The Origin

Roswell Dreams


This is the dream that inspired me to write the story Alpha & Omega.
If you don't want to know what happens in that story - stop here.

Antar's Fall

I had the dream February 10th, 2001 in the second season of Roswell, five days after seeing the episode Disturbing Behavior.

I often have very vivid, epic dreams and at this time in my life, I was dreaming about the characters and situations from Roswell a lot. I even had a Buffy/Roswell x-over dream, but that is another story. But this dream, the grand scale, the depth, the overwhelming feelings and emotions were so moving and affected me so much, that I don't think I will ever forget it. And of course, it inspired me to write a whole book.


I don't remember how the dream began but what I do remember is very clear. Most of the time I was in the dream, living it, but other times it was like I was watching a movie. There were also things that I just knew, almost like I had lived them.

The first thing I remember clearly is being in a palace, constructed of gray stone. It was a spacious, inviting place, furnished much like I would expect a castle on Earth to be, with high-backed chairs and banners hanging on the walls but it also had a large amount of futuristic gadgets.

We were on Antar in the middle of the war where Zan and Khivar were fighting for control of the planet. Zan looked like Max from the show and somehow I knew he wasn't just Zan, but Max and Zan at the same time and he was called Max not Zan. Max was the King and I was his wife Ava but I was also Liz but everyone called me Ava. Max was a young, idealistic leader and he had only been King for a short time.

I don't remember how the war had begun but I remember seeing Khivar and his men moving through the city, burning and destroying. His troops were brutalizing the citizens, chasing them down the streets and beating the stragglers with clubs. Khivar had taken over most of the city and declared martial law. His troops were systematically going house to house and evicting people loyal to Max, out of their homes and into shantytowns that had sprung up along the edges of the city, near the forest. They only had moments to gather what few belongings they could take and then they were chased away.

The palace was one of the last places where Khivar did not have control but we knew he was coming. Max and I could hear the sounds of the battle outside the palace, coming closer and closer and we knew that it wouldn't be long before Khivar's army arrived. I wanted to stay with Max and help him fight but he put me in a secret room while he went to help shore up the defenses and rally the troops.

The room was small and made of gray stone like the rest of the palace and there was only one door. It was large and made of metal and was meant to withstand an attack. The room was a security center and there was a large panel with multiple monitors that showed the images from all of the cameras everywhere in the palace. I went to the monitors and watched Max's progress on the screens, as he ran through the corridors toward the war room. The way the cameras were placed in the palace, I could see him almost everywhere he went, only occasionally losing sight of him as he crossed from one camera's view to another. Every time he was out of my sight, I held my breath until he appeared on the next monitor. Of course I was desperately worried about him and how the coup would turn out. I didn't know what we were going to do if Khivar won, I was afraid to think about it.

Suddenly on one of the monitors, I saw Khivar and a large band of troops come into the palace and I rushed to sound the invasion alarm. I didn't know how they had gotten in but I did know that they were there to kill Max, and I had no way to warn him. I watched as Khivar traveled quickly down corridors and through rooms toward Max. It seemed as if he knew exactly where Max was and where he was going. I wanted to leave the safe-room and run to warn Max but there was no way I could reach him in time and I became more and more worried that Khivar would kill him. I saw Khivar enter a room that I knew Max had to pass through and watched him conceal himself in the shadows, waiting for Max to come to him.

The room where Khivar was hidden was some kind of meeting room with a high, beamed ceiling and a ledge that ran around the whole room about halfway up. The walls were decorated with various banners and wall hangings and there was a large chandelier. A long table sat in the center of the room with high-backed chairs surrounding it. All of the windows were closed and the lights were off, cloaking the corners of the room in shadow.

