Vital Things You can Learn from Roswell

These are humorous things you can learn from Roswell from a couple of different sites.

Sorry, I didn't save where this was from.

Roswell University

Everything I need to know I learned from watching Roswell, right? Well, maybe I need to know a few more things, but here's where I will post all the things we can learn from watching Roswell. This is all in good fun, kinda like those "All I ever need to know I learned from Star Trek" posters.

~When you point your finger up in the air to show where you are from, it can mean up north, Canada, and outer space. (Pilot/Heatwave)

~Silver handprints fade after a couple of days. (Pilot)

~You shouldn't show fake alien pictures to the tourists. (Pilot)

~For an alien to heal you, you have to look at them. (Pilot)

~Police need better descriptions of perps than "muscular Beavis" and "beefy Butthead." (Pilot)

~If we had alien powers we could listen to CDs by holding them up to our ears or by waving our hands over them. (Pilot/Max in the City)

~Czechoslovakians have these incredibly soulful eyes... (Morning After)

~The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180 degrees, not 360 degress. (Morning After)

~The Eraser Room does two things - It cleans erasers and it takes our innocence! (Morning After)

~Czechoslovakia has not existed for over ten years. (Morning After)

~Some people are just pigs. (Monsters)

~If a relationship isn't complicated, you aren't with your soulmate. (Leaving Normal)

~When you follow your heart, you leave normal. (Leaving Normal)

~The bigger your world gets the bigger your problems get. (Missing)

~Watching The View keeps guys in touch with their feminine side. (285 South)

~Musicians get all the ladies. (Blood Brothers)

~Vibrators are people who communicate by sending vibes off into the atmosphere. (River Dog)

~Aliens like sweet mixed with spicy. (River Dog)

~Aliens never need more than one bottle of nail polish at a time. (Heat Wave)

~Slugs can be gay. {Max said it, not me!!!} (Heat Wave)

~A possible purpose for aliens coming to earth is to wipe out the world, one annoying teenager at a time. (The Balance)

~Being in love is when you can be your happiest and your saddest all at one time. (The Balance)

~Adults are the enemy. (Toy House)

~Echinacea is good for colds. (Into the Woods)

~In poker, two pair beats a full house. (Into the Woods)

~To get over someone, think about mud. (The Convention)

~What's so great about normal? (Blind Date)

~This is your brain on Max... (Independence Day)

~Opposites attract. (Independence Day)

~Everybody's got red sneakers. (Sexual Healing)

~Women like surprises. (Crazy)

~Roswell attracts all kinds. (Crazy)

~Bubble bath is a better gift than shampoo/conditioner in one. (Crazy)

~Before you can expect someone to trust you, you have to trust them first. (Tess, Lies, and Videotape)

~There are signs all around you. (Four Square)

~You are who you choose to be. (Four Square)

~There's something in the water... (Four Square)

~Even evil FBI agents let aliens get some sleep. (Max to the Max)

All I need to know, I learned from Roswell

- It's not whether you win or lose, you should just be happy to be nominated
- the 'urban cowboy' look is definately making a comeback
- donating blood has the potential for scoring you major brownie points with your friends
- dodgeball is the coolest sport in the world
- if you can't stand the heat, get out of the Native American sweat tent
- if you don't play by the house rules, you won't pass GO but you will go directly to jail
- looking into each other's souls is far better than getting to second base
- vandalizing the side of your ex-girlfriend's house seems to be a sure-fire turn-on
- using the excuse of having to pee is a surefire way to get you out of trouble with the authorities
- an aqua bra is the definitive fashion accessory
- it is necessary to repeat your own name each time you begin a new entry in your journal
- it's always a good idea to bring along a couple of 'spares' on a blind date in case the original person doesn't work out
- using visual aids such as sugarcubes or fogged-up windowpanes often helpsto get your point across
- the true way to a man's heart is through good old-fashioned mind control
- feigning concern over your brother's disappearance is an excellent seuse to kiss someone
- having alien powers is a surefire way to cut down on your cosmetics and make-up bills
- you shouldn't leave nookie pie lying around that your daughter might find
- Chaka Kahn is great music to hoochie-koochie to
- for a first date, watching the stars in the sky beats watching the stars on the silver screen hands down
- taking your date to the public library will get you nowhere if you're trying to score
- sometimes 'faking it' has its advantages
- if you're going to lie about going on a date with a college guy, make sure you have a good alibi in case you get caught
- it is always important to practice safe sex - even in your dreams
- suddenly leaving work withoug any explanation is okay because you boss probably won't know anyway
- bonding with people over dietary quirks can lead to all sorts of trouble
- that the only acceptable method of entering a bedroom is through a window
- following your destiny is not always the best choice to make
- we're all aliens on the inside

This is a list from the closed site 285 South.

