it that all the guys in the college frat, including the star quarterback, know Maria by name, if her big complaint is she hasn't gotten out at all in the last 3 years to grow as a person? 555) It’s good to know that the only time Max has to step foot inside the school is when he needs a clue to find a lame ass party. Too bad there weren’t more clues for him to get. 556) Liz takes a shower in her own bathroom with Michael sleeping in her bed and Slackjaw doesn't care? 557) Why did everyone have such an "oh my God!" reaction in the beginning ATOTP when they realized that certain people spent the night together but it was no big deal at the end of the episode? 558) Why was the ep called "A Tale of Two Parties" when we saw three? Assuming, of course, that Isabel and Kyle went to the same party as Maria, Max, and Michael. If not, we actually saw four. 559) Was Isabel planning to have Jesse watch "Rudolph’s Shiny New Year" with her after the romantic candle dinner? 560) Since when can Max levitate an object, let alone a person? Why would he need to? 561) Did Isabel suddenly get stupid? Why the hell would she allow an outsider, let alone a reporter, stay in her home? 562) It's really good to know that a rookie lawyer like Jesse gets a big, fancy office all to himself. But there are no secretaries around to keep people from just walking in and snooping? And not just secretaries would be around the law office, but hello, paralegals? 563) Wasn’t the problem with the cloaking device, not the warp drive? 564) Why has Michael suddenly become the village idiot? For Michael to use his powers blatantly in public for something as worthless as golf makes even less sense than Katims still having a job. 565) Starring Isabel Evans? It’s good to know that Isabel really doesn’t consider herself married to Jesse Ramirez since the guy is almost nonexistant. 566) Wouldn't the record for Michael be in MN's own office or at least right next to the desk of his personal secretary? Oh, that's right, there are no secretaries. 567) How does Isabel suddenly know how to fix a carburetor? If she's such a mechanic, why didn't she help Kyle fix the bus in TH&TH? For that matter, how does she know how to fix an icemaker? 568) "You think our marriage is crap?" Why yes, Jesse and Isabel’s marriage is complete and utter crap. 569) The humans in “I Married an Alien” don't know that the pod squad are aliens? Good thing Max didn't, oh I don't know, change a meat cleaver into flowers in a public restaurant. 570) Is Jesse’s friend an alien? When he asked Jesse if he could check his e-mail at the firm, the computer monitor isn't even on as he begins to type. 571) Even "sitcom" Max is a real ass. In one scene, "sitcom" Max is making goo-goo eyes at Liz, and in another he's talking extremely snidely about the human race, its ape ancestry, and how much better the aliens are. What, then, does this show about his feelings towards his girlfriend? Not exactly a healthy relationship, but we already knew that. 572) How *incredibly* sad is it that a third rate reporter who often gets drunk and high is able to "figure out" the pod squad, when the FBI (even the alien hunting special unit of the FBI) could not? 573) Why does Michael have so much time to hang around the house and watch Bewitched all of a sudden? What happened to two jobs and school? 574) If Mr. Evans suspected Michael, why hadn’t he looked further into Michael’s records and found out about Michael levitating tables? 575) Does Jesse have some sort of non-personality that morphs into the necessary plot device of the week or did we miss the part where he's developed into an actual character worthy of mention in the now-Alexless credits? 576) So Jesse has been wondering about the miracle of the steak and the amazing sex he has with Isabel. Has his past drug use wiped out his ability to put two and two together? Is he really a lawyer? 577) Why bother having a sitcom world when Roswell itself is an even more ridiculous sitcom? 578) What does it say about Jesse that he didn’t ditch his moronic best friend years ago? 579) How did little Michael survive for a week in the desert with little or no food or water before he was found? 580) How could no one connect three naked children dumped in the desert? Wouldn't the police have released statements to the local media? Shouldn't there have been a massive investigation? So why is it that even the MN does not seem to know or care about the similarity between how his kids were found and how Michael was found? 581) What the hell were the writers thinking, creating a semi-sexual vibe with Valenti and Maria? He used to date her mother! Kyle’s disgust wasn’t nearly enough. 