There was nothing I could do except watch, as Max ran into the room and Khivar attacked. Khivar jumped down off the ledge, surprising Max and knocking him to the floor but Max rolled out of the way of the next attack. Max knew that I would be watching and turned toward the camera, quickly giving me a hand signal to evacuate the palace. I immediately hit the button on the console that sounded the evacuation siren and hoped that our people could get out in time. Max got to his feet and charged Khivar, using his powers to throw Khivar into the wall. Max had no weapons only his powers and fighting skills and I knew that Khivar would not be fighting fair. I was desperate to help Max but there was nothing I could do, only stand and watch.

Khivar pulled out some kind of laser gun and Max used his powers to knock it out of Khivar's hand. They both tried to get to the gun and Max was closer but Khivar used his powers to slam Max back into the wall. The impact stunned Max momentarily and he just barely had time to use his powers to throw Khivar away from the gun. But Khivar took a grapple gun out of his cloak and shot a large, chain grapple toward the beam on the ceiling. The chain wrapped around the beam and Khivar used it to pull himself out of the way of Max's next attack. As he swung past Max, he reached into his cloak and threw a grenade. Max used his super speed to leap out of the way but as he landed, Khivar rolled another grenade toward him. Max was in the air and couldn't avoid it and landed on the grenade as it exploded but he was able to raise a shield beneath him to protect himself.

At that point I was frantic to help him and looked around for anything useful but I had no way to communicate with the troops or the palace guard. On the monitors I could see Khivar's men approaching the room from all sides, where Khivar and Max were fighting, and I knew if they caught Max, they would kill him. As Max and Khivar continued to fight I saw Max give me another hand signal. It was a private signal between us. He told me that he loved me and then he gave the signal that I had dreaded. He told me to leave the palace. I knew that he was telling me to leave because he didn't think he was going to make it out alive and he wanted to make sure that I was safe. I stood paralyzed, trying to decide what I should. Max had made me promise that if it ever came to this point I would obey him. But how could I just leave him? He was everything to me and if he died I didn't want to go on living.

But the decision was taken away from me when I heard pounding on the door behind me. I checked the monitors and saw Khivar's men trying to break through the door to my room. They were cutting through with some kind of laser and would be inside in a matter of minutes. I couldn't let myself be captured and used against Max or our people. I looked back at the monitor and saw that Khivar's men were quickly surrounding the room where Max was. I watched Max for a few minutes longer, knowing that I would never see him again. I felt my heart break and I raised my hand to touch his image on the monitor as if I was really touching him one last time and mentally sent him all of my love. Then I turned toward the escape pod, vowing if I could not be with Max, I would avenge him. Khivar's men were almost through the door and I stepped into the escape pod and pressed the power button and then the self-destruct for the room. I would take a few of Khivar's men out and they would not be able to follow.

Then it was like watching a movie. I saw the door burst open just as the rocket on the pod deployed, enveloping several of Khivar's men in flames. And when the pod was clear, the explosions started. The room collapsed, gray stone raining down, smashing the console and blocking the tunnel the pod had traveled through.

I don't remember the ride in the pod or landing. The next thing I remember is being helped out of the pod far beneath the palace, near the ocean and the forest. I looked up at the palace and it seemed miles above. It was perched on an outcropping of rock above the water and I thought how beautiful it was, but we didn't have time to waste. The people who found me quickly disguised me with robes and a cloth over my head and we traveled to the nearby shantytown.

Most of the dwellings were tents or lean-tos constructed of debris, wood and metal paneling, but some were carefully constructed buildings disguised to appear to be lean-tos. People loyal to us had set up a safe house in the shantytown and they took me to where Max's mother was hidden. Outside it appeared to be a simple building but inside it had all of the comforts of home. In secret Max's mother had prepared for a takeover. She told me she had made pods to send to Earth with our essence inside and only had to give the signal for them to be released. She knew that our survival was of the greatest importance to the future of our people. She had also managed to save the history of the royal family to send with the pods when it came to that. She hoped that if we were unsuccessful in overthrowing Khivar now, we had the means to succeed in the future.

