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Part 1


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“Destiny has two ways of crushing us…
By refusing our wishes… and by fulfilling them.”
Henri Frederic Amiel



May 18th, 2001
Outside Roswell, NM

Max and Liz drove in silence, the beams of the Jeep’s headlights cutting through the darkness of the desert highway. The vehicle’s two occupants were both lost in their own thoughts after the disastrous encounter with Leanna at her dorm in Las Cruces.

Liz was wondering what direction they could possibly go to discover who killed Alex. Each clue they followed only seemed to uncover more questions.

She was also worried about Max. He‘d been willing to kill someone without even determining if she was really guilty of the crime. It just wasn’t like him, and she wondered what was wrong.

Max was consumed by his thoughts too but he wasn’t thinking about Leanna or Alex’s killer at all. The life he’d created with Tess seemed to fill most of his mind, but what was left of his thoughts was all about Liz.

How could he tell her what he’d done? It was a total betrayal of everything they’d shared, and it had all happened so fast. He and Liz had barely ended things and he’d slept with Tess. He still couldn’t believe it had really happened. None of it even seemed real to him.

But it was real. Tess with pregnant with his child and he had to tell Liz. It would be bad enough coming from him but it would be even worse if she heard it from someone else first.

He had to tell her. Now.

Stepping on the brake, he pulled the Jeep to the side of the road.

Liz turned to him, “Max, why are you stopping?”

He met her gaze, still wondering how he could be in this situation. No matter what had happened between them he’d thought he and Liz would end up together, but it was all ruined. “Liz, there’s something I need to tell you,” he said gruffly. He barely recognized his own voice and took a deep breath. “It’s about Tess and me -”

Turning away, Liz cut him off, not wanting to hear it. “You’re together now,” she said nearly choking on the words. “I know.”

Max could see her pain and felt like a complete bastard. How could he have done that to her? He loved her more than anything but he’d still betrayed her. He could barely swallow around the lump in his throat. “It’s more than that. Our relationship is…,” he trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud, but forced himself to continue. “Uh, we spent the night together.”

Liz couldn’t believe her ears. She felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked from the inside of the Jeep and her stomach dropped, making her wonder if she might be sick. “Oh,” she said finally, her mind too busy to form any more words.

Max had to get it all out now that he’d started. “Liz,” he said reverently, realizing that he no longer had the right to savor her name like a prayer or a poem, but he did anyway. “Tess is pregnant.”

Liz felt like Max had struck her. Her brain didn’t seem to be able to process the words, but she felt her heart breaking. All of her dreams had just been shattered.

The look of horror on Liz’s face was worse than anything he’d imagined. He didn’t seem to do anything but cause her pain and he wanted to take it all away. But he didn’t know how.

He continued, “I know you’re upset.”

Liz almost laughed. That was the biggest understatement ever. Upset didn’t even begin to cover what she felt. She was furious, she felt betrayed, and a million other emotions boiled up inside her, and as she rounded on Max they all came bursting out. “I - I,” she stuttered, barely able to form the thoughts rushing through her head into words, “I trusted you!” she finally yelled. “I gave you everything!” The words streamed out of her as one situation after another jumped into her thoughts. “I jumped off bridges for you. I broke laws for you. I risked getting shot for you.”

She couldn’t believe he’d betrayed her so completely. “I trusted you!”

Shaking her head, she could barely continue. “And you go off…, with Tess,” she spat the other girl’s name, but was unable to speak about what they’d done and just shook her head. She met his eyes with an angry glare. “I saved myself for you!”

Max knew he deserved anything Liz said to him, but he was dumbfounded by her last claim. “Saved yourself?” he said incredulously. “You slept with Kyle.”

Liz realized too late what she’d said, but she still kept her word to the Max from the future. She had done exactly as he asked and saved the future, but her own life was in ruins. She turned away from the Max in front of her. “Take me home.”

There was nothing else to say. Max was lost to her. There would be no happiness in her life, only the painful knowledge of what could have been. She would never be with him, so she would be alone.



Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me any more

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love



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Six months later
Los Angeles, CA

The dark nightclub was filled with gyrating bodies, and the pounding beat echoed through her almost like she was part of it. Flashing lights were the only illumination, but Liz could see well enough as her eyes raked over the male bodies.

She had never seen so many beautiful men. Black, white, and every shade in between, and they were all well muscled, with the accompanying self-confidence and arrogance.

Liz couldn’t stop looking. She was a kid in a candy store.

She felt hot, feverish, and she was searching for the man who could quench the fire burning inside her, if only for a while.

Male eyes met hers as she moved through the crowd, their predatory gazes making her blood boil with desire, and causing moisture to gather between her legs.

She was so ready it felt like an ache inside her. She had to find him soon.

A man approached her, thrusting his hips at her in a semblance of a dance, but she shook her head and moved on. He wasn’t the one she was looking for.

She felt eyes watching her, moving over her like a lion stalking prey, and she smiled.

Turning, she met the eyes across the room, and her heart thudded in her chest.

She didn’t tease or act coy, but walked directly to him, holding his gaze as she moved. Her need was reaching a painful level, but finally she’d found the antidote.

When she reached him she didn’t stop, but pressed her body against him, and immediately they started moving to the pounding beat of the music.



I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come

I’m stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me



Their bodies were perfectly in sync, and he grasped her hip, pulling her even closer. He thrust a knee between her legs so her throbbing core was fitted to his growing erection, and their hips moved in a semblance of sex as they grinded together to the beat.