582) Max saved Liz over two years ago and the change is manifesting itself NOW? Even if it is exacerbated by her feelings for Max, why didn't it happen after she astral projected? Or after “Departure?” Or after “Busted?” Maybe Liz is just so sick of Max that she subconsciously WANTS to die. 583) Have we ever heard Liz talk about attending Harvard? When did she become Rory on “Gilmore Girls?” Any mention of her taking the SAT or any other placement test, let alone discussion about her doing really well on a placement test? 584) Why do the writers keep trying to convince us that Liz is smart when she obviously is not? Didn’t she learn in the past that not telling Max about things is a BAD idea? 585) Liz tells Kyle to "just please respect my feelings?" Um, no Liz. Considering that Kyle will likely go through the same alien changes, it involves him as much as it does you. The world doesn't revolve around Liz. 586) Why can’t Liz understand why Michael, who Maria dumped and has been treating like crap, doesn’t want to come watch Maria rub herself against Valenti? 587) Liz accuses Max of being unfaithful? Um, hello? Liz and Max weren't together! 588) Why couldn't Liz say that she got a migraine or something instead of just flaking and running out of her Harvard interview? 589) Maria didn’t want Michael at her birthday party the week before, and now she’s running to him to celebrate being discovered by a record company exec, has “feel good” sex with Michael, dumps him again, snottily turns down his generous, selfless offer to help her with her contract, goes to him for advice, and then is indignant when he FINALLY tells her off. Bitch. 590) Well, hello again cool Michael! You actually found your spine and told off the SHFKAM in C-C-Changes, just like Liz found her spine and told off Max. Yay! Mikey G. and Liz, try holding onto your spines this time, o-kay? 591) "I am an executive for a record label. I think I will scout for talent in a very small town, in an old cowboy bar." Uh, yeah. 592) Well, hello Mr. Incognito! Couldn’t Max put out the fire on the bleachers without being so conspicuous? 593) Again, when Max and Michael dig OUT the artifacts, why isn’t it possible for them to dig a hole without using a shovel? 594) Why didn’t Michael think about how stupid it was to bury the alien artifacts when he and Max were burying them? 595) Is this anti-pop Maria the same girl that wanted to sing the popular songs the radio stations play over and over again for the “Blind Date” contest and was singing along with a Christina Aguilera song in “Monsters?” 596) Since when do the healing stones amplify powers? Weren’t they only supposed to focus the powers of two or more podsters? 597) Where did Max find the information about using the healing stones to "heal" Liz? The DB? Isn't this the same book that was only a few pages long and had the Flintstone-type pictures of the hybrids? Where did it have anything about curing a human who is suffering from hybrid healing sickness? 598) Are the outbreaks of Liz's power connected to her feelings about Max (she says she had no outbreaks while in Vermont until he called), or are they unrelated (which is why Liz experiences problems with Kyle and in the Rat at school)? 599) Why were the extras inside the café watching Liz and Maria talk while sitting on the bench in CCC? 600) Does ANY boarding school accept transfer students in the second semester of the senior year? Isn’t the boarding school in Vermont? Why didn't Liz fly instead of taking a bus? 601) Where does the owner of a business that's not much more than a small diner come up with the money to send his daughter to an exclusive Vermont boarding school? 602) Valenti doesn't miss being Sheriff at all? He actually preferred being part of a country western band and grinding with his ex-girlfriend's daughter? All right, it's your dignity, Jim. 603) Does MetaChem use a special floor cleaner that removes all but the footprints of a murderer? 604) Why didn't Isabel dreamwalk Jim or Max to find out where they were? 605) Why didn't Max immediately set up his jello shield when the thugs first put their guns on him and Jim? Was he drained or did he forget that there's always room for jello? 606) Why wasn't Sheriff Gung Ho Hanson more aggressive in his investigation of a murder? Is he employed by Morgan Fairchild? 607) Didn’t Liz choose voluntarily to go to boarding school? Wasn’t she thrilled to be going there? Then why is she comparing it to prison? 608) Now we have the return of Schizo Liz “Beth” Parker. Does Liz want discipline and structure or not? Why does she insist on breaking curfew the first and second nights that she's there? Does she love boarding school or hate it? And it’s good to know that Liz is proud and giggly that she was almost a convicted felon. 608) Was it really a good idea for Miss Brainy to be imbibing alcohol when she is going through changes that nobody has figured out yet? Doesn't Liz remember what alcohol did to Michael? 