Season 1

From "The Pilot"
Outer space aliens have no rights if arrested.
Sniff seed oil if you're stressed.
Do not use "a muscular Beavis" or "a beefy Butthead" to describe suspects of a crime.
If you come in late for biology, you can still get a bathroom pass.

From "The Morning After"
A good place to hide a key is in your lunch thermos.
The sum of the angles in a triangle is 180, not 360.
Czeckoslyvokia has not existed for 10 years.
A flat tire is a good excuse for explaining why you're still out after curfew.
You can just skip class periods any time you want so you can spy on a sub teacher and never get caught.

From "Monsters"
All mom's do stupid things, say, like making cute alien keychains.
If you have car problems and get stuck on the side of the road, don't worry, someone will ALWAYS conveniently drive by and help you out.
Some people are just, like, pigs.
If you're shy or you keep secrets, just try to step from behind the tree.

From "Leaving Normal"
A person full of life one day could be gone tommorrow.
It is necessary to restate your full name in each entry of your diary.
If you get beat up, the best thing to do is to do nothing and go on.
Image is everything.
Always follow your heart.

From "285 South"
Watch "The View" and get in touch with your feminine side.
Aliens get hungry.
It's probably the best thing for your mother if she knows what species you are.

From "River Dog"
Open aired vehicles probably aren't allowed to be on the road.
If you can't remember how something's drawn, draw it anyway.
If you give off vibes, you're a vibrator.

From "Blood Brother"
Look in the wastebasket if you're trying to find info on someone.
When you're trying to tail someone, don't drive backwards.
When you're trying to actually help someone, try not to help them in a way that makes them think that you are a really weird person, like an FBI agent or something.
Musicians get the girls.
Wear your dang seatbelt when you drive or are in a car so you won't get seriously hurt in a car accident!

From "Heat Wave"
Slugs can be gay!!! (Max said that, not me!)

From "The Toy House"
Water will only spread a GREASE FIRE, so don't pretend to wash a grease fire out and put on a puppy face (and puppy ears) for your mother.
If you see a wounded bird, say, out in a park or something, don't pick it up and do something unusual like heal it or something.
You can't just solve a problem by waving your hand around.

From "Into the Woods"
Never trust the law to share information.
Dad's gotta get better at the "privacy thing."
When there's no milk, use beer.
Don't talk in riddles!
When your paranoia schizophrenia kicks in, go to the bathroom and have a talk with yourself.

From "The (UFO) Convention"
Don't be led around by your energy source.
When you start to see things all woozy, think about MUD.
All guys are so obsessive. If it's not football, then it's UFO's.

From "Blind Date"
You can't break up if you weren't together in the first place.
A little swig of alcohol can make you go nutty for a while - so watch out!
What's so great about being normal?

From "Independence Day"
When you're angry, throw rocks at a train.
You have to learn to just say no.
If someone bakes you a pie, you'd better eat all of it.
Swallow some "grief relief" when you feel that "feeling" coming on.

From "Sexual Healing"
When somebody walks in the door, give them a nice, sweet strawberry.
People do a lot of dumb things when their drunk.
Hydrogen and Carbon are the simple basis of life forms in the universe.
Some red stars are really weak.
If you smooch and have a vision, look for glowing things on your body.

From "Crazy"
When you buy your girl some body wash, get the kind that makes her skin soft.
When you buy your girl shampoo, don't get the generic kind.
Girls love surprises.
When somebody tells you not to tell something to anyone else at that moment, say "I need my jacket!" and go tell somebody.
You can never have too much sweet.

From "Tess, Lies, and Videotape"
There are no such things as shape shifters.
Anything out there could be watching you...right now.
Things that are over 300 years old are not junk!