Leaning in close, he cupped her cheek and their lips met as their bodies pressed together. They ate at each others’ mouths for long moments, before he pulled slightly away to meet her gaze.

“Let’s get out of here, baby,” he said, speaking over the music. “You’re so hot, I want to fuck you all night long.”

Smiling she nodded. “Just what I had in mind.”

His arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close as they made their way through the gyrating crowd and into the night. They went out into the poorly lit parking lot, weaving through the closely parked vehicles. Suddenly he spun her around and pressed her against a car. Their lips crashed together and she could feel his obvious erection. It made her want him even more knowing he wanted her so much.

He palmed her breast, stroking over her hard nipple, and she started moving against him.

She needed him right now.

Breaking the kiss, she panted, “Forget your place, let’s fuck in your car.”

He smiled. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Taking out his keys, he unlocked the car and opened the back door, holding it open so she could enter first.

When he sat down and closed the door, they instantly came together again.

They kissed hard as hands wandered, caressing, pulling at clothes.

He unbuttoned her blouse, reaching in to push her bra aside and reveal her breast. Leaning down he took it into his mouth, sucking hard.

Kneeling on the car seat, Liz went for his belt and the fastening on his slacks, quickly working them open. Reaching inside she grasped him, feeling his solid length.

He groaned, his hips bucking into her hand.

Instantly his hand slid under her skirt going to the juncture of her thighs, rubbing over her clit, through her thin panties. She moved against him, moaning.

“Fuck me now,” she demanded.

“Fuck yes!” he ground out.

Gripping the bottom of her micro-mini, he pushed it up over her hips as he dragged her into his lap. The only thing between them was her lacy thong, but he simply pulled the thin strip of material aside.

With a sigh, Liz sank down onto him, taking him fully into her.

She nearly exploded from the immediate rush of pleasure, but she held on. They were only getting started.

Instantly she started to ride him, moving her hips back and forth so she kept him deep inside. She held his shoulders to give herself traction and moaned with the sensations of him filling her.

“You’re so big,” she gasped. “You feel so fucking good.”

Growling, he said, “I’ll fill you up so good, baby.”

He took one of her breasts into his mouth as he palmed the other, stroking over her nipples with his tongue and thumb.

She could feel herself getting close to climax, but she needed more. Lifting herself off him, she plunged back down, slamming their bodies together. It was exactly what she was craving.

Again and again she repeated the action, moaning with pleasure. “Oh shit! Oh shit!”

Reaching down with one hand, she went directly for her clit, rubbing it hard. Panting quickly, she closed her eyes as she continued to bounce up and down faster and faster. Her body bowed back as the pleasure started to overwhelm her.

And then she plunged over the edge.

Shaking with reaction, she stopped, settling down on him. But he didn’t come. Instead he leaned her back so she was on the seat underneath him, and started to pound into her.

The orgasm was still washing though her, but instantly she was into it again. Pumping her hips, she worked to meet each of his strokes.

“Oh fuck yes!” she moaned.

Reaching up he grasped her breast, pinching her nipple.

She gasped with pleasure, arching back, and making him slide inside her even deeper.

He sped up, her reaction driving him to an even great speed. His hand slid between them, rubbing her clit as he pounded into her faster and faster.

Liz felt the familiar sensation of her body tightening, bending like a bow. She moved her hips faster, eager to have him back inside.

“Harder,” she growled, grasping at him, her nails digging into his arms.

He slammed their bodies together for a dozen strokes and her moans of pleasure rose in pitch as she hovered close to the edge.

Sucking on her breast hard, he pinched her clit at the same time, and then she came.

With two more strokes he followed her, exploding deep inside.

Their motion stopped as they gasped for air, and he stayed inside her, his body bent over hers.

“Fuck that was hot,” he panted.

She nodded agreeing.

“You are fucking explosive,” he continued, kissing her. “I can’t believe how easily you cum.”

“Lots of practice,” she said.

He smiled. “I’m Jake, by the way.”

Liz remained silent but allowed him to kiss her again. Now that he given her what she wanted, she was through with him.

“I don’t know your name,” he said.

She shrugged. “Does it matter?”

Whatever hope he had for future encounters disappeared immediately. He could see in her eyes it had been a one-time thing.

He nodded, smiling. “It’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”

She smiled back. “I certainly can’t complain.”

Reluctantly he pulled out of her, and immediately she sat up, moving away from him.

Putting her clothes quickly back in order, she gathered her things and didn’t look at him again as she left the car.

It was a short walk to the street, where she hailed a nearby cab. Once inside she gave the driver her address, then let herself rest against the door and closed her eyes to feel the orgasm still rushing through her.

The memories came rushing in almost immediately of times she’d spent with Max.

She could see his beautiful smile, feel the touch of his hand on her cheek, feel the brush of his soft lips against hers.

Then the sadness started to creep in, and she tried to push it away by remembering what had just happened. The feel of hands and lips on her, a thick erection inside her, and the physical pleasure she’d gotten from the encounter. But it wasn’t working this time.

The pain of losing Max was filling her, and the coldness crept into her soul again. She started shivering despite the warmth of the night.

Her love was gone. She would never be with him again, and she would never be happy or whole again. There was nothing in her life except emptiness, sorrow and pain.

Fucking strangers was the only relief she had.



I told you I was hurt
Bleeding on the inside
I told you I was lost
In the middle of my life

Standing in the dark
I can see your shadow
You’re the only light
That’s breaking through the window

There’s times I stayed alive for you
There’s times I would’ve died for you
There’s times it didn’t matter at all

I’ll do whatever it takes
To be the mistake you can’t live without


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TBC