All Liz knew is that she had to run to get away from the pain.
She ran wildly, not even really seeing anything around her, she just had to keep moving.
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale
I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
This is my kingdom come
She could still hear Max’s voice as he tried to explain that night.
“Liz, I know it is so inadequate, but I’m so sorry. I betrayed you in the worst way possible, and I never meant for it to happen. I’ve ruined both our lives and I can’t ever make up for it.”
So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made
Don’t want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
This is my kingdom come
Even though she was broken-hearted and suffering, she knew she shared the blame for Max sleeping with Tess, and was even mostly responsible. Somewhere deep inside maybe she’d even been expecting it, and she explained her part to him.
She told him about Future Max and why she’d pushed him away again and again. They’d embraced and cried together for what could have been.
And being so close to Max it had just been natural to touch and kiss him, and he’d thought so too. His hands caressed her so gently, their lips met, and the passion that was always between them flared to life.
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
As they had explored each other she wanted to savor every moment, but every moment she also knew she’d have to send him back to Tess and their child. No matter how much she and Max loved each other and wanted to be together he would never abandon the child he’d created.
She’d tried to pretend as they lay in her bed that they could be together and happy for the rest of their lives, but as the faint morning light poured in through her window she knew their time together was coming to an end.
So with a few final kisses and caresses, she’d sent him back to Tess and his destiny. She’d watched him greedily as he left, knowing he’d never be hers again.
As he walked away, she’d nearly called out to him so many times, nearly ran to him begging him not to leave, but she didn’t have the right.
So she let him go.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
She had to stop thinking about it or she would drive herself insane.
Faster and faster she pushed herself to run, looking for the blissful oblivion she found in the rhythm of feet and heart pounding but finding it was more difficult today. She had to run faster so nothing else could get in.
She tired to close off her mind to everything except the working of her body. Her legs pumped furiously, her arms swinging to bring her to an even great speed. She focused on the path in front of her, listening to nothing but her feet hitting the ground and the sound of her breath.
As she concentrated only on her stride, she started to feel the calm creeping in. But it was almost immediately chased away as she heard someone coming up behind her.
Instantly she was filled with panic that made her move even faster. She felt like she was running for her life, or her sanity.
She listened intently, waiting to hear him just behind her again, waiting to feel his heat, his hand on her, but after long moments it didn’t come. She could still hear his footsteps keeping up with her, but they didn’t get any closer, and she wondered what he was doing. He could easily catch her if he wanted to. Was he toying with her?
Her breath came in hard puffs and for the first time she noticed where she was, approaching the woods already. Leaving the paved sidewalk, she ran down the path into the trees. She had to get away from him.
Veering off the dirt track, she dove between the trees, running as fast as she could through the narrow spaces and dense undergrowth. Branches whipped and scratched her body and face but she didn’t even care, she could hear him crashing through the woods behind her and just kept going faster.
“Liz,” his voice called out alarmingly close, “you’re hurting yourself.”
She didn’t stop or even slow her pace, but kept running as fast as she could. After several long minutes that seemed like an eternity, she spied the cemetery as she burst out of the trees.
For some reason it seemed like sanctuary to her and she was desperate to get to it. She kept her eyes focused on it as she ran as fast as she could, even though she could still hear Zan in the trees behind her.
“Liz,” he called out again.
The stone angel in the center of the cemetery with the outstretched hand seemed to draw her and as she ran she didn’t take her eyes off him even though she could hear the footsteps gaining on her with every stride.
She didn’t take her usual path around the parameter, but ran straight for center.
Her foot caught on something in the grass and she stumbled, falling hard to her hands and knees and skidded a few yards, but pushed herself up and kept moving. Her legs were starting to tire and shake, but she could still hear him behind her, closer now, and drove herself even harder.
Her chest hurt as she gasped for breath, but she had to keep going.
She was getting close and felt a sense of elation, reaching out, when her foot caught on something else and she went down again.
This time she was embraced from behind as Zan sank into the grass with her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and cupping her forehead with his other hand, holding her against his chest.
Immediately she struggled against him, her eyes still focused on the stone angel, her arms reaching for him. So close but never able to touch him.
“Stop,” Zan’s familiar voice commanded softly.