But now, we had to do what we could to ensure victory, even without Max. I felt hollow inside without him, like I was detached from reality. I had a hard time making myself care about what was going on but I knew that I had to do everything I could to help ensure our people were not enslaved by Khivar. I could not allow myself time to mourn. We had a job to do. Isabel had already been killed and since Max was gone, the commanders of the troops reported directly to me, the Queen. But I had no experience with war and to ease the pain of Max's passing, I asked Max's mother to act as co-ruler and made Michael our advisor and supreme commander of the troops.

Together, the three of us, planned the strategy and action of the army. We sent commands to our troops but everything we did seemed to play right into the enemy’s hands. Every plan was foiled, every trap went against us. Khivar's troops anticipated every move. After a particularly bad battle, I remembered how Khivar had seemed to know where Max would be in the palace, and how he also knew the location of my secret room. That information could only have come from someone close to the family and I suspected there was a traitor among us.

The war was going rapidly against us and just as we were starting to give up hope that we could salvage victory, Max came to us. He was badly injured but he had managed to escape from Khivar and his men. He collapsed, exhausted and we quickly tended to his wounds. When he was healed, his mother left us alone for our reunion. She placed a black cloth around the door, a sign of deep mourning, knowing that we would be left strictly alone. We laid on the bed, holding each other, touching each others' faces, whispering endearments, reveling in being together once again. It was so sweet and tender and I had the feeling that I was loved more than anything, and nothing could ever come between us. But we could only steal a few short hours and then the desperation of reality came to invade our world.

When we spread the word among the troops that Max was alive, they rallied and began to push Khivar's army back. With thoughts of a traitor among us, we only trusted information to a few close advisors and longtime friends. And even though Max was young and inexperienced at war he was an excellent military leader and strategist and the tide started to turn in our favor. We seemed to have gotten around the traitor but just when it looked like we would be victorious, everything started to fall apart. Our troop movements seemed to be known exactly by the enemy. No matter what we did, they were waiting and Michael was killed in a trap. Max had tried to find the traitor but we had no luck and it was getting desperate. We were loosing too many men and Khivar would soon be victorious.

Max's mother was growing increasingly anxious about the backup plan and she decided to leave for the secluded lab where the preparations were being made. She showed us where she had hidden the family histories and the personal items of Max's father. Then she showed us how we could remotely launch the pods, if it came to that. She impressed upon us the importance of stopping Khivar at all costs and entrusted us with the safety of the people. She said her good-byes and left. It was a long and perilous journey to the lab and with the war continuing, we did not know if she would make it.

I slept that evening, but I could also see us in bed together, like I was watching a movie. The wall in one corner of the room slid back and I watched as a hooded assassin, dressed completely in black with a long dagger, came through a secret passage and into our room. The assassin sneaked to the bed and lunged for me first but Max was not asleep and grabbed the knife. He used his powers to push the assassin across the room and into the far wall and then lunged after him. The comotion woke me and watched as they fought. The assassin made a few attempts to get away but Max quickly gained the upper hand, pinning him against the bed and hitting him repeatedly. The assassin struggled briefly, but the fight ended quickly, Max easily subduing the smaller man.

Max raised a hand toward the assassin and I could feel Max's anger that he had tried to kill me and knew that he intended to kill him. I called out stopping Max and suggesting that we should get as much information out of the assassin as we could. I told Max that the traitor must have sent the assassin because only those closest to us knew about the secret passageway. Max agreed, hoping we might learn the name of the traitor and while Max held him I stripped off the black hood to expose the assassin's face. But we both gasped in surprise when blonde curls were revealed and we recognized Tess. It was obvious that she was not only the assassin but the traitor as well. Max and I were shocked. She had been one of our family's closest friends and we could not understand why she would betray us.

Tess tried to take advantage of our shock and escape. She lashed out at Max, scratching at him with her nails but Max slammed her back onto the bed. She hurled insults at us and dared us to kill her, saying that Max wasn't man enough to do it. We recovered enough to ask her what we had done to make her turn away from us. She said that she had been in love with Max for years but he had rejected her for me so she had turned to Khivar to get revenge against us both.