609) Way to protect the girl you love, Max. Was it *really* necessary to say Liz's name as Morgan Fairchild related the past two seasons of your poorly concealed existence? 610) How did MetaChem get Liz's dress? Or for that matter, the empty bottles of tobasco? Did the special unit have a “going out of business” sale? Wouldn't Agent Burns have wanted to keep those relics? 611) Why did Max age when he tried to heal Old Man Clayton? He's never taken on the ailment of someone he's healed before. 612) Why did Max’s hair turn gray? As someone ages, hair turns gray because pigment is no longer produced but the lack of pigment starts at the roots and grows out. Max’s hair didn’t grow as he rapidly aged. 613) How did the whole essence/DNA transfer work anyway? Did Clayton’s body transform automatically because of the transfer or did Max’s essence intentionally and “consciously” change Clayton’s body via shapeshifting? Is this change permanent or can Max change back into Clayton? 614) Why did it take Liz a week to get from Roswell to Vermont? The bus ride should have taken two or three days, at most. 615) Liz and Eileen go up the "The Rat" after curfew, right before we see the Royal Three fretting about Valenti in "the middle of a work day" after he didn't come home "last night." Then we cut back to Vermont, where it's the same night and the girls are still up there to shout into the night. Does anyone really know what time it is? 616) Why did they wait at least 18 hours before doing anything about Jim being missing? Why couldn't they go to Hanson and say that Jim disappeared while on duty at MetaChem? 617) Didn't Jim think it would be a good idea to, oh, I don't know, wear a bullet proof vest? 618) “You think they know you’re an alien?” Gee Jim, if they didn’t before, they sure do now. Maybe it’s good that you never went back to being Sheriff. You suck at covert investigations. 619) Did Maria drop out of school? She takes off for New York, gives up a chance at her "dream" and then ends up in New Hampshire? And she might just stay awhile? Why does Amy not care that her daughter is skipping school to be in NYC? 620) No one noticed the melted phone at the boarding school? What about the girl who walked up right after Liz did it? Did she also not notice Liz’s spine disappearing right before our eyes? 621) Where is the Monopoly Nazi during the events of CCC, CDB, and Who Died? If Mr. Evans really was concerned about Max and the "conspirators," wouldn't there be some lurking? 622) Why did Max turn to dust after he “died” when he was a human hybrid? Shouldn’t there have been a body? Did Zan also turn to dust? 623) What does it say about the average intelligence of the students at this boarding school when Liz’s roommate gives the most stupid definition of cheating in history? 624) Why are we subject to emotionally scarring flashes from Liz and the cancer kids, and never anything from Kyle or Jim? Why was there no white glow from Max’s hand when he healed Jim? Has Jim changed too? 625) Why didn’t Isabel make some excuse about visiting a friend out of town or something so she’d have a legitimate reason for not being home? She doesn’t think her husband will notice her sneaking out of their bed in the middle of the night? 626) Instead of inducing nausea all over the country by showing Scruffy again, why not show us bonding between Isabel, Michael, and Max after Monk was murdered? Or flashes of Jim’s life when Max saved him? 627) If MetaChem was so interested in studying Michael for signs of extraterrestrialism, why would they fire him for stealing Snapple? Are they that attached to fruit flavored water? 628) Did Metachem know about Michael before he was hired? That's a very big coincidence. 629) Did MetaChem move to Roswell within the last 2 years? The Anna Nicole Smith clone said that they came to Roswell because they heard of Max healing Liz and the cancer kids. That’s an awfully big lab with lots of employees for just appearing there suddenly. Maybe Morgan Fairchild is the EMHB. 630) Oooooh, Metachem has tobasco bottles! Better grab up those incriminating pieces of evidence. 631) Could Maria have been more of a prima donna? *She* best knows how to be a successful singer/songwriter? How did poor Maria suffer through singing Phil Collins’ songs? Those damn Whits, not respecting her artistic creativity and integrity. 632) Why did eye contact suddenly become necessary again for Max to save a dying person? Kyle didn't look at Max. Neither did the cancer kids. 633) Is there really anyone with the sense of smell that can’t tell the difference between the smell of cigarette smoke and that of a candle burning? 634) MF’s speech about loving her husband was so very touching. Almost enough to make everyone forgive and forget that she is a murderer. Was she brought on the show to make the others’ acting look better? 