It shocked her so much that she stilled, trembling with fatigue and emotion in his arms. For the first time she noticed that the skin of her arms was crisscrossed with dozens of scratches and cuts but she couldn’t feel them. The warmth of Zan’s power flowed along her skin and she watched as her wounds were healed instantly, and she burst into tears.
He held her tightly as she sobbed, rocking her slightly as he whispered. “It will be okay. Just let it all out, and it will be okay.”
Liz cried until she could hardly breathe, gasping for breath, and then she felt Zan’s hand on her chest easing her lungs and she gulped air.
“You have to tell me what happened,” he said softly, his lips brushing her ear. “It’s eating you up inside.” He stroked her shoulder soothingly. “You don’t have to do this alone. You need to talk to someone, and who else is going to understand. Let it out before it suffocates you.”
Liz barely registered his words and they took a long time to penetrate to her brain, but when they did she gasped. She’d said the same thing to Max at the prom, that their impossible relationship was suffocating her.
She spoke before she had time to think. “Max and I made love,” she whispered. “I knew I’d only have him for one night before I had to send him back to her, but I had to be with him. I had to know what it was like to be with the man I loved more than anything.”
Zan didn’t say anything and the silence stretched out between them, but finally he spoke softly. “What else happened?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Max and I were together one night,” her voice lowered to a whisper, “and now he’s with her.”
“You’re lying,” he said softly. “Something made you leave Roswell.”
She struggled against him again, but his arms were like steel bands and he held her tightly. “Let me go, damn it,” she snarled, starting to get her strength back.
“Tell me what happened,” he said calmly.
“Isn’t it obvious?” she demanded, still pushing against him. “I didn’t want to watch them together. I didn’t want to see him falling in love with the mother of his child. I couldn’t stand it.”
He was silent again for a long moment, before suddenly getting to his feet and pulling her with him. He spun her around, holding her shoulders, making her face him.
“There’s more to the story than you’re telling,” he said. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re so broken inside. You’ve got to stop this, princess,” he said. “Stop hurting yourself.”
Anger rose up in her as she held his gaze, grabbing at his arms that still held her. “I was doing just fine until you showed up making me remember all this stuff that is better forgotten. Do you want details of my night with Max? Is that what you want to know? Well it is none of your fucking business!”
She built up her power quickly and pushed it into him where she was touching his arms. “Now let me go!” She intended to shock him to make him release her, but he only smiled.
“Nice try,” he said blandly. “I’ll bet it works great on humans who get handsy, but I’m not human.”
“You make that more abundantly clear each time I see you,” she snarled.
He chuckled, still holding her. “If I let go of you, are you sure you can stand?”
Liz wasn’t actually sure, but she nodded stubbornly. He let go and she felt her muscles trembling with fatigue but she fought to stay on her feet.
“Come on,” he urged, “let’s get you home.”
She didn’t want to walk with him, but she was tired of fighting, for now.
“You don’t eat properly,” he said, “you’re exhausted because you can’t sleep and you punish yourself with these crazy runs through the park. You definitely need someone to look after you, princess.”
She didn’t answer, lost in her own thoughts. She didn’t know what it was about Zan but he kept pushing for information until she broke down and told him what he wanted to hear. But she’d told him enough. She wouldn’t be sharing any more of her past with him. She didn’t even want to think about it. What had happened was her life, her secret, and she would never tell him or anyone.
Liz was also angry at herself for breaking down in front of him again, and she vowed never to do it again. She had to be stronger than that, no matter what memories Zan brought up.
She barely noticed their surroundings as they walked, only vaguely aware that there were other people, children in the park. The world around her seemed so unreal.
Finally they reached the street and she realized that once she got to her apartment, Zan would finally leave her alone. For a moment she felt panic rise up inside her at the thought of being alone with her memories. But she knew how to handle that.
When Zan left for the night, she’d go out.
Surely with everything that happened today, he’d be tired of playing babysitter and leave her to herself.
Crossing the street, she expected him to go to his car, but he went with her across the courtyard of her apartment complex. Stopping, she looked at him.
He raised an eyebrow at her unspoken question. “I know if I leave, you won’t eat a proper lunch,” he said. “So I’ll make you something.”