From "Four Square"
You can never have enough sunshine!!!
Max doesn't need a babysitter - he needs a bodyguard.
Pay attention, there are signs everywhere.
The goal in life is to stay in control.

From "Max to the Max"
You should be scared of smarter people.
When coffee gets that metallic taste, wash out the pot.
It doesn't matter if your shift is coming up during work - you can leave if it's a surprise.
If you can clean a coffeepot real good, try your truck next.

From "The White Room"
When somebody gives you the choice of an easy or hard way, don't say "earth".
People always patrol in intervals.
The problem isn't that they're part alien - it's that they're part human, duh.
The only thing stopping you is yourself, so remember that.

From "Destiny"
Whether you die tommorrow or 50 years later, your destiny will be the same.
You may be stronger than you think you are!
We don't tolerate secret-action-stuff-business in this country.
When you're trying to run away from someone, make lots of noise when you're going through a huge water pipe.

season two

From "Skin and Bones"
There are millions of teenagers with your problems.
It's all normal teenage stuff...
Aliens are apparantly a little "green around the gills."
It's never easy for anyone to kill a man.
Start reading the newspaper.
Don't grovel like a dog.
Why would a metal detector detect bones?
Don't leave a calling card when you're off somewhere breaking the law.
Bones don't melt.
You can never find those little pod people when you need them...
We are all in the dark, waiting to be attacked.
When doing a discreet thing, use really clunky cell phones with a loud ring.

From "Ask Not"
When you have a bloody handprint on your chest, run around the city half naked for all to see.
Just hear the locusts in the night, like Kyle.
No conditions are permanent, and no conditions are reliable.
You're probably too young to be dust.
Don't you let any man/woman pull that crap on you!
The truth will set you free...
Here on Earth, we have a primitive concept called privacy.
Try and follow your heart; it's what all the great leaders do.
Note to self: Take more computer clesses.
Material possessions clutter the mind.

From "Surprise"
Great leaders are allowed to say "ditto."
One nipple does not constitute as striptease.
It's okay to put Tabasco sauce in a birthday cake (don't forget the eggs).
Guys don't make cakes, period.
When you're not needed, go fill up the ketchup bottles. Then do the sugar.

From "Harvest"
It's hard to run with your pants around your ankles.
Could things sound any creepier?
Scully and Mulder don't giggle, so shut up.
Aliens usually listen to the Backstreet Boys.
Why don't you just send parcels? Don't go there yourself.
Husks don't age.

From "Wipeout!"
Drink orange juice to "get past it."
It's a circle of life. If you catch a fish, put it back.
To open the mind, burn some compost sticks (or whatever) and hang wind chimes in your backyard.
When you date Michael Guerin, prepare for some major vitamin intake.
What a drag - going to school on a Saturday?
Rule number one of war: keep your big mouth shut.

From "Meet the Dupes"
[The Summit] don't want a numbuh two - they want thuh Royal Fo'.
Something burning so bright just burned out.
Don't forget the pepper jack....
A person who doesn't get the cheese right doesn't deserve to live.
The Sheriff is cool, cuz he's thuh freaking man!

From "Max in the City"
[Max] is the king of the world! Just not of this one.
Address your king as "Your Highness" when you need his signature.
Now, when you're the frickin king, you deserve New York's best pizza. And the other guy buys.
Space is, uh, what we call very, very, big. We can't just zip around like on Star Trek.

From "A Roswell Christmas Carol" (The Miracle)
If you're going to get a significant present, steer clear of the hardware store.
When one's heart and one's mind aren't in balance, one's body is the first to fail.
An electric toothbrush is very practical.
You can never have enough Christmas ornaments!
If you're living somewhere, you probably need a damn chair.

From "To Serve and Protect"
When there's crap on TV, go take a stroll. In people's dreams.
Romantic dreams CAN be boring.
Police work makes you old...
If you die, you can reincarnate into a gopher.
Buddha has a cell phone :)
There are simple rules in most homes:
Leave the toilet seat down,
Don't leave underwear on the floor, and
Pour milk in a glass to drink.
First get probable cause - then you can get a search warrant.
Sisters will yell at you, second guess you, and piss you off.
In the real world, we use names!
Molehills aren't straight lines.