635) Did Mr. and Mrs. One-Foot-in-the-Grave own MetaChem or were they just paying for MetaChem’s services? If the former is true, what will happen to MetaChem now that the owners have died off? 636) Wow, Jesse sure does have many shady friends, when the only thing we know about him is that he's supposed to be a stickler for honesty and the law. 637) Isabel has an abnormal temperature, very similar to Michael in "Balance", and no one thinks of River Dog and the healing stones? Or were the stones destroyed when Max tried to heal Liz again? 638) Where was Maria staying in Vermont? In “The Rat?” When Maria showed up in Liz's room, where had she been? Did she meet someone there? 639) How is it that Liz screams bloody murder when her hand (again) does the green lightning, but smiles benignly when "Max" responds to her kiss by morphing in and out of Clayton's body? 640) Was Liz really dying in C-C-C? What effect did Max's attempt at healing have on her? 641) Why weren't the police looking for Michael to question him about where he was when MetaChem burned down? 642) What will happen with the dead bodies outside MetaChem and Mrs. Clayton’s body in the boarding school library? 643) How cruel was it that they teased us with the possibility of Maria’s death and then yanked it away? Why didn’t she ask Max why he was alive (or even seemed glad to see that he was alive,) or why he had just strangled her? 644) Why did Liz come back to her room after leaving to take a shower? Did she finally realize that she had lost her personality? 645) And why would Liz run off when she sees her boyfriend strangling her best friend? Wouldn't she want to try and save Maria . . . oh. Never mind. 646) Max died and nobody gave a damn? Finally! Something in this show makes sense. 647) Why on earth was Mr. Morgan Fairchild lying in bed with a sheet over his head, except to conveniently hide the fact that he was transforming into Max? 648) Why, oh why, can no one remember that Michael has healing powers? Couldn't he have at least tried to heal Isabel? Or combined with Kyle, like Isabel did with Liz in MitC, to use their combined power to heal bigger wounds than he could alone? 649) Why didn’t the fall kill Max? Why couldn’t it have killed Max? 650) Will Max’s fingerprints be on MF’s neck? Since his prints are on record, a match would connect him to the murder. 651) Why haven’t we heard one word about Jim visiting his father since he promised that he would visit much more often in “Secrets and Lies?” 652) "Hello, Kettle? It's Isabel. You're black." Didn't 653) Why is Isabel surprised that the guy she married under false pretenses is freaking out when he finds out that his wife isn't even human? 654) What *was* with Michael's power-trip? Was Michael in primal Rath mode like Isabel was in primal Vilandra mode in “Interruptus?” If so, why didn't his eyes change like Isabel's did in Interruptus? Was he power-hungry, and turned psychotic as soon as he had the chance to be king? Or did the PSAWNians manage to isolate the gene for 'prick' and make sure it passed along with the remainder of the royal inheritance? And why would they work so hard to make sure their kings were IAA? 655) Why was Michael so suddenly excited to be the king when he hasn’t cared less about it in two years? 656) Why was Michael suddenly interested in Isabel once he became king? 657) The royal seal changed Michael so he was himself to the nth degree? Um, Michael to the nth degree would be a really, really big sweetheart making spaghetti for everyone and giving up everything he ever wanted to make them all happy! 658) Max died and Michael was called as the new king. Does this mean that if Tess ever dies, Isabel would be the new queen? Would Liz? Would Max? 659) Why didn’t the “living power” royal seal go to Isabel, as Max's only living relative? Oh that's right, in Roswell women are only good for playing sitcom wives and backstabbing bitches. 660) Maria tells Max that Michael had abig V on his chest. So what does he do? He draws a V on the ground and asks Maria "Does it look like this?" And they said that Max lost his kingly powers! 661) And why doesn't Maria recognize our old friend, the V CHAD, from the cave in "The Balance." They also studied it at length when Tess came to town. And, once again, let's take a moment to boggle at the stupidity of the Royal Seal being the view of their solar system from Earth. [takes moment] 662) Why did Liz return from boarding school? 663) So, they find a nice mike/transmitter on Jesse, but they KEEP TALKING ABOUT BEING ALIENS without destroying it first? 