Shaking her head, she started to protest, but he was already going up the stairs. “No,” she called out, chasing after him, “I don’t want…”
But he was at her door, opening it and letting himself inside, and she realized it was useless to argue. The sooner they finished lunch, the sooner he would leave and she could find a guy to take away all her unwanted memories.
For lunch, Zan had made sandwiches with more stuff he’d brought. He’d also made an attempt at conversation but Liz hardly said a word. She was still angry and ready for him to be gone. And after cleaning up their meal, he finally took her not so subtle hints and left, mumbling something about errands.
She’d turned her back on him, releasing a sigh as she heard the door shut. Finally alone.
Liz attempted to work all afternoon, but the terrible memories kept pushing their way into her thoughts, and she didn’t accomplish anything. Finally she put her laptop aside and just waited for the night to come.
Zan had prevented her from going out for two days and she felt like she was having withdrawals. Not just from the sex, although her body was craving to be touched, but she missed the power and the control she felt when she prowling a club, carefully measuring each specimen to choose a partner.
As it got later, she surreptitiously looked out the window several times to see if he was there, but there’d been no sign of him.
When her clock showed nine p.m., she checked outside again, but still didn’t see him and let out a long breath. He wasn’t going to stop her tonight.
Afraid to lose control
And caught up in this world
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath
I think I've thought myself to death
Going into her room, she selected a black top with a scoop neck that hung low between her breasts, a skin-tight micro-mini, and her favorite four-inch spiked heels.
I was born without this fear
Now only this seems clear
I need to move, I need to fight
I need to lose myself tonight
With a swipe of her hand, she applied more makeup than usual, concentrating on giving her eyes a smoky look, and lengthened her hair, turning it into jet-black waves.
Confused what I thought, with something I felt
Confuse what I feel, with something that's real
I tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite
Looking in the mirror at herself, she smiled. She looked beautiful and sexy and she felt her confidence return. She would find a guy tonight and fuck his brains out all night. It made her wet just thinking about it. She was definitely ready to have a cock inside her again to chase away her troubled thoughts.
Come with me now
I'm gonna take you down
Come with me now
I'm gonna show you how
Far away I heard him say
Don't delay I heard him say
Come, come with me now
Grabbing her small evening bag, she headed for the door, a smile lighting her face. But it vanished as she opened the door.
“Zan!” she hissed.
She could see immediately that he didn’t look happy either. His eyes raked over her and seemed to turn to stone, and grasping her arm, he propelled her back inside.
“I told you that you weren’t going to be fucking any more guys,” he growled, turning her to face him.
Liz was seething with anger, “And I told you, that I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think!” She pulled out of his grip. “I won’t let you run my life.”
He smiled. “Get used to it, princess. You’re getting clean and sober, and I’m going to make sure you stay that way.”
He held out a small, flat gift box. “And here’s something to help.”
Liz stared at the box, curious but not wanting to be. She hadn’t even noticed him holding it. What the hell had Zan gotten for her?
Finally she took it and opened the lid, and her eyes widened to see a vibrator inside.
“Is this some kind of joke?” she asked angrily as she met his gaze.
“Not at all,” he said as his eyes bored into hers. “This is the closest you’re getting to being fucked,” he snarled, “so put it to good use.”
Shocked, she stared at him, at a loss for words. She wanted to call him every name she could think of but he was just so stubborn and he didn’t seem to care what she wanted at all.
As they stood in silence, he carefully watched her face, like he was trying to decipher what she was thinking, and finally the anger on his face softened.
“I just want what’s best for you, princess,” he said softly. “You’re in so much pain, and fucking all these guys isn’t helping you. It’s just covering it up for a while.”
He reached out to touch her arm, “I hate to see you hurting yourself doing this. And you know he wouldn’t want you doing this to get over him.”
She’d started softening toward him until he mentioned Max, and then her anger returned. Throwing the box at him, she barely stopped herself shouting at him. “You don’t get to have an opinion about what I do, and neither does Max.”
He easily caught the box, and placed it on a nearby table. “You know he wouldn’t like it, and that’s one of the reasons you get so upset.”
“Get out!” she hissed. “Get the hell out!”
He smiled, moving to the door. “I’ll go for now, but you’re staying in tonight,” he warned, “one way or another.”