Max was furious that she would cost so many people their lives to get revenge and I knew that he still wanted to kill her but he used his powers to force her into a deep sleep. We knew that it would not be long until more of Khivar's men would arrive. When Tess didn't return they would figure she must have failed and they would come to finish the job. We had to leave quickly and set up somewhere else. We figured that Tess would have told Khivar where we were but we hoped that she hadn't told him about the secret passageway, wanting to use it get her revenge. I quickly grabbed a few possessions and stuffed them in a bag but stopped when I saw the large tombs containing Max's family history. They were too cumbersome to take with us and I knew they would be lost. I hoped that Max's mother was able to save the histories in another form.

I thought of all the people who were willing to give up everything, including their lives, to avoid living under the rule of a man like Khivar. I watched Max packing our essentials. He sensed my eyes on him and turned to me. We didn't need any words, we never did. We knew that we didn't have much of a chance for escape but we were determined to try. As long as we were together nothing else mattered. We embraced one another fiercely, knowing it might be the last time, and then turned to leave through the secret passage. The last thing we did before leaving was to use the remote to send the pods to Earth.

We started through the winding maze of the secret passage and then it was like I was watching a move. First I saw Khivar's troops surrounding the house and then I saw the passageway just beyond us, where Khivar himself and even more of his troops were waiting. Unbeknownst to us, we were walking into a trap.

Then my vision panned out away from the house to the distant horizon. The sun was just starting to rise, illuminating a small patch of pink and red-orange sky and a small craft carrying the pods, was shot into the air, heading into space.

Then there was a voiceover in my dream. - "But Tess got her revenge. Unknown to us, Max's mother had confided her plan to Tess. And Tess made sure that her essence was sent in the pod, not mine. She would ensure that she was with Max, one way or another. As a backup to her plan, she erased the history that should have been sent to Earth with the pods, so no one would know of her treachery."


And that was where I woke up.

What did I feel when I woke up? Utter disappointment that I was not a part of that world and I wasn't in a beautiful, loving relationship with Max.

Later that day, the dream made me start thinking about a lot of the things we were told and took for granted, as being the truth. But what if they weren't? What if one of the fundamental 'truths' was wrong? Everyone had pretty much accepted that Tess was Max's wife but what if she wasn't? I started laying out a story of what could have happened on Antar, incorporating a lot of the ideas from my dream and it fit together very easily. Of course I had to change a few things here and there and I quickly saw that I would have to abondon the part about Tess being an ass, (cough - cough), excuse me, an assassin but for the most part it worked.

Then I watched the rest of season 2 of Roswell unfold. I am a major dreamer, so at first, I was horrified, along with all the other dreamers. But then I starting thinking, what if my dream were the real story? What would that would mean to the Roswell episodes that had aired?

So over that summer, I went back through each episode and looked at the loose ends and the list of chadds and I was amazed how easily the ideas in my dream could change the meaning of so many things and fix so many problems at the same time. I had a few theories, came up with a few more, started making notes, rewatching scenes and re-reading transcripts and the more I researched, the more things just seemed to fall into place.

When season 3 premiered, I was disappointed from the first episode but I kept watching because it was Roswell. Over the summer I had written about the events on Antar before the pods were sent, which turned out to be Book 11, and I outlined the rest but I really hadn't intended to write any more. But as season 3 continued and it was such a piece of crap, I was inspired to write the whole thing.

I started with a few basic ideas and a direction and I worked in some other ideas that I had floating around for short fan fics and came up with a story. And at some point, I started thinking of my version as the truth and sometimes I can't remember if things really happened or if I wrote them. It has been almost an obsession for me, just ask my friends who I forced to read and re-read each part. And two and a half years later, give or take a few months here-and-there for a personal life and to work on my other stories, here we are.

My friends keep asking me what I'm going to do now and I just shrug and say, "Work on something else."

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