664) Agent Burns had a gun cocked and aimed right at Jesse. How did Jesse have time to draw his gun, cock it, aim it, and kill the agent before the agent could kill him? 665) Okay, at the end of CDB, Max saved Liz (again,) dies, Liz kisses him, he comes back to life, and everything is peachy. So how come in the next episode Liz YET AGAIN claims that they aren't together. 666) Max and Michael are about to kill each other, the FBI are closing in on them, and Isabel is 100% prepared to leave them in her house and skip town without a care? Is that the family-oriented Isabel we once knew? 667) The SPECIAL UNIT? Like, seriously? Now? Two years later? Where the hell have these guys been all this time? 668) The Special Unit finally show up and all they do is stake out Jesse’s therapist? There was no other way to prove that these guys were aliens? It's not like an FBI agent saw them use their powers. Or Max snuck into a secret government facility containing a UFO. Or they talk about aliens all the damn time. No. The Special Unit needs JESSE to catch this crew. Cause they're sneaky. 669) And they "suspected" that Guerin was part of it? Um, Jesse's friend was able to figure out Michael after being in Roswell 10 minutes. All they had to do was stake out the golf course. The Special Unit is special, all right. If by special, it means that they take the special bus to the office every day. 670) We know budget cuts are a bitch, but does the Special Unit have to tote its evidence around in cardboard boxes? Get a couple of laptops and store your encrypted data on protected servers. 671) If the SU know that Whitaker is involved, they have way more information than Jesse could possibly give them. So why tip their hands to him? 672) And what does the SU need "proof" about aliens for? To prosecute them for not having green cards? Since they know Max and Co. are aliens, why are they waiting to move in? 673) Have we ever seen the “Hey There, I'm Filled With Alien Artifacts!” box that Michael uses to get the DB from before? Did Michael make it in shop class? And carve a little alien script message on the top? After Alex died to translate the DB, Michael just realized he knew their alien language after all? 674) Speaking of learning PSAWNian, why does everyone consult the DB directly instead of Alex's translation? What good does that five page book do them if they CAN'T READ THE LANGUAGE? 675) Doesn’t Jesse’s mom still live in Roswell? Why didn't he just crash on her couch instead of a motel? 676) How did the engineers genetically program Michael’s DNA to know when Max and his Dupe have both been killed, and it's time for their genetically-programmed powers to leave the other person's dead body and Michael’s? 677) Why not program each of these hybrids, who represent their planet's only hope for survival, with every power they could? Why would they be chintzy with the powers, especially harmless, 678) Oh, and what happened to their powers being "human?" How can their powers be human if some of them exist because of the ALIEN royal seal? 679) How did Max repossess the seal? Just by touching it, he can take it away? If Isabel or Tess had put their hands over it and concentrated hard enough, could they also take the royal seal? 680) What's the point of a sacred royal seal, if it can be easily stolen by another alien? 681) Why was Michael still being a jerk to Max even after the royal seal was removed and Michael was back to "normal?" 682) What's this "you don't want to go there" place Max went when he died? Did he go to hell? 'Cause, if so, YAY! 683) Jesse's psychiatrist graduated from medical school, and he actually believes Jesse's story about his teenage brother-in-law working for the Mafia? In New Mexico? 684) Kyle is grateful to Max for saving his life? Has Kyle forgotten that Max is the reason he got shot? He sure as hell remembered that in "Ask Not." And now, after his best friend, an alien, betrayed him hideously, and now that he knows that he's going to go through some weird, painful changes because he was healed, suddenly he's happy about being part of the IKAAC? 685) Suddenly, Kyle, our patron saint of Max snarkage, wants Max in charge? Hasn't Kyle been more vocal than anyone (including Michael) in saying Max is a crappy leader, and how he generally hates taking orders from Max? Oh Kyle, why hast thou forsaken us? 686) Why was Michael so surprised that he could heal a little cut on his hand? Did he forget that Michael essentially healed Isabel a week earlier, and Riverdog's ankle back in season 1? 687) Why is the Special Unit so sure that Pierce is dead? Wasn't Nasedo impersonating him for a while? Didn't everybody just assume he took off somewhere after he was booted from the FBI? 688) And on the same token, weren't the authorities told that Congresswoman Whitaker died in a car accident? 689) Why can Liz now play footsie with Liz without any electrical charges zapping His Royal Suckiness’s, uh, scepter? 