She slammed the door behind him, engaging all the locks, even though she knew they were really worthless against him.
Sinking down on the sofa, she took deep breaths trying to calm herself. She’d been looking forward so much to going out. Her body still throbbed with desire and she had an ache deep inside that could only be salved with a good hard fuck. But Zan had stopped her again.
She didn’t know what to do about him. He was physically bigger and stronger than her, and he had an arsenal of alien powers at his disposal. She didn’t stand a chance against him.
Her eyes lit on the box with vibrator. What a bastard he was, getting that for her and telling her to use it. Who did he think he was? An alien king, she reminded herself, who was used to getting what he wanted.
Well, she would just have to play this game until she either caught him off guard, or until he got tired of playing with her.
Shit, she really had looked forward to having a nice, hard erection inside her tonight.
With a shrug, she got up and took the vibrator from the box, opening the plastic package it was in. It was shaped like the real thing, and was pretty big, and she wondered what it would be like. She’d used them with a couple of guys she’d been with, but had never used one alone. She hadn’t needed to, until now.
Crossing to the window, she turned off the light before she looked outside. There was Zan, parked directly under the streetlight, leaning against the door of his car. Didn’t he have anything better to do?
She looked at the vibrator still in her hand. It was the best she was going to get tonight, and maybe it would help a bit.
Going into her room, she turned out the lights and stripped off her clothes before climbing in bed. For a moment she thought about potential positions, but finally stood it up on the bed, using her powers to fasten it down and make it stable.
Gripping the headboard, she straddled the artificial cock, and closed her eyes. She was going to have to use a lot of imagination to make this work.
She pictured one of the first times she’d gone out hunting. She was still perfecting her technique, but she’d selected a beautiful and buff guy who had said all the right things at the club. Unfortunately, when it came time to perform, he was more reticent.
He’d turned gentlemanly, saying he didn’t want to rush her, but she wasn’t going to let his hesitation ruin her night, and she’d taken the initiative. “Well,” she’d told him, I really need to get fucked tonight, and I think you are the man to do it.”
First, she’d pushed him back onto the bed, then she’d stripped herself naked. Getting on the bed with him, she slowly crawled up until she was on top of him, and quickly unfastened his pants, roughly pulling them down to his thighs.
She was pleasantly surprised to see that he was big and hard, and she’d wasted no time, sinking down on him, taking him all inside.
And as she remembered it, she lowered herself onto the vibrator, sighing as it filled her.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.
With her eyes shut, she started to ride it, just like she’d ridden the guy that night.
At first he’d seemed shocked by the whole thing, but as she started to move on him, he’d gotten into it quickly.
She’s watched his face, looking for signs that he was ready to cum, but instead she’d seen desire fill his eyes. His hands had gone to her hips, holding her tightly as if he was afraid she’d stop, and then he’d starting helping her move.
His gaze had shifted to her breasts bouncing before him and he’d covered them with his hands before lowering his head to take one peak into his mouth. The sensation had made her arch back, changing the angle of him inside her and making him brush her G-spot with each stroke.
It had been the first time she’d felt the incredible pleasure it caused, and she’d been able to ride him to three incredible orgasms before he’d finally exploded.
Back on her bed, Liz did the same thing, arching back so the head of the vibrator brushed just the right place and she concentrated on moving the same way. Within moments she was shivering with pleasure, and she turned the vibrator on, the powerful whirring making her climax immediately.
But she only paused a moment, ridding it even faster and harder. The vibrations inside her were so strong that she knew she wouldn’t be able to last long. Once again she angled herself so the tip of the vibrator hit that extra sensitive spot inside her aching core.
“Oh shit!” she breathed, as her body stilled and another orgasm ripped through her.
But she still wasn’t finished and started moving again.
As she continued to ride, she reached down and rubbing her clit, adding an extra layer of intensity to the sensations. Within moments, she was panting for air and the pleasure filling her nearly made her bow back onto the bed.
Once again, she angled the tip to her G-spot, rubbing her clit hard, and she went up in flames, exploding, crying out as she collapsed.
Breathing hard, she turned the vibrator off, letting the overwhelming pleasure consume her.
Outside, underneath the streetlight, Zan smiled.