From "Disturbing Behavior"
When you're questioned by an FBI Agent, stare blankly ahead.
Roswell is a sick town...
You hurt everybody when you start bashing a CD player around.
If you lie to the FBI, you're in deep trouble.
You don't go camping without your long johns in February.
Parasites need something to feed on...but not your arm (it's not tasty enough).

From "How the Other Half Lives"
It's a tragic when you get a spot on a cashmere turtleneck.
In your sophomore year, you rarely have to lie to authorities and to run from gunfire.
Always bring a cell phone in cast you get trapped in an undergroud cave with parasite-crystals.
Breathe shallow.
People with money tend to be threatned when it comes to things.
Life sucks, people suck - that's reality.

From "Viva Las Vegas"
When you have a nightmare, hit the refrigerator!
Screw the plan, just go!
You don't build dreams with tainted money.
Create your own memories.
Blackjack requires knowledge of AP Statistics.
Boys are trapped in the world of armpit farts and Playstation.
As long as you stick together, you can make it.

From "It's Too Late and It's Too Bad"
What's immoral is if someone kills another.
Without an application, 1s and 0s mean nothing!
Think about things in human terms after pondering in alien terms.
Some people would say congradulations...
Using a pick made from a bike spoke, you can pick a door lock by sticking it into a keyhole and jiggling it around.
Be a leader based on what is true, not what you want to be true.
It's hard being a leader when you have no followers.

From "Baby, It's You"
Don't ever think that it "didn't go any further than that."
Aliens are the most pathetic people.
The most fulfilled are born with stones that turn into jewels.
You're doing something illegal? And?
Alien herpes are not the problem.
Take it ALL out on the trash cans.

Season 3

From "Busted"
During a robbery, let your long hair dangle out of your mask and speak out so that witnesses will know that you're a girl.
Really, it's not that funny to take off your clothes.
If you go pretty far way, your high school grades won't transfer.
The aliens' ship is a lemon.
Don't be a smartass - it'll be a problem at school.
Don't say "We can't get caught." Because you will.
Got a diamond to hide? Try under a couch cushion.

From "Michael, the Guys, and the Great Snapple Caper"
Slam the door once more, louder, to wake up a sleeping dad.
Don't say "chico" if you can't really pull it off.
The corporate of America sucks.
What it's all about - is principle.
Nobody fires an entire shift for stealing Snapple.

From "Significant Others"
Life can be like the old movies.
When you're dead, you're beyond getting jealous.
Back on the throttle - that's good.
Wash your sheets.
You must be angry when you're making a cottage cheese milkshake.
People love you when you're happy.

From "Secrets & Lies"
Don't smoke in the car.
It's nice to have your daddy as a lawyer.
Tell the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
All you need is exposure.

From "To Have and To Hold"
If the restaurant opens at 6:30, don't open it at 6:42.
Write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.
Even if you're the best man, be sure to get a sample of the groom's blood to make sure he's not an alien.
Your subconcious mind can screw you.
Friends help their friends.

From "Interruptus"
Denial is a way of life.
Everything's going to be fine!
Sometimes, appetizers aren't a good idea...or maybe someone messed with your drink.
Focus, focus, focus on your honeymoon.
Seize the moment, take a chill - scubadive or something.

From "Behind the Music"
You can't put your parents in danger.
Here on Earth, we have this thing called jealously...
Braces can work.
"Songwriters Workshop" sounds better than "Band Camp."
Sometimes tradition can wait.
Don't put dairy products in your meat. It's not kosher.
Sometimes you have to go after your dreams.

From "Samuel Rising"
Don't starve yourself because you have a weird girlfriend.
Volunteering! It's a calling!
Stockings can be brown.
Elves just deal with annoying kids who want to cut the Santa line.
Mellow out for a Christmas tradition.
If you're an elf, fetch Snapple and give foot rubs for Santa.
Age difference might be a problem in a relationship.

From "Graduation"
It's wrong to benefit in a ny way from someone else's passing... most of the time.
Although SAT words will drive you crazy, they'll help you in life.
The trouble with making plans for the future, even if you can see the future, is that fate has a way of intervening.
See what you want, and then go get it.

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