690) Do the writers even watch the previous episode any more to see if Max and Liz are supposed a couple? Cause hello, Liz told Max just last week they were not together. I wonder if Liz sticks her toes in the crotch of all her male friends when they come by for a study break. Hmmmm. Maybe it's a foot cramp that causes her to run that way. 691) How did Griffin manage to parachute down and ditch his helmet and parachute, all before Michael traveled 2 minutes to the scene of the crash? Did he wander off by himself, or did the military get there first? If he wandered off, how come Michael didn’t see him? If the military did get there first, why would they leave the helmet and parachute behind, and leave the crash site unsecured? And why did those other trucks take so long to arrive, if someone from the military had already been able to come and go in the meantime? 692) Why did the government store the UFO at a nearby base? Don't they have any other government-owned 7-11s to stash it in? 693) Why can only one alien in this group be concerned with investigating vital alien matters at a time? If Michael wants to investigate the crash, is Max contractually bound to be indifferent? I guess it’s official -- alien royalty only cares about the fate of the planet when they're not getting any. Yet again, let me express my lack of astonishment at the overthrow of Our Fearless Leaders. Go Team Kivar! 694) Did anyone even inform Isabel about the fact that the gang was breaking on to a military base, and potentially exposing them all? 695) We realize that Maria is a skanky ho, but in Crashed did she have to sit with her legs spread in a public restaurant while wearing a skirt? 696) Who was Creepy Guy? What was his purpose? To be creepy for creepy's sake? 697) Why did Creepy Guy break so easily under questioning? Did he have a brain overload when he came face-to-face with Max, and realized that he was not, in fact, the creepiest guy in the universe? 698) Jesse doesn't hate ANYTHING? Does he at least know that we hate him? 699) Um, Colleen, don't you think that you should have told Max and Michael that they’d need IDs BEFORE they left? Hey, this girl is such a brain surgeon, perhaps they should recruit her into the Special Unit. 700) Michael gets Blond Guest Star #45,762 out of the car with 6 seconds to spare, and yet they get far enough away from the vehicle that they are not even singed when it blows up? 701) What's so important about that black cone thing? Why did Michael take that, and not something else? What could it possibly tell them? 702) Didn’t the military think it would look a little suspicious when Griffin’s daughter wound up dead in a car bombing the day after her father mysteriously crashed? 703) So, one would think that shortly after a member of their group killed a federal agent, the gang would be on heightened security, acting with increased caution. In this case, "increased caution" means: 1) Lingering at the scene of a UFO crash site while government officials are on their way to look for aliens; 2) Asking questions at press conferences about said UFO crash; 3) Initiating two members of the military into the IKAAC; 4) Making sure that the new members of the IKAAC know exactly who you are and where to find you by taking one of them to your apartment; 5) Breaking into a military base to rescue a stranger; 6) Using powers in front of the humans, just in case they missed all the other really obvious clues that there was something seriously odd about you; and 7) Going all "Carrie" with your mom in the next room, immediately following a conversation with your husband about how your father and mother are both very suspicious of you and are working together to investigate your odd behavior. Stealthy goodness all around. 704) Why did Michael and Max need balloons to make their voices high? Can't they just do some molecular restructuring and make their voices sound however they want? How did they talk for so long one suck of helium? And wouldn't this top-secret government hit man/alien cover-up specialist know that aliens don't talk/look like that? 705) When exactly did Michael acquire the ability to transfigure a mask? Why has no one used this talent before? Since the mask only went over his face, how does that account for the transformed appearance of the back of his head? And, um, why would a mask make him a good 4 or 5 inches shorter? 706) Why didn't Max also wear some sort of mask at the military base? Like, hi, they have cameras there. And eyewitnesses. 707) Why did Max take the tape off Creepy Guy's mouth? And since the tape was off, why didn't Creepy Guy say anything when the military guys came into the room? Did they knock him unconscious? 708) Why would the military guy shoot Griffin/Mr. Creepy without taking the hood off his head first? Or questioning him about the possible breach in security? 709) Why had the military bothered to keep Griffin alive so long in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been better if they had killed him out at the crash site? 710) Isabel makes a lamp fly around her room, but Hidden Camera stays securely in place? And Isabel doesn’t notice it, even though it’s not well-hidden, it’s huge, and she’s practically staring straight at it? And the red blinking light? How could Isabel NOT notice that, especially when she shuts out the lights to go to sleep? 711) What was the point of Isabel throwing all the stuff telekinetically in her room? Was she having an alien temper tantrum? 712) So the MNs have been relentlessly driven to find out what's up with their kids, to the point of hiring a PI and planting cameras in their rooms, yet within a few minutes of finding out their children are ALIENS, they are totally OK with this? No follow-up questions? Oh well, so long as it’s not pot. 713) Jesse now says that Isabel’s still the same woman he fell in love with, when he’s been accusing her for weeks of being a total stranger? What changed his mind? Could it have been . . . The EMHB? 714) Why was no one freaked out at how alien-like Liz's powers have become? She *blasted* Tess! 715) Tess had trouble holding a mindwarp on one person for five minutes, but she could mindwarp Alex for five months? Not to mention murder sixteen people easily? 716) Tess’s excuse for her betrayal is that she was raised by a sick, twisted killer? Well, if she really thought that, why on earth would she follow his plan? The guy had been ash for over a year! 717) The real CHAD of 4 Aliens is that Isabel and Max aren't related by blood to the Evans' -- cause they sure have the same knack for talking loudly about alien matters at appropriate times. Like say, when the airforce is searching your house for aliens. Or perhaps it’s that Isabel actually realized this was an inappropriate time to have that discussion. 718) The whole town is under siege, with military combing the whole city for Tess, and yet she and Liz can just get in the car and drive out to the desert, to the military base itself, undetected? 719) Tess says she wants to do one good thing with her life. Cause apparently saving the world several times in season 2, and saving Maria’s life, didn’t qualify. So her Good Deed is to blow up a military base? That’s . . . heartwarming. 720) Yeah, the real reason for Liz "I'm Not a Murderer, I just Drive Murderers to a Place Where they Can Slaughter Lots of Unsuspecting People" Parker to be angry with Tess isn’t that she killed their friend, nor that she plotted with their enemies to betray Max, Michael and Isabel. It’s that Tess had sex with Max. Glad to see Liz’s priorities are still firmly in place after three seasons. 721) So Maria wants to go the military and tell them where Tess is? Which would be at Michael’s apartment, with Michael, Max and Zan. Glad to see Maria’s priorities are also still firmly in place. 723) I hope Max uses the same Placement Agency for Formerly Alien Babies that Scully used. Cause those folks sure looked nice. Nope, never seen this plotline before. 724) And in another attempt to rip-off shows that get much better ratings --- since KKB can’t comprehend why having his main character knock-up a girl he doesn’t like isn’t a big ratings draw --- Baby Zan comes swaddled in Clark Kent’s metallic sheets. So if the Mom-o-Gram didn’t confirm it, PSAWN is Krypton. 725) Oh, please! First Kyle becomes a Max cheerleader, now Tess wants to reassure Liz that Max really loves her? Oh well, she did admit she was a liar. 726) So the doors on Earth car lock from the inside, while the doors on a PSAWNian spaceship don't? 727) So Tess, did you think to check the Valenti’s fridge for milk before ransacking the house? That's where they kept it for the nine months you lived there. 728) And why did Tess ransack the Valenti home, and spray blood everywhere? Did all that blood came from her ankle? 729) How did Tess know that Valenti had a gun? And why would this make her run? She has to know they’d be freaked out by finding their house a bloody mess. If she really thought they’d help her, why not call out to them? 730) Why would Tess blast a hole in the Valenti house, pretty clearly signaling her presence, instead of climbing out the window? And when did Tess get Michael’s blasting powers, anyway? 731) Nice new clothes, Tess. I guess Wal-Mart does have stores everywhere, even on PSAWN. Did you need to bring Earth money to buy them? 732) Max and Tess’s baby is HUMAN? See CHAD #102. 733) Why would the PSAWNians, who genetically engineered the Pod Squad, not be on guard against creating a royal heir that was human, since the whole point of this 50 year plot was to bring back their king and his family to rule again? 734) Why did Tess need to come back in a ship, when Kivar popped in via teleportation? Is the big advance in technology not available to the general populace yet? 735) If Tess has the power to kill 16 people in a matter of minutes, why would she sit there passively and let Liz kick her ass? 736) Max planted a memory in Zan's brain? Huh? Isn't memory implantation Tess's domain? 737) Um, about the vote. Aren’t they at all worried that if they turn Tess into the military, she may, oh, BETRAY THEM. I guess they must trust her now. Or something. After all, once they throw her to the wolves, what possible incentive could she have to turn them all in when the military starts torturing her for information about other aliens on earth? 738) So, the military is out to get you and has hunted you down in every place you've tried to hide out. The logical solution? For Michael, Maria and Kyle to snuggle into a sleeping bag together. Hey, works for us. 739) So everyone goes to sleep and leaves Tess, the murderer, completely unguarded. That’s right, because we trust her now. 740) Was the baby communicating with Max in "Busted" also a mindwarp? How could the baby communicate with him, when the baby is human? And why would the baby cry out for help, if he's being treated well by his mother and seems pretty oblivious to everything? 741) It's so good to know that Liz has no worries about getting into a car headed God knows where, in the middle of the night, with a powerful murderous alien who hates her. Because they trust her now. 742) Since they've got the power to molecularly manipulate everything, couldn't they find a way to alter their scent so the dogs couldn't find them? 743) Why didn't the military use the dogs to continue to hunt the baby in the week following Tess's death? 744) Why was it that, a week later, no one has come for Max and Michael, when they were clearly visible in the car with Tess? Why aren't they on Most Wanted posters, too? 745) Liz, again off her meds. "I'm not a killer, Tess." So, what exactly were you trying to convey earlier when you threw her against the wall and screamed, "I'LL KILL YOU!"? Or when you drove Tess out to a military base, knowing she was going to kill everyone on it? 746)Why did Tess need Liz to drive her to the base? Just to make sure she had a witness for Good Deed The First?
SEASON 1 & 2 CHADS
7) What happened to River Dog, Milton, and “Friggin’ Eddie?”
a) Why don't they ask the Dupes more questions about their protector, how they got to New York, how they know about the podsters' existence, how much do they know about their planet, etc??
b) Why do they let Ava leave without asking her any questions about the Dupes origins, their protector, or, you know, LIZ'S POWERS?
c) Why didn't Max ask Larek any questions about the war or the granilith?
163) Why is Max still concerned that people might find out they're aliens? If they haven't figured it out after all the shouting, Isabel flinging jocks around the hallways, or Michael using his powers in front of FBI agents, then they're never going to.
201) Why did Tess send fake flowers from the Olsons?
SEASON 3 CHADS
a) Is it customary to TALK ON THE PHONE after you’re broken into someone’s house and presumably should be, you know, quiet?
b) Nice ski cap, Max. Those are necessary when you’re in freaking Los Angeles and need to keep your giant ears warm from that bitter, SoCal cold.
c) Uh...Max, Nasedo didn't kill by barbecuing people. He microwaved internal organs.
d) Max, your plate number was found in the car of someone who was murdered in LA even though you live in Roswell. What's the smart thing to do? Why, drive that very car to LA of course! Couldn't you have spent two seconds to change the plates?
e) And then you show up at the funeral of the person whom cops think was murdered.
f) Insert your own reason(s) here.
444) Gee Michael, didn’t you learn your lesson in Vegas? Couldn’t you have been just a little less obvious in fixing the pool game?
456) How long has that "Beam me up" technology been in place? If it's more than a few months, why the heck didn't Khivar tell his Skins about it (or even tell *Tess* about it) rather than having everyone run around trying to find/activate the Granolith?
Isabel sneak out of the house a couple of times in the past while Jesse was sleeping?
only-can-be-used-defensively powers like healing and the Jello shield? Don't they want someone besides the King to be able to heal? What if the king gets hurt?
722) Max: “I want Zan to have parents just like you.” So how exactly can we screen for adoptive parents who will be sure to put videocameras in his room, stalk his friends, and hire a PI to follow him around? Is that on the adoption